Mary Jo
Mummy to Adam and Joel
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- Jan 5, 2009
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Yay, Shadow, that's great news about the normal GTT! And great news, too, that the renal threshold thing isn't a serious issue 
Bit of a pain with the having to explain to people all the time though, but I imagine it'll go in your maternity notes so they won't be concerned every time.
My pee was fine at my mw appointment yesterday, for glucose and protein anyway, except pH was "a bit off", she said, but they are not concerned with it. Haven't asked Dr Google what it means, I actually don't know in which direction it as off anyway, so there's not much point, other than for information. Pee was a bit darker than normal, she asked if I was drinking plenty water... have to say I forget while I'm not at work. Then, I have a bottle and fill it up regularly, but at home I often realise, eeep, haven't had a drink in a while...
But anyway, yesterday's appointment was fine except we had to wait an hour and a half
I had a feeling it'd be a long wait because of last Monday being a bank holiday - my last appointment was 3 weeks ago and should have been 2 weeks ago but for Easter Monday, and they were actually fully booked for yesterday but my mw insisted I get squeezed in at the end... of course that meant a long wait because of the cumulative effects of the mw running a bit late. It wasn't the usual mw, she'd been called away, so the one we saw wasn't familiar with the system, though she was lovely.
I wouldn't have cared if I'd been on my own but OH came with me (for the first time) and as soon as we walked in and saw 4 ladies waiting I was like - uh oh, this is going to take ages, you can go home if you want. Which he didn't but then complained the whole time. And neither of us had brought anything to do/read and there was nothing apart from posters on the wall and my maternity notes. So he whined and I felt bad because it was his day off and his original plan for the day was to go and take photos (he's a photographer) but he'd agreed (I did not pressure him) to take me to the big Mothercare World in Croydon. THAT didn't go well either because the traffic in places was bad (roadworks) and he got stressed and nasty, like it was my fault, and apparently yes it was because it was me who wanted to go to this Mothercare World... despite the fact that it was for stuff for OUR CHILD - the reason I wanted to go THEN was because I have a voucher/code for 10% off nearly everything at MC and it expires midnight on Sunday, and I wanted to look at some things I hadn't taken notice of before and then I'd order online during the week. I mean, 10% isn't a lot on something that's £20 but when it comes to the cot and mattress, that's pushing £300, plus all the other stuff; and if I order it in one go it's all one delivery (free over £100).
So you'd think he'd be pleased at my organisation and that I'm being careful with £££... but all he could see was that he hated the journey and he never let me forget it for one second.
Then when we were home we only had 20 mins before we had to leav for the mw, and then there was that huge long wait... he was in a rotten mood. I'd have thought hearing the mw say baby sounded healthy, that my bp was good, urine fine, fundal height equal to dates would have made him happy... I mean, we have a doppler but all we can tell from that is that baby is still alive not anything that might be of concern, so to hear the mw say it was a fine HB... it made me happy and relieved but he started on with his grumping as soon as we were out the door (after being nice as ninepence the whole actual appointment).
So we got home and not long later this fight started, which culminated in me crying for 2 hours and having a long talk on the phone with my mum... basically, he doesn't understand pregnancy and the effect it has on the mother and he doesn't seem to want to do anything to educate himself. For example, he had a headache when we got back from the mw, we were both lying on the bed and he asked me to get his ibuprofen out of his bag. When I got off the bed my hips hurt, a sharp twinge, and I said ow ow ouch... and his response was not "are you ok?", a concerned response, but that he thought I was exaggerating or, worse, making it up! He sems to have this suspicious, negative response to stuff, like the heartburn thing I posted about before, that he thinks I don't really need to take Rennies, that's not as bad as all that, that I take them for fun, and it upsets me. Because it makes me wonder - what's he going to be like when I'm in labour? In pain but to his mind it's not bad so push me not to get pain relief???!!! I hope to god he's not like that or I'll find someone else to be there with me and he can wait outside!
Another thing he said, which is utterly crazy: "none of the pregnant women at work are like you"!!! Meaning, none of them lose their rag at him (which I rarely do anyway, I try my hardest to be the one who is cheery and keeps the mood nice at home when he isn't making any effort in the same way). I mean, though - I have worked throughout and NONE of my colleagues would suspect that I am pregnant, other than for the bump... I am exactly the same, upbeat, chatty, etc etc... he has a damned cheek to think that his colleagues are probably like that ALL THE TIME. I have to put a front on at work for the sake of my job and I suspect it's the same for his colleagues. Then when they get home they relax and maybe they don't mean to, I certainly don't, but the people we live with do tend to get the other side.
We have sorted it all now, I have aired each of my grievances and concerns and he has apologised and said it's not me who is at fault. (I wish he'd acquire some empathy pdq though.) He thinks sometimes that I don't want him or need him around, which is so far from the truth it's laughable, I'd be devastated and extremely sad if he were to leave me and the baby, though I'd be strong and I know I would cope - I've dealt with so much shit in my life that I AM strong now (he thinks it's what I secretly want!!!). He says he thinks we don't get on very well, but from my point of view we get along fine 90% of the time. The rest of the time we squabble and bicker but nothing major, and I thnk that is an OK proportion of good vs bad. To him, it feels like it's more serious. But he isn't seeing that a lot of the time he does nothing to defuse a situation and his response (to start flinging all this shit about "we don't get on, we don't like each other" and speak in a tone of voice I will not stand for and makes me see red every single time) pours petrol on a small spark that would go out so easily if he walked away or didn't engage in it. Then things blow up from nothing like what started last night's off (after a day, admittedly, that he was showing a lot of stress) - all that happened was that I noticed some potatoes that had been left out were going a bit green and I said they need to be in a dark place and tried to put them in a drawer, which he said not to, so I said in a slightly raised tone "THEY NEED TO BE IN THE DARK". I wasn't shouting but he took it that I was and accused me of going mad, "going crazy again". I have never been one to play on being pregnant and put any difference of opinion down to pregnancy hormones or stress but he won't take ANYTHING as even possibly being down that that, or to cut me some slack, or to let some things go... and I got sick of it and decided to get very upset and - etc.
Thankfully my mum is brilliant and we had a long talk. Came to the conclusion, which OH himself admitted when we talked later, that he is depressed. It's not me, it's his job. And he needs to develop a better attitude to it, even if it is just "it's good money". He hates his new boss, he doesn't enjoy being there... but he does like most of his colleagues, so he needs to focus on enjoying that aspect. I mean, that's what get me through the working day, enjoying the people I work with. Also he needs to start seeing his friends again (he doesn't, not often at all), especially (from my point of view) those friends who have recently become parents. He needs to talk to some of them and maybe then he'll get more of an understanding that the stuff I am going through isn't just me and I'm not just whining, but it's universal and NORMAL among pregnant women.
PHEW.
Sorry that was so long, but I had to vent...
I feel a lot better now, and actually think the fight/upset will have been worth it if he understands things need to change and especially his attitude needs to.
Bit of a pain with the having to explain to people all the time though, but I imagine it'll go in your maternity notes so they won't be concerned every time.
My pee was fine at my mw appointment yesterday, for glucose and protein anyway, except pH was "a bit off", she said, but they are not concerned with it. Haven't asked Dr Google what it means, I actually don't know in which direction it as off anyway, so there's not much point, other than for information. Pee was a bit darker than normal, she asked if I was drinking plenty water... have to say I forget while I'm not at work. Then, I have a bottle and fill it up regularly, but at home I often realise, eeep, haven't had a drink in a while...
But anyway, yesterday's appointment was fine except we had to wait an hour and a half
I had a feeling it'd be a long wait because of last Monday being a bank holiday - my last appointment was 3 weeks ago and should have been 2 weeks ago but for Easter Monday, and they were actually fully booked for yesterday but my mw insisted I get squeezed in at the end... of course that meant a long wait because of the cumulative effects of the mw running a bit late. It wasn't the usual mw, she'd been called away, so the one we saw wasn't familiar with the system, though she was lovely.I wouldn't have cared if I'd been on my own but OH came with me (for the first time) and as soon as we walked in and saw 4 ladies waiting I was like - uh oh, this is going to take ages, you can go home if you want. Which he didn't but then complained the whole time. And neither of us had brought anything to do/read and there was nothing apart from posters on the wall and my maternity notes. So he whined and I felt bad because it was his day off and his original plan for the day was to go and take photos (he's a photographer) but he'd agreed (I did not pressure him) to take me to the big Mothercare World in Croydon. THAT didn't go well either because the traffic in places was bad (roadworks) and he got stressed and nasty, like it was my fault, and apparently yes it was because it was me who wanted to go to this Mothercare World... despite the fact that it was for stuff for OUR CHILD - the reason I wanted to go THEN was because I have a voucher/code for 10% off nearly everything at MC and it expires midnight on Sunday, and I wanted to look at some things I hadn't taken notice of before and then I'd order online during the week. I mean, 10% isn't a lot on something that's £20 but when it comes to the cot and mattress, that's pushing £300, plus all the other stuff; and if I order it in one go it's all one delivery (free over £100).
So you'd think he'd be pleased at my organisation and that I'm being careful with £££... but all he could see was that he hated the journey and he never let me forget it for one second.
Then when we were home we only had 20 mins before we had to leav for the mw, and then there was that huge long wait... he was in a rotten mood. I'd have thought hearing the mw say baby sounded healthy, that my bp was good, urine fine, fundal height equal to dates would have made him happy... I mean, we have a doppler but all we can tell from that is that baby is still alive not anything that might be of concern, so to hear the mw say it was a fine HB... it made me happy and relieved but he started on with his grumping as soon as we were out the door (after being nice as ninepence the whole actual appointment).
So we got home and not long later this fight started, which culminated in me crying for 2 hours and having a long talk on the phone with my mum... basically, he doesn't understand pregnancy and the effect it has on the mother and he doesn't seem to want to do anything to educate himself. For example, he had a headache when we got back from the mw, we were both lying on the bed and he asked me to get his ibuprofen out of his bag. When I got off the bed my hips hurt, a sharp twinge, and I said ow ow ouch... and his response was not "are you ok?", a concerned response, but that he thought I was exaggerating or, worse, making it up! He sems to have this suspicious, negative response to stuff, like the heartburn thing I posted about before, that he thinks I don't really need to take Rennies, that's not as bad as all that, that I take them for fun, and it upsets me. Because it makes me wonder - what's he going to be like when I'm in labour? In pain but to his mind it's not bad so push me not to get pain relief???!!! I hope to god he's not like that or I'll find someone else to be there with me and he can wait outside!
Another thing he said, which is utterly crazy: "none of the pregnant women at work are like you"!!! Meaning, none of them lose their rag at him (which I rarely do anyway, I try my hardest to be the one who is cheery and keeps the mood nice at home when he isn't making any effort in the same way). I mean, though - I have worked throughout and NONE of my colleagues would suspect that I am pregnant, other than for the bump... I am exactly the same, upbeat, chatty, etc etc... he has a damned cheek to think that his colleagues are probably like that ALL THE TIME. I have to put a front on at work for the sake of my job and I suspect it's the same for his colleagues. Then when they get home they relax and maybe they don't mean to, I certainly don't, but the people we live with do tend to get the other side.
We have sorted it all now, I have aired each of my grievances and concerns and he has apologised and said it's not me who is at fault. (I wish he'd acquire some empathy pdq though.) He thinks sometimes that I don't want him or need him around, which is so far from the truth it's laughable, I'd be devastated and extremely sad if he were to leave me and the baby, though I'd be strong and I know I would cope - I've dealt with so much shit in my life that I AM strong now (he thinks it's what I secretly want!!!). He says he thinks we don't get on very well, but from my point of view we get along fine 90% of the time. The rest of the time we squabble and bicker but nothing major, and I thnk that is an OK proportion of good vs bad. To him, it feels like it's more serious. But he isn't seeing that a lot of the time he does nothing to defuse a situation and his response (to start flinging all this shit about "we don't get on, we don't like each other" and speak in a tone of voice I will not stand for and makes me see red every single time) pours petrol on a small spark that would go out so easily if he walked away or didn't engage in it. Then things blow up from nothing like what started last night's off (after a day, admittedly, that he was showing a lot of stress) - all that happened was that I noticed some potatoes that had been left out were going a bit green and I said they need to be in a dark place and tried to put them in a drawer, which he said not to, so I said in a slightly raised tone "THEY NEED TO BE IN THE DARK". I wasn't shouting but he took it that I was and accused me of going mad, "going crazy again". I have never been one to play on being pregnant and put any difference of opinion down to pregnancy hormones or stress but he won't take ANYTHING as even possibly being down that that, or to cut me some slack, or to let some things go... and I got sick of it and decided to get very upset and - etc.
Thankfully my mum is brilliant and we had a long talk. Came to the conclusion, which OH himself admitted when we talked later, that he is depressed. It's not me, it's his job. And he needs to develop a better attitude to it, even if it is just "it's good money". He hates his new boss, he doesn't enjoy being there... but he does like most of his colleagues, so he needs to focus on enjoying that aspect. I mean, that's what get me through the working day, enjoying the people I work with. Also he needs to start seeing his friends again (he doesn't, not often at all), especially (from my point of view) those friends who have recently become parents. He needs to talk to some of them and maybe then he'll get more of an understanding that the stuff I am going through isn't just me and I'm not just whining, but it's universal and NORMAL among pregnant women.
PHEW.
Sorry that was so long, but I had to vent...
I feel a lot better now, and actually think the fight/upset will have been worth it if he understands things need to change and especially his attitude needs to.
I am sorry you had such an awful day yesterday. Sounds to me like you guys worked it out. I hope the same fights don't keep occuring! I know how great it feels to just type out all the frustration though. Or write in some cases. It is definately a theraputic kind of thing! 
there I go again...
.... 
I'm sick of worrying and stressing about it. I just want to go back to my pre-pregnancy litter box ways... including having the old kind of litter again (my husband chose a different one once it became his responsibility and I hate it) 
.... this post has been super quiet the last few days ... hope everyone is okay... 
welcome to our happy August thread! 
amazing how much bigger it has grown in 3 wks!
