Not coping no friends & dunno how to rebuild my life

[sambucababy]

Ladies

Im on such a downer - my partner of 18 yrs left me and our 18 month old daughter last week for a girl he had been cheating on me with for 10 yrs they have child too a year older than my daughter - all his friends and family knew about there relationship & even though we lived together i never suspected a thing.

Im not working at the moment, my only familiy are my parents and my dad is very unwell and I have no friends at all. How am I supposed to restart my life and build a happy one for my daughter?

He left me 3 weeks ago but I only found out about them 1 week ago, he has not seen our daughter once despite saying he would {failed to show} his is on her birth cert so has parental rights etc - I just dont know where to begin.

Im so unhappy x

 

[moomin_troll]

ive had to restart my life, its hard but u can do it!

if he cant be arsed to see his daughter the fuck him, dont make any special effort for him.

i cant type well atm as i have a newborn attached to me lol but u will be ok and this section is great, ule find alot of support here

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks for repying so quickly especially with a newborn !! - I just dont know where to begin, havent the strength or energy, every morning when i wake up i am filled with dread as its such another long hard day to get through x

 

[ticking.clock]

it will get easier hun i promise
I have been there twice, first left pregnant and then again 8 years later with a 7 year old and 2 year old
but i much prefer my life now it was hard but you will come through it and be better for it
xxx

 

[moomin_troll]

uve had a huge shock! 18 years together n hes done this to u in the long run this will be the best thing that has ever happened to u.

im a single mum for a different reason so i cant tell u how to get over ur ex but u will, it wont hurt forever and u will get used to be a single mum and ule raise ur daughter.

maybe if possible look into getting a job or find local mother and baby groups to get out there and socialise

 

[sambucababy]

thanks im just so lonely and hurt x

 

[darsilver1]

I am so sorry that you are going through this...definitely messed up what happened...like the other ladies said, with time things will get easier...you will have a lot of days of crying, screaming and hatred...I found going to counselor and just venting has helped me cope with my failed relationship recently. I know people are like oh no counselor!!! I must be crazy but I am a person who doesnt have much friends either and I get lonely....I find venting to be very calming for me and at least I know I wont be interupted or have the conversation swayed to some other issue because my so called friend doesnt care for what I say...Definitely try and find an activity to do besides the LO...wrapping your entire life around LO can become depressing and its not healthy...you need "ME" time...Like the other ladies said, try working a job, join a mommy club, go to gym, do yoga, join a book club, start a craft...I hope that you understand that you didnt do anything wrong....youre the victim....it was wrong what happened and the fact that everyone but you knew is messed up...hang in their mama

 

[sambucababy]

thank you ladies im just sat here in tears the grief/pain is unbearable. Asked for counselling but looking at a 10 wk wait, have health issues so getting work is hard and i know joining groups / courses etc are great ideas im just too frightened to anything new.

Im scared of the future I ve had depressive episodes in life before but I truely feel I cant escape this one. nI am a complete mess

 

[LucyLadyBug]

if your health issues allow it, what about doing a late night swim (like 9-10pm) if you can get someone to watch your daughter. they are usually lane swims and so not that social. so you are doing an activity, near others, but don't have to interact. or you could take your daughter to the baby swims? My little neice adores them.

 

[Kayles1/8/08]

hey
im really sad to see someone go through this as i too reached this point with my daughter i had very little support and had my daughter 24/7 which as some one said is not healthy as i know i started to feel like i was going insane having no adult time as when i fell pregnant..the "friends" all seem to disapear dont they. i started college last year and really picked myself back up again i hav my daughter in nursery which she loves and gives her that playtime that as horrible as this sounds..sometimes i just cant be bothered doing. we have a better relationship having seperate ones other than just the 2 of us all the time! please do not let urself drop down so far that its almost impossible to pick urself back up again..college really helped me and i met lots of great friends some of which are mums too xxx

 

[Kacie]

Oh hun This is a horrible experience you are going through and you must still be in so much shock, first at the break up and then at finding out this news. I am one year on after leaving my ex partner of 8 years, when I found out he had been cheating on me for longer than i could have imagined. There is huge pain in knowing that so called friends were aware of this and kept it hidden from me. And the pain of their betrayal is hard and still catches up with me sometimes but it is much easier to deal with now. Logically I looked at everything and realised that my life had so much more freedom since leaving him and huge possibilities opened up for me.. I can now study what i want and travel wherever i want.

Those first six months were very hard and lonely and i was very lucky to have my mum near by and on hand a lot of the time.. the rest of the time i spent on here ranting and talking to lovely ladies so that I didn't feel alone. BnB helped me no end so please feel that you can talk and rant as much as you want to let out the emotions.

Then I started wanting to get some confidence back and see if I could talk to guys.. so I went on a couple of free dating sites, just to chat and see if I could actually communicate with guys (strange I guess).. anyway, completely unexpected, but I actually met someone through it and we've now been together 7 months! I know this may not sound particularly helpful, i just wanted to show that we really don't know what is around the corner and there is still so much good to come in your life, even if you can't feel it right now.

Cry when you want, rant and rave when you want, and spend time with your gorgeous little girl. I live by the sea so take my 14 month old down there alot and the fresh air really does some good.

I know you can't expect things to become good right away, it all takes time.. but the one guranteed thing in life is that time does pass and with it things will start feeling better.

xxxx

 

[Seraphim]

I'm in a similar position, I will PM you xx

 

[Snowball]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this, it must be very painful to deal with

Not totally the same but my ex DH left me at xmas for a girl he'd known for 5 minutes. His mum also knew about his affair. We had 3 children, I'd just found out I was pregnant with our forth and other than him I didn't really have anyone so it hit me very badly.

It's taken a while but I can honestly say I'm so very nearly back on my feet now. I'm happier and finally my rosetinted glasses I had stuck to my face for him are peeling away. My parents have been brilliant and help me out no end. I've started going out again and I've made new friends (mostly from here ). Even in the past few weeks I've had men interested in me... and I've had to reject them! Which I honestly thought would never be an option for me again!

I think when they leave you for another woman your confidence takes an almighty battering (I know mine did) and you can't see a way forward but there is. Someone once said to me, "The best revenge is living well" and that's totally it. It's going to take a while and there will be major downpoints where you'll think there is no way out but those pass and eventually you'll be ready to get back out there again.

As to him not seeing your daughter... I'd approach the subject with him but if he still doesn't act on it as sad as it is... it's his loss. I know that in years to come my ex will feel the wrath of his four children telling him what a bloody selfish letdown he was. You reap what you sow and all that. On the otherhand they'll know that I was always there for them, even when I wanted to curl up and disappear I never let them down. He'll never be able to say that.

You'll get there hun. Keep talking on here (I do ). A lot of ladies on here have been through similar and I've found that even logging on for a bit of a rant helps no end

 

[sambucababy]

thanks again ladies, he has txt me twice re seeing his daughter but never makes an arrangement or comes, he still has belongs to collect but as yet hasnt. Maybe he is giving me time / space maybe he'll never show.

It helps posting on here but I really need to find some real friends and basically get a life lol my days are so long I need to fill them somehow.

Anyhow my LO needs me so I am today going to try and eat, which I havent been able to for almost 2 wks x

 

[moomin_troll]

text him back saying ur shit will be on the door step at this time and day so get it or ile take it to the dump. then say if he chooses to see his daughter then its fine.

 

[Vixen_17]

Anyhow my LO needs me so I am today going to try and eat, which I havent been able to for almost 2 wks x

Good lass, that's the attitude you need! Glad today seems like a better day for you. I thought of you this morning - while I was on the train to work I was listening to Christina Aguilera's Stripped album and realised that this is one I listened to a lot after I split with my ex. It's full of positive tracks about saying f*ck you to bad times and moving forward in your life - have a listen and I'm sure you can relate to the lyrics.

Stay strong hun

 

[Snowball]

Anyhow my LO needs me so I am today going to try and eat, which I havent been able to for almost 2 wks x

Good lass, that's the attitude you need! Glad today seems like a better day for you. I thought of you this morning - while I was on the train to work I was listening to Christina Aguilera's Stripped album and realised that this is one I listened to a lot after I split with my ex. It's full of positive tracks about saying f*ck you to bad times and moving forward in your life - have a listen and I'm sure you can relate to the lyrics.

Stay strong hun

I listen to that a lot too! Fighter is brilliant for bringing you back up if you're feeling low

 

[MummyJade]

so sorry you've had to go through this.... and as for his family knowing what the hell,
you and your LO is better off without him, you dont need a slime ball like that!

Just focus and getting you and LO happy, and you will get there, where bouts you from?
i am sure there will be a few ladies on here that will be arranging a meet in/around your area..
xx

 

[Mummy2B21]

I am so sorry to hear this hun, i am also shocked his family and friends stood by and watched it happen. Be strong and you can do it, take every oppourtunity you get to make new friends ect, are there any baby clubs near by, it wont be as hard as you think to rebuild your life it will happen and you will be happy again xx

 

[sambucababy]

Thanks again I ll deffo have a listen of that track. I have had a few texts supposedly off him and his 'new' number,he still has his old one. Anyhow they nmainly ask about our daughter, then a random one asking if I had brougt his niece a bday present!! And now askin about me and how I am. I can't quite put my finger on it but I'm not connvinced its even him. As why wud u give ur ex ur new number wen u still have ur old number working and why strike up convo. Its gettin on my nerves but can't change my number coz of our daughter. I'm wonderin if maybe its this other girl. Am so suspicious lol!