my x is going to apply for custody of my son :-((((((((( long update pg6

[bigbetty]

Hun if he has a criminal record like that, there's no court on this planet that would grant him custody!

 

[leahsbabybump]

^^ i know hes been arrested for all this stuff so i hope its on his record i know he got declined a taxi liscence cos of his record :-/

 

[xxClaire_24xx]

^^ i know hes been arrested for all this stuff so i hope its on his record i know he got declined a taxi liscence cos of his record :-/

they prob wouldnt even consider giving him full custody then x

 

[leahsbabybump]

his new partner thinks the sun shines out his bottom too so if he takes me to court looks like he could do himself more harm than he could me cos i imagine she will leave him if she knows as she is the owner of a care home for the disabled she wont want his name dragging her business down or so i would imagine :-/
i remember one thing on his record it was summat to do with a riot in the street or summat racial im not too sure

 

[Quackquack99]

You poor thing. It seems like your grandparents are manipulating your son with gifts etc. I can tell you want your son home but hun I'd say the quicker you get him home the better it would be for him. Honestly, if I was in that situation. I'd just take him, its not like you haven't had an active part in his life for the past 5 years. He knows you are his mum which is the most important thing. And can I say it is very unlikely that the courts would give custody to your ex especially with a criminal record.

 

[welshprincess]

Dont wanna be the one to burst your bubble, a girl up the street was in similar boat but gave her son to her parents not grandparents and didnt bother trying to get him back for 2 years, when she did trt her parents were the same (i talk to her mother who is 62 down the school) they actually took her to court and after about a year or so was granted legal guardianship of the little boy (who is now 8) they said the mum wavered alk parental rights when she left him for more than 6 months and she is actually under social services as she had a baby 4months ago and will continue to be under them for minimum of a year or until they see fit

 

[leahsbabybump]

just plucked up the courage to confront OH dad and asked him if wht my granda was saying about custody was true and he had no idea what i was talking about :-@
so seems its another mystery from my grandparents i just dont know were they get it from or how they get of on it why on earth would they make that up :-//// its waaaay beyond me he swore he had no idea what they were on about and said why on earth would i do that and upset my son like that :-// im gunna stay on guard incase its just a cover up so im not expecting if iykwim

sooo all thats to sort out is getting him settled hear

welshprincess there is medical records and police/solicitor records to show i didny just simply waver parental responsibilities and my grandma also has health problems so she really does sometimes struggle with lo so its basically grandad that cares for him plays with him bathes him etc etc

 

[welshprincess]

Oh no hun I didnt say you did was just saying what happened to her

 

[leahsbabybump]

^^ i know its terrible isnt it i dont know what happened with your friend but it seems the system dictates that if you have a samll part of your life that you cock up it just seems that the courts dont wana give you a chance iykwim :-/

 

[nicolefx]

My mum is fairly high up working with situations similar and 100 times worse than yours. In all honesty, if you went to the authorities their main agenda would be to get your son back living with you . As long as you do not have extreme depression atm or alcohol/drug issues then getting your son back living with you would be their main priority. It may not be an immediate switchover, they may start off gently until your son is back living with you permenently. You would probably fall under care with a social worker and maybe have care workers visit a few times a week to give you a hand etc but it's not necessarily a bad thing - it's just to make sure both you and your children are okay. This wouldn't last forever either, especially if they thought you were coping fine and there was no major problems. Personally, I would try to discuss having your son more with your grandparents and see if you can do this amicably, increasing it over time so neither you nor your son end up overwhelmed. I would try and do things the right way as such and maybe contact social services yourself - if you do things correctly from the out then you are covering your own back if your grandparents are as poisonous as they seem to be. Social services will take into account everything in your past - but they will also take into account the fact that you are settled, stable and WANT to have your son back in your home. If you make the right moves instead of just going and taking him away from your grandparents then it will show you in the best possible light. Like I said from talking to my mum, people who are in positions 10000000 times worse than you still have their children living with them, they just have more support . Big hugs, i'm really sorry about everything you've had to go through but at least things seem to be looking up now . xxx

 

[alicemummy]

I have not read all of the thread, just bits.

I dont think you should take him, it could end up backfiring, if not now but futher on down the line, and it could look bad on you. I would keep visiting your son when you can, and maybe talk to some about getting him back with you- if worse comes to worse, just explain his grandparents are nearly 70 and you simply feel they cannot cope, I don't see how a 70 year old could cope with a child full time.

If your ex has a criminal record, i highly doubt he will get custody- unless hes done some serious rehabilitation, and then he would have to prove you as being a seriously unfit mother

SS and courts do EVERYTHING in their power to ensure that a child is kept with his mother, believe me of that now. Unless you are totally gaga, then I doubt he will get custody hun- I suffer from depression too.

I think you need to talk to some properly, the situation is obviously bringing you down

*hugs* xxxx

 

[stardust599]

My mum is fairly high up working with situations similar and 100 times worse than yours. In all honesty, if you went to the authorities their main agenda would be to get your son back living with you . As long as you do not have extreme depression atm or alcohol/drug issues then getting your son back living with you would be their main priority. It may not be an immediate switchover, they may start off gently until your son is back living with you permenently. You would probably fall under care with a social worker and maybe have care workers visit a few times a week to give you a hand etc but it's not necessarily a bad thing - it's just to make sure both you and your children are okay. This wouldn't last forever either, especially if they thought you were coping fine and there was no major problems. Personally, I would try to discuss having your son more with your grandparents and see if you can do this amicably, increasing it over time so neither you nor your son end up overwhelmed. I would try and do things the right way as such and maybe contact social services yourself - if you do things correctly from the out then you are covering your own back if your grandparents are as poisonous as they seem to be. Social services will take into account everything in your past - but they will also take into account the fact that you are settled, stable and WANT to have your son back in your home. If you make the right moves instead of just going and taking him away from your grandparents then it will show you in the best possible light. Like I said from talking to my mum, people who are in positions 10000000 times worse than you still have their children living with them, they just have more support . Big hugs, i'm really sorry about everything you've had to go through but at least things seem to be looking up now . xxx

I just wanted to say what a lovely reply!! And if that's your OH in your avatar he's very yummy haha xx

 

[leahsbabybump]

spoke to grandad about it all again last nite not in much detail and he said wait till september 2012 and then swap him his schools over after the 6 weeks hols as then it gives him a chance to get used to coming hear more and more each week it wont just be uprooting him totally in the next few weeks moving house changing schools xmas is coming he has to have an operation on his teeth in jan/feb time he says if i change him now may be for worst for ds as too much gooing off at once.
soooo OH said they are just trying to put it off till next year then when the time comes they will have another excuse as to why not to change him and i should take no notice and go ahead and change him anyway
a part of me thinks after reading some replys for you guys that that would be a good idea get him gradually moved over without too much upset but there is a part of me that just wants him hear now lol am i been irrational is grandad right or OH what do you think??

 

[stardust599]

spoke to grandad about it all again last nite not in much detail and he said wait till september 2012 and then swap him his schools over after the 6 weeks hols as then it gives him a chance to get used to coming hear more and more each week it wont just be uprooting him totally in the next few weeks moving house changing schools xmas is coming he has to have an operation on his teeth in jan/feb time he says if i change him now may be for worst for ds as too much gooing off at once.
soooo OH said they are just trying to put it off till next year then when the time comes they will have another excuse as to why not to change him and i should take no notice and go ahead and change him anyway
a part of me thinks after reading some replys for you guys that that would be a good idea get him gradually moved over without too much upset but there is a part of me that just wants him hear now lol i am been irrational is grandad right or OH what do you think??

How about after the Easter holidays - new school term - and an agreement that he stays with you from Friday (pick him up after school) until Monday (drop him off at school in morning) until then and then he starts the new school and gets to stay with grandparents every weekend and you will visit 1 day a week after school? xx

 

[leahsbabybump]

spoke to grandad about it all again last nite not in much detail and he said wait till september 2012 and then swap him his schools over after the 6 weeks hols as then it gives him a chance to get used to coming hear more and more each week it wont just be uprooting him totally in the next few weeks moving house changing schools xmas is coming he has to have an operation on his teeth in jan/feb time he says if i change him now may be for worst for ds as too much gooing off at once.
soooo OH said they are just trying to put it off till next year then when the time comes they will have another excuse as to why not to change him and i should take no notice and go ahead and change him anyway
a part of me thinks after reading some replys for you guys that that would be a good idea get him gradually moved over without too much upset but there is a part of me that just wants him hear now lol i am been irrational is grandad right or OH what do you think??

How about after the Easter holidays - new school term - and an agreement that he stays with you from Friday (pick him up after school) until Monday (drop him off at school in morning) until then and then he starts the new school and gets to stay with grandparents every weekend and you will visit 1 day a week after school? xx

is easter half term though or end of term cos he has to start the new school at the beginning of a term not a half term iykwim at the moment he is staopping with me about 3-4 days a week anyway hes been hear the weekends and i have been having him at home in the week when OH home to take him to school the next day cos it doesnt work out with buses his dad is wanting him the weekends which is gunna mess it up aswell cos if he is with his dad weekend then he wont be able to go grandparents so if they know this they are going to get funny again lol arrrgh why does it hve to be so flippin complicated why cant he just come home
im picking him up today anyway so he will have spent more time with me thanb them the past week annyway so its a start

 

[CLH_X3]

Tbh it sounds like your grandad is right, he's just looking out for your son that they have been looking after for years

 

[louisiana]

would u beable to get ur grandparents and urself into meadiation?that way u can sit face to face and come up with a plan for what is best for ur son.that way everything gets out into the open and a plan can be put into place.

do ur gps know the abuse that u suffered at the hands of ur ex?

speak to ur hv as well so that u get support

 

[aliss]

You need to seek proper legal advice.

I'm not going to go through this thread and pick out each & every misconception when it comes to family court but there are a variety of things you need to realize:
- You have not had your son in your care for more than half his life
- You have had & kept another child before getting him back which shows the courts that you were not being responsible in getting your son back
- You go on about him 'not bothering' with his son when quite honestly, the courts will probably view you in the same way because of ^^
- Unless your FOB's convictions involve assault against a child etc. (something that shows direct harm to the child) then his criminal record does not prevent him obtaining custody, there are millions of custodial parents with criminal records
- I would not necessarily believe FOB when he says he has no interest in custody because he would be a fool to state that to you right now without his cards lined up. Grandparents may be telling the truth.

You need proper legal advice and a good lawyer because it's going to be a battle. You still have a lot to prove. 3 weeks, in the span of 3 years, is really nothing. There's a lot more than just housing to care for a child - his life is going to be uprooted and you need to prove responsibility. A child needs to be reintegrated into a home, not just given back because you are his biological mother. You haven't raised him and it's going to take time.

Good luck to you.

 

[Princess pea]

^^ wss^^ It may be a harsher view, but I feel this is a more realistic one. I'm sorry you are going through this hon, I hope a good resolution is reached for all of you xx

 

[aliss]

^^ wss^^ It may be a harsher view, but I feel this is a more realistic one. I'm sorry you are going through this hon, I hope a good resolution is reached for all of you xx

Yeah unfortunately it may seem 'harsh' but I also don't think it is good to give the OP unrealistic expectations like some have. Yes, this forum is very "pro-mom" in many ways and sometimes I see advice being given to women that is completely off-base when compared to the reality of a court. She's made a lot of mistakes and is going to have to prove herself in a way the court will accept.

You can't just leave your child with other people for more than half their life and walk into a court expecting to get them back without proving yourself and that goes way beyond having housing. Way beyond. Housing is the least of your concern. You (OP) are focusing on issues (housing, FOB's possibly non-relevant criminal record) that in a family court are not really going to matter. Other issues are going to be quite relevant (the fact that you have a child and a wedding planned before going to court to get your son back is going to be a huge hurdle for you in court - do not underestimate how badly this reflects on you).

No, she did not sign over legal guardianship, but that doesn't automatically mean you can just take your kids back either. It's a lot more complex than that and she needs a family solicitor to sit down and explain to her what she's going to face in court.

I really do wish the best for you OP which is why I am saying what I am, to prepare you for reality and to get you the best chance possible which will only happen with a lawyer. If you try to do this without a family solicitor you are going to probably get railroaded in court.