my OH masturbating...(weird question)

[crazylilth1ng]

To me, my OH masturbating is a RELIEF as I have zero sex drive right now I wish I did but I don't. We spent a lot of time apart because of his work and I know he masturbates, sometimes he tells me he did it, other times he doesn't tell me... I really couldn't care less, I guess I am lucky that it doesn't bother me. I also don't mind if he watches porn while we are not together... he doesn't think porno girls are sexier than me, he just likes the visual.

Now, if he masturbates or watches porn while I am there and willing it DOES annoy me... but (poor thing) I am there but NOT willing a lot of the time since we conceived as he always wants me to string the sessions out for ages and all I want to do is get it done with as I am always so tired like a simple thing like a hand job... he wants me to take literally hours on it stopping then starting... ummm NO WAY!

Its not an easy conversation to have... I think the best thing that you can do is try to live with it because believe me he is NOT going to stop for you, he will just lie and say he doesn't do it, as it is a totally natural thing for people to do and something that people don't just stop doing because their partner doesn't approve. I know this from experience in the past and talking to many friends on the subject.

 

[Mom2mmcjg]

Masturbating doesn't bother me. If he has a "need" he'll usually tell me and if I'm not in the mood or unable to have sex then he'll usually ask me to get naked and he'll masturbate. If its late at night he'll let me sleep (which I appreciate). But the point is he isn't hiding it and he isn't looking at other women (porn). Those things are not okay in a healthy marriage. My marriage is between me and my husband, no one else is allowed in!

 

[jenniferttc1]

Masterbation is totally healthy, I do it and so do many women but I know that I don't fantise about other men or need porn to get off (which still makes me wonder why some men say they need to watch it for to masterbate lol) I wouldnt care if my husband masterbated, as long as he wasnt like hiding it and acting secretive, for some reason if its open its fine with me, but I don't like the idea of secrets if that makes sense. I'm comfortable with my husband and i'll even let him watch or even help me, but him on the other hand does not like to masterbate, he always wants me to do it, and doesnt have porn or even a way to watch porn cause well the computer is mine and im on it all the time. I know being pregnant can make us insecure, I feel that way about my new blooming bump, but hey I still look the same from the back side. With mine and my husbands relationship I have never turned down his wants, I might not be in the mood for sex, but I know once it starts i'll be glad i did it. I've always been up too new things to keep him going. Keep it spiced up.

 

[loverguts]

My OH is always doing it, haha. I really don't mind and especially at the moment i would rather he touched himself than try and touch me! Sometimes i'll help but recently i just cannot be bothered, its the last thing i want to do when i feel sick and tired. Its completely natural and i don't think you should feel upset about it, especially since you do it yourself! Maybe its just your hormones making you overly think about it.

I think if its affecting your relationship (which it sounds like it is if you are offish with him for a couple of days) then you really DO need to have that conversation!

 

[babyv_s2012]

Hubby and i have been together for 12 years and married for almost 2 i couldnt care less if he does this its perfectly natural and normal. i think maybe pg hormones have made you feel a bit more insecure but seriously like you said its a tad hypocritical when you say you do it yourself. Just because my hubby does this does not mean he loves me any less or chose to do that rather than be with me, tbh that thought has never even crossed my mind. Bear in mind a lot of men do it for some form of stress relief.

 

[Tonieolive]

I don't know about any of you but i absolutely HATE when my oh masturbates, i'm so bad i check his internet history for pornsites to see if he has done it or not. He does it about once every week or two judging by the history but it just makes me feel like obviously i'm not good enough or that he'd actually choose masturbating over me even though we do have a good sex life, we dtd about 4/5 times a week. I think it's just me, i wish i could be like other women who aren't bothered by it at all.

But i'm so hypocrytical i do do it myself but i know when i do it, it doesn't mean i love him any less or don't think he's good enough in bed. It bothers me so much to the point where i'll be off with him for a couple of days, obviously i don't tell him why though. What is wrong with me, why am i so insecure?!

..and please don't advise me to talk to him about it because that's an awkward conversation i'd rather not have xxx

My ex used to do it all of the time Honey when I was in the shower in the morning, worst thing of all it was on my side of the bed!!

It used to result in a day long mood with me and eventually I would end up telling him to F**k off.

I never had the conversation with him and i don't think I ever could have, you are not feeling insecure, I think the problem you have is that he uses the porn to do it, where as we don't need anything like that and you are upset at the fact that he is looking at other women...

I would just drop a massive hint like I used to with my ex, something like you forgot to get rid of that porn pop up when I switched the computer on, its awful...it made him aware that i knew exactly what he was up to...

Good luck sweetie

T xx

 

[meant2bamummy]

I think it comes down to the fact that everyone has different degrees of "acceptable". For me, I learned early on in the relationship to choose my battles. I have an amazing husband, and if he wants to watch a bit of porn and relieve himself, then so be it. I enjoy it every once in a while as well. We talked about it in casual conversation plenty of times and he has assured me that I have nothing to worry about. I believe him, too. Usually he does it when I'm not around. However, if I come home and he's going at it and I'm in the mood, he definately chooses me over whatever he is watching! Now, if he consistantly prefers what he is watching over your advances, or he is doing it so often that it is interfering with your marriage in a negative way, then it is maybe time to have a chat. Best of luck!! But by the sounds of it, you probably don't have anything to worry about

 

[lulu1981]

Try not to let it botfher u. Me & my OH r open & honest about masturbating, its a perfectly natural way to learn more about ur bodies! everyones sex drive is different, im sure he fancies u like mad but he obviously likes going solo on occaisions! look, its not like u found soomeone elses knickers, he's not cheating on & thats all that matters! Hav u thought about watching porn together??x

 

[MummyOfSeven]

Am actually loving this thread lol!! I think it depends on who you're with and how open you are with each other. I used to have a big problem with my ex doing it but then he wasn't a very nice guy and did chat to other women over the internet .... with my beau now though I'm so comfortable with him we talk about everything openly and I explained my fears and he was brilliant,,we both have a high sex drive and we both enjoy watching porn,,on our own and together. We're both fine with each other masturbating as we all know sometimes you just gotta get yourself off lol. We've just agreed that we never do it when we're in the house together (unless its for fun of course!!) it's something that should be done in private and in respect of your partner.

You need to talk to your man,,bottling that sort of stuff up will really make you resent him and he won't know why. xx

 

[immie]

I don't know about any of you but i absolutely HATE when my oh masturbates, i'm so bad i check his internet history for pornsites to see if he has done it or not. He does it about once every week or two judging by the history but it just makes me feel like obviously i'm not good enough or that he'd actually choose masturbating over me even though we do have a good sex life, we dtd about 4/5 times a week. I think it's just me, i wish i could be like other women who aren't bothered by it at all.

But i'm so hypocrytical i do do it myself but i know when i do it, it doesn't mean i love him any less or don't think he's good enough in bed. It bothers me so much to the point where i'll be off with him for a couple of days, obviously i don't tell him why though. What is wrong with me, why am i so insecure?!

..and please don't advise me to talk to him about it because that's an awkward conversation i'd rather not have xxx

My ex used to do it all of the time Honey when I was in the shower in the morning, worst thing of all it was on my side of the bed!!

It used to result in a day long mood with me and eventually I would end up telling him to F**k off.

I never had the conversation with him and i don't think I ever could have, you are not feeling insecure, I think the problem you have is that he uses the porn to do it, where as we don't need anything like that and you are upset at the fact that he is looking at other women...

I would just drop a massive hint like I used to with my ex, something like you forgot to get rid of that porn pop up when I switched the computer on, its awful...it made him aware that i knew exactly what he was up to...

Good luck sweetie

T xx

That is so true, it is exactly that. It's the porn. I just feel like if i'm good enough for him then why would he need to be watching another womans bits to get off. It really does upset me. It just makes me feel so inadequate and puts my self-esteem right down. It's sort of like cheating to me but to a much lesser extent obviously, still hurts my feelings a lot though xxx