Not coping no friends & dunno how to rebuild my life

[Laura2919]

Hope you feel a bit better this morning... Always remember you are so much better a person than he will ever be.

 

[sambucababy]

Yesterday was horrible - he came around and my LO was a bit uncertain at first as she hadnt seen him for so long so I was as civil as I could and and had to stay in room whilst they played. He asked if he could speak to me so I said ok.

He told me things werent going so well lots of arguements and that he had fucked up big time and that he didnt see him & her lasting, I said u need to be talking to her not me, I think he was sounding me out about moving back here or gettting back with me but didnt use those words,

He said if he leaves then she wont let him see child, I said if he on birth cert he has parental rights and could fight for access but again said Im not the one he should talk to & suggested his dad.

He said Im only person that he can talk to who knows him inside out, I told him it wud be easier once I ve moved as wont be so near, he hinted he wanted to come so I told him I do love and care about him & want him to be happy but It wudnt work again 4 us.

I explained that although wrong I could never be comfortable him going to visit his son, and that all the trust had gone. I said that i cudnt go through all this again, Id be completely paranoid and a nitemare to be around scared to argue, and in time he wud lie, leave or cheat again or go back to her. He said he wouldnt. He said if you want something badly enough you'll make it happen

He kept hugging me and kissing me on the cheek and then trying to touch me and kiss me and I had to push him away, and say no im not a cheater its wrong ur with someone else u just dont do that, then he said its ok to hug someone you love.

I told him to go and sort it out with her and give it ago & that he was probably having a bad few days, I said think of thereason you left me for, I havent changed yet u were so certain u was in love with her, you've been with her on & off for years, cheating when our daughter was 10 days old - I said she is the one u want not me. He just shook his head and left.

Im so sad I love and want him so much but I know in reality this just couldnt work. Although he has been vile to me 17 yrs is a long time, I care so much for him and want him to be happy but I just wish in my heart i could have the fairytale ending but I know it will never happen. Im crying my eyes out writing this, so desperate for him to come back but knowing I ve done the right thing, I miss him so much when he hugged me yesterday I didnt want him to stop - its like all the grief re-emerging, am hoping a good old cry will sort me out. x

Firstly and loads of them. I have highlighted the things that stood out to me so here goes;

If you knew him so well how could he get away with cheating all those years and having a child behind your back? he left you a complete wreck and didnt care then when he upped and left. Now things are rocky he is here and wanting his 'safe place'

He can put that on you all he likes but lets face it, he got himself into that situation so whats he suggesting that you become his 'bit on the side' I think he is completely

He is your safe place, the place you feel like you know who you are. The one person you have known or thought you have known all these years. But he has lied for such a long time, how would you ever be able to rebuild that trust, he didnt just sleep with someone once, he did it for years, conceiving a child and then dumping his child and you for her..

Cry as much as you need to because there WILL be a day you dont cry anymore and day that he turns up and you say clear off you idiot. You are NO LONGER welcome in this house.....

You did the right thing.. Be strong huni. You can message me ANYTIME if you need to chat.. I promise I will be there. He is a real headfuck and you deserve someone who treats you right, thats never ever in a million years going to be him..

xxx

Thanks Laura, I do feel a bit better bthis morning but Im so so tired its like emotional tiredness if that makese sense lol x

Your right I never really knew him and he sees me as his safe place coz he not having such a great time. He is wacko lol it like he has almost swapped us around in his mind, I seriously think he needs help - not in a nasty spiteful way but he will not open up and talk to anyone or be honest yet I dont get why, his head must be mashed too !

He is all I know and thought we wud be together forever but like you say its not just me he cheating on its our little girl too, a part of me things he does regret his actions another part thinks I dunno if everything he says now is just a lie even normal day to day things.

I cant wait to reach the strong FCUK you point I just feel so wimpy and weak and worn down by it all, its been hard going & your right he is a headfuck, I will never undertand or get why he did what he did and you know what I dont think he even reallly knows why either, just simply coz he could is about the best explanation I can think of x

 

[Laura2919]

Yesterday was horrible - he came around and my LO was a bit uncertain at first as she hadnt seen him for so long so I was as civil as I could and and had to stay in room whilst they played. He asked if he could speak to me so I said ok.

He told me things werent going so well lots of arguements and that he had fucked up big time and that he didnt see him & her lasting, I said u need to be talking to her not me, I think he was sounding me out about moving back here or gettting back with me but didnt use those words,

He said if he leaves then she wont let him see child, I said if he on birth cert he has parental rights and could fight for access but again said Im not the one he should talk to & suggested his dad.

He said Im only person that he can talk to who knows him inside out, I told him it wud be easier once I ve moved as wont be so near, he hinted he wanted to come so I told him I do love and care about him & want him to be happy but It wudnt work again 4 us.

I explained that although wrong I could never be comfortable him going to visit his son, and that all the trust had gone. I said that i cudnt go through all this again, Id be completely paranoid and a nitemare to be around scared to argue, and in time he wud lie, leave or cheat again or go back to her. He said he wouldnt. He said if you want something badly enough you'll make it happen

He kept hugging me and kissing me on the cheek and then trying to touch me and kiss me and I had to push him away, and say no im not a cheater its wrong ur with someone else u just dont do that, then he said its ok to hug someone you love.

I told him to go and sort it out with her and give it ago & that he was probably having a bad few days, I said think of thereason you left me for, I havent changed yet u were so certain u was in love with her, you've been with her on & off for years, cheating when our daughter was 10 days old - I said she is the one u want not me. He just shook his head and left.

Im so sad I love and want him so much but I know in reality this just couldnt work. Although he has been vile to me 17 yrs is a long time, I care so much for him and want him to be happy but I just wish in my heart i could have the fairytale ending but I know it will never happen. Im crying my eyes out writing this, so desperate for him to come back but knowing I ve done the right thing, I miss him so much when he hugged me yesterday I didnt want him to stop - its like all the grief re-emerging, am hoping a good old cry will sort me out. x

Firstly and loads of them. I have highlighted the things that stood out to me so here goes;

If you knew him so well how could he get away with cheating all those years and having a child behind your back? he left you a complete wreck and didnt care then when he upped and left. Now things are rocky he is here and wanting his 'safe place'

He can put that on you all he likes but lets face it, he got himself into that situation so whats he suggesting that you become his 'bit on the side' I think he is completely

He is your safe place, the place you feel like you know who you are. The one person you have known or thought you have known all these years. But he has lied for such a long time, how would you ever be able to rebuild that trust, he didnt just sleep with someone once, he did it for years, conceiving a child and then dumping his child and you for her..

Cry as much as you need to because there WILL be a day you dont cry anymore and day that he turns up and you say clear off you idiot. You are NO LONGER welcome in this house.....

You did the right thing.. Be strong huni. You can message me ANYTIME if you need to chat.. I promise I will be there. He is a real headfuck and you deserve someone who treats you right, thats never ever in a million years going to be him..

xxx

Thanks Laura, I do feel a bit better bthis morning but Im so so tired its like emotional tiredness if that makese sense lol x

Your right I never really knew him and he sees me as his safe place coz he not having such a great time. He is wacko lol it like he has almost swapped us around in his mind, I seriously think he needs help - not in a nasty spiteful way but he will not open up and talk to anyone or be honest yet I dont get why, his head must be mashed too !

He is all I know and thought we wud be together forever but like you say its not just me he cheating on its our little girl too, a part of me things he does regret his actions another part thinks I dunno if everything he says now is just a lie even normal day to day things.

I cant wait to reach the strong FCUK you point I just feel so wimpy and weak and worn down by it all, its been hard going & your right he is a headfuck, I will never undertand or get why he did what he did and you know what I dont think he even reallly knows why either, just simply coz he could is about the best explanation I can think of x

You will get there one day. Just be strong and you will slowly slowly get better at it. He might miss what he had but he ruined that, not you, not your beautiful daughter, he gave up this life to be with this other woman and their child. The best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is let him continue down this path. One day he might see that his actions caused more hurt and inflicted more suffering that words can describe. I do hope you see you are worth 100 of him if not more, he doesnt deserve you or your feelings.
Glad your feeling a bit better.. Maybe you need to have a good drink and enjoy yourself.

 

[sambucababy]

Yesterday was horrible - he came around and my LO was a bit uncertain at first as she hadnt seen him for so long so I was as civil as I could and and had to stay in room whilst they played. He asked if he could speak to me so I said ok.

He told me things werent going so well lots of arguements and that he had fucked up big time and that he didnt see him & her lasting, I said u need to be talking to her not me, I think he was sounding me out about moving back here or gettting back with me but didnt use those words,

He said if he leaves then she wont let him see child, I said if he on birth cert he has parental rights and could fight for access but again said Im not the one he should talk to & suggested his dad.

He said Im only person that he can talk to who knows him inside out, I told him it wud be easier once I ve moved as wont be so near, he hinted he wanted to come so I told him I do love and care about him & want him to be happy but It wudnt work again 4 us.

I explained that although wrong I could never be comfortable him going to visit his son, and that all the trust had gone. I said that i cudnt go through all this again, Id be completely paranoid and a nitemare to be around scared to argue, and in time he wud lie, leave or cheat again or go back to her. He said he wouldnt. He said if you want something badly enough you'll make it happen

He kept hugging me and kissing me on the cheek and then trying to touch me and kiss me and I had to push him away, and say no im not a cheater its wrong ur with someone else u just dont do that, then he said its ok to hug someone you love.

I told him to go and sort it out with her and give it ago & that he was probably having a bad few days, I said think of thereason you left me for, I havent changed yet u were so certain u was in love with her, you've been with her on & off for years, cheating when our daughter was 10 days old - I said she is the one u want not me. He just shook his head and left.

Im so sad I love and want him so much but I know in reality this just couldnt work. Although he has been vile to me 17 yrs is a long time, I care so much for him and want him to be happy but I just wish in my heart i could have the fairytale ending but I know it will never happen. Im crying my eyes out writing this, so desperate for him to come back but knowing I ve done the right thing, I miss him so much when he hugged me yesterday I didnt want him to stop - its like all the grief re-emerging, am hoping a good old cry will sort me out. x

Firstly and loads of them. I have highlighted the things that stood out to me so here goes;

If you knew him so well how could he get away with cheating all those years and having a child behind your back? he left you a complete wreck and didnt care then when he upped and left. Now things are rocky he is here and wanting his 'safe place'

He can put that on you all he likes but lets face it, he got himself into that situation so whats he suggesting that you become his 'bit on the side' I think he is completely

He is your safe place, the place you feel like you know who you are. The one person you have known or thought you have known all these years. But he has lied for such a long time, how would you ever be able to rebuild that trust, he didnt just sleep with someone once, he did it for years, conceiving a child and then dumping his child and you for her..

Cry as much as you need to because there WILL be a day you dont cry anymore and day that he turns up and you say clear off you idiot. You are NO LONGER welcome in this house.....

You did the right thing.. Be strong huni. You can message me ANYTIME if you need to chat.. I promise I will be there. He is a real headfuck and you deserve someone who treats you right, thats never ever in a million years going to be him..

xxx

Thanks Laura, I do feel a bit better bthis morning but Im so so tired its like emotional tiredness if that makese sense lol x

Your right I never really knew him and he sees me as his safe place coz he not having such a great time. He is wacko lol it like he has almost swapped us around in his mind, I seriously think he needs help - not in a nasty spiteful way but he will not open up and talk to anyone or be honest yet I dont get why, his head must be mashed too !

He is all I know and thought we wud be together forever but like you say its not just me he cheating on its our little girl too, a part of me things he does regret his actions another part thinks I dunno if everything he says now is just a lie even normal day to day things.

I cant wait to reach the strong FCUK you point I just feel so wimpy and weak and worn down by it all, its been hard going & your right he is a headfuck, I will never undertand or get why he did what he did and you know what I dont think he even reallly knows why either, just simply coz he could is about the best explanation I can think of x

You will get there one day. Just be strong and you will slowly slowly get better at it. He might miss what he had but he ruined that, not you, not your beautiful daughter, he gave up this life to be with this other woman and their child. The best thing you can do for yourself and your daughter is let him continue down this path. One day he might see that his actions caused more hurt and inflicted more suffering that words can describe. I do hope you see you are worth 100 of him if not more, he doesnt deserve you or your feelings.
Glad your feeling a bit better.. Maybe you need to have a good drink and enjoy yourself.

Thanks again, u've been great throughout this & ur right one day at time - his life his choice !!

Hope ur ok too but u seem fine 2 me lol x

 

[Laura2919]

Im good. I messaged you on FB was waiting to hear back from you before I spilled all

I am seriously a lot better. Had a girls night out, had a little thing felt really crap the next day but with the help from some people they made me see why. Now I feel on top of the world. I dont need FOB bringing me down. I think I was attached to him for so long because like I have said he is all I have known, my safety net, my safe place but I dont need him. I have other safe places, my mum, dad, brother, sister, family..

Honestly you will get there... Be strong. Im here whenever you need me I promise hun xxx

 

[sambucababy]

Im good. I messaged you on FB was waiting to hear back from you before I spilled all

I am seriously a lot better. Had a girls night out, had a little thing felt really crap the next day but with the help from some people they made me see why. Now I feel on top of the world. I dont need FOB bringing me down. I think I was attached to him for so long because like I have said he is all I have known, my safety net, my safe place but I dont need him. I have other safe places, my mum, dad, brother, sister, family..

Honestly you will get there... Be strong. Im here whenever you need me I promise hun xxx

Glad u feel better for it & thanks for helping me, however I ve no FB message from you??? Probz still in cyberspace, take care hun xx

 

[Laura2919]

Oh I sent you one last night... I will send you one again hun. xx

 

[Vixen_17]

I'm so glad you two have found each other and hope you continue to have a long and wonderful friendship as you do seem to understand each other so well!

Sambuka, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. He was messing with your mind and you told him to sod off - you should be so proud of yourself. Damn, I'm proud of you - well done!!!!

 

[Laura2919]

I'm so glad you two have found each other and hope you continue to have a long and wonderful friendship as you do seem to understand each other so well!

Sambuka, you are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. He was messing with your mind and you told him to sod off - you should be so proud of yourself. Damn, I'm proud of you - well done!!!!

Sambuca and everyone on here get my support. life is hard without hassle from people who dont want to help others.

Your all special.

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks ladies, had him on the phone again 2day wanting to see our daughter again 2moz which is fine but again brought up the subject of regretting his decision and wanting to come back so can imagine how 2moz visit is gonna go !!!

 

[Laura2919]

Just brush him off... Im here if you need support. Dont discuss the situation anymore. The more you talk about it to him the more your going to stay in this loop. Keep your chin up. if he does try anything tell him he is here to see his daughter and not you.

You can do this xx

 

[sambucababy]

Just brush him off... Im here if you need support. Dont discuss the situation anymore. The more you talk about it to him the more your going to stay in this loop. Keep your chin up. if he does try anything tell him he is here to see his daughter and not you.

You can do this xx

Thanks hun, he isnt coming now he has decided he will speak to his dad first but not today like he said he would at the weekend instead

I said if u was that unhappy u wud have left by now or at least ur priorty would be sorting urself out, he is just taking me for a fool yet why i dont know coz despite everything i ve been decent to him.

I know i shudnt give a toss but it just bugs me, headfuck is the best word i ve ever come accross to describe him and thats what im gonna rename him in my phone book lol x

 

[Laura2919]

I had FOB as the cheat until my mum see it and had a go

He is a real head fuck hun and you can do without that.

Thats the thing that hurts the most. Your decent to him and he cant even show you an ounce of respect.

 

[sambucababy]

I had FOB as the cheat until my mum see it and had a go

He is a real head fuck hun and you can do without that.

Thats the thing that hurts the most. Your decent to him and he cant even show you an ounce of respect.

nor can his famo - his older brother whom i got on really well with messaged me on FB this morning sayin that he sorry for not contacting sooner but felt awkward, sad things had ended the way they did and that he wud always consider me as his sis in law.

I later find out he then comments on a photo of my ex's son aww my nephew and puts a heart next to it, and then suddenly the new GFs parents are both liking his comment & I think ur ALL just a bunch of users - its really made me feel down again. Not one of them has shown me any respect.

 

[Laura2919]

I havent spoke to FOB mum since Sunday.. When she leaves she always makes a point of saying 'call me if you need anything' yeah cos I am gonna do that I have my own mum and dad and family I certainly dont need to rely on you!

She says it to make herself feel better for the fact she doesnt contact me any other time to ask how I am, not the twins, me. Never once. From now until 26th they wont see the twins and it will be 'oh I am sorry havent been in contact, you know what work is like' no love I know what your like. Cos you have nothing to connect me with anymore you think its ok to fob me off...

Just message him and say 'Hi, its ok. Hope your all ok take care.

Be the bigger person. You dont need anyone in life like that.... believe me.. Respect is a word they no longer know.

 

[sambucababy]

I havent spoke to FOB mum since Sunday.. When she leaves she always makes a point of saying 'call me if you need anything' yeah cos I am gonna do that I have my own mum and dad and family I certainly dont need to rely on you!

She says it to make herself feel better for the fact she doesnt contact me any other time to ask how I am, not the twins, me. Never once. From now until 26th they wont see the twins and it will be 'oh I am sorry havent been in contact, you know what work is like' no love I know what your like. Cos you have nothing to connect me with anymore you think its ok to fob me off...

Just message him and say 'Hi, its ok. Hope your all ok take care.

Be the bigger person. You dont need anyone in life like that.... believe me.. Respect is a word they no longer know.

Tooooooo late i gave him a round of f**ks- dont feel any better but its done now, hopefully they will all just go awy and leave me to it!

 

[Laura2919]

I see your status been waiting for you to post so you could tell me.. Ah well not like he didnt deserve it

 

[sambucababy]

I see your status been waiting for you to post so you could tell me.. Ah well not like he didnt deserve it

i know but like u said its just me the petty one again, it just still gets to me I try puttin on a happy pretence yet inside im a wreck!

 

[Laura2919]

Yeah but one day you wont be.. Your so hard on yourself, you went through something people wouldnt even begin to imagine. Its not easy hun. I think what I have been through is hard enough but you were lied to for years. Its hard to get over that. Have you seen a counsellor? Maybe they can help you with the anger you feel towards the situation.

Just draw a line under the comment and move on. Like I will continue to say you are bigger and better than they will ever be!

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks hun yes have had some counselling etc and still on going but to be honest it hasnt been that useful, I am hard on myself coz i know i shud be stronger but I ve still just lost everything and ok in time yeah probably i'll be happier but its the here and now that i struggle with.

I'll be ok just had a nasty day yesterday and miss him still {fool i know}
Thanks for ur support doo appreciate it x