November Sparklers 2014....22 boys, 22 girls born! Please update us!

[cncem]

I had no idea we might be team blue,it was quite a shock,but very obvious that he is a boy!
I was preparing for another girl.OH wants his second middle name to be the same as his dads,he passed away earlier this year.OH hadnt seen his dad for 5 years,dads choice and i had never met him.OH is the child of a 30 year affair,its very complicated.OH dad has 3 other children with his wife,and when he knew he was dying he spent lots of time with them visiting them abroad etc and didnt even bother telling my OH he was ill.We found out he had died on facebook.OH is devastated and has along with his mother put his father on a pedestal.This is a man that lied,cheated and breezed in and out of their lives,and was never there for his son.Two months before he died he changed his will so that my OH would have no way to make a claim on the property he owned.Its a horrendous situation.I do not want my son named after him.My daughter has MIL and Sil names as middle names and we always agreed that if we had a son he would be named after my dad for his middle name.I gave OH mum the option of just picking any name for his second middle name as a kind gesture,and we agreed no family names and not after anyone.,I now feel pressured and cruel for not wanting to use the name.OH had a massive go at me and claimed i always get my own way,im so upset.
OH cant even talk about his dad without getting upset,yet he wants his name?
MIL is now claiming that this boy is the reincarnation of OH dad,i feel so angry and sick at the thought of that.Im in such a horrible situation

Dogtanian, here is my view, for what it is worth. My dad was a terrible father, womanizer and he beat my stepmother, as well as us kids. He gave us up when I was 11 and my sister and I had to go live in a children's home until 18. He did drugs pretty heavily, drank all that. I don't know why, but I have loved him fiercely all my life and was devastated when he passed away. My siblings couldn't have cared less. I made arrangements for burial, took care of all of that, and my siblings asked me why. I don't know why. He may have been an awful father, but he was my father nonetheless. That may be how your husband feels. If I were you I would let my husband give him his dad's name, not to honor your husband's dad, but to honor your husband, because that is what he wants and it means something to him. As far as your mother in law saying your baby will be grandpa reincarnate that is just rubbish. Never mind that hocus pocus garbage. I hope for the best for you, I know this is a tough situation to be in.

 

[Tigermom]

I had no idea we might be team blue,it was quite a shock,but very obvious that he is a boy!
I was preparing for another girl.OH wants his second middle name to be the same as his dads,he passed away earlier this year.OH hadnt seen his dad for 5 years,dads choice and i had never met him.OH is the child of a 30 year affair,its very complicated.OH dad has 3 other children with his wife,and when he knew he was dying he spent lots of time with them visiting them abroad etc and didnt even bother telling my OH he was ill.We found out he had died on facebook.OH is devastated and has along with his mother put his father on a pedestal.This is a man that lied,cheated and breezed in and out of their lives,and was never there for his son.Two months before he died he changed his will so that my OH would have no way to make a claim on the property he owned.Its a horrendous situation.I do not want my son named after him.My daughter has MIL and Sil names as middle names and we always agreed that if we had a son he would be named after my dad for his middle name.I gave OH mum the option of just picking any name for his second middle name as a kind gesture,and we agreed no family names and not after anyone.,I now feel pressured and cruel for not wanting to use the name.OH had a massive go at me and claimed i always get my own way,im so upset.
OH cant even talk about his dad without getting upset,yet he wants his name?
MIL is now claiming that this boy is the reincarnation of OH dad,i feel so angry and sick at the thought of that.Im in such a horrible situation

Dogtanian, that's a tough situation. I'm so sorry your family is going through that. I just want to say that this is going to be long, and I'm sorry about that, but I just want to make sure I word myself well.

I would sit your husband down and just lay the information out there. Explain why it is you don't want your child to be named for the horrid man your FIL was. Explain your feelings about that. I would be as objective as possible though, leaving out hurtful terminology since it sounds like your husband is grieving still. If he still can't see your side, I do kind of agree with cncem in the sense that even though he sounds like a terrible person, he's still your husband's father, but I also feel that you should be just as happy with a name. You can't be forced to call your son in for dinner with his full name and cringe at what that memory brings to you. It's your child too, hun.

Here's what I would do... Tell your husband how that name makes *you* feel. Don't bring up your husband's experience except to say how you've watched him struggle with his father, and how that makes you tear up just thinking about it. Explain that the name would hurt you because you've seen how tormented your dh has been over the years. You only associate that name with struggle. Tell him that the name would make you uncomfortable. It also sounds like your already have named a child for his family. Your family should be able to be recognized in naming, if that's something you two are choosing to do. His mom and sister have already been honored in that way. You can point that out and just tell him that you have plenty of time to talk about it, so choosing the time that he's grieving is just not the time to make a decision because it will be heavily swayed in that direction. They say to never make a decision in grief, in anger, or in celebration. Wait until you are out of the storm.

However, I also agree that it will not make your son a bad person! I promise!!! Because you and your husband will shower him with love and support each and every day. If that is the deciding factor, do know that a name in memoriam doesn't make that person the same. It's really up to you and if you feel your heart can handle that remembrance.

I'm so sorry you are going through something so difficult. I hope this was helpful!!!

 

[Dogtanian]

Thank you so much for your replies.The only thing that is making this a dilemma for me is that i want to make my husband happy.Im upset at my husband because we did agree that a boy would be named after my family as the girl was named after his.He just keeps saying that his dad died therefore i should use the name.I have a terrible family background and my mother isnt in my life,and if she passed away and i decided to name a child after her im hoping that my husband would ask why i am choosing to include her name in our family,and my mother raised me lovingly in my early life and did not abandon me.The hurt i have seen my husband go through since the day i met him has left a horrible taste in my mouth and is not something i would want to accociate with my child.
I have spent the whole day feeling sad about this,as i know the only option is to back down and make my husband happy,and set aside my own feelings and beliefs,which will ultimately not make make happy

 

[MissyLissy]

Dogtanion... That is a difficult situation. I sort of know how you feel... DH and I got in a bit of a fight this morning over names and he threw I always force my way all the time so what does it matter. It was hurtful.

In our case, I just found out this morning via facebook that an old semi-friend from college used my EXACT girl name of choice-Eleanor (call her Nora). I was so upset! It's not like we are friends- more like acquaintances but we share ALOT of mutual friends and she used to briefly date my DH years ago. I've had my heart set on Nora(h) forever- it's my name! DH only agrees if we use Eleanor as a long version which was growing on me. Now I just feel like a bunch of people (including this girl) will just assume I'm copying and I feel like the name is tainted. DH used he opportunity to tell me there are other girls names, to which I replied not fair! This was *my* name and we are using it anyway. Mini fight ensued. I still feel upset everytime I glance at FB with all these mentions of the new baby Nora (Eleanor). Poop.

 

[teacup]

Dogtanian - If I were you, then I would just say no - he will come around eventually. There is no way I would give my child a first name that I didn't agree with just to make my husband happy. If you feel that it's really upsetting him, then you could let him use the name in the baby's middle name? That way you are still making a kind gesture including the name, but can choose a first name that you both like. I think that your baby's name is so important and you need to both agree on it. I would hate to not have any say on my baby's name! Especially if the name chosen is associated with someone I wasn't too fond of! Have you thought about using it as a middle name instead?

My husband wants to use his fathers name as our baby's middle name if it's a boy (as my husband's middle name is also his Dad's name) and I'm still not sure. I just think - what would my Dad think? I always think it's easier to not include names of family in the baby's name, that way you aren't offending anyone else.

Baby's name is always a compromise and your husband should respect your decision if you don't want to use that name - it is both of your child after all! I think you should stick to your feelings and say no - he will come around. x

 

[GeralynB]

I finally have a date for my 20 week scan - 1 July

Is anyone else feeling rather apprehensive about this milestone? I am sure that some of you must have yours in the next couple of weeks?

I have my 20 week scan on June 18...I'll be 21 weeks then. I'm excited for it

Wow - not long to wait! Hope it goes well

My sister is a sono tech and when she did my gender scan at 15w she also did some measurement s and looked at heart, spine, brain, etc. and said everything looked perfect so I'm not too worried. Plus my sister is coming with us to our appointment so she can watch and let me know if she sees anything out of sorts

Dogtanion... That is a difficult situation. I sort of know how you feel... DH and I got in a bit of a fight this morning over names and he threw I always force my way all the time so what does it matter. It was hurtful.

In our case, I just found out this morning via facebook that an old semi-friend from college used my EXACT girl name of choice-Eleanor (call her Nora). I was so upset! It's not like we are friends- more like acquaintances but we share ALOT of mutual friends and she used to briefly date my DH years ago. I've had my heart set on Nora(h) forever- it's my name! DH only agrees if we use Eleanor as a long version which was growing on me. Now I just feel like a bunch of people (including this girl) will just assume I'm copying and I feel like the name is tainted. DH used he opportunity to tell me there are other girls names, to which I replied not fair! This was *my* name and we are using it anyway. Mini fight ensued. I still feel upset everytime I glance at FB with all these mentions of the new baby Nora (Eleanor). Poop.

That is so annoying! I know how you feel. One of our guy friends and his wife had a baby in Oct before we were even pregnant and named him Colin. That had been the name I wanted to use but now I'm not so sure. We don't see them often but we have many mutual friends and it still feels like our name is already being used and now I'm leaning more towards Gavin but DH still really wants Colin. I don't know what we're going to do yet.

 

[Princesskell]

Lovely bumps Jalanis and mummytoamber xxx

Gosh Dogtanian, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad we have had lts of different stories to share with you and help you through this? I think it was the mil comment that makes your situation worse. I do agree with cncem...no matter what parents put you through, they are your parents and therefore will always be special, but I feel for you that other people still alive will live with the comparisons?
My dh did not have a good time with his dad. He caused a lot of trauma in many peoples lives, but dh has suffered since he died 5 years ago. He suggested his name Sean for a boy and at first I thought you must be kidding after your dad?, but I have been considering it as it seemed very special to him. Keep talking to each other, it needs to be something you both agree on.
Missy I'm sorry for the name snatching, it's so hard when the name you like is tainted in some way. When we had F, I had a boys name in mind and someone on the baby name thread was really cruel about it, she said some very nasty things and pleaded with me that I didn't use it as it meant something terrible in her culture. It really upset me at the time, but then I shouldn't have invited her opinions on the post?? I would keep the name in mind, you have another few months to go and as she is not a close friend the distance may be enough? Also you may be having two blue ones??! Oh just thought...do you like Leonora? That shortens to Nora?

Xxx

 

[enan88]

Hi ladies! I have been out for quite a while ( exams and stuff...) and really tried to catch up but lots of things happened.

First congrats to all mums who know their baby sex! And welcome to new ones to the group

Second, I have my gender scan on MONDAY! Excitement is killing me!

Third and last .... I just got really obsessed with the new Cybex atom Q in orange and the Quinny Moodd pushchair for it! I'm really trying to convice my other half to get it

 

[MissyLissy]

Thanks ladies. I'm still on the fence if I can use it anyway. One one hand, We are not close at all- I run into her like once every few years at most. Why should I change a name I have my heart set on (for years) because of some almost stranger? On the other hand.. She DID (though briefly) date my DH like a decade ago and I kind of feel like if I use the name I'm taking all her sloppy seconds. We also have lots of mutual friends who may assume I'm either copying or not original. I've seriously had Nora(h) picked out for years. This just makes me sad. I know it's silly.

I thought about Leonora too, PK. I don't think I like it enough to use it. Eleanor had really grown on me though.

 

[Traveling mom]

Lovely bumps Jalanis and mummytoamber xxx

Gosh Dogtanian, I'm sorry for what you are going through. I'm glad we have had lts of different stories to share with you and help you through this? I think it was the mil comment that makes your situation worse. I do agree with cncem...no matter what parents put you through, they are your parents and therefore will always be special, but I feel for you that other people still alive will live with the comparisons?
My dh did not have a good time with his dad. He caused a lot of trauma in many peoples lives, but dh has suffered since he died 5 years ago. He suggested his name Sean for a boy and at first I thought you must be kidding after your dad?, but I have been considering it as it seemed very special to him. Keep talking to each other, it needs to be something you both agree on.
Missy I'm sorry for the name snatching, it's so hard when the name you like is tainted in some way. When we had F, I had a boys name in mind and someone on the baby name thread was really cruel about it, she said some very nasty things and pleaded with me that I didn't use it as it meant something terrible in her culture. It really upset me at the time, but then I shouldn't have invited her opinions on the post?? I would keep the name in mind, you have another few months to go and as she is not a close friend the distance may be enough? Also you may be having two blue ones??! Oh just thought...do you like Leonora? That shortens to Nora?

Xxx

I know what you mean with sharing names with people on baby threads. I shared my girl name on another site with generally terrible people *coughcough*babycenter. And one woman said "not to be rude" (which is obviously always followed by something rude) "but that name sounds like a stripper name, but use it if you're set on it" now I totally understand I put myself out there for opinions but what happened to if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. I much prefer my ladies here in this thread. Everyone is so nice and supportive of each other.

 

[MissyLissy]

Honest opinions wanted.

Isla. (Pronounced Eye-la). I think it's fairly common over seas, but not so much here in the States. I kind of really like it, but I worry she will constantly CONSTANTLY have her name mispronounced. Honest thoughts welcome. I don't have my heart set on it, just am now considering it and want a good pool of opinions.

 

[Twinklie12]

Dognation - so sorry for all the stress! I don't have much else to add but to say I feel for you. And that you both need to like the name. Try to talk it out and hear his side, and make sure he knows your feelings. Xo

Missy I love Isla! Lovely name. I think DH and I will wait till we know gender (three weeks!!!) before we talk names anymore. I think agreeing will be tough!

 

[eyemom]

I think Isla is a lovely name. People will learn how to say it. I wouldn't let that deter you. It's not like it's SUPER obscure even if it's not super common right now either. I know of another 1-yo Isla. And also a 5-yo (maybe she's 4?) but hers is spelled Aila (same pronunciation).

 

[cncem]

Missy, I once read a book called Clan of The Cavebear, by Jean M. Auel, an Excellent book, and the main character's name is Ayla, and I love that name. At least in my imagination it is pronounced the same way, or maybe it's pronounced with a long A then la. I don't know, but either way it is a beautiful name. I'm in the US and I would fear people constantly misspelling and mispronouncing it if you spell it Isla.

 

[MissyLissy]

Missy, I once read a book called Clan of The Cavebear, by Jean M. Auel, an Excellent book, and the main character's name is Ayla, and I love that name. At least in my imagination it is pronounced the same way, or maybe it's pronounced with a long A then la. I don't know, but either way it is a beautiful name. I'm in the US and I would fear people constantly misspelling and mispronouncing it if you spell it Isla.

Yeah... I think it's really pretty, but my only hang up is the high likelihood of constant mispronounuciation. But...regardless I think it just made my potential short list. I really need to hold off and wait until I know genders anyway.

 

[Leinzlove]

I love it. I wouldn't worry about mispronunciations. All the people that matter will say it correctly.

I named my 2nd Zoela (Zo Ella). If people don't know they call her Zola, the pediatrian called her Zoe... But after its corrected, they stop. And everyone who knows her calls her Zoela properly.

I'm Twila (Twi La) with the I being loud. A few people have called me Twilla (Twill la), but its never a big deal and I get lots of compliments on my name.

 

[eyemom]

I wouldn't think to say Zoela any other way! But I guess you just never know. I love that name by the way.

And Twila Paris isn't exactly a household name these days, but because of her I wouldn't have thought to mispronounce Twila one either.

I'm an optometrist, and if I have to call back a patient with a name I don't know how to pronounce, I get really nervous, haha. I hate mispronouncing names.

But sometimes, even with ones that seem safe, you just can't know. When I was in optometry school, a couple of pediatric patients stick out:

Devon. It seemed straightforward enough, I thought. Here I think most people would pronounce it with the accent on the first syllable. So I tried to call him back to an exam room: "Devon?" (No response.) "...Devon??" (No response.) "Devon [lastname]??" Mom finally pipes up, "It's De-VONN!" (like the accent is on the second syllable...would anyone else have gotten that? Tell me it's not just me?) What killed me is she spent all that time acting like she had no idea who I was talking about. Oh well.

Other one was Gena. Okay it's a little different, but I thought it would be pronounced like Gina. Mom gets mad, "It's Je-NAY"

So those are totally different types of examples, but just goes to show any name can be mispronounced, haha.

 

[Leinzlove]

eyemom- thank you!

I'm not rude when they aren't pronounced correctly. I just repeat it back once and we move on...

Yeah, Twila is old fashioned. My Grandma passed a month before my birth and I'm a namesake. When I grew up I hated not having anything from her. But, it was quickly brought to my attention that I had her name. And that makes me proud, because I've always hated that I never got to meet her.

What about Giana? Do you think that would be mispronounced?

 

[eyemom]

I never thought you would be rude!

That makes your name so special.

Giana...hmmm...I would be a little nervous about that one. I wouldn't be 100% sure if it's Gee-AH-na or more like Johnna.

 

[Leinzlove]

I didn't mean it like you thought I would be. But, more so its really no big deal when you have to correct a pronunciation to others. But I could see some parents being rude.

Its Gee ah na in this case. At the top of our list we have Giana Eloise. Giana means "God is Gracious" and Eloise is in our family history it means "Warrior."

Chloe, Zoela and Giana.