My Miscarriage Story

[chrissie33]

Its quite therapeutic to talk about it with people who have / are experiencing the same as you. Sorry to hear of your losses babe and I hope you get you BFP soon xx

 

[nat23b]

Hello,
It has really touched my heart reading everybody's heartbreaking stories. I think it is such a great idea for people to be able to share their stories. I have spoken to a number of friends and family since my miscarriage but although they mean well, I think it is very difficult for them to actually comprehend what I was going through. To be able to share my story with people who have actually been through the same thing is incredibly helpful.

My story started on Tuesday 18th November 2008. I was 10 weeks pregnant and woke up to notice quite a lot of dark brown discharge. I had had some light spotting previously which did last more than a day so I wasn't particularly worried. I went to A&E anyway so I can be reassured that everything was fine. I had 2 internal scans done and was told that they could see the embryo but it looked much smaller than my 10 weeks and it did not have a heartbeat. I was told that either I got my calculations wrong and the embryo was infact only 5-6 weeks old and too young to have a heartbeat or that the embryo had died a few weeks ago. I knew in my heart that I definitely didn't get my calculations wrong and that our baby had died.

I started bleeding red blood shortly after the scan. The next day, I started having very bad cramps which were getting closer and closer together. I didn't realise at that time that I was having contractions. I passed out the embryo later that evening. It was so strange looking at the thing, it was about 2cm long and still had the sac intact. My OH and I ended up putting it in a jar because we didn't know what else to do with it. It didn't feel right to flush it down the toilet or throw it away. We decided to bury it in our back garden.

My emotions have been all over the place. I was completely devastated for the first 2 days, crying at the drop of a hat. Today I am feeling better and have come to accept that it wasn't meant to be. I am planning to wait for my next cycle before trying again.

Nat

 

[eclipse]

Ok, I'm trying to get the nerve to tell this story, it has been held inside so long. My situation was a tiny bit different from some other stories posted so far.....
I was on birth control for 15 years almost straight. One month I had some bizarre breakthrough bleeding. I didn't really think much of it, but when it came time to have my real period, I didn't get it. I took a test and the line came up as dark as the control line immediately. We didn't really want kids but the minute I saw that line and showed my husband and then our guests in the driveway as they pulled up *heh* my views changed.

I found a new OB and had an appointment made. I worked in a surgery center at the time and had already told my coworkers and boss because I was so excited. I went to the bathroom. Bright red blood. I immediately called my OB, who I had never seen, and they told me to come over right away (They rock). I went over. They drew blood for the levels and did an exam. My cervix was closed but the doctor said it didn't look good and to come back in two days and check the levels again. Go on bedrest. No work, hope for the best.

Fast forward to the night before the appointment. The cramps came. I got up in the middle of the night, and sat in the lazyboy...heating pad. Cried my eyes out as the waves hit. Deep down I knew it was over.

Then we went to the appointment. My husband kept saying to think positive. I was basically gone until they brought my test results of blood in which were through the roof. Hope was renewed for both of us, as the score was off the charts. So next step was an ultrasound. We headed over to there and burned forever in my brain is my baby, lifeless at 6 weeks, but my sac 10 1/2 weeks along. Just lying there. Me willing it to move. My doctor said my cervix was still closed but the blood and contractions were ridiculously severe and could be seen on the ultrasound and he said that I would end up at the ER anyway because they weren't doing their job, my body wouldn't let go. He sent me for an emergency d and c because I was already dangerously anemic. As he called for me to be sent to the hospital across the street, my husband and I walked to the parking lot and he just started crying and I lost it. It was one of the worst moments of my life.

I went for the d and c and it was fine, except for the IV debacle because I was so dehydrated and anemic. I healed quickly, but it took me a long time of grieving. I guess I still am, since I'm crying now. This happened in late 2005, and even though I have my beautiful son, I cannot forget. Lately, its been really hard again, I don't know why. This is a good thread, and I'm sorry I talked so long, but this is a good purging of my soul.

 

[jo_79]

My world collapsed when i was 29.5 weeks pregnant, by that time it doesnt even enter your mind that anything will go wrong. I already had a 4 year old and this pregnancy was progressing well. All scans were good and i found out i was having another girl. Things progressed great and i was getting all the baby things ready and started to get her room prepared. One night 3 days after xmas 2005 i got up from watching tv cos i needed a wee, to my horror when i stood up i could feel a running sensation on my legs, at first i thought id wet myself!! But it was blood, and lots of it, i panicked and rang my friend to take me to the hospital, i had to speak on the intercom as it was about 10pm and they were so rude to me for not ringing first and that they were very busy and i could only come in if it was an emergency, they let me in after i shouted back at them through my tears. After shoving me in a room with my 2 closest friends supporting me they called out the on call consultant to do an ultrasound, i knew after 5 minutes of him searching that there was no heartbeat, no little white flashing dot on the screen yet he carried on looking for about 15 minutes only to tell me my baby had died. After being left again i was given tablets to induce labour and told to go home and come back when the pain got really bad that was at 2am. I never slept all night trying to think what the hell had happened and what i had done wrong. I was back in hospital by midday the next day with my best friends beside me. The midwife i had was wonderful and caring and couldnt do enough to help me, i had all the drugs they offered cos i wanted to numb out what was happening. At 5.56 that evening i gave birth to Hollie. She looked perfect, just as if she was sleeping. The midwife stayed on for 4 hours after her shift to make sure i was ok and to deal with everything else. The midwife said to me that the placenta and the cord didnt look as you would expect and asked my permission to send samples off to be tested. They concluded after 6 weeks that the cord had somehow twisted and basically starved my baby of everything she needed. I still blamed myself and couldnt face carrying on with my life but i knew i had to for the sake of my 4 year old daughter.
My special angel is now buried in the baby memorial garden where i live, i rarely talk about it but its coming up 3 years now and i just want anyone who is in or has been in that situation to know that the pain does heal with time. I havent had another child yet but i am trying now for the first time since then.
to everyone x

 

[momoftwo]

Your story make me very sad! Do not dispare, you will get you sweet baby one day.

 

[pecsi9870]

hi everyone, I'm new here. I just read your stories and fighting back tears. I guess this is so because I started to m/c on Nov 30th. Here's my story.

DH and I have 2 kids together( dd 12yrs and ds who turns 8 on new year's day). I have an 18 yr dd. We decided to ttc last year feb. I got our bfp in Jan of this year. At my 12 weeks scan, it was seen that i was starting to m/c. Radiologist suggested i m/c on my own. I disagreed and had my D/C done the next morning. This was in March.

We didnt really ttc actively after that. DH said if it was to happen then so be it. However, in Nov. he decided he was ready again. We got a BFP in the second week of Nov. On the 26th I have severe back pains that radiated to my lower abd. No bleeding. On 28th had some brown spotting. Nothing on the 29th. On 30th I was in so much pain I got not lie or sit down, i was up and down the driveway all morning. I had a friend ( a nurse) who i called to give me an injection for pain. Anyway that did not help and I started bleeding actively. My heaviest bleeding was on Dec. 1. I knew i had pass the conceptus and because it was early I did not require a D/C.

I am still feeling nausated, breasts pains ( more than when I was preg) and sometimes lower abd pains. The bleeding has stopped.

We have not yet discussed whether we would try again. DH and I were looking so much to having another LO. I remember during the pains I told him I had had enough! but i would like to get a BFP and a healthy nine months and baby.

You are all in my prayers. thanks for this thread.

 

[moomoo]

bumping xx

 

[susan_1981]

Excellent thread to start so that all our stories are in one place.

I found out I was pregnant on 23 October 2008, think I was about 3.5 weeks. I got quite an early BFP. Didn't feel happy or excited though strangely, just felt very shocked and paranoid something would go wrong. We had only been trying from the beginning of August (although not that hard the first month as we were on holiday). Didn't take us long to get pregnant. Obviously, even though I was shocked, I was also happy but I just didn't feel pregnant. My boobs were killing me but that was my only real symptom.

Anyway, I went through the first 12 weeks without any problems (or so I thought). My bump was starting to show from about 6 weeks and I went for my midwife appointment at 10 weeks, she measured my stomach and said I was measuring at the larger end of normal for my stage of pregnancy but it probably only meant I was having one (I thought I might be having twins because I'm a twin and I just felt I looked quite big).

Then went for my 12 week scan on 23 December 2008 to be told the baby had stopped developing at 7 weeks 2 days. The sac was measuring 12 weeks 2 days. The sonographer said "I'm so sorry, but your baby hasn't developed". When she said this, I just felt like this was a dream and I would wake up. I've never felt like that before. She then got someone else in to confirm it. He came in and rubbed the bottom of my leg(!) and confirmed it. I felt so shocked. I felt like I should be crying but nothing was coming out. The worse thing was looking at my husband's face.

Afterwards, he told me that he had looked at the screen and saw our little baby and got all excited, just for a tiny moment before we had the bad news. I, on the other hand, had a feeling something wasn't right. She wouldn't turn the monitor round for me to see and I lent up to look and the baby looked so tiny (I had had a 12 week scan before when I was 17 - had that pregnancy terminated for various reasons that were right for me - and I remember the baby being quite big on the screen. She was doing lots of stuff (which I now know was measuring the baby) but I just thought she was trying to enlarge the picture so that it was clearer for us to see. Obviously not the case.

The tears started when I called my mum. She asked me how it went and I said "It didn't go well, my baby's dead". My mum was so shocked and almost in tears (but I had to pass the phone over to my husband at that point because I was crying so hard). Then I had to tell my sister who, again, was really shocked and upset. I had told quite a few people that I was pregnant as I had always loved a drink so I wanted to tell everyone at work before they guessed through me not drinking. I told them about 2 weeks before my scan. I had to text them all and spent most of that night on the phone. Everyone was calling me and was really supportive, although I found it really diffcult to talk about without crying.

I had to go back to the hospital the next day (xmas eve) to discuss my options. They said I could wait a couple of weeks and come back for a scan but I knew there was no point. I hadn't got my dates confused and the sac was measuring 12 weeks and my baby was only measuring 7 so I knew it was over. I decided for an ERPC which I had done the next available day which was 29 December. In the meantime, the doctor at the hospital said I had to go down for another blood test for the ERPC in case I lost a lot of blood. Sat in the waiting room there and couldn't stop cryiing. I thought people were probably looking at me tinking I'd been diagnosed with something incurable.

I went in for my ERPC on Monday 29th. Thought I had cried my last tears but they started again as I was being wheeled down. My mum and husband were with me. Next thing I remember is waking up at 10.30am, an hour after I'd been put to sleep. They let me go home at 12.30pm. The nurses were so supportive, kept telling me how it shouldn't be happening to me and they were so sorry, this made me cry more but was nice at the same tme.

Anyway, a few days on, my bleeding is really minimal and I feel so much more positive. From the day I found out I was pregnant, I didn't feel it and I couldn't imagine ever having this baby. I still wonder if it was a sign that I knew something wasn't right. I suppose I'll never know.

Now, I feel a lot more hopeful about the future. I'm 27 so have plenty of time to try again and hopefully next time it'll be a happy experience, even if this means throwing up every day from the word go. I don't care. The more symptoms I have the better. I really didn't have any apart from the sore boobs, but that seemed to disappear about 3 or 4 weeks ago.

I'm back at work on 7 January which will be hard as last time I was there, I was leaving early for my scan but I'm hopeful 2009 will bring me lots of baby dust and good luck. Sorry for going on, I feel like the last 12 weeks have been the longest of my life xxx

 

[susan_1981]

Also, just to add, it also helps me to talk about it on here. My husband is very much a person who likes to hide his feelings and I know he doesn't really like talking about it, whereas it's all I seem to want to do. I always thought before me and my husband got married that he didn't have emotions because he never showed any, until I saw a tiny little tear in his eye on our wedding day. That's when I knew he was human

 

[JAS]

I am not exactly sure how to post my story, so I hope I've done it correctly. I've never felt compelled to talk about myself on forums but I experienced a m/c yesterday and I am overwhelmed with emotions right now. So here is my story. My husband and I were married in August of this year and we decided to have children right away. I was shocked and happy at how quickly we conceived (within 2.5 months). It was the most exciting news for the both of us. I'll never forget how excited he was when I told him the tests had come back positive. For the next few weeks everything was wonderful, I started to show, I was really sick but I kept thinking that my little baby was growing inside of me and it reassured me. On Sunday December 28, at 2PM I noticed a small amount of red blood. I called a friend of mine who tried to reassure me, as she had bled in the first trimester and had gone on to have a healthy child. I then called the Healthline where a nurse advised me that unless I was experiencing cramps (which I wasn't) and the bleeding appeared to be spotting (which it was), I didn't need to go to the hospital, but I should see my GP within 24 hours. I called in to work on Monday and made an appointment with my GP. Because of the holidays, my GP was not able to get me an emergency ultrasound and she recommended the best way to get one fast was to go to the ER. I immediately called my mom who took me to the ER and sat with me for 8 hours. When I finally got in, at 8PM the ultrasound people had gone home for the night and I was not able to get one. However, the ER doctor performed a pelvic exam and instructed me to come back the following morning for an u/s. I knew for certain on Monday night I was experiencing a miscarriage, as the bleeding was much stronger and I was starting to clot. My husband and my mom tried to reassure me, but I knew in my heart we had lost our baby. I returned to the hospital on the morning of the 30th and had my u/s first thing. I had to wait in the ER to meet with the dr. who would give me the results. I sat in the ER for another 4 hours before I was able to get a room - if I had had any doubts up to that point, I knew for certain - if it had been good news, they would have just put in an open bed in the hallway, rather than waiting for a private room. There was one specific nurse who was wonderful and recognized me from the previous evening. She came and gave me a hug. Once the doctor had informed that I had indeed lost my baby, the OBGYN on call came in and advised us that since I was in my 11th week, I had to have a D/C. I was immediately admitted and taken up to day surgery where I had to wait for an opening in one of the operating rooms. The nurses up in D-S arranged for a counsellor to come and speak with me - I thought that was extremely helpful. I have already arranged for further counselling in the hopes that this can help calm my fears of having another miscarriage.
I am feeling like a rollercoaster of emotions. I got home last night at 7PM and I felt I could take on the world, until about 2AM when my world crumbled around me... Nights are the hardest right now. I feel extremely brave during the day - I even had the courage to explain to my stepdaughter what happened and I have managed to tell most of the folks we had told, but there is something about the night time that is so difficult.
We had picked out a name and bought a ton of baby stuff. Nearly all the clothing we purchased, I am okay with recycling for our next child, with the exception of a pair of shoes and a build-a-bear bear that I had specificallly made for "this baby". I wish I knew how to better deal with my feelings and I wish I had a plan of attack - I am trying hard to be strong for my husband because he falls apart whenever I do.
I am sorry my post was so long, but I just needed to get my thoughts out.
My thoughts and prayers are with all of you at this time.

 

[Orange lady]

Hi girls,
Here's what happened to me.
I found out I was pregnant on 5th November. I was about 5-6 weeks I think. We had only been trying for about 2 months so were thrilled and really shocked when I did the first test. I felt pretty well at first and everyone kept commenting on how well I looked, but no one could put their fingers on why. I remember feeling like I was glowing, and felt really peaceful.

We were due to have all family round for Xmas and Boxing day this year, and my NHS scan wasn't til 30th Dec. So we decided to pay for a private scan before Xmas so we could date it properly and then tell family at Xmas.

The day of the scan arrived and for weeks prior I was dreading it. Not excited as my friend said I should be. When we arrived at the place both my husband and I didn't want to go in. It was weird. Well they did the scan, with a probe. The woman faffed about finding and measuring my ovaries, which I thought was weird. But then she found the baby. I remember seeing it there on the screen, little head, peanut shape thing. She then said nothing. Nothing for about 5 minutes. Then another woman came in. She twisted the thing inside me loads of times, and eventually told us that the baby had no heartbeat and had died at 8 weeks. I still had all the symptoms of pregnancy. But for the 2 weeks prior to my scan, I felt really poorly, and really moody. The only way I can describe it is to say it was like I was under a cloud. I cried in the place, just a bit. Then we were sent to A&E.

A&E said I probably had a missed miscarriage. My body still thinks we're growing a baby but the baby has died. They scheduled a scan for 2 days after. The NHS ladies were great, they did the same scan and I knew from when I saw their faces that there was no doubt. Secretly we were hoping there had been a terrible mistake and that the scan place just weren't able to find the heartbeat. But no.

I had an ERPC 4 days later. They gave me drugs to soften my cervix, which was the most painful thing ever. Only afterwards I was told it was similar to labour pains but I had no painkillers. Physically I felt better straight away, and 3-4 days later my symptoms went. That was 2 weeks ago.

I feel a little better now, but still look terrible! My poor body needs to catch up a bit. I'm gutted for my baby. I loved it, even if it was only 2cm long! My husband and I do want to try again, but we are waiting for my next cycle first. I need to feel well again. I am dreading the same happening again. Everyone around me is having trouble free pregnancies, but I failed to grow my baby properly. It's stupid but I do feel responsible.

We told our close family anyway in the end and it has helped. Only then you find out how many people have had the same experiences. But it's brushed under the carpet.

 

[megan16]

i found out i was pregnant when i was 6 weeks gone .we was so excited because it had taken so long for us to get pregnant 4 years everything was ok for a week then i went to the toilet i found that i was bleeding red blood we went to a & e to be reassured that everything was ok they booked me in for a scan on sat morning .i had a internal scan everthing was ok we saw the heartbeat and was told my due date it was the same due date as my first childs 14 feb we was so pleased .we then came home and told all our family .the bleeding stop and for the next 3 weeks everything was ok .then i got up one morning when i should have been nearly ten weeks to find i was bleeding again red blood not a lot just enough to go on toilet paper but not on nickers i also had no pain .i went to the doctors and he booked me in for a scan .we had to wait a couple of days for the scan the bleeding never stop but was still only enough to go on toilet paper .i had to have another internal scan she was taken ages and i new something was wrong she then said i am really sorry i cant find a heartbeat she said the baby had dead at 9 weeks .i had a erpc they gave me the first lot of tablets then and was told to go back 2 days later for the tablet that soften the cervix by this time i was crying .then i had to go and have some blood taken .the next two days was bad i kept thinking the baby would come out and go down the toilet this was the one thing i did not want to happen .on the sunday we went back to the hospital and they put the last lot of tablets on my cervix .within the hour i start to get contractions they was so painful then about another hour later i needed to go to the toilet they was a bed pan on the toilet i then felt the baby come out then i looked down and saw my baby the nurse then came and check to make sure it had all come away .i was bleeding a lot then i pass a big clot and was told to lay on the bed .the nurse came in and went though all the paper work and told me what they do with the baby .then about 2 hours later i left the hospital and went home .the next day at night i had really bad pain so went back to doctors they booked me in for a scan at 12.30 we then went back up to the hospital for the scan the scan area is where pregnant woman have their 20 week scan i was so angry i sat their waiting 30 minutes pass i was still sat their with all the pregnant woman i then got up went to the reception and asked way i was till sat here when my app was at 12.30 she said the doctors do not start till 1.00 i then went mad and said why make app for 12.30 then i had never been so mad .they then got the doctor to see me had another scan everything looked ok .i left the hospital so mad .its nice to have some body to talk to other then my husband .sorry if its gone on two long lisa xxx

 

[Stanny]

It has been nearly a week since we lost Bobba our nick name for the baby.

I was 11 weeks 1 day when it was confirmed that I was losing Bobba.
It started on christmas day 2008, I had a tiny stain of dirty brown blood in my underwear. We had cooked dinner and had everyone round, my first alcohol free christmas. I instantly felt anxious and sat at the table and told my Mum, nobody else was there. Not long after everyone began to go and I went straight to bed.
In the morning boxing day there was a bit more dirty blood, so i decided to lie down all day as I thought maybe I had done too much leading up to christmas, as our new settee didn't arrive till xmas eve and the tree was only done that night, all a rush really. I text one of my mates and she said not to worry with it being dirty blood it can happen. She is 4 weeks in front of me with her pregnancy.
That evening I got ready and went to my Mum and Dad for meal, we were also due to go to a party after. My stomach didn't feel right and I had more dirty blood, so I told mum and dad I didn't want to go to party, we came home and I went to bed with a water bottle as it felt like period pains.

When I woke up on Saturday 27th December my PJs had red blood in them and blood was coming out when I went to the toilet, I shouted to my partner and we both got ready to go to the hospital.

I went straight through A&E they did blood tests and sent me to EPAU. The Gynaecologist was lovely, she did an internal and said there was lots of blood and took what I thought were swobs until after she told me, she was helping the clots away which were the baby.
She lowered me down and said, Do you know what is happening" to which I said, "am I losing the baby" to which she replyed "yes" and got hold of my leg.
They kept me in for a couple of hours to make sure I didn't lose too much blood and feel faint. Over the next few days I had waves of pain and blood with clots coming out. It has calmed down alot and I am due back on Monday for a scan to make sure everything has come away naturally, I don't want a D&C to top it off.
We managed to enjoy New year as we had a trip planned to London this has helped with our grief. But time will tell, I hope I never go through this again and have a healthy baby next time we conceive and lets hope it is soon.

Love to everyone. We now how precious conception and babies are after going through a miscarriage. I am missing Bobba in my belly....xxx

 

[born2Bmama]

Hi All,

I am new to the boards but am so grateful for a chance to get my story out. I have been keeping much of it inside for many years. I am so sorry for all of the losses you have all had to experiece and I hope that by sharing my story it will bring some kind of support to others. I have two very different experiences so I appologize if it gets long.

My story begins in Jan 2004. My DH and I had been married just over a year when we started ttc. We were being pretty casual about it so it took about six months, but just after Christmas we got a positive test and where so excited. We told all of our family right away and I started making plans for a nursery and shopping for baby things. It never accured to me that the pregnancy wouldn't go well. I was 23, healthy and no one I knew had experienced m/c so why would it happen to me. Everything seemed to be going well. I had all of the symptoms. Looking back though we couldn't hear the heartbeat at my first OB appt. My doctor said it was probably to early but now I am not so sure. I was exactly 13 weeks when I woke up on a Sat. morning and saw a little pink on the tissue. I thought maybe I had a UTI since I had issues with that in the past. I decided to wait a little to be sure before I called my Dr. As the morning went on I started to feel a little crampy. When I went to the bathroom again it was apparent that I was actually spotting and I got scared. I paged my doctor and she told me to take it easy and keep my feet up. Hopefully, it was nothing. I continued to have mild cramping throughout that evening, but I think our minds have a way of protecting us and I continued to believe everything would be ok. By the next Sun. morning the spotting had gotten darker and the cramps a little worse so I called my Dr. again and she told us to meet her at the clinic so we could check things out. My DH drove me to the clinic and as I walked into the exam room I felt a gush of blood and I knew then it was over. I fell apart in me DH arms. My Dr. confirmed I had lost the baby and I was devistated. She sent us home with a perscription for pain meds to finish naturally at home. It was really painful and scary but I was lucky that it went quickly. It was over by that afternoon and we were left to pick up the pieces of our broken dreams and grieve for the baby we already loved so much. It was very difficult to handle the grief. Our family and friends didn't understand what we were going through and the support we needed wasn't there. We had nothing to hold on to no momentos. We didn't even know the sex of our baby so coming up with a name has never felt right. I internalized much of what I was feeling and isolated myself. It was just to painful to see others close to us all having perfect pregnancies and babies at that time and not even have my baby acknowleged. The solution for me was to get pregnant again as soon as possible. This time I got proactive and took the ovualtion tests because every time a month went by I was devistated all over again. I was just so ready to be a mother.

Thankfully, we concieved again around the time our first baby was due. Our son Aidan was born healthy & full-term in June of 2005. We were again blessed with the birth of our daughter Sienna in March of 2007.

We decided to ttc again in June 2008 and got pregnant on the first try. From the start everything went well. We had an ultrasound at 13 weeks to get accurate dates. The baby was perfect and the right size. I could already see all the fingers and facial features. We had made it past the critical 1st trimester and we thought we could count on this pregancy ending well. We had another ultrasound at 20 weeks, again everything was great, right on track for the due date, and we found out we were most likely having another little girl we couldn't be sure because she was so active they couldn't get a good look. We were so happy with the idea of another girl and started to feel our family was complete. We even picked out a name that we both loved a huge accomplishment for us. I saw my Dr. a couple weeks later and again she was very active and her heartbeat was strong. I will never know what happened in the next two weeks but everything was about to change. We were 24 weeks along on a Thrs. I decided to lay down to rest and thought it was unusual that I wasn't feeling her move as she usually did whenever I laid down. I told my DH when he got home but neither of us knew if we should be concerned it had only been a short while and they don't even tell you to track movements until 28 weeks. So we decided to call our Dr. the next morning. They got me in later that Fri. morning just to "check things out". Again, I think my brain was protecting me because even though deep down I knew the worst was possible I really didn't let myself believe it. I even went to the Dr. by myself while my DH was at work. Unfortunately, my Dr. couldn't find the heartbeat with the doplar and I started to panic. They encouraged me to have hope and they schedualed a ultrasound and called my DH. We were together when the ultrasound confirmed there was no heartbeat. Our little girl had died. I can't even put into words my reaction. We were sent to the hospital and given the option to induce labor or wait for it to happen naturally which could take up to 2 weeks since she had just passed away in the last couple days. I knew I couldn't live that long knowing she was gone inside me so we decided to induce labor that afternoon. I just could not believe what I was doing. What had happened?

Our daughter, Mikayla, was born on Saturday, November 22, 2008 at 24 weeks. She was 1lb 3oz. and 11 in long. She was perfect in every way. We will never know for sure why she passed away, though there was a blood clot in the placenta that may have been the cause. I am grateful for the time we had to hold her & to name her. And I am thankful that this time I have pictures and footprints and other momentos to hold onto. We decided to have her cremated and we held a funeral service for her with our close family and that has been an incredibly healing experience. This time we feel we have the right to grieve and be more open with what we are going through. Thankfully, everyone has been so much more supportive this time around but as more time passes the less I feel can go to them. So I am happy to have found this site.

 

[StaceyStepmom]

I didnt think i would have the courage to write about my miscarriage but Im glad i have this site to support me with all you kind people.

I found out I was pregnant in June,and my fiancee was overjoyed as was I...this was our first together! It all came crashing down when I started to get some bleeding around my 11 week mark...I went to the walk in clinic as I couldnt get in to see my own doctor and he did an internal and told me i have a 50/50 chance of keeping it and he ordered for a emergency ultrasound in the city the next day. So off we went, my fiancee and I had hopes that everything was gunna be okay..i waited in the room and the doctor walked in, as soon as he did the internal ultrasound...he told me that I lost the baby So, hearing this we drove all the way back home (2 hours) and just cried....I was bleeding soo heavy so they finally decided to do a D & C so it would "clean" me out they said. After they did that surgury..I left so empty and lost. Worst feeling in the world!

Since my Miscarriage in september 2008, My first period was November 29th and it lasted like 2 weeks...super super heavy! and then it went away and came back December 27th and Today (january 30th)...Im still bleeding!! No dr knows whats wrong with me, Ive been to 3 doctors!! They did do another ultrasound and I did find out I have a bicornuate uterus which they are saying is why I miscarried (not enough blood to the baby) and it is a little tough to carry a baby to full term but my dr also told me that if I am on Prometrium then its possible that I can carry to the full term. Anyways....thank you for letting me tell my story!

 

[faun]

This is my story i had two children really easily with no problems so thought that this one would be the same.
The first time i m/c'd was the day before my 12 week scan sorry if this scares anyone.
It was about 9pm and i went to the toilet i thought wow this is a long wee as it wouldn't stop after 3 or 4 mins i looked into the toilet and it was blood. I was bleeding really heavily like someone had turned a tap on with large clots my hubby rang nhs direct and they said i was loosing the baby and if the bleeding didn't stop to go to A&E. I didn't want to go as i thought it would stop after sitting on the toilet for an hour bleeding constantly my hubby dragged me into the car and took me to hospital. I am very pleased he did as i was just going to sit there for as long as it took i was told at the hospital if i had done this i would have bled to death. When i got there they put me in a side room and monitored my loss at 4am i was rushed into theatre for an emergency d&c as i had lost so much blood they had to make it stop. In theatre i had to have 6 pints of blood given to me and i died on the table due to massive blood loss and had to be brought back. I was very weak for weeks afterwards as i had severe anemia due to the massive blood loss.I was so grateful just to be alive that i didn't really mind about loosing the baby.
The second m/c i was about 10 weeks when i started spotting two days later i lost the baby at home and it was all over very quickly with hardly any bleeding.
The third m/c i went to my twelve week scan and the nurse said i am really sorry but there is a sac but no baby i had a blighted ovum. This one devestated me as i had got to the scan and thought everything would be fine. A year on i am pregnant again and hopefully this one will be a sticky bean.

 

[Drazic<3]

Hope you dont mind girls, but i removed a little of my story. Somethings are too painful to be reminded of

 

[Las78]

I'm so sorry to all of you, miscarriage and stillbirth is such a devastating experience.

I'm on to day 3 after my miscarriage, I'm hoping writting about it might take some of the pain away or at least let me move on from the past 7 horrible weeks.

I found out I was pregnant at 8 weeks, baby wasn't planned although we had toyed with the idea of another one on and off we hadn't made any decisions, having 3 girls between us we both did really want to try for a son. We were a little apprehensive at first for financial and several other reasons although it wasn't long before we were telling everyone I was pregnant and happy it had happened.

A couple of weeks later I started spotting, didn't think much of it and it was gone the next day. I was sent for a scan just to make sure and that was classed as my dating scan, I was 10weeks and 3 days. We saw our baby for the first time and it was amazing. Baby appeared to be doing well andthey picked up low lying placenta but not to worry as this normally moves up by 20 weeks, they would keep a check on me though.

The next few weeks passed in a bit of a blur, starting bleeding, into hospital, scans, internals, all the rest of it, each time baby in no distress, growing well. The latest lot of bleeding last week was heavier and there were quite large clots and I was conviced the pain I was feeling were mild contractions, I was now getting concerned, back into hospital, this time they say I have a chronic Haemotoma, a pool of blood under the womb, I'm signed off work for 2 weeks to take it easy. I read up on the internet all about it and in most cases pregnancy continues fine with bleeding but no other problems except possible early labour.
I have stronger contractions over the next 2 days, Dr says it's probably just my body expelling the blood, I feel slightly reassured.
Friday morning, feel a gush of blood, had this before, not too concerned, call the midwife and ask for an appointment that afternoon more for reassurance and to hear baby's heartbeat than anything. Drop the girls at school and drive home, feel a huge contraction, praying for traffic lights to change. Looking back I should have known what was happening at this point, felt that real pressure just before babys born, didn't think anything of it at the time, got home ran to the loo and lots of blood, several clots, I looked down to see what was going on and there was my baby hanging out of me, I just remember saying Oh God about 10 times before reaching for my phone for an ambulance. I called directory enquiries!!! Luckily they put me straight through. The paramedics were here within 5 minutes and an ambulance not far behind. They did all the checks and got me straight in the ambulance to hospital. I could feel baby against my legs, I was ever so careful not to move in case I hurt him, still hoping despite being told to expect the worst, that he may just make it - I was 17 weeks 5 days, in reality there was no hope I just didn't want to accept it.
I got to A&E and put on drips and prepared for transfusion in case necessary, had the gynae's all round me for what seemed like ages. They eventually agreed to cut the cord, I can't explain how devastating those few seconds were, till then I had my baby safely close to me, then he was taken away.
I was taken up the wards after this and went through several internals and scans as the placenta was still intact and not moving. They tried to pull at it but nothing, then they gave me an injection to try and move it naturally, nothing, I eventually went into theatre for a D&C, I wish this had happened straight away instead of being drawn out. Despite this the doctors were all amazing.
The nurses were lovely but kept talking about buriel, post mortems etc, it was all too much to deal with. We decided to see our baby later that day, he was beautiful, so tiny yet so perfect. We chose not to have a post mortem, we have one child together and did not feel the need to see if it was anything genetic and besides he was too perfect to touch, we wanted him left that way.
We had him blessed and named him Ryan Peter, we will bury him at a woodland buriel park.
We left the hospital at 10pm, I walked away feeling very lost, very cheated, very angry that my baby was not coming with us.
It's been a very hard few days. I am so grateful for my daughters who have kept me going, this has made me realise just how precious they all are and for my other half who has been by my side throughout this whole ordeal and supported me amazingly, I have remembered why I love him so very much.
I'm hoping it will start to get easier sometime, I don't know how or when but just take each day at a time and not a minute passes where I don't think of my little baby boy asleep.

Thanks for reading.

 

[seasaw]

Hi all, here is my story....

Last year we were not TTC but not taking any precautions. I had my yearly smear (since they discovered pre cancer cells) and discovered I had BV. I was treated for that and off we went on holiday.
My period was due in the last two days of the trip but there was no sign. I just put it down to the flight etc.
A week late and I decided to test, I don't know why as I had no other symptoms and as we were not trying and it was not on my mind every moment of the day as it is now! But I tested and it was positive, this was Wednesday and 1 week 4 days late.
I tired to work out how far gone as the period prior to the holiday was very short and was a funny colour and more like a brown discharge. I had put that down to the pills for the BV but now I was thinking ,may be it was implantation.
I was giving myself a range of 5 to 8 weeks.
I made an appointment for the Friday to see the doctor.
Friday came and I had some small bleedng when I wiped. I was worrid but as I was seeing the doctor later I thought I would discuss that then.
I went to the doc's and he seemed quite un-interested and just gave me a number for the mid wife and told me to call and speak to her.
I called the mid wife and expalined abut the bleeding and that I was worrid because 3 years prior I had a cycst on my tube, which was not picked up untill I collapsed and had to have emergency surgery, also I have had pre cancer cells removed in the past so my down stairs area has given me lots of worry over the years.
The mid wife made me an appointment for the Sunday for an early scan.
Over the weekend I began to bleed more. I was to go out with my family as it was my birthday weekend and I was trying to get on with things. One visit to the toilet produced alot of blood and I went home.
First thing in the morning I went for my early scan at the clinic. They did a test which was positive but the internal scan showed nothing but a mass near my right ovary.
They took blood and made me wait 5 hours there for the results.
The count came back as around 121 but they wanted to do an internal exam. They looked inside and saw I was closed but alot of blood.
I was admitted and was told more blood was to be taken the next day (my birthday!)
It's the monday now and more blood taken and I was told my count had dropped to around 98. I was losing less blood now but I had bad dragging pains. I knew I had lost what ever was there.
Tuseday came and i was discharged and told to come back on the Thursday for more blood tests.
Thursday:- bloods taken and told they will call later with results. Called and results were now 86. Had to go back on Sunday for more bloods as they were not dropping quick or low enough.
Sunday:- Bloods taken and results showed 100 or so.
They were now confused. Went back on Tuesday and had more bloods, they stayed the same. Another internal scan showed nothing. I had stopped bleeding now.
Lots of doctors and nurses were talking and I was there 7 hours until I was advised I was a mystery. They said they could see no pregnancy but were unsure if the mass they saw may have been an ectopic but as I had no pains as you would have with ectopic they ruled that out. I had a choice:- open me up and have a look and poss D&C or have an injection of Methatrexate ( excuse spelling ). I took the shot and went home.
No more bleeding after that even though they said I would as it will bring what ever is left out of me.
I had to go back to the hospital every Sunday morning for a month untill my blood was down to nil!

Eventually they did and I was told not to TTC for 6 months due to the shot stripping my folic acid.

My cycle was odd for a while and I missed a period but now I am regular again and I am back on board.

It is tough going through a m/c and lots of emotions are floating about. But I think what was meant to be etc. I am now more aware of my body and what it is doing and I know that when it's time it will stick.

Hugs to all.

xx

 

[moomoo]

Bump xx