Not feeling excited

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - Second Trimester' started by Kat541, Oct 12, 2013.

  1. Kat541

    Kat541 New Mom 9/5/12

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    DH and I weren't planning on having kids again, or at least not for the next five years, since DS has been like raising twins, and I graduate college this spring and our financial system barely gets by with three of us. So I know I wasn't excited when he was only 9 months old and I was pregnant with his sibling. I figured it would just take time to set in, I mean, that's the advice I would give another mom. I figured when I saw that baby on the ultrasound for the first time, it would all just hit me. I would then see the reality for myself. Yes, I am creating another screaming, crying, pooping, eating, leaking, puking human.
    Didn't happen.
    I found out we are having a girl yesterday. In only about another 19 weeks. I think I am struggling with some gender disapointment as well. I wanted a girl so bad the first time, but ended up being equally excited to find out it would be a boy. I feel like this is going to be the last time I give my son a sibling, so I wanted him to have a brother to be close to, especially since they will be nine months apart. I would save money with hand-me-downs, the same clothes and toys. They could share sports teams, or join other civics together that might be gender-based. They could share the same friends... I know brothers and sisters can be very close, but does it ever really equal to what two sisters or two brothers can have? Why does it even bother me so much? Is it because I never had a sister? I do feel like I really missed out on something by having two brothers instead. Anytime I walk through the kids clothes at the store, I always gush over the little girl dresses, and imagine how sweet it would be to dress my little girl in those, but then I think about my son not having a brother again. It even makes my cry a little. Pregnancy hormones? I could never admit this to anyone I know IRL. Considering what I do for a living and being in school learning about children, it just seems not in character. I should love any child I have no matter what sex, so why aren't I feeling connected to this child? Would I still not be feeling connected even it it were a boy? Are these two problems not even connected? Am I just afraid to love? What is wrong with me?! I feel so guilty.
     
  2. Sweetness_87

    Sweetness_87 Well-Known Member

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    You could go to gender dissappointment section they could help. Any baby though is a true blessing
     
  3. worrying

    worrying Well-Known Member

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    I'm sorry you are feeling this way honey :hugs:

    I expect all these fears will melt away when you hold your baby in your arms.

    If it helps I am very close with my brother and we actually like pretty similar stuff and have quite a few friends in common and that is despite a 5 year age gap. I expect we would be even closer if we were closer in age. For him it's always been nice to get a 'girls take on things' and I have always had a protector. Despite being the younger of the two of us, my brother has stood up for me since he was a toddler! :flower:

    Also DH's niece and nephew are very close in age and absolutely inseparable!
     
  4. susan_1981

    susan_1981 Mummy to 2 boys :)

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    I think it's probably your hormones. It took over 3 years to fall pregnant with our son and I was over the moon. So excited the whole way through. Then when my son was born, we agreed that we would NTNP because I didn't want to have to go through another 3 years of trying. Well one month, we decided to try properly. Only for one month. Didn't for a second think that I would fall pregnant but here I am, approaching my due date.

    I didn't feel the excitement. But I had early bleeding so thought maybe it was just because I was worried. But had my 12 week scan and still didn't feel it. Thought it was because I still had a long way to go but I never really got that excitement until I hit about 30 or so weeks. I'm not going to call it gender disappointment because I really hate that but I did have gender envy because I really did want a girl. I'm going to have 2 boys 15 months apart which is great but it means that next time I have a baby, I will be pretty desperate for a girl. But as someone said above, any baby is a blessing and I'll be happy with whatever I have, all I can ask for is that they are healthy.

    But I am excited now. I think when it's unexpected and you don't get the sex you was hoping for, it's normal to feel a little overwhelmed by it all but I'm sure it's just your hormones and you'll be getting all excited soon enough. A lovely girl. Just think of all that pink and pretty girly stuff you can buy! x
     
  5. Louise88

    Louise88 Dd- ciara and ds- James

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    :hugs: so sorry your feeling this way Hun, my baby wasn't planned either and I found out when my dd was 9 months old just like you did and honestly I spent the first 3 months resenting the pregnancy there was actually one night I told my oh I didn't want the baby. Fortunately I did start to get excited after my first scan. I hoped for a little boy so much so I would have one of each and since I've been told I'm expecting a boy I have felt some sadness it's not a girl as I'd have loved my dd to have a sister like I had, I grew up very close to my sister and wanted my dd to experience that, tbh I think it must be down to hormones because it seems I'd have been dissapointed in some way no matter what my babies sex was! Lol

    And I want to add I know brothers and sisters who are really close and 2 sisters/2 brothers that actually don't get on! So I suppose it has a lot to do with their personalities etc.

    I'm in no doubt when you hold your baby girl in your arms for the first time you will love her so much and she will become a massive blessing to your family :)
     
  6. candycrush

    candycrush Pregnant with #1

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    hun I'm not surprised your feeling a little bit disconnected, you have got a lot on your plate and this baby was a surprise. However some of the emotions you are describing sound a tiny bit lit pre-natal depression thst my mid-wife talked me through, so I think you should talk to yours... you will grow to love your daughter it may just take that first proper meeting, or it may take the first few days, but don't feel too doen ob yourself because the excitement and love will come! your son is going to love his wee sister! xxxx
     
  7. Itsychik

    Itsychik Well-Known Member

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    I just wanted to send you some :hugs:

    My brother and I are 18 months apart (I was 9 months old when my mom found out she was expecting my brother) and growing up we had a lot of the same friends and played with each other lots. The 'gender' differences didn't start coming out really until I was nearly a teenager but even now my brother and I can talk about things that we'd never discuss with our parents.

    I totally understand the worries, but I agree with a PP that maybe it's a good idea to talk to your mw about how you're feeling? I've had several friends who had unplanned pregnancies and it took them ages to get used to the idea (some until after the birth) but they're all really happy now and have often told me they wish they could go back just to make their past selves feel better and know that everything will work out.

    :hugs:
     
  8. Cinnamon Girl

    Cinnamon Girl Well-Known Member

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    I actually think this is common with the second child especially if not planned mine will be three years apart but this baby was a accident

    I didn't want another dh did we barely speak this pg where with ds we read pg books together listen to the heart beat etc

    I also thought I would feel different after the scan

    And all I felt qas relief it looked normal then eh

    I tried to act excited as my mom was with but its hard

    I don't want to know the sex I barely want to think about the pg

    It annoys me people fussing over me I hate that I am going to put on weight and loss control of my body again

    I know I am being selfish but my life is just starting to get normal again and now I am going to have another baby.

    Ps ds is a bad sleeper eater and was poorly the firat two years of life
    Otherwise he is wonderful and I love him to bits
     

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