My baby grew wings yesterday

Discussion in 'Miscarriage Support' started by mossip, Oct 8, 2013.

  1. mossip

    mossip Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2009
    Messages:
    10,851
    Likes Received:
    0
    I've put it in my journal but need it in here. It's really long but need I need to get it out. I hope I don't upset anyone, I'll remove if it does.
    It's what happened from start to finish.
    I woke up around 9.30 Sunday morning and notice brown blood when I wiped. I tried to ignore it and not worry about it but as I was supposed to be going to my friends baby shower I text her to tell her (she's pregnant with twins) and she rang me straight up and told me to go to the hospital. This panicked me. I rang 111 and they booked me an appt for 1. When I got there they did a pregnancy test (positive) and said it was probably a water infection. I went to my mam and dads for lunch. When I went to the loo I noticed more brown but didn't say anything. My sister came to mine after lunch and when I went to the loo again it was red. I rang 111 again and they said to go straight to a&e. Stew had just started work so my sister rang and told him we would pick him up then go to the hospital. We got booked in and was waiting to be seen (4 hour waiting time) I coughed and felt loads of blood come out. Stew and my mam took me to the loo and there was blood everywhere. Obviously I panicked and started shouting "aww mam it's all over man!" A paramedic came in to help I was still shouting. She ran out and a nurse came in but I had flushed the loo with the blood and clots away. She took me out and tried to get me a bed but they were full in gyne. She got me a bed in a&e. When I got there I had to get changed into a gown. A nurse came in to take bloods and out a cannula in my wrist but after she took the blood my Vein popped!! The gyne doctor came down and examined me and said the neck of my cervix was closed but he didn't know where the blood was coming from. He said they would monitor me for a few hours then I could go home. About half an hour later the nurse came in and said they had a bed on the gyne ward so I would be going up there once it was clear. Not long after I felt another gush of blood come out and two nurses had to clean me up. I went to the ward and the nurses though I was only there to be monitored then to be sent home. They rang the doctor and he said "see how she goes, we might keep her in" I was in agony by this point but had to wait for the nurses hand over before I could get any pain meds. I started feeling sick so they get me an anti sickness jab (in my butt) and finally pain meds. I was to be kept in! I had another big bleed with lots of clots (sorry) the nurse came running back in and told us there was no tissue there just blood! I was so relived. Stew and my parents went home but the pain was still getting worse. Around 11 they give me oral morfine but 5 mins later I felt faint so had to buzz the nurses in. They laid me flat on the bed and checked my bp. It had gone right down and I started being sick. They got me settled again and hooked me up to a drip. I started to doze off but about 12.30 I had another massive bleed. I didn't say anything as they were busy. When the nurse came in around 1.30 she was checking the bleeding and I told here there was loads. She wrapped it all up and ran out the room. I knew then it was over :'(. She came back in with another nurse and told me I had passed the sac. I remember saying " it's ok, I knew I had" I didn't cry (high on pain meds) but tried to ring stew about 2.15. The poor bugger was having a fit (epilepsy) when I rang so I hung up an tried a few mins later but he was still in his fit. I text Bf to tell her. The pain had eased up and I was able to doze off. I woke at 4 when Bf text me back. I told her to look after stew in the morning :haha: I went back to sleep and woke up at 6 when I had a cup of tea. They checked the bleeding and it had calmed down. I rang stew again at 7 and told him what had happened. That's when it hit me, my baby was gone. The new nurse came in and I couldn't stop crying. I text a few people to let them know what ha happened. I rang my parents at 8 and they came straight in (stew had to go to the council) stew then rang and said that bf and him were coming to see me first and bringing me some clothes. The nurse came in and said they had changes my scan time from 11.30 to anytime. About 9.30 they managed to fit me in. I had to walk down the main corridor in my bloody gown with another gown covering it. Got into the scan and they started straight away. I kept saying to myself don't look don't look but I did and there was nothing :(. He then said he had to do an internal scan to make sure. I was like no way I'm still bleeding lol. He calmed me down and went ahead with it. Thankfully everything had come away so as soon as stew for there I could go home. He came not long after I had got back from the scan and they said I could go. My parents took stew to the council and Bf brought me home, ran me a bath and dried and straightened my hair for me. I felt a lot better after. I have cried on and off all day. Every time I get a message or someone rings me I start again! I cant help thinking it's all my fault! I should of tried harder to keep Willow safe. I hope s/he know how much s/he was loved and wanted. So that's where I am now! Sorry it's so long but I really had to get it out xxx
     
  2. klsltsp

    klsltsp Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Sep 14, 2011
    Messages:
    1,348
    Likes Received:
    2
    ahh hun I'm soo sorry for your loss, take care of yourself, big hugs. :hugs::hugs:
     
  3. Bespy

    Bespy Active Member

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2013
    Messages:
    38
    Likes Received:
    0
    My, that sounds like a horrible experience, I am so sorry you had to go through that! Big hugs! xo:hugs:
     
  4. blue33

    blue33 Hoping for our miracle

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    0
    I am so sorry for your loss :hugs: please don't blame yourself, when this happens it unfortunately out of our hands. Take care of yourself. Big hugs to you hun :hugs::hugs:
     
  5. phoenix1989

    phoenix1989 Active Member

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2013
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Im so sorry for your loss hun. Please remember that although it feels like it was your job to keep Willow safe, it couldn't have been helped. If anything the hospital should've got there act together a lot quicker so at least you knew they had done everything they could before it happened. I'm sorry for your loss again hun, i've only been on here a few days but the ladies have been so nice so i know they will be here to talk when you need it, myself included xx
     
  6. amytrisha

    amytrisha Mother, fiancé, housewife

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2012
    Messages:
    9,428
    Likes Received:
    2
  7. WeRememberYou

    WeRememberYou Member

    Joined:
    Oct 8, 2013
    Messages:
    8
    Likes Received:
    0
    i am so sorry for your loss, it breaks my heart.
     
  8. Happy happy

    Happy happy Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Aug 12, 2011
    Messages:
    585
    Likes Received:
    0
    On No, you poor poor lady :, (
    I had a very similar experience and it is horrible to go through.
    I cant believe the nurses were initially considering sending you home :-( I hope you are getting the love and support you want/need xoxo
     
  9. mossip

    mossip Well-Known Member

    Joined:
    Jul 8, 2009
    Messages:
    10,851
    Likes Received:
    0
    Thank you <3. Does it get any easier? Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe, I know everyone's worried about me but the constant texts are driving me crazy xxx
     
  10. amytrisha

    amytrisha Mother, fiancé, housewife

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2012
    Messages:
    9,428
    Likes Received:
    2
    It does get easier, I promise you.
    Switch your phone off if you can for a day or two, have a 'you' day. You need to give yourself time to rest, grieve for your baby and eventually feel better in yourself.

    Biggest hugs and kisses, time is the greatest healer as cliché as it may sound xxx
     
  11. blue33

    blue33 Hoping for our miracle

    Joined:
    Sep 15, 2013
    Messages:
    111
    Likes Received:
    0
    I agree with amytrisha, time is the greatest healer. I know it feels as if your heart has been ripped out right now, but you will start to feel better in time. Let yourself grieve the way you need to and for as long as you feel you need to.

    We are all here for you :flower:
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
    Dismiss Notice