DH and I weren't planning on having kids again, or at least not for the next five years, since DS has been like raising twins, and I graduate college this spring and our financial system barely gets by with three of us. So I know I wasn't excited when he was only 9 months old and I was pregnant with his sibling. I figured it would just take time to set in, I mean, that's the advice I would give another mom. I figured when I saw that baby on the ultrasound for the first time, it would all just hit me. I would then see the reality for myself. Yes, I am creating another screaming, crying, pooping, eating, leaking, puking human. Didn't happen. I found out we are having a girl yesterday. In only about another 19 weeks. I think I am struggling with some gender disapointment as well. I wanted a girl so bad the first time, but ended up being equally excited to find out it would be a boy. I feel like this is going to be the last time I give my son a sibling, so I wanted him to have a brother to be close to, especially since they will be nine months apart. I would save money with hand-me-downs, the same clothes and toys. They could share sports teams, or join other civics together that might be gender-based. They could share the same friends... I know brothers and sisters can be very close, but does it ever really equal to what two sisters or two brothers can have? Why does it even bother me so much? Is it because I never had a sister? I do feel like I really missed out on something by having two brothers instead. Anytime I walk through the kids clothes at the store, I always gush over the little girl dresses, and imagine how sweet it would be to dress my little girl in those, but then I think about my son not having a brother again. It even makes my cry a little. Pregnancy hormones? I could never admit this to anyone I know IRL. Considering what I do for a living and being in school learning about children, it just seems not in character. I should love any child I have no matter what sex, so why aren't I feeling connected to this child? Would I still not be feeling connected even it it were a boy? Are these two problems not even connected? Am I just afraid to love? What is wrong with me?! I feel so guilty.