November Due Dates (cont)

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I couldn't do it at all. I also have no clue what the right price would be. I am fairly sure some people do it because they really are special and to them, I assume, the money is the least important thing. Some do it for money, I'd assume.

The reason I couldn't do it is not ethical at all, it's just that I'm more than certain I wouldn't be able to deliver a baby and give it away, regardless of 'whose' it really is.
 
The whole concept of surrogacy is pretty alien to me. I'm not for or against it, I know that I could not do it myself, but I'm not judging those who do, I just find it a bizarre idea. I don't think it's even legal in the uk though?
 
I just asked oh would he allow me to do this! I've always said if I was asked, especially by family, I would do it in a heartbeat. Ye I've found pregnancy hard this time, but I know I could help a couple have a baby if asked! I do think I'd like to have contact with the child and be known as aunty though. I wouldn't be able to not know the child as they grow up! I don't mean every day etc just as if it was a friends child I'd see occassionallu! I don't think I'd need a lot of money either really, less if it was family!
 
Beankeeper said:
The whole concept of surrogacy is pretty alien to me. I'm not for or against it, I know that I could not do it myself, but I'm not judging those who do, I just find it a bizarre idea. I don't think it's even legal in the uk though?
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It's legal it's just that there is no legal recognition of it. So the woman who gives birth to the baby is legally considered to be the mother. If she is unmarried the father is considered the father but the biological mother isn't considered anything at all. The birth 'mother' then has to legally terminate her legal rights to the baby and the father takes custody while his partner the baby's 'step-mother' who is actually the bio-mother adopts it. It's a risky process as if the birth 'mother' has a change of heart before this process is complete, there is no legal protection for the biological mother as she has no recognised status. And if the surrogate is married it's even more complicated.

In the UK it's also illegal to pay a surrogate for actually carrying the baby, so any payment she gets has to be detailed as expenses. This can run into high 5 figure sums (or higher) if things like lost earnings for the 9 months, extra childcare for her existing children, domestic help in her home, etc are claimed. It's messy but it does happen and there are agencies who help with the process and match couples to surrogates if they don't have a friend/family member who will do it for them
 
So excited!! :happydance:
Just found out that my 3 best friends from High school are coming to the shower tomorrow!! I havent seen these girls all together in 13 years.

And I sneeked a peek at my registry, and all the major items have been purchased :happydance: All that leaves me with is the bathtub/towels, (provided someone didnt get it and not take it off the registry) bottles and breastpump!! Now I can use that money i've been putting back to order the rocker recliner i've been eyeing for the last few months!!

Eeekk, now im excited for tomorrow to get here!!! :flower:
 
To be honest, surrogacy doesnt pay enough for me. Even 50k. I make that in a year. Im gonna be pregnant most of the year anyway so i might as well just go to work. Pregnancy is hard, stressful, and lets not even mention the emotional attachment to a baby thats not even really mine. Kudos to the women that could do it. Im just not one of them
 
SpringerS said:
Rhetorical question ladies. Leaving aside the ethical concerns some people may have, how much would you have to be paid to be a gestational surrogate for someone?
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My BFF and I made a pact when we were teens that we'd surrogate for each other if needed. Doesn't sound like a big deal right? Except I was totally against having kids and getting pregnant at that point (and would be til I was 30). I'd still do it for her for free, but she has her two boys and I don't think she'll have trouble conceiving should she wish to again.

I can't give an exact figure if I were to be paid to do this by a stranger... but I can give a calculation:

[clear balance of student loan]+1.2*([18mths wages*]+[refund of all extraneous purchases made due to pregnancy])

* If I'm getting paid then I'll take it easy at home for the entire gestation, thanks... If no prior job, then wage to be calculated as £8/hr over 40 hours week.

Now... done a rough calculation, estimating all those factors and the figure I have is approx £75k. For that, I'd come out debt free with a safety net in case I couldn't go back to work for 9 months after the birth for whatever reason.

If there are people out there willing to do it for less, then they weren't students post 1997 :p


I do love the variety of conversation we have here!
 
Hey ladies, random suggestion for the day (I try to suggest this from time to time):

Look back into the TTC, first, and second Tri forums and see if you can give info or encouragement on those boards. It's so important to remember what it took to get this far, and your insight could really help someone out.
 
I saw a little piece on it about one lady who had 7 kids of her own and then 1 surrogate. She said that the hardest bit was leaving the hospital, she had to see the baby every day after that. But after a few weeks it lessened, until now where it'd just another baby.

Yeah but I'd probably do it for someone in my family. The only problem is, I only have brothers... so it would be carrying my brother's baby... slightly disturbing... :/
 
Lol ye id try put it a different way to Sarah! Thank god I've only sisters lol
Also OT but if u take ur iron in the evening does it mess with ur sleep? I took it at 5 yest and was still bouncing in the room at 3 this morning!

Momma enjoy ur shower, hope uve a fab time :D
 
Hmmm, I don't think it should mess with your sleep. Maybe you just were so low in iron that your body was over excited about getting some? :) It can mess with your belly though. Also you want to take it at a time you're not eating, so maybe right before bed or just before you get up (and then wait 30mins before breakfast). BEcause calcium and magnesium and caffeine interfere with absorption. :flower:
 
I would like to encourage the TTC girls, but I identify more with the long term girls, and they don't always like to hear another success story, because it hasn't happened for them yet. Particularly as our LO was conceived naturally & some of them are still struggling after having had treatment. I think with long term TTC, once you're pregnant, your out the club.
 
I, too, just love the variety of conver on here!! So easily flit from surrogacy to iron to goodness knows what next.

I suspect I am having my surprise baby shower today. Not sure why I think its today just an inkling. My mom is fetching me at about 11am - to go shopping for her outfit for my wedding next April. I keep telling her its too early to be looking, she needs to wait till at least November when all the wedding stuff comes out again, but there is no telling my mother!! I will try make the most of the 'shopping' trip if that's what it really is. I do need to get a few bits and bobs for the hospital bag before I can finish packing that.

Other than that we are waiting for the furniture to be delivered. Have cleared most of the toot from the room. What is left in there needs to stay in there for now.

I had a lovely neck and back massage last night! I soooo needed it! Will most likely book another one for 2 weeks time again! My back and neck is really suffering!
 
Ooh, hope you have a fun day baby showering or shopping, whatever it turns out to be!

I wasn't really expecting a baby shower, but when one of my bfs was pregnant 2 years ago we (another BF & I) threw her a surprise baby sprinkle, and I'm pretty sure it's not gonna happen for me as we're running low on weekends. I wasn't really that bothered before but it was my DH who pointed it out & has also noticed they haven't been great at getting in touch or meeting up either.
I am meeting up with 1 of them tomorrow, but it was me that initiated it & only after several unanswered texts. Sigh, I hate it when friends drift apart...
 
:wohoo: furniture arrived!!! but its all still boxed up. DF is busy clearing his desk (thats in the lounge) another indication that said baby shower might actually be here! hhhmmm I'm soo suspicious!!
Hoping he gets round to building the furniture while I'm out 'shopping'.
teehee
Now just waiting for mom to fetch me.
 
Thanks Sarah! Tbh it could just be cause DS is away and I always find it harder to sleep when he's not here! But wow I was wired lol

Bean I only ventured over there once and I could see straight away that the atmosphere can be very hostile towards preg girls. I'm not saying at the time their feelings aren't justified, but I do think ppl forget that just cause ur preg now, doesn't mean u had an easy time. And that's part of ur journey too!

Sk yay for furniture... And oh's who put it together lol! I hope u get a baby shower today.. If not enjoy ur shopping :) although if that was my ma it wouldn't be unusual for her to go shopping this early ha!

Bean I too have lost many friends over the years! I sometimes wonder if it's me, but I'm actually a very easy going person, and although I don't go out often to pubs I do enjoy a good catch up etc! I've just kept in touch with as many as poss and realised it takes to ta make a friendship work! Although I do have a few friends who I can go months without talking to, and the next time it's like we never left each other!
 
phineas said:
Thanks Sarah! Tbh it could just be cause DS is away and I always find it harder to sleep when he's not here! But wow I was wired lol

Bean I only ventured over there once and I could see straight away that the atmosphere can be very hostile towards preg girls. I'm not saying at the time their feelings aren't justified, but I do think ppl forget that just cause ur preg now, doesn't mean u had an easy time. And that's part of ur journey too!

Sk yay for furniture... And oh's who put it together lol! I hope u get a baby shower today.. If not enjoy ur shopping :) although if that was my ma it wouldn't be unusual for her to go shopping this early ha!

Bean I too have lost many friends over the years! I sometimes wonder if it's me, but I'm actually a very easy going person, and although I don't go out often to pubs I do enjoy a good catch up etc! I've just kept in touch with as many as poss and realised it takes to ta make a friendship work! Although I do have a few friends who I can go months without talking to, and the next time it's like we never left each other!
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Yeah, LTTTC is just a tough place to be mentally. I never totally got to the bitter stage, I had some dark times though, every time AF showed up I would just cry! But I just figured I could dwell on it, or I could try & be productive. That's why I was planning on studying, I thought if I could get myself a good career then we would be a good candidates for adoption. But this LO had other plans :happydance:

Yeah, your right, it does take 2. I think I'm just feeling a bit needy at the mo :haha: These 2 would fall into the category of friends I can go for months without seeing & then we just pick up where we left off, but it would be nice to see them more. Hey ho...
 
I get how it can be really hard to see someone preg when you aren't even with LTTTC, but never hurts to browse the forums to see if you have any answers for questions that have been raised. I'm not saying to throw it in folks faces, but there are so many forums for TTC you are bound to know something another person would like to know. If you think your input would be poorly received on LTTC specifically, check out the normal TTC, assisted conception, or whichever other group you can also identify with (ie TTC after a loss, etc).
 
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