Not coping no friends & dunno how to rebuild my life

[Laura2919]

Ahh dont be hard on yourself your entitled to feel down hun. Everyone is. I had yet ANOTHER argument with FOB today, I knew one was brewing we were being too nice to each other. I spoke to my mum today who said I need to let go of it now. He keeps picking arguments because he knows I will give him a good old fight back.
He really annoys me to the point I do the same as you, say all the nasty words, write the nasty texts, send them and regret them but at the same time I am glad I sent what I did today cos its the true feelings I have.

I think we both need a BIG vodka! Lol

 

[sambucababy]

Ahh dont be hard on yourself your entitled to feel down hun. Everyone is. I had yet ANOTHER argument with FOB today, I knew one was brewing we were being too nice to each other. I spoke to my mum today who said I need to let go of it now. He keeps picking arguments because he knows I will give him a good old fight back.
He really annoys me to the point I do the same as you, say all the nasty words, write the nasty texts, send them and regret them but at the same time I am glad I sent what I did today cos its the true feelings I have.

I think we both need a BIG vodka! Lol

I feel like im back at day 1 got a text last nite ysaing U ok? so i replied no, then he said can i stilll visist LO on sun, so i said yh normal time bout 4? he said yh ok, I said well u'll need to take her out or somethin rather than sit in mine coz its too hard 4 me at the min. I then said his bro had txt me to apologise so i had sorted things out there.
He then replied im really sorry i didint want any of this to happen,xx I ll see u both Sunday.

Its like he doesnt get it, Now i ve gotta c him feelin way i do 7 & watch him leave again, I cant do it its too painful, I feel like giving her to him full stop so i dont have to see it all and detach myself from the whole situation. I wouldnt really do that but sometimes i feel i wanna run away and he is comin tomorrow and i cant bear to face him yet what choice do i have none. Another stressfull weekend thanks to him

And now his 13 yrs old niece has messaged me asking when she can come over and visit - i dont even know what she has been told, can it get any worse its a wierd way its laughable

 

[Laura2919]

Ive just inboxed you on FB.

Could you not take LO to your mums and then FOB pick her up from there? Without you around? I think seeing him is bringing you down because he is filling your head with false hope, making you feel like your in the wrong for not taking him back when if you did you would constantly live your life worrying and how fair is that for you? Not fair at all. You dont deserve to suffer because you didnt do anything wrong.

It makes me so angry when I see men do this and then try to worm their way back in..

He is playing to all your weaknesses right now and he knows it..

 

[Kagerou]

Maybe I'm just seeing it wrong but it almost looks now as if he's doing this on purpose. He seems to only want to talk to you when he knows you're unhappy, like rubbing salt in a wound he knows he created.

Either that or him and his new woman argue so much that you're the only other person he can be 'affectionate' with. I'd tell him straight in black and white how he's playing with your head and if he wants to see his daughter this has to stop.

What about also saying you can visit her on XX day, if you don't come then you obviously couldn't care less. That might save you wondering when he will txt again and conveniently for him turn up to see his daughter/hurt you more.

 

[Laura2919]

Maybe I'm just seeing it wrong but it almost looks now as if he's doing this on purpose. He seems to only want to talk to you when he knows you're unhappy, like rubbing salt in a wound he knows he created.

Either that or him and his new woman argue so much that you're the only other person he can be 'affectionate' with. I'd tell him straight in black and white how he's playing with your head and if he wants to see his daughter this has to stop.

What about also saying you can visit her on XX day, if you don't come then you obviously couldn't care less. That might save you wondering when he will txt again and conveniently for him turn up to see his daughter/hurt you more.

I agree with this!

Hope your feeling better today. x

 

[sambucababy]

Ive just inboxed you on FB.

Could you not take LO to your mums and then FOB pick her up from there? Without you around? I think seeing him is bringing you down because he is filling your head with false hope, making you feel like your in the wrong for not taking him back when if you did you would constantly live your life worrying and how fair is that for you? Not fair at all. You dont deserve to suffer because you didnt do anything wrong.

It makes me so angry when I see men do this and then try to worm their way back in..

He is playing to all your weaknesses right now and he knows it..

This is exactly how im feeling right now, im so depressed and sad i cant seem to function anymore x

 

[sambucababy]

Maybe I'm just seeing it wrong but it almost looks now as if he's doing this on purpose. He seems to only want to talk to you when he knows you're unhappy, like rubbing salt in a wound he knows he created.

Either that or him and his new woman argue so much that you're the only other person he can be 'affectionate' with. I'd tell him straight in black and white how he's playing with your head and if he wants to see his daughter this has to stop.

What about also saying you can visit her on XX day, if you don't come then you obviously couldn't care less. That might save you wondering when he will txt again and conveniently for him turn up to see his daughter/hurt you more.

Exactly how i feel - im so down right now, thats not a bad idea x

 

[Laura2919]

You will get there. I know I keep saying it but you will. One day he will be beneath you and you will wonder why he ever made you feel like this. I promise he wont always win with these feelings.

You need a break hun, some time to just relax, away from him and his crap.

 

[miss_amy]

How are you doing? I've been thinking about you.

 

[Kagerou]

As have I hope all is well!

 

[sambucababy]

Hiya been ages since I ve updated this - everything is still a mess and a BIG hassle. Ex told me about 3 wks ago him & his GF had split but as he has nowhere to go he sleeps on her sofa............yeah rite, her FB status to this date is In a relationship.

I ve been in undated with txts, he has turned up once at my house and basically wants to come back & live with me, wants to go for a meal & thinks when we get back together we wont have any problems because he has realised he has made a mistake and its me he wants, however I have to accept that he can see his son whenever he choses and I have to believe that he is only picking up & dropping off his son and not rekindling his affair!!

I ve told him he isnt living in real world, end of Oct was his nephews bday his "ex" and her son was invited to a family party with all other cousins but our daughter who sent card and present wasnt invited, he lied to my face saying there was not party but one of his nieces had let it slip on FB so he then just ignored me. Eventually he said he had only told his parents about the split and not his familiy which is why his ex GF was asked .....yeah rite.

Keeps hassling me about coming back, trillions of texts saved, have tried talking but he doesnt get it and I ve also the betrayal of his family over the years to contend with.

Im so stressed by it all deep down I would love him back, I cant help it it 17 yrs is a LONG time & stupidly I dont hate him I love him, however I hate what he has done to me, hate how everyone kept me in dark and that my daughter is 2nd best to his son in his families eyes, at least thats how its comes accross to me.

I know in reality it would never work but everytime he asks me 2 come back having to say no really hurts me, its non stop, have seen a solicitor just to confirm where I stand, I could change my number but then why should I, I could do him for harrassment but I dont particularly want the hassle, his txts arent constant 24-7 but they are a lot and the whole thing just gets me down. I know people must think Im mad for still loving him, Id love nothin more than to have him back, I miss him terribly but I also know the trust has gone & it would be a hellish life.

With or without him I ve lost what I wanted and loved, Im so unhappy yet theres nothing I can do to change that right now, I feel so depressed again, I ve just no strength, having to put on a pretence all the time is fine as I know if I was replying to this thread Id be off the same opinion as you all, tell him to FXXX Off but I cannot help my feelings for him, Im just such a doormat

 

[Laura2919]

I definitely dont think your mad or a doormat. I think your hurting and if he doesnt stop texting your never going to stop hurting and be able to move on with your life. He needs to finally accept that you cant get back together because you wont ever be able to trust him and for your daughter its best this way.

The more he texts the more he makes you feel worse because you want to just say yes come home but you know the problems you will face.

You deserve so much more than this.. You really do...

If you really want him to stop texting you just say if he carries on you will have no choice but to go to the police for harrasment, say you dont want to so your giving him the opportunity to stop otherwise on Monday next week you will be at the station reporting him..

x

 

[besttoys]

hello sambucababy i am just new here and as i browse i notice your thread and it really catches my attention. just wanted to say that be strong for your daughter and don't waste time on this guy anymore, Kagerou is right there you must change your number if it will really make the difference. just focus on your daughter and yourself find the tough women inside you and have this goal and fulfill it. also be happy all the time it is tough i know but just do it everyday even for an hour later on you will know that you will be doing it for a whole period of day.

 

[Kagerou]

You shouldn't have to do it, however for your sanity I would change your number, that or do what Laura said with the police thing!

I really hope this all improves for you. He needs to get a grip.

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks again, I am hurting and I know you're all right in what you say, I miss him so much but i know i have 2 put my daughter first, I just know I'll never b happy , can see myself on my own forever but i suppose its better than what i ve had done to me.
I need to strengthen up, people in much worse position than me, im just really depressed, he meant the world to me and now he is someones partner and that guts me - its just hard accepting it all at the min, .........just one of them days i guess x

 

[Snowball]

 

[Laura2919]

I think your going through something really tough. Yes there may be people who are going through hard situations but that doesnt mean yours isnt hard.
You will eventually move on and find someone who deserves you, you will look back and think wtf was I doing with him. Why did I waste so long letting him keep texting me. At the moment everything is raw, heck you only found out like 2 months ago... Its still going to be so fresh. You WILL get there.
Definitely tell him you are going to report him if he continues, even if they dont do much just a polite knock on the door from a police officer should give him a nice kick up his backside..
Remember, you and your daughter didnt do anything wrong. Its hard when they are with someone else. The feeling that should really be you doing all those things that they are now doing with someone else but remember your reasons why your not there and then think to the future about when your doing those things with someone else...

 

[sambucababy]

I think your going through something really tough. Yes there may be people who are going through hard situations but that doesnt mean yours isnt hard.
You will eventually move on and find someone who deserves you, you will look back and think wtf was I doing with him. Why did I waste so long letting him keep texting me. At the moment everything is raw, heck you only found out like 2 months ago... Its still going to be so fresh. You WILL get there.
Definitely tell him you are going to report him if he continues, even if they dont do much just a polite knock on the door from a police officer should give him a nice kick up his backside..
Remember, you and your daughter didnt do anything wrong. Its hard when they are with someone else. The feeling that should really be you doing all those things that they are now doing with someone else but remember your reasons why your not there and then think to the future about when your doing those things with someone else...

hi ur right its mega tough, i txt him last nite telling him we neva get back together and to be honest was quite nasty i cant even remember what i put !! he has blanked me today which i know is good but in a stupid way i feel sadder due to the no contact.

Its 12 wks 2moz since he went, as i keep saying i love and miss him terribly but i know he justs sees me as a mug, feels like i'll never meet anyone which scares me, i know i have my daughter and in time i probably will meet someone else but i still love him, foolish i know i just cant switch off my feelings for him where by here clearly has no problems doing it 2 me. Its probz just a crappy old day but its one i ve struggled with and will be glad to see the back of - thanks everyone for replies, support etc. Has REALLY helped x

 

[Laura2919]

Well we are all here for you. You can talk to us whenever, until you start to rebuild your life these feelings wont go away but you can do it, your strong, your still doing what you need to 12 weeks on.
Breaking up is hard, especially when children are involved. FOB has been here tonight and it still makes me angry when he leaves. He doesnt realise how hard life is without knowing I was lied to.
But I am getting on with it. I know that one day I will find someone I will love and who will love me and you will do the same. You just got to be ready for when it does.

I know what you mean about him not texting, thats how I felt at first. Its so hard to let go but you do eventually.

 

[Vixen_17]

After 12 weeks I for one think you are doing great. You're much stronger than you realise. The you we were listening to a few weeks ago would have had him back in a heartbeat but you've stood your ground and know what's best for both YOU and YOUR DAUGHTER and you've held your head up and you've refused to be mugged by him again. I'm very proud of you!

YOU GO GIRL!!!