My poor babies are sleeping angels

[Gypsy_Punk]

Hello everyone thank you for your continued nice messages of support.

This is too much to deal with. We have to move out, we have no money, his car is fucked and the pain from not having our babies is killing us. Then I logon to Facebook and have a message from someone I hardly know saying they are sorry and a lot of people in our local pub are blaming him and he must be blaming himself. He's sat upset wondering why his friends ain't been in touch. I can't tell him this person thinks he's to blame (as we argued lots and I kept storming off in the snow with a bag of clothes and he said hurtful things) you all know what will happen, he will kick off.

All that matters is our babies, nothing else.

The dreams I am having are horrible. The Tamazapan isnt working and I can't stop the awful dreams, such as my consultant scans me and tells me I have another 3 babies so its all "okay". I dream I am buying clothes and I dream about them literally falling out of me.

 

[Ivoryapril]

Oh honey, just put yourselves first and who cares what other people think. Speak to your doctor if your medication isnt helping, i wish i could do something to ease your pain x

 

[loopy_lou]

oh gosh just catching up with all the things that have been happening and i really dont know what to say its such a hard time for you. I dont know what else to say other than i am thinking of you all.

Take care...

 

[pinknpurple]

I think dreams like the one you are having are very common after suffering something as traumatic as you have. I know it's not the same, but when I lost Kyle I kept having dreams about him. The first few nights were awful, several times I dreamt I heard him crying and I got up half asleep to see to him and make him a bottle... then it would hit me my baby was gone. I didn't take any medication in the days after I lost him, but I have had Temazepam in the past and not found it particularly useful, as Ivoryapril says I would see your doctor about possibly changing your medication. Not that I'm really sure there is any medication that can help you much at present. As I say my circumstances were and are different to yours but, if you ever want to talk I am always here hun. Thinking of you and sending you hugs xxx

 

[sophster]

I am so sorry

 

[Gypsy_Punk]

Thank you everyone. Its a week today since it happened. I keep doing the whole "this time last week I had my babies and we were oblivious to what was gonna happen around 11pm"

I have spoken to the hospital and we have an appointment next Tues to discuss the memorial.

 

[debgreasby]

Hey hunni, good to see you here.

Glad you're getting the boys' memorial sorted.

Stupid question alert **********

How you feeling today?

 

[Sarahcake]

Hey hun,
Ive been away for a few weeks and just logged in to see this, i dont know what to say besides im so very sorry for your losses
I really hope that your going to be ok sweetie. All my love to you and your family.

 

[Gypsy_Punk]

Debbie, I am up and down. Been on the phone to my debt company to ask for a bit more time before I contact them to arrange a payment plan. I kept bursting into tears when I had to say the words "pregnant with triplets which I lost last week" I think I made the last girl fill up and they have put a note on my file to say not to contact me for a few weeks.

I've been at my mums today whilst my OH is at work. I need to keep busy. I have posted my maternity exemption card back, cancelled my lovefilm account, posted some baby clothes which we were given by a friend to a friend, given the other half to the charity shop, arranged to view a house on Friday, spoken to the hospital and arranged to meet them next Tuesday...Mums been great, she's helped me do a lot of it. I've also washed my hair, tinted my eyebrows and done my nails cos if I just "sit" I feel my hands going towards my bump which is now just a flat tummy, flatter than before I got pregnant.

I feel my body is crying out for the babies it carried and I keep asking my OH to take the pain away. I honestly feel like I could die of a broken heart right now.

xxx

 

[debgreasby]

Hunni, sounds like you have had a very productive day! Maybe you could come organize my life

Huge hugs, xxx

 

[LogansMama]

Gypsy - I am so sad for you and really pray you are able to find some sort of peace with all of this. Lots of hugs coming your way.

 

[bky]

Lots of hugs. Glad you have your Mum and other people there for you.

 

[Megg33k]

to you! xx

 

[abz]

xx

abz xx

 

[daisyfflur]

Hi Jo - thinking of you xxx

 

[Ivoryapril]

Keep on doing what you're doing honey, you are managing to cope and should be proud. Sending you all my love and prayers xx

 

[Gypsy_Punk]

Thanks all

Tonight we laughed for the first time. I decided to get 3 star tattoos on my toes for my boys. My OH is covered in tattoos and has tattooed himself. So I let him tattoo me (worst place to get tattooed more than likely, I thought the two on my wrist hurt!) and I jumped so my star is "something" that resembles one! Our babies are probably laughing at mummy for being such a wimp! I am gonna have to let him redo it tomorrow along with the other two stars that I want.

At least when I look at it I can laugh and remember why I wanted it and what is represents!

 

[luckyme225]

Your family is in my thoughts

 

[Megg33k]

I love the start tattoo story! It's really great to hear that you were able to laugh again finally! Laughing is a start! That tattoo will definitely be something to look back and bring a smile every time!

 

[sandrass]

Your such a strong woman Im glad you could finally laugh a little, and I think the tattoos are a great idea (I love tattoos)