my Mum has made me feel like i'm doing a bad job raising LO

Discussion in 'Baby Club' started by Ziggy2, Jan 24, 2011.

  1. Ziggy2

    Ziggy2 Well-Known Member

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    my mum and Dad came over yesterday, they are absolutely besotted with LO, but Mum is a Psychotherapist so has very strong views on the importance of early childhood, and I to believe that the way children are treated and loved has a strong bearing on how they turn out. But anyway some of her comments have started to upset me, I am weaning LO as she is nearly 7 months and I started weaning just before xmas, she is now on 3 meals a day and I am giving her 3 bf and one bottle ( the reason for the bottle is I can't feed LO in public anymore as she is so nosy and looks around therefore exposing me to everyone - and also I am going to be doing some keep in touch days at lwork over the next couple of months so my OH needs to be able to feed her) My mum sad my LO looked sad and she thinks it is due to me cutting back on bf, but imo she was just a little bit tired when they arrived and then perked up once she had had some milk and a sleep. She also said that LO might ignore me after I come back from work tomorrow as she will feel abandoned, but she will be with her daddy all day and I will see her when I finish work at 4 so a good few hours before bed. Anyway this has made me feel really guilty about cutting back on bf and doing these keep in touch days at work ( although I thought it would be better to ease her in slowly to me not being there just a day a fortnight till I go back pt in April). Should I tell her how I feel?

    Sorry for the long ramble, any advice thoughts appreciated
     
  2. Lena

    Lena Guest

    Awwwe, don't let your mum make you feel like that. You are the mummy to your LO, you know what is best for her and you know her best. Your still BFing, that deserves a metal in itself and 1 bottle a day is going to have absolutely no impact on the kind of woman she grows up one day to be. I would take what your mum says with a pinch of salt, because a lot of what psychotrists/psychotherapists say can be open to a lot of interpretation. As long as your baby knows it is loved, fed, clean, healthy and happy then your LO is going to turn out amazingly and be a credit to you.
     
  3. lozzy21

    lozzy21 Mummy to Niamh

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    I would personaly tell her to keep her opinions to herself. It sounds like shes making up reasons because she dosent agree with your choices. Im sure when you come in after work tomorrow LO will be full of smiles.
     
  4. Lost_Plot

    Lost_Plot GADOING GADADOING DOING

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    No offence but that sounds like nonsense to me. You know your baby best and Daddies are just as important parents as mummies it's not like you're leaving baby with a complete stranger.
     
  5. mariew

    mariew Well-Known Member

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    You should definitely carry on and do your 'keeping in touch days'. I did a few of these from when my LO was 4 months old until he was 6 months old and i went back to work. It really helped to ease me in gently and for my LO to get used to me not being around all day. My husband is a SAHD so he was with him all day anyway.

    Don't worry about what your parents say, only you know what's best for you and your LO.
     
  6. AP

    AP Well-Known Member
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    She's talking crap, you know YOUR LO, shes done her raising, she can keep her advice to herself.
     
  7. Kimboowee

    Kimboowee Complete

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    Ignore her. I went back to work for 1 day a week when my LO was 10 weeks old, barely spent anytime apart, he didn't even notice!
     
  8. kelly29

    kelly29 Guest

    TAKE NO NOTICE as the old grannie say's on catherine tate... what a load of shit ;)
    you know your lo xxxx my family seem to think i'm strange bf lol i should be ff now silly comments i can do without my baby my family my choice x
     
  9. RJsMum

    RJsMum Mommy of RJ

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    In fairness, some of what your mom said is true...but I doubt she said it to make you feel bad. The BF bit, I have no clue about because I don't know your LO and don't know how to tell if she looks sad or not...but the bit about LO ignoring you when you return after being away can very well happen. I'd like to think it's less about feeling abandoned, however, and more about forming a strong bond with someone else for the day.

    For example, I just returned to work part-time in the last couple of weeks. The first day DS (who is 13 mos) was with MIL/FIL all day. DH had gotten up with him while I got ready, and because we were running slightly behind that day I didn't have time to nurse him before we left. So the only time he saw me was getting his coat on before getting into the car and then when I leaned in the back seat to kiss him goodbye. When DH got me from work and we picked up DS together...he wanted nothing to do with me for the first 45 min and instead clung to his daddy. I think Daddy doing the morning routine with him and feeding him his porridge helped him bond closer with him than me that day. So naturally he wanted to be near him...but he eventually came around by bedtime when we did a bath and story.

    That being said, I understand how that makes sense and it can happen...so best to be prepared. But I would also mention to your mom that what she said has upset you and it makes you feel like you're doing a bad job. Just be open and honest with her because given her line of work, she should also know that even into adulthood we still need reassurance and acceptance and she may see that although she didn't mean her words in a negative way, they still hurt you a bit.

    If after expressing how you feel to her she still carries on to stand by what she said as if your feelings don't matter, THEN say to her that while you appreciate she's only sharing her knowledge, you'd appreciate if she would keep comments like that to herself and let YOU be the parent.

    As long as your LO is thriving, then you're being the best Mommy you can be and no one's words can change that. Your LO knows this. x
     
  10. ouchwithNo.2

    ouchwithNo.2 Well-Known Member

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    Agree, take no notice.
    It is the job talking.
    My MIL is the same, she is an Ofsted inspector for nursery age and she was constantly analysing my sons behaviour, what he should be doing, how I should be playing with him, what will help etc etc... she is like it with my 7mth old as well.
    Drives me up the wall.
    When she starts, just switch off and dont listen, I do that and I seem to get away with it...x
     
  11. Ziggy2

    Ziggy2 Well-Known Member

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    thanks for all your comments, i think i will tell my mum how i feel about her comments nip it in the bud
     

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