OH doesn't want baby number 2 :(

[mummy45]

Hi everyone,

I don't know where to post this so I hope this is ok because I am in desperate need for advise about this.

We have a beautiful baby who is 12months old and wasn't planning on baby number 2 for another year or so. However I've just found out I'm around 6 weeks pregnant and were as this was a shock to us both my OH hasn't taken it well at all.

It honestly breaks my heart, I have tears in my eyes writing this He said that we can't have a baby so soon and giving any and every excuse under the sun. He said we won't financially cope and its not fair todo this to our current baby, he said we would all struggle and not reasonable at all.

We both work fulltime and I work from home however we have nanny who comes over as I cant always give my full attention to my child. This is obviously costly however I we would cope. When I was pregnant with our baby I was out of work and wasnt entitled to any maternity pay! It was only when our babyw as 6months old I started working - so this time we are in a better position?! I would work till the day I dropped basically and I would get martnity pay. He said we can't afford me not working as unfortunately I earn a lot more then he does. I told him if we was to have a child in a year or so time like we wanted we would still be in this position. Yes we wont splurge loads but that doesnt bother me?!

Another one of his arguments is how we are moving into a property owned by my family in order to save money to get a mortgage. He said that my family would be furious and looks like we are taking advantage of their help. Yes i can see them being annoyed maybe like we planned this but we didnt and this seems like a small hurdle to me - I know we could still pay them rent even if i wasnt working so I dont see this as a major issue?

He said that we have just got ourselves on our feet and want to enjoy the 3 of us for a year without any hassle or strain or stress that another child would bring. I am nervous to have another child so soon but it doesnt phase me that much - he said thats me being clueless and not understanding what it would be like?! Errrr yes I do know I do look after our child I am not an idiot! Its not easy but not impossible and worth all of it in my own eyes.

I think I've become easily adaptable to the idea because I am a mum already and I just assocaite this time with our beloved first child. I loved being pregnant and I love being a mum - theres nothing more I enjoy then looking after our child - undesirable. So why is he like this?!

Is this my hormones and am I being unreasonable? I dont know what todo and I really dont want our relationship ruined - we've just started getting back on track and now feels like were back to square one when we should be both happy.

Please give me advise on how to go about this! Thank you in advance for your kindness - sorry for my spelling mistakes my silly computer wont let me change it!!

 

[THart]

Honestly, I think he is being a little harsh. It's his child as well. Maybe the time frame isn't what was expected, but people get with more kids and less money all the time, it's just about adapting.

It sounds to me, where you would get maternity benefits that you are in a good spot for this little one.

I am pregnant with #2 as well. Found out before my first was even a year old. I don't think it's being unfair to my first in the slightest. Just the opposite. Having them close on age to me means a good bonding between them as they will be able to participate in the same things, be in the same age category for toys and when the teenage years hit, hopefully be able to understand and support each other.

Ultimately, if he is unhappy what does he want done? An abortion? I'll admit I don't know him or you or your feelings on this matter but I have a feeling it is jot a decision you would make. Which means there isn't really any option but to accept it and move on. Feelings carry and I would hate for him to feel resentment towards the baby.

I'm sorry if none of this was helpful. It is a sad situation. But I think the child is blessing, unexpected but meant to be.

 

[Missnurse]

What thart said, I think them being close in age will be great as they get older. My DS was only 8 1/2 months when I found out we were expecting #3 although we planned it this way as DD is from a previous relationship and is 6 at Xmas we wanted a LO closer to DS age to grow up with plus although I'm only 26 oh is 36 so he quite rightly doesn't want to be too old when the kids are in their teens etc this will only be his second.

I hope you get it sorted out maybe once you have a scan or let it sink in with your oh a bit he will come round?

 

[bounceyboo]

hes a dick sorry but he is

 

[Perplexed]

Maybe he needs time to come along to the idea. He is probably just shocked and I hope that's all it is. I think you will get along fine with how things are right now and it won't be unfair to your current LO at all. I hope he accepts it and ends up being happy with your new blessing!

 

[mummy45]

I agree with all any child is a blessing expected or not but I don't know whether that'sy maternal instincts and always loving children? He said we couldn't cope with another child and I told him well I know I certainty can?! He then said it was him who isn't ready right now but would be in a year?! To be honest I hope he comes round, he's a great father to our LO already so I have no doubt he would to this one....he doesn't have faith in himself and I don't know what more I can do to convince him. It's all very sad this should be a happy time

 

[THart]

I'm sorry hun.

 

[oliv]

I think it is so unfair of him.... it took two of you to make that baby!! hopefully he will come around. I don't understand how is family would be annoyed about you having another baby surely its a blessing??!!

Im pregnant with my 2nd baby and my DD is 7 months old. Yes it will be hard but so worth it. Ours was planned but it wouldn't change anything if it wasnt

 

[Lucy139]

If he's saying a year from now would be okay I don't really see the issue by the time you've had the baby it would be nearly a year anyway... There is only one way to garuntee not getting pregnant that's not having sex he took part in dtd so there was always risk I'd say he needs to build a bridge and get over it pretty dam quick and stop being selfish!!

Congratulations btw I'm sure you LO will be a fab sibling and love every minute

 

[Googiepie]

Maybe he needs a little bit time to adjust to the idea, if it wasn't planned then he could be in a little shock. He is a man after all lol I think he is being too harsh though. My oh and I are having another and he's the only one that works. We get by just fine. We don't splurge but we don't starve either. The baby isn't going to be here for 9 months, which means you can still work and save.

 

[nflores77]

no advice to give but I know you need support and love!!

hope you OH comes around and accepts. It takes two to get pregnant.

 

[Dani_Ldn]

Sorry, but he had sex with you without (I am assuming) using any protection, I think it is very unfair of him to be acting in such a horrible way, what does he expect you to do about it?!

I am about the same along as you, our ds1 is 16 months & we weren't really planning this baby as we are moving from the UK to Australia in 3 weeks where we will have to stay with family in cramped living conditions until we find our own home, not really an ideal situation, but the way I see it, is that we already have everything we need from when ds1 was born, we cloth nappy, use cloth wipes & I plan on breastfeeding again, so apart from the loss on income on my behalf (which I think won't be noticed as ds1 will not be in daycare 5 days a week when this baby is born, he will just stay at home with me), I really think that financially we won't me much worse off tbh!

Anyhow, my hubby was a bit shocked at first, but he is getting used to the idea & he would never say such horrible things to me. Hopefully your hubby is just dealing with it by venting out loud, he still has a bit of time to get used to it. xx

 

[cookette]

Give him a few days...or a week. We planned this baby, but DH still freaked out on how we would afford her, care, etc. He's very much come around of course, but your OH make feel ambushed.

 

[melfy77]

Our girls are 11 months apart; it`s hard work but we love it

 

[SJDsMommy]

I agree that he probably needs time to get used to the idea.. Please do not do anything you would regret!

I have 2 kids and another on the way, honestly a 2nd baby isn't THAT much more expensive in my opinion.

 

[Eleanor ace]

. He will probably come round once it has sunk in, but I really feel for you with how it is at the moment. Once he's had a few days to process the idea you could remind him that it will be 9 months until LO is here, that is 9 more months where you can enjoy being a family of 3 and get ready to be a family of 4. Your LO will seem a lot older and more independent by then. And there are a lot of benefits to having children closer together . Congratulations by the way!

 

[Eidson23]

Hey...Earth to mummy45's DH!!! It's never a good time to have a baby!

Even when we were trying for a baby I can think of 1000000 reasons why it's not a good time. It's too close to the holidays, I don't want to be pregnant during the summer, I'm not happy at my job and it's not as stable, we're moving, etc. There's always something.

I'm really not sure what he thinks happens when you have unprotected sex, but generally, one of the side effects is pregnancy. He really needs to start looking at reasons why he wants another baby. How about, this is something he should take equal responsibility for? How about, to make his wife happy? How about, to give his child a sibling?

I understand being shocked, but that kind of response is just crazy to me. If I got pregnant at 17 and survived I think he'll be okay.

 

[Stacyh167]

I would just let him cool down. You are pregnant, so let reality settle in. Best of luck! Some men lash out without thinking how hurtful they are being.

 

[mummy45]

Thank you so much for advise everyone! And Eidson23 I completely agree there is never a perfect time - we our first we were in a worst off position I just lost my job and this time round we are in so not sure why he's being like this doesn't help that I've got bad nausea too so can't be dealing with his stress lol!! Xxx

 

[StillPraying]

Give it some time hon don't make a snap decision that you may regret!