Not coping no friends & dunno how to rebuild my life

[Laura2919]

I am in London.

Yeah they could be already friends. They might be in a secret club...

 

[sambucababy]

Just updating for myself realy as having a sad down day for some reason. My ex txt yesterday and is coming to see our daughter 2moz and I just really wish he wasnt comin, it just hurts so much when he goes, id been on a roll last few days have good days now I feel all depressed and gloomy, its best for my daughter I know but i just dread it.

Just having a down day

 

[Laura2919]

I'm sorry to hear that hun.

Dont let him win this battle. Make yourself look really pretty and have a big smile on your face. Whatever you do dont show him its hurting. xxx

 

[sambucababy]

I'm sorry to hear that hun.

Dont let him win this battle. Make yourself look really pretty and have a big smile on your face. Whatever you do dont show him its hurting. xxx

I know but he such a head fuck, still txtn askin how i am sayin he dont know if he happy now etc, all he doing is trying to keep his options open to come back if he gets bored / skint / falls out with her etc and yet I have to be civil coz of our daughter but I know he believes in his head he can come here if he wants etc despite what I ve said and I just feel like Im being used 24-7 whilst he having a great old happy life with her and their son .. oh ignore me im just havin one of them days

 

[Laura2919]

Oh God... Never ever take him back.. He lied to you for years and years, no matter how many times he tells you he loves you, misses you and doesnt feel like he made the right choice doesnt change anything and although your hurting now you wont forever.
He is a proper head fuck... Dont pay any mind to his games.... One day he will be sorry and you will be back on your feet and looking down on him..

 

[ShanandBoc]

Just read this whole thread and although i dont have any advice i just wanted to say you are doing really well, and i dont think anyone could handle waht u have been through any better than u did.

Take care of yourself and your little girl. Hope u cope with him visiting ur daughter tomorrow. Be strong, u didnt deserve any of this.....better things are coming ur way im sure

 

[sambucababy]

Oh God... Never ever take him back.. He lied to you for years and years, no matter how many times he tells you he loves you, misses you and doesnt feel like he made the right choice doesnt change anything and although your hurting now you wont forever.
He is a proper head fuck... Dont pay any mind to his games.... One day he will be sorry and you will be back on your feet and looking down on him..

I know II couldnt have him back and I know the hurting will pass, its just mind games he dont give a toss about me, its just got on top of me today for some reason probz coz i gotta face him 2moz,

I dont think he'll ever be sorry i dont think he has any feelings in him except for himself, was doing so well and now I feel like I ve taken 20 steps backwards

 

[sambucababy]

Just read this whole thread and although i dont have any advice i just wanted to say you are doing really well, and i dont think anyone could handle waht u have been through any better than u did.

Take care of yourself and your little girl. Hope u cope with him visiting ur daughter tomorrow. Be strong, u didnt deserve any of this.....better things are coming ur way im sure

Do you think? I feel I ve been a total wimp and pushover the entire time, I ve been at rock bottom looking after his child, his family have blanked us - & yet after everything I still love and miss him ..........I am so stupid I just wish my feelings wud go away. He has got it all I feel Like I ve nothin in life, nothing to look forward to ..........oh Im off again wallowing lol !!

Thank you for your kind words, will be glad when tomorrow is over and I'll just have to cope tomorrow as its about my daughter not me, I just hate feelin so down over someone who doesnt give a damm x

 

[Laura2919]

Oh God... Never ever take him back.. He lied to you for years and years, no matter how many times he tells you he loves you, misses you and doesnt feel like he made the right choice doesnt change anything and although your hurting now you wont forever.
He is a proper head fuck... Dont pay any mind to his games.... One day he will be sorry and you will be back on your feet and looking down on him..

I know II couldnt have him back and I know the hurting will pass, its just mind games he dont give a toss about me, its just got on top of me today for some reason probz coz i gotta face him 2moz,

I dont think he'll ever be sorry i dont think he has any feelings in him except for himself, was doing so well and now I feel like I ve taken 20 steps backwards

I think it happens for everyone hun. Your not alone FOB sister is forever uploading pics to FB saying 'the whole family going for a walk' or her fb status usually consists of 'is having a lovely day with my family' I really wanna say 'no love, its my family' being they are MY children not hers but it wont solve anything. Everything his family do is about point scoring, when FOB and I were together we didnt go anywhere, not to the park, or the farm, or for a walk as a 'family' now they are so big on family is overkill! Lol. Its all point scoring

I spoke to my best mate who went what we are going through I said how long before you just dont care anymore and she said he is going through my life like a train crash right now but it wont be long before that train stops and you dont give a shit.

I hope its soon..

When he is there to see your daughter try and be out of the way as much as possible. He is there for her and then you two wont have a chance to row/fight/talk about whats happened.

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks hun, i just hope the feelin crap stops soon its been a long time now ti be so up and down. I will keep out the way 2moz but last time he called me in the room 2b with them after a few mins and my little girl aint seen him for 5/6 wks she only 19months so i dunno how she'll be plus she is teething a bit so a bit cranky.

Think easiest thing is to be civil but not "talk" as such and count the mins till he goes, I'll find somethin to do in another room and hopefully this time he wont call me in

 

[Scarletvixen]

Good luck with it xx

 

[ShanandBoc]

Just read this whole thread and although i dont have any advice i just wanted to say you are doing really well, and i dont think anyone could handle waht u have been through any better than u did.

Take care of yourself and your little girl. Hope u cope with him visiting ur daughter tomorrow. Be strong, u didnt deserve any of this.....better things are coming ur way im sure

Do you think? I feel I ve been a total wimp and pushover the entire time, I ve been at rock bottom looking after his child, his family have blanked us - & yet after everything I still love and miss him ..........I am so stupid I just wish my feelings wud go away. He has got it all I feel Like I ve nothin in life, nothing to look forward to ..........oh Im off again wallowing lol !!

Thank you for your kind words, will be glad when tomorrow is over and I'll just have to cope tomorrow as its about my daughter not me, I just hate feelin so down over someone who doesnt give a damm x

Deffinately i do think so What u have been through is horrendous and life shattering, i think u are doing well. Dont be so hard on yourself hun xo

 

[Laura2919]

Hope today goes ok.
xxx

 

[sambucababy]

Hope today goes ok.
xxx

Thanks hun am dreadin it - soon be done !

 

[Laura2919]

Yep just think its all over soon Be strong hun. xx

 

[sambucababy]

Yesterday was horrible - he came around and my LO was a bit uncertain at first as she hadnt seen him for so long so I was as civil as I could and and had to stay in room whilst they played. He asked if he could speak to me so I said ok.

He told me things werent going so well lots of arguements and that he had fucked up big time and that he didnt see him & her lasting, I said u need to be talking to her not me, I think he was sounding me out about moving back here or gettting back with me but didnt use those words,

He said if he leaves then she wont let him see child, I said if he on birth cert he has parental rights and could fight for access but again said Im not the one he should talk to & suggested his dad.

He said Im only person that he can talk to who knows him inside out, I told him it wud be easier once I ve moved as wont be so near, he hinted he wanted to come so I told him I do love and care about him & want him to be happy but It wudnt work again 4 us.

I explained that although wrong I could never be comfortable him going to visit his son, and that all the trust had gone. I said that i cudnt go through all this again, Id be completely paranoid and a nitemare to be around scared to argue, and in time he wud lie, leave or cheat again or go back to her. He said he wouldnt. He said if you want something badly enough you'll make it happen

He kept hugging me and kissing me on the cheek and then trying to touch me and kiss me and I had to push him away, and say no im not a cheater its wrong ur with someone else u just dont do that, then he said its ok to hug someone you love.

I told him to go and sort it out with her and give it ago & that he was probably having a bad few days, I said think of thereason you left me for, I havent changed yet u were so certain u was in love with her, you've been with her on & off for years, cheating when our daughter was 10 days old - I said she is the one u want not me. He just shook his head and left.

Im so sad I love and want him so much but I know in reality this just couldnt work. Although he has been vile to me 17 yrs is a long time, I care so much for him and want him to be happy but I just wish in my heart i could have the fairytale ending but I know it will never happen. Im crying my eyes out writing this, so desperate for him to come back but knowing I ve done the right thing, I miss him so much when he hugged me yesterday I didnt want him to stop - its like all the grief re-emerging, am hoping a good old cry will sort me out. x

 

[Kagerou]

Well done for being so good with how you dealt with him!

I think he really wants the best of both worlds but this is all his fault, he should be the one suffering not you, stay strong

 

[sambucababy]

Well done for being so good with how you dealt with him!

I think he really wants the best of both worlds but this is all his fault, he should be the one suffering not you, stay strong

Thank you I feel so miserable right now, to be honest I wanted so badly to just cave in and have him back but as you say I ve just gotta keep strong.

Ur right he does want the best of both worlds, I just wish I didnt love him as much as I do as its so hard x

 

[Laura2919]

Yesterday was horrible - he came around and my LO was a bit uncertain at first as she hadnt seen him for so long so I was as civil as I could and and had to stay in room whilst they played. He asked if he could speak to me so I said ok.

He told me things werent going so well lots of arguements and that he had fucked up big time and that he didnt see him & her lasting, I said u need to be talking to her not me, I think he was sounding me out about moving back here or gettting back with me but didnt use those words,

He said if he leaves then she wont let him see child, I said if he on birth cert he has parental rights and could fight for access but again said Im not the one he should talk to & suggested his dad.

He said Im only person that he can talk to who knows him inside out, I told him it wud be easier once I ve moved as wont be so near, he hinted he wanted to come so I told him I do love and care about him & want him to be happy but It wudnt work again 4 us.

I explained that although wrong I could never be comfortable him going to visit his son, and that all the trust had gone. I said that i cudnt go through all this again, Id be completely paranoid and a nitemare to be around scared to argue, and in time he wud lie, leave or cheat again or go back to her. He said he wouldnt. He said if you want something badly enough you'll make it happen

He kept hugging me and kissing me on the cheek and then trying to touch me and kiss me and I had to push him away, and say no im not a cheater its wrong ur with someone else u just dont do that, then he said its ok to hug someone you love.

I told him to go and sort it out with her and give it ago & that he was probably having a bad few days, I said think of thereason you left me for, I havent changed yet u were so certain u was in love with her, you've been with her on & off for years, cheating when our daughter was 10 days old - I said she is the one u want not me. He just shook his head and left.

Im so sad I love and want him so much but I know in reality this just couldnt work. Although he has been vile to me 17 yrs is a long time, I care so much for him and want him to be happy but I just wish in my heart i could have the fairytale ending but I know it will never happen. Im crying my eyes out writing this, so desperate for him to come back but knowing I ve done the right thing, I miss him so much when he hugged me yesterday I didnt want him to stop - its like all the grief re-emerging, am hoping a good old cry will sort me out. x

Firstly and loads of them. I have highlighted the things that stood out to me so here goes;

If you knew him so well how could he get away with cheating all those years and having a child behind your back? he left you a complete wreck and didnt care then when he upped and left. Now things are rocky he is here and wanting his 'safe place'

He can put that on you all he likes but lets face it, he got himself into that situation so whats he suggesting that you become his 'bit on the side' I think he is completely

He is your safe place, the place you feel like you know who you are. The one person you have known or thought you have known all these years. But he has lied for such a long time, how would you ever be able to rebuild that trust, he didnt just sleep with someone once, he did it for years, conceiving a child and then dumping his child and you for her..

Cry as much as you need to because there WILL be a day you dont cry anymore and day that he turns up and you say clear off you idiot. You are NO LONGER welcome in this house.....

You did the right thing.. Be strong huni. You can message me ANYTIME if you need to chat.. I promise I will be there. He is a real headfuck and you deserve someone who treats you right, thats never ever in a million years going to be him..



xxx

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks Laura I will reply properly tomorrow but I like ur opinion/thoughts hun, but im exhausted mentally to remember my full name but I wanna reply to what you've put, thanks to EVERYONE who has commented on this HUGE thread, its been a hellish time but u ladies have really helped me along the way without probably even realising it.

I dont comment much on other peooples problems coz rite now I dont feel capable of offering decent advice im still a wreck but I do read the threads and comment where I feel I can.. Take care you lovely ladies and thank you all, am off to catch some ZZZzzzzzs xx