New To Trying To Conceive Buddies?!

[RCAFWife]

Oops! Forgot to mention: we are ttc #1

 

[alisou21]

RCAFWife, How long have you been trying?

 

[RCAFWife]

It will be 1 year of ttc next month (Feb) I really hope we get PG this month 'cause I really don't want to have to see a specialist...I'm afraid they'll tell me something i don't want to hear...I know it sounds dumb, but I am not ready for that part yet.

 

[alisou21]

I understand. it's not dumb at all.
I have been in this situation and they actually found a problem with me (possible tubal damage). It was devastating. Nevertheless, it might relax you to know for sure that everything is ok. And if it's not ok, at least you will know what to do next.

I really hope you get pregnant this month! I will be crossing my fingers to you!! Keep us updated!!

 

[RCAFWife]

Thanks! I will keep posting and I hope so too

Oh no! I'm sorry to hear that What did the docs say you have to do to get pregnant?

 

[alisou21]

They think I have a tubal issue. I had a laparoscopy and they found out my tubes were open but I did have endometriosis around them on the outside. So they think I might only be able to get pregnant with IVF. Last time I went to my doctor he said that he sincerely doesn't understand why I am still not pregnant.
So.. if he doesn't understand I assure you I understand even less...
Sometimes it's better to get checked out and sometimes it's just big drain of time and money. I completely understand why you are postponing going to the doc...

 

[alisou21]

My period is due in a week, but I started spotting today, which is very very unusual for me. I usually spot a day or two right before my period, never a week before.
Is is just an early period or did I hit the jackpot this month?
I won't test until after my period is due, after two years ttc I realized its just not worth it. But it doesn´t mean I won´t obsess about it!

 

[RCAFWife]

I hope you hit the jackpot!! That would be so great to see a BFP in this group!
Yea I gave up testing before AF too (officially today -- got pink-tinged CM) because she just shows up anyway, no matter what you do, or how positive you feel about "this cycle" ugh! I hate that...
Nevermind me -- I really hope you get your BFP this month

 

[alisou21]

Anyone around??
We were not successful last month. It was just my period coming a little earlier than usual. We have to stop obsessing with spotting as it is most of the time just AF starting to show up.

I am in the middle of a new and fresh cycle. This Valentine's day actually come very well timed!!

 

[mimi1288]

Hey ladies,

I have not been on here for a while but we were also not successful last month. I have to stop obsessing with everything; timing baby dancing; symptom spotting..etc. Good thing is last cycle was a 28 days which I am happy about because before I was on the pill it was always 28 days but since I came off it it has been between 28 to 30 days.

I am on cycle day 3 and cycle 7.

I just found out my husbands friends wife is pregnant. I am really happy for them. They already have a baby girl and they are expecting a boy.

I feel like everyone around me is getting pregnant and I think it is wonderful. However, it just makes me worry more about why it is not happening?

But this month I have told myself that I will baby dance throughout the cycle rather than focusing just around the days of ovulation. I do not want to stress myself out about it every month and get disappointed month after month. I really think it is not helping me or my husband. It started out as something fun and exciting and now it is becoming so upsetting and I really feel like it is taking over my life.

Sorry I am ranting on, but only you ladies will understand all this.

I would love to see a BFP on here too.

Lots of baby dust to you allllll

 

[RCAFWife]

You know, I was just thinking that valentine's day/week would be a great time to conceive and it happens to be my fertile week too! So maybe this will be it for DH and I! Who knows! I can't seem to give up hope, no matter how many months go by with BFNs and how many times I see AF, or how many times I say I don't wanna try anymore, I can't give up. I seem to have unlimited patience and hope (which could be a blessing or a curse depending on how you look at it) but maybe this will come in handy when i do have my kids haha!
Anyway, like you mimi, I've decided to just try to avoid thinking about timing BD for my fertile week or ovulation day and just have regular BD throughout the cycle. Less stressful. Also, I read online this week that having regular sex refreshes the sperm supply (compared to "stocking up" or abstaining for a few days) and therefore allows for healthier sperm and a better chance of conceiving each month (or so they say. we will see). I'm hoping this is true and that this is where we were going wrong because our doc told us to abstain for several days to store up enough sperm and then BD during O week...but several months later (we are on cycle 12 now) that hasn't worked.
Now I am ranting lol

Hopeful for lots of BFPs for everyone this cycle!! Valentine's babies anyone?

 

[RCAFWife]

Oh also, I bit the bullet, so to speak, and DH and I went to the doc about our fertility. She gave me a requisition for blood work to check hormone levels and such, and also a pelvic scan, but I am out of town now so I will do the blood work when we get back home. I hope, if there's anything wrong, that it's just a hormonal imbalance that can be fixed with pills or something ::crosses fingers:: I was scared to go to the doc, but honestly so far it's not such a bad idea

 

[alisou21]

I completely understand that. I also feel like everyone but me is getting pregnant. But I guess it's normal... you are just more aware of it.
Infertility can certainly bring problems into a marriage. I know I have gone from a very sexual person who could do it everyday to avoid my hubby sometimes.

From the beginning of this year I decided to take it easy. I stopped the clomid and the insemination and started acupuncture, herbs, ginger, castor oil and lots of exercise.

This month will be 2 years we've been trying. It is just not right, not fair. I don't wish this for my worst enemy. But it doesn't mean we should give up. We have to keep trying and stay positive and try to enjoy the process...

RCAFWife: Did you decide to finally pay the fertility doctors a visit?????

 

[RCAFWife]

Yes. Well, we went to my GP and she said she'd do a workup first to see if we need to go to the fertility specialist. It's upwards of $6,000 in Canada to get any treatment done. The consultation appointment is covered though and that's it. So we don't want to go there yet lol.

Tomorrow i have a pelvic scan to check my parts and then on the 22nd of March I go to my doc to find out the results of the blood work and the scan...so fx it's good news!

I TOTALLY understand what you mean about previously being a sexual person and now being practically celibate! Ugh when did it come to this? I was planning to DTD every other day since last friday but so far, just managed friday. It's been 6 days now! So this can't be good for baby-making Today before work, DH suggested DTD but he only had 5-10 min. I was thinking, hmmm last time we did that, I got "rug burn"....NOT cool.

Also another unhelpful thing is when my mom asks questions like "Do you live near a nuclear power plant? Because you should be pregnant by now."

But alisou, how do we stay positive? I'm all out of ideas

 

[alisou21]

You mother said that?? I am so sorry. I am having big troubles with my mom too. My advice: DON'T TELL HER ANYTHING ABOUT IT!
My mother used to be the person I´d tell everything. We only have 20 years of difference, so most of the times we treat each other like sisters. Anyway, I found out that I can tell her everything BUT my infertility issues!
There has been NOBODY less understanding about all of this than my mother. She can´t accept it, and have the most stupid explanations. Her favorite is that we don't baby dance enough..

I don't think that the more you do the more chances you have. I really don't believe it. First, I can assure you that our hubbies take care of "refreshing" their sperm supply by themselves. Second, this whole thing is a big MISTERY or a MIRACLE. Time it, but don't take it seriously. If you don't feel like it, don't do it. Listen to your body.

I have one suggestion for increase sexual appetite: exercise. But really exercise. Sweat! At least it works with me. Another thing I've been doing this month that it's been very very successful is to apply Castor Oil packets. It increased vaginal discharge like in 100%. I guess it should help make it more fun.

 

[RCAFWife]

I know. I've learned my lesson the hard way. Do NOT involve mothers! Well I knew I'd never tell my DH's mother that we were trying AT ALL because she'd be worse than my mother and never leave the subject alone. I guess I thought my mother would be more understanding or compassionate...but I was wrong. I used to tell my mother everything too, until she turned...weird...idk i can't explain it.

Hmm. I haven't done my exercise in a while since I was working all kinds of crazy hours, but now that I quit there, I can exercise when I want! But honestly, it's only been a week since my last workout. I'll try your suggestion and see if it works for me.

I think DH is getting tired of baby-making because he has had a requisition for a SA at his doc's for the last 3 weeks and he hasn't gone to get it..but it would be his 3rd SA since TTC so I don't blame him for his reluctance...I just wanted his results to be in at the same time as mine so that at my appointment on the 22nd I could get the results based on the whole picture, you know? Oh well. Whenever DH does the SA, I'm sure the doc will call me if something's wrong.

 

[RCAFWife]

I didn't get my pelvic scan done today because I forgot the requisition at home. I'm SO ANGRY!!! I waited 2 months for this damned scan and the stupid lady at the office said "oh well if there's no one at home to fax it to us, we can't let you have the scan done." I said , well can I go home and get it, i live just up the road (max 10 min away). "no you can't do that 'cause the tech won't allow it. she has other appointments. I'll have to schedule you for another appointment...how does APRIL 17TH sound?" I said whatever and she wrote the info down, but I can't believe she wouldn't just do the scan and let me come back with the requisition right after that. And worst part is i had to pay for the 5 minutes I was parked at the hospital!!! I'm SOOO ANGRY at myself for not remembering the stupid paper. I was planning this and had it written on the calendar for months! And here I go forgetting the stupid paper. The part that annoyed me most from what she said was "oh well. now you don't have to hold your pee anymore lol" Ugh! What a thing to say to someone who's been waiting forever and a day to get answers to why the eff she can't get pregnant?!?! I don't care if she doesn't know my whole story, you don't say that to people! It's not like we wake up one day and say "oh i think i'll go for a scan today. no big deal."
DH claimed he couldn't go with me because he was planning to go in to work and then when that fell through, he said "i have to do my workout in time for when we go out tonight'' And lo and behold, I come home and WHO ISN'T WORKING OUT?? That's right. DH! I thought we were in this together. He didn't even help me prepare or remind me about the ultrasound requisition. Maybe I'm being unfair to him but he still hasn't gotten his SA req either and he had today off and the office was open all day...

I think we should stop trying. There have been waaaay too many signs to ignore now; too many obstacles. And it's not like we didn't try. It's been 15 months going on 16 soon. I cried over not being able to do my scan today, I think that says it all.

 

[alisou21]

Nooo.. don't do that to yourself.
This kind of things happen to everybody. You just had a bad day. But you will see better days will come.
I know how man can be awful in this matter. I am having a few problems with mine too (take a look at my blog). The very first sperm count he did, it came with awful results (he was taking antibiotics for poison ivy). And he asked me to please not tell anyone until the next two came and it was normal to excellent. But since we know the problem is most probably me, EVERYONE knows about it. Even his mother, that I begged him to not say anything but he says she overheard a conversation with his Best Man.

Anyway, what I am trying to say is that MAN CAN NOT RELATE to what we go through. They just can't. No matter how many conversations you have and you explain, and explain, they just don't get it, even when they say they do.

Another thing: don't get too excited about the pelvic ultrasound. They can't see a lot through it. Unless you have cysts, big fibrosis or a weird shape uterus (which you'd know because they have very noticeable symptoms). It is a very limited test. The blood tests are way more important. I remember how I got crazy checking online every level of every hormone. It was so funny cuz I had all this notes about it and my doctor borrowed it.... can you believe it?? That's why I really don't want to see any doctors again right now. Sometimes I thinks they are as much in the dark as we are. Or that we know more about our condition than they do.

I know you want to found out all about your body as soon as possible. Been there. But try to think this way: One month you don't have a reason to obsess about. Go do your exercises. Get a nice sweat. Then have a long shower, do your nails, your hair, organize your clothes, go for a coffee with friends, buy new shoes, etc. Enjoy now when you can take some time for yourself...

Hugs,
Ali.

 

[RCAFWife]

Thank you for this post Alisou You helped me to see the other positive side of this "tragic" situation that made me so angry and rage all day! lol (ugh now I can laugh a little).

I hear you about your DH -- I read the blog post -- I would feel the same too. I think most women want to be in charge of things especially when it comes to their own bodies and what they want to be able to do, or think they should be able to do (i.e. make a baby!!) and if it's not working, they want to try everything out there to fix it on their own BEFORE consulting anyone. That is basically a last resort and we don't even want to think about it before it's time (when we're ready). It doesn't mean we've given up by any means, just that we've realized we need some help. It's too bad we can't get our men to visualize and understand this point of view, but I think they just see a problem and look for the simplest solution with the least amount of effort/obstacles. It's like they're taking the cop-out way and this is something that requires more contemplation and planning before making any decisions....I dunno if I'm making sense, but I think that's what's going on with our men haha! And it's not like we can really ask 'cause we won't get a straight answer, or one that makes sense to us!

Hmm I never thought about the pelvic scan that way -- that they can't see much unless it's really obvious. OK now I don't feel as bad about forgetting the requisition today

This new doctor I had seems to want to put more effort into finding an answer to my infertility because my previous doctor just wanted to do the bare minimum, probably 'cause she was stretching herself thin taking on many endeavours and LOTS of patients...but you're right -- most of the time I come to the doctor with all the research on my condition and then they have to make copies and such (my old doc took copies of my charts because she hadn't seen anything like that since med school!)

You're right about spending time on myself. Whenever we are successful at making a baby, and he/she is born, we won't have nearly this much time to do our own thing. We'll be looking back and wishing we hadn't taken it for granted

I don't know if I mentioned, but I also gave my two weeks' notice at my job (that was stressing me out, very unprofessional, disorganized,etc.) and now I'm officially free and clear of that place. So that will be a nice reduction in stress -- besides, it wasn't the job I should be having while TTC (trans fat donuts, caffeine, long periods of standing, chemicals, etc.) so it's a good thing.

Another reason why I was so upset about missing this pelvic scan and taking longer to get results was because my DH is being stationed out of the country in a few months (I'm going too) where we will have to pay for all our health care that isn't covered by the military plan (i.e. fertility treatments/specialists) so I wanted to get all that done and out of the way before we left. We'll see I guess. I'm trying not to take this as a sign...

Thanks again alisou I'm really glad you're on this site!

 

[alisou21]

Ohh Dear! I am happy to help. At some point We all need someone to put things on perspective for us. This is a very delicate situation and very few people can understand it.

I think you definitely hit a point when you said the husbands visualize the problem and then want to find the most practical solution they can think of. I think this explain the whole thing. Sometimes when I am complaining about something, just for the sake of it, maybe I am not in a good mood, it drives him craaazy!! He keeps asking me: what do you want me to do?!! He just need a definition of the problem and then find a solution.

I am learning to be patient. This baby hasn't come to my life yet and it is already teaching me life lessons.

You said you will be leaving the country soon. Where are you going? Because depending on the country it might be much cheaper to have fertility treatments there.
We are also with the military and stationed here in the U.S. until this summer.
You never really know about costs until you get started! Here in the U.S. I think it is the most expensive - but they say also the highest success rate...