oh love, i know how this feels, it hurts doesnt it. you're right, if it is causing you this distress, it might be a good idea to distance yourself from it, maybe try not to test again until your period is due? at least then it would reduce the 'am i, arent i' of it all. have you been doing internet cheapies as well?
oh imms, if anyone deserves another little one it's you, this will happen even if it isnt this time. *hugs*