My Dirty Secret, and a Thank You

[calm]

When I discovered that these sort of forums existed, and started to read them more and more. I would read loads about TTC (I had never found a WTT forum before), and I would love to read all the symptoms, find out if they were or not pregnant...

But when I told my mum, who knows I am WTT, even though she will be as excited as I will the day that I am pregnant, she just could not understand me, and looked at me as if I was absolutely mad. I didn't bring up the subject again and kept my secret of reading about pregnancies to myself.

My thank you is to all of you in the forum, I now know I am not on my own, I am not mad, there are other people like me dying to TTC.

Thank you.

 

[Amygdala]

Hihi! How cute are you?!
But you're right, you're not alone! Loads more crazy in the world... Seriously though I think it's perfectly normal that babies are on your mind a lot when you're WTT. I haven't told my mum personally but my sister and a very close friend know and I can talk to them about it. And it is good to be able to talk about baby topics, especially if OH isn't quite as crazy about he idea as you are yet (as mine is) and you don't want to scare him away. And I also think talking and thinking about it before you actually try makes it a little less overwhelming when you do.
So what are you waiting for then? In my case it's mostly a career decision and I've got another year and a bit before we'll TTC.

 

[calm]

Well Amygdala I am trying to overcome certain limitations that chronic anxiety has left me, and be an anxiety free person (or at least to an extent). Anxiety means TTC is more difficult, not good for pregnancy, couldn't take any emergency meds if I had a panic attack (learning to deal with the panic attacks without meds), and when the baby was born it wouldn't be fair that the baby had to suffer it's mother's limitations (Not when being well is an option I have in my own hands).

I used to be obese, now I am not,so that helps, and financially eveything is fine, the job situation I can't give a damn, whatever happens happens, I will get back to my career once the baby is 1 or 2, and hubby also wants kids, he just does want me to be well enough as he has suffered a lot with my not being well and I suppose he thinks I won't cope.

I can speak to an extent about babies with my husband but he personally thinks that there is no point about speaking about something until it actually is happening, he is very like that, very much in the present, he doesn't dream ahead. (Which is not a bad way to be)

I love speaking about babies, but I know I have to focus on getting well, that daydreaming is okay occasionaly but I don't want to get too obsessed, as that way I would never or be able to get pregnant or even have the option, as obsessing would make my anxiety much worse.

 

[Cinnamon]

I have only told my DH cause I don't want to keep anything from him. But I just tell him I was reading the forum at night or say a couple of things I think about (about our first baby or our future) but he's not too into thinking ahead either and I keep quiet sometimes so he doesn't start thinking I'm mad. Have bought teeny trainers (one pair) and some baby clothes that were on offer. But will try not to buy anything else. He seems quite supportive at the mo, but don't want to scare him to death!!! I did feel like I was going bonkers when I started reading the forum, it was just casual as one day I was bored and typed "pregnant forum" into google just for fun. But now I'm logged in every day and the WTT section makes me feel normal but with my biological clock ticking suddenly... xxxxxx
PS: Calm, If you need to talk here I am.

 

[calm]

Thank you Cinnamon, I will take you up on that one ( the speaking bit)

I haven't bought any clothes or things, but that is because when I did do so I would buy them for other people, in that way clenching my thirst for baby things through others.

I have bought the odd doll and stories books but more in the past. I do have a baby pijama set in the back of my draw, it was going to be a present and then time went by and due to laziness I didn't post it. It is more for a 1 year old so I suppose that is why it does not make me very broody. I am saving in though for when I have my own.

I know the moment I am pregnant I will find it very very hard to wait a bit to not buy every single baby thing on the market. And I suppose this is NOT a good idea until at least you go past the 3 month period.

 

[Pinkgirl]

Awww hun, theres pleanty of us WTT and we all have a reasons but most of all we are all in it together.
I am lucky and confide a lot in my OH and he knows i am on here all the time but he doesnt mind ( i show him the odd picture of a newborn just to make him go awwwww) lol

See you around hun x

 

[bigbloomerz]

My Oh knows I use this site, he doesnt mind, mainly because he knows how much I would like baby.
We are waiting till we have moved house and are beter financially, but im getting really impatient now, a friend of mine just found out she is pregnant with her 2nd child, I adore her little girl, we are her godparents, and im so happy for her yet so jealous at the same time!
This forum is the best place to come and vent and everyone will know how u feel x

 

[calm]

My husband knows I visit this site too

The only thing he said was "you sure its a good idea?" He just doesn't want me to obsess and get upset. I know that if I was here everyday everyhour etc it would probably be a bad sign, and I do have to give internet a break every now and again, but it is lovely to share with people like me what I feel and read about so many others in my boat.

 

[Cinnamon]

Thank you Cinnamon, I will take you up on that one ( the speaking bit)

I haven't bought any clothes or things, but that is because when I did do so I would buy them for other people, in that way clenching my thirst for baby things through others.

I have bought the odd doll and stories books but more in the past. I do have a baby pijama set in the back of my draw, it was going to be a present and then time went by and due to laziness I didn't post it. It is more for a 1 year old so I suppose that is why it does not make me very broody. I am saving in though for when I have my own.

I know the moment I am pregnant I will find it very very hard to wait a bit to not buy every single baby thing on the market. And I suppose this is NOT a good idea until at least you go past the 3 month period.

I know about the clothes thing, I find the smaller they are the tighter my heart feels... I just bought a pair of 1-3month outfits of the pink panther and they are soooo tiny and lovable... I haven't got round to books yet (also because my sister in law is 12 and may have some around) because I have no space.
I've also bought some outfits for a baby girl and got carried away in the shop for yonks, DH had to give me a time limit to choose!!
As for shopping as soon as pg, I think I will feel the same urge but will buy neutral things, because I don't want to know the gender, and because that way if anything happens (e.i. mc) they can still be kept and sure they will be used at some point...
How can we get to be friends? I have never tried it on the forum...

 

[calm]

Thank you Cinnamon, I will take you up on that one ( the speaking bit)

I haven't bought any clothes or things, but that is because when I did do so I would buy them for other people, in that way clenching my thirst for baby things through others.

I have bought the odd doll and stories books but more in the past. I do have a baby pijama set in the back of my draw, it was going to be a present and then time went by and due to laziness I didn't post it. It is more for a 1 year old so I suppose that is why it does not make me very broody. I am saving in though for when I have my own.

I know the moment I am pregnant I will find it very very hard to wait a bit to not buy every single baby thing on the market. And I suppose this is NOT a good idea until at least you go past the 3 month period.

I know about the clothes thing, I find the smaller they are the tighter my heart feels... I just bought a pair of 1-3month outfits of the pink panther and they are soooo tiny and lovable... I haven't got round to books yet (also because my sister in law is 12 and may have some around) because I have no space.
I've also bought some outfits for a baby girl and got carried away in the shop for yonks, DH had to give me a time limit to choose!!
As for shopping as soon as pg, I think I will feel the same urge but will buy neutral things, because I don't want to know the gender, and because that way if anything happens (e.i. mc) they can still be kept and sure they will be used at some point...
How can we get to be friends? I have never tried it on the forum...

Well, I am going to send you a private message and we can swap emails and chat online if you wish.

 

[apple84]

I can speak to an extent about babies with my husband but he personally thinks that there is no point about speaking about something until it actually is happening, he is very like that, very much in the present, he doesn't dream ahead. (Which is not a bad way to be)

DH is the same way! A man thing maybe? Sometimes I wish I wasn't so focused on the future.

 

[calm]

I know, when I see so many many tickers and countdowns, it makes me think we are wishing our lifes away... I wish as well I didn't look so much in the future... either I am looking forward to things or dreading other...

 

[Louise N]

Well Amygdala I am trying to overcome certain limitations that chronic anxiety has left me, and be an anxiety free person (or at least to an extent). Anxiety means TTC is more difficult, not good for pregnancy, couldn't take any emergency meds if I had a panic attack (learning to deal with the panic attacks without meds), and when the baby was born it wouldn't be fair that the baby had to suffer it's mother's limitations (Not when being well is an option I have in my own hands).

Apologies for jumping in to a conversation here but I couldn't read and not post.
I too have suffered* with anxiety and one of our reasons for waiting to try (as well as the wedding) was that I wanted to get control over my anxiety before a baby came along. On bad days I used to find it so difficult to go shopping or anywhere that could become busy and crowded, no good if we run out of nappies/formula and i'm panicking about queuing in a supermarket!

* I can say suffered because i'm having CBT now and feel like i've got a lot more control over it now. Have you found something to help you?

 

[calm]

Well Amygdala I am trying to overcome certain limitations that chronic anxiety has left me, and be an anxiety free person (or at least to an extent). Anxiety means TTC is more difficult, not good for pregnancy, couldn't take any emergency meds if I had a panic attack (learning to deal with the panic attacks without meds), and when the baby was born it wouldn't be fair that the baby had to suffer it's mother's limitations (Not when being well is an option I have in my own hands).

Apologies for jumping in to a conversation here but I couldn't read and not post.
I too have suffered* with anxiety and one of our reasons for waiting to try (as well as the wedding) was that I wanted to get control over my anxiety before a baby came along. On bad days I used to find it so difficult to go shopping or anywhere that could become busy and crowded, no good if we run out of nappies/formula and i'm panicking about queuing in a supermarket!

* I can say suffered because i'm having CBT now and feel like i've got a lot more control over it now. Have you found something to help you?

Please don't apologize for such a thing I have had anxiety on and off since my teens. Basically what I have to do (and have done in the past and it has worked), is stop avoiding situations, do breathing exercises, stop negative chain thoughts, meditate, exercise, keep focused and strong, eat properly, good posture (bad posture not good for breathing) etc I am still working on it, you don't get better over night as in my case I have avoided many situations for quite q few years and this has made it worse. Even if you feel shitty you must do the things you fear, and most important of all, don't analise if you felt good or bad, just think, I did it. Anxiety exists because we give it power, and remember, if you feel anxiety and it makes YOU feel bad, YOU are not anxiety, detach from it and observe it without getting involved. If you feel an attack coming along try to breath and don't listen to anxiety (it has nothing good to tell you, don't speak to it). Afterwards when all has gone by and you have overcome the situation think you are a bit closer to being able to having that baby.

 

[calm]

I can speak to an extent about babies with my husband but he personally thinks that there is no point about speaking about something until it actually is happening, he is very like that, very much in the present, he doesn't dream ahead. (Which is not a bad way to be)

DH is the same way! A man thing maybe? Sometimes I wish I wasn't so focused on the future.

I also think that this can lead to arguments. Many women (it has happened to me in the past) interpret this as: - he is not interested - he doesn't want children - he doesn't understand me - etc I'm not saying it might not be so is some cases, but in my experience it is nothing of any the above. A lot of men (and women) just can't see the point in that "living for the future". We want it so much we can't help dreaming, looking forward to, planning etc, but for more straight forward people this is just absurd. We are all different, but many times, do want the same things. And even though I really put my head too much in the future cloud, I do believe it is a lot more healthy not to. However, I would rather put it into a nice positive future cloud such as the one of dreaming about a future baby, than putting it into a negative future cloud as I have done and still do so with my anxiety.

 

[Louise N]

That's very true, I avoided certain situations like the plague and it just reinforced my fears instead of making me feel better. I notice now that when I take the plunge to face something that makes me feel on edge I don't feel half as bad as what I expected I would. CBT has been great for me, talking through my thoughts with a stranger has even helped me to confide in my OH.

 

[calm]

That's very true, I avoided certain situations like the plague and it just reinforced my fears instead of making me feel better. I notice now that when I take the plunge to face something that makes me feel on edge I don't feel half as bad as what I expected I would. CBT has been great for me, talking through my thoughts with a stranger has even helped me to confide in my OH.

Not only is it not so bad, you feel a million dollars once you have done it as you are in control, and not your anxiety telling you what to do. You are in control, don't fight anxiety, just let it go by, each time it will have less power. And sometimes speaking about it is good, to a stranger, to your OH, the only person you shouldn't talk about anxiety is with anxiety, NEVER. For example:

Anxiety. You shouldn't go in that shop, remember what happened last time?
You: Maybe you are right, why should I feel bad?
Anxiety: Exactly, you deserve more, do it another day, you will probably feel better. Look you are already trembling a bit, and it is sooooo crowded.
You (You no longer are speaking to anxiety as you are walking quickly out of the shop, anxiety is feeling really powerful as it has took the decision for you, it is in control and you are not).

Don't talk to it, stop thoughts before they avalanche into a big fat negative snowball, and focus on the present. Anxiety is only sensations, and the less you listen the less control they will have on you. You have to be brave, it is true, but you can do it. It is a lot simpler than we think.