My poem about my miscarriage. I'm finding it all so hard :-(

[stacie-leigh]

Hi everybody. I'm trying to conceive after having a miscarriage but i'm finding it extremely hard to get over the baby I lost Does anybody else feel like this? I'm also hoping that I get pregnant again this month, after finding out I have an underactive thyroid I'm guessing my chances are slightly reduced. The annoying thing is, I have to wait 3 MONTHS Until I can have another blood test and then they will give me some tablets to help my thyroid! So in the mean time, all of this with the baby I lost could happen again :'-(

Best of luck to everybody,

Stacie x

My poem:

For just those few weeks,
you were a miracle inside my tummy.
You trusted me with your life,
so why didn't I save you?
I'm sorry.

In those few weeks,
I came to love you.
I had a lifetime of plans for you,
Mummy and daddy were going to hold you in our arms,
and everytime you cried or felt scared,
we were going to be there to tell you that everything will be okay.

Your sisters would of loved you.
Maddi would of wanted to hold you all day long,
and to make sure that you didn't cry.
Lilia would of wanted to put you in her pushchair, just like her dolly.
Your sisters would of loved you so so much,
so why couldn't you meet them?

Just those few weeks....
when I lost you,
I lost a lifetime of hopes,
plans, dreams and aspirations.
A part of my future was suddenly taken from me.
I'm sorry I let you down.

Just those few weeks...
It wasn't even enough time to tell people how special you were to me.
I wanted to tell everybody about you, I wish I had. I'm sorry.
I sometimes close my eyes and pretend that you are here with me,
I wish you were because I need a cuddle from you.
Daddy gives me cuddles, but I want a cuddle from you too.
I may pretend on some days that I am okay,
but I will never be okay, because I miss my baby.

You came in and out of our lifes so suddenly,
but it seems that is all the time you needed to make our lifes more special.

Mummy xx

 

[africaqueen]

I am crying reading this. u summed up the feelings of loss beautifully.

How long ago was your loss? maybe some counselling would be good for you.

I lost my much wanted jellybean in jan this yr after yrs of being desperate to be a mum.
Sometimes i ache with emptiness that im not going to be someone's mummy in sep like we had thought, but overall i am coping a lot better and just have my off days. I will never forget the joy i felt just imagining what our child would be like... wondering what kind of parents we would be and dreaming of the moment i finally became a mum.

I just cling to hope that i get to be a mother one day. If i only have 1 child i will feel beyond blessed but the more the merrier. lol.

xxx

 

[stacie-leigh]

I am crying reading this. u summed up the feelings of loss beautifully.

How long ago was your loss? maybe some counselling would be good for you.

I lost my much wanted jellybean in jan this yr after yrs of being desperate to be a mum.
Sometimes i ache with emptiness that im not going to be someone's mummy in sep like we had thought, but overall i am coping a lot better and just have my off days. I will never forget the joy i felt just imagining what our child would be like... wondering what kind of parents we would be and dreaming of the moment i finally became a mum.

I just cling to hope that i get to be a mother one day. If i only have 1 child i will feel beyond blessed but the more the merrier. lol.

xxx

Thank you. I miscarried in August last year and I was fine for months, but now I just sit and cry because we should of had our baby by now It makes it so much more difficult when after months of trying again, it just isn't happening. How long ago was your loss? I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage, I know how heartbreaking it is and nobody deserves such pain.

I agree with the more the merrier lol. Not quite as ambitious as my partner though, he wants to go near to the double fiqures ha ha xx

 

[africaqueen]

Im sorry to hear your loss was in Aug and u are still so sad i think that counselling would be a idea for u to think about whilst u are feeling so low.

My loss was in jan this yr. it was ectopic pregnancy. I have never been mre devastated but i will never give up on trying to be a mum

me and DH would ideally love to have 4 children but with all whats happened we would be blessed with one

I notice u are 9dpo, when r u going to poas??

xxx

 

[hopeandpray]

your poem is so beautiful and sad i can tell just be reading it that when you get to have a brother or sister for your angel that you will continue to be a great mum

 

[stacie-leigh]

Im sorry to hear your loss was in Aug and u are still so sad i think that counselling would be a idea for u to think about whilst u are feeling so low.

My loss was in jan this yr. it was ectopic pregnancy. I have never been mre devastated but i will never give up on trying to be a mum

me and DH would ideally love to have 4 children but with all whats happened we would be blessed with one

I notice u are 9dpo, when r u going to poas??

xxx

My partner has mentioned counselling to me, but I just bite his head off and tell him that won't bring our baby back :-S But I do think it is a good idea, I just don't feel strong enough to ask for help. I'll never give up trying neither, i'm sure we will both get our babies one day

I probably won't do a test, i'm too scared of finding out that i'm pregnant and then miscarrying! Mental, i know. Although I did last month, and it was a BFN!

4 children sounds like a nice number

xx

 

[stacie-leigh]

your poem is so beautiful and sad i can tell just be reading it that when you get to have a brother or sister for your angel that you will continue to be a great mum

Thank you so much, it is lovely to hear something nice about my little poem

Good luck x

 

[heart tree]

Beautiful and touching poem. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss.

xoxo

 

[stacie-leigh]

Beautiful and touching poem. Thank you for sharing. I'm so sorry for your loss.

xoxo

Thank you xx

 

[Ten]

That is so beautiful... thank you for sharing it with us. You are a brave, eloquent woman.

I'm sure others have said it... but you didn't let your baby down. Please don't feel that it was your fault. Even just by your poem I can feel that you would've done anything for your child, and I'm sure s/he knows that.

I'm not sure you ever "get over" losing a child, no matter if it happens two days after the strip turns pink or thirty years after they're born. I lost my little girl in early September, and I still cry for her. Grief is a process - let yourself be where you are, and don't try to chide yourself into feeling something you're not. You're going through enough. You don't need self-recriminations on top of it.

Right after I lost my daughter, a friend said this to me: "If someone came up to you and said you could have the most amazing present in the world, but you'd have to give it back after a little bit, would you say no?" - and I realized that I was grateful that if my daughter was only going to be around for 32 weeks, for whatever reason that I can never know, I'm so very glad she picked me as her mother.

(Also, if it makes you feel any better - my mom had her thyroid completely removed 4 years before she conceived me. They put her on Synthroid, and I was an oopsie - so having thyroid issues doesn't rule you out!!)

 

[heart tree]

Right after I lost my daughter, a friend said this to me: "If someone came up to you and said you could have the most amazing present in the world, but you'd have to give it back after a little bit, would you say no?" - and I realized that I was grateful that if my daughter was only going to be around for 32 weeks, for whatever reason that I can never know, I'm so very glad she picked me as her mother.

What a lovely perspective. Thanks for giving me a beautiful and different way of looking at my losses. Food for thought for anyone who has been through this.

 

[padbrat]

I agree Heart Tree... well Ten. You always have the right words x

Stacie if you want you can add your beautiful poem to the Creative Corner on the M/C Board... I hope you feel you can because it is so beautiful.

 

[sophie0909uk]

Thats a lovely poem. Sorry to hear about your loss, and i wish you all the luck in the future.
I lost one last November, I went for my scan, should of been 15 weeks, and found out i had miscarried. I then fell for one in December, but started miscarrying on the 2nd of Feb at 7 weeks. I fell for this one a week after, and so far its shown to be a fighter, its been through a car crash, it wasnt planned, but it sure wants to stay here
I really do hope you find a way to cope with your loss, and find a light at the end of the tunnel
Goodluck
xx

 

[sarah76]

Stacie-leigh

what a beautiful poem totally from the heart. I sat reading it with tears in my eyes. Sorry to hear about your MC last year.

I know exactly how you feel. We (my lovely hubby and I) suffered a MC in May 2008 and to this day it can still feel like a raw nerve. At present I seem to be surrounded by pregnant girls and at times it is very hard to listen to them chat about pregnancy and babies. I cant help it but at times I do feel very envious of them.

We are still TTC and sometimes I wonder if it will happen again. I am sure it will happen at somepoint but I wish it would blooming well hurry up as I aint getting any younger.

sending you lots of and good luck

Sarah x

 

[sarah76]

Thats a lovely poem. Sorry to hear about your loss, and i wish you all the luck in the future.
I lost one last November, I went for my scan, should of been 15 weeks, and found out i had miscarried. I then fell for one in December, but started miscarrying on the 2nd of Feb at 7 weeks. I fell for this one a week after, and so far its shown to be a fighter, its been through a car crash, it wasnt planned, but it sure wants to stay here
I really do hope you find a way to cope with your loss, and find a light at the end of the tunnel
Goodluck
xx

Sophie,

Definately sounds like you have a fighter in your tummy! Hope everything goes well for you x

 

[Ten]

I agree Heart Tree... well Ten. You always have the right words x

Thanks - some days it feels like words are all I have, so I'm glad they help.

 

[stacie-leigh]

That is so beautiful... thank you for sharing it with us. You are a brave, eloquent woman.

I'm sure others have said it... but you didn't let your baby down. Please don't feel that it was your fault. Even just by your poem I can feel that you would've done anything for your child, and I'm sure s/he knows that.

I'm not sure you ever "get over" losing a child, no matter if it happens two days after the strip turns pink or thirty years after they're born. I lost my little girl in early September, and I still cry for her. Grief is a process - let yourself be where you are, and don't try to chide yourself into feeling something you're not. You're going through enough. You don't need self-recriminations on top of it.

Right after I lost my daughter, a friend said this to me: "If someone came up to you and said you could have the most amazing present in the world, but you'd have to give it back after a little bit, would you say no?" - and I realized that I was grateful that if my daughter was only going to be around for 32 weeks, for whatever reason that I can never know, I'm so very glad she picked me as her mother.

(Also, if it makes you feel any better - my mom had her thyroid completely removed 4 years before she conceived me. They put her on Synthroid, and I was an oopsie - so having thyroid issues doesn't rule you out!!)

Thank you very much, you have a wonderful way with words and have made me feel much more positive.

Stacie x

 

[stacie-leigh]

Stacie-leigh

what a beautiful poem totally from the heart. I sat reading it with tears in my eyes. Sorry to hear about your MC last year.

I know exactly how you feel. We (my lovely hubby and I) suffered a MC in May 2008 and to this day it can still feel like a raw nerve. At present I seem to be surrounded by pregnant girls and at times it is very hard to listen to them chat about pregnancy and babies. I cant help it but at times I do feel very envious of them.

We are still TTC and sometimes I wonder if it will happen again. I am sure it will happen at somepoint but I wish it would blooming well hurry up as I aint getting any younger.

sending you lots of and good luck

Sarah x

Thank you Sarah, it nice to hear people say lovely things about my poem.

I've been really struggling with my feelings lately, ever since christmas the miscarriage just hit me like a ton of bricks. Before christmas I was 'okay' but over these past few months (especially April when our baby was due) i've been an emotional wreck and want our baby back so so much. The feeling is indescribable. I always think that I shouldn't be getting so upset this long after it happened.....

I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriage in May, I know how it feels and wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. I understand how you feel about everybody around you being pregnant. It is horrible to see people with babies because we should of had our baby now too

I wish you lots and lots of luck TTC again, we've been trying again ever since too.

Stacie xx

 

[stacie-leigh]

Thats a lovely poem. Sorry to hear about your loss, and i wish you all the luck in the future.
I lost one last November, I went for my scan, should of been 15 weeks, and found out i had miscarried. I then fell for one in December, but started miscarrying on the 2nd of Feb at 7 weeks. I fell for this one a week after, and so far its shown to be a fighter, its been through a car crash, it wasnt planned, but it sure wants to stay here
I really do hope you find a way to cope with your loss, and find a light at the end of the tunnel
Goodluck
xx

Thank you Sophie. I'm sorry to hear about your losses. It sounds like you definatley have a fighter there to stay Good luck with your pregnancy and lets us know how everything goes

Stacie x

 

[Babyquinsey]

I saw this poem posted in two other forums as well......I sincerely hope this is geniune.