OH's secret twitter account!!!

[lisab1986]

I've got 2 days of hol left, then DD b'day on Friday, then on sat, I think I'll go stay at my mums (again.....!)

It's always me who has to leave as it's his house, DD thinks it's brill goin to grandmas, and I'm very strict about not arguing in front of her so at least she isn't too shaken by it all.

I'm 16 weeks pg, I have a 4 year old. I just can see how I would cope on my own?

Of course you can you have your mother for support!
Right first of all you need to get someone to follow him on his twitter account and send you proof of what has been said, then you need to wait till hes at work then leave..leave him a note or something he doesnt deserve a proper explanation!
Either that OR comfront him you cant live for the next 4-5 days in limbo its not healthy for your daugvhter to pick up on your feelings because she will!

 

[Loz0912]

i my experience, ive never felt the need to look without feeling like i needed to for some reason! x

I don't understand what you mean? I didn't feel the need to look either, I found this account by accident, and the fact it's a secret account is reason enough to delve deeper?? Surely?

Maybe I read the comment wrong??

 

[MommynWaiting]

Print out his twitter comments then mail them "anonymously" to your house, addressed to you. Problem solved. You have the proof without getting wrapped up in the "you shouldn't have been looking in my phone" argument.

Then he should feel even more ashamed that "someone else" has caught him, found him to be inappropriate and divulged the info to you.

Then, leave those print outs on the counter with the "anonymous" stamped envelope that they came in and go stay at Moms.

 

[Gemini85]

i my experience, ive never felt the need to look without feeling like i needed to for some reason! x

I don't understand what you mean? I didn't feel the need to look either, I found this account by accident, and the fact it's a secret account is reason enough to delve deeper?? Surely?

Maybe I read the comment wrong??

yeah sorry i didnt explain very well! in the past, ive been with people where i just felt the need to look at their phone etc, as i just KNEW they were hiding something, granted, you didnt go looking, but if he says you are in the wrong for going on his phone, your best line of defense is that he was getting up to stuff last time, so if you saw something by accident, you are less likely to just lock the screen and not look, does that make sense? x

 

[Gemini85]

Print out his twitter comments then mail them "anonymously" to your house, addressed to you. Problem solved. You have the proof without getting wrapped up in the "you shouldn't have been looking in my phone" argument.

Then he should feel even more ashamed that "someone else" has caught him, found him to be inappropriate and divulged the info to you.

Then, leave those print outs on the counter with the "anonymous" stamped envelope that they came in and go stay at Moms.

This, is nothing short of genius! id never have thought of it! x

 

[IGL]

Ah, that's really crappy. I'm sorry.

I think you're doing really well by holding it together for the holiday and for DD's birthday when you're back, then going to your mum's, at least for a bit, sounds a really good idea. I hope you get some kind of good ending to this, whether that's working things out with OH or being happy and independent without him. You and the kids will be OK no matter what.

I don't think it's OK for him to tell you whether you can or can't have fb, I don't think it's OK for him to use twitter to flirt with other women on the sly like that, I don't generally think snooping to find out is OK, but in this instance that isn't what you were doing.

I'd personally really avoid the temptation to argue indirectly about this - whether that's deleting his account, or setting up a fake account of your own to 'test' him, or whatever. Once you're ready, I'd tell him calmly and directly what your problem is and what you expect him to do to fix it (if there is anything he can do, that is), and then go and have some space at your mum's. That's what I'd need to do, for my own self-respect, but everyone is different.

Lots of well-wishes for you - you are strong, and you deserve better. x

 

[wavescrash]

I've got 2 days of hol left, then DD b'day on Friday, then on sat, I think I'll go stay at my mums (again.....!)

It's always me who has to leave as it's his house, DD thinks it's brill goin to grandmas, and I'm very strict about not arguing in front of her so at least she isn't too shaken by it all.

I'm 16 weeks pg, I have a 4 year old. I just can see how I would cope on my own?

You have to do what's best for you and your children and someone you can't trust isn't what's best. You'll cope just fine, you'll just need to set your mind to it. Go to family and friends who are able and willing to help. I can't imagine anyone would turn their back on you at a time like this. I would do what someone suggested (since you have a place to go.) Once you get home, tell him what you saw and how you came to see it and say that you're going to stay elsewhere & he should probably think about what's more important to him, that he knows where to find you and to contact you when he gets his priorities straight. Good luck dear. Keep us updated.

 

[bumpbear]

This is a tricky one. Ordinarily, Id say rise above snooping behind his back and confront him directly. But you have already expressed that you dont know how you'd cope pregnant, and alone with a four year old, so it sounds to me a though you will probably try to make it work. If you dont look at what he's been tweeting about and dont exactly trust what he says, but are stuck in a living situation with him, not being sure about exactly what went on might eat away at you for years to come. And thats even worse for your relationship. In which case, perhaps snooping is the best thing to do under the circumstances if you want to be sure that you can put it completely behind you.

 

[Angharad87]

...he is friends with loads if beautiful girls (none of which he actually knows from what I can gather, was on a time limit) but there are some very questionble tweets on there! Telling girls they look great and "what a great picy to wake up to"...

I had something very similar. A dating/chat site where he told one lass he bet she'd look sexy in her halloween costume. I was heartbroken so know how you're feeling. This would hurt anyway but when you're pregant with his child... There aren't words. As for advice I did confront mine and we aired it out a little. I've forgiven but can't forget just yet. I think it's a good idea waiting til you get home and your DD has had her birthday. I'm sure I won't be alone (havent read the whole thread yet) in offering a friendly ear if you want it. Inbox is always open.

 

[libbylou]

I too would avoid any of the indirect ways such as deleting the app or his account. That won't deal with the problem because he can and probably will just re-activate and then be sneakier about it.

I wouldn't be overly concerned about a twitter account (except wierd that he won't let you have FB), but I would be concerned about all the random strange girls on his account and his inappropriate comments. That's what I would address if I were in your shoes.

 

[Jaylynne]

Nope, no way this would fly with me. He's indicated he has no respect for you as a person or as a partner as he's denied you Facebook for stupid reasons, sneaky ass set up a twitter account and flirts with other women and then LIES about it. Even worse, he's done a similar thing before and kicked YOU out??

He's controlling. I wouldn't do the sneaky things as it's just lowering yourself to more of his level and it won't go over well anyway. I'd do a head on assault. If he won't leave "his house", go to your moms and get a clear head. The situation is totally not cool and there's no way you should be putting up with it just because you're afraid of coping on your own. You're worth more than that.

 

[Sunshine12]

Sorry I posted on wrong thread.x

 

[petitpas]

No way you and DD should have to leave the house! Have it out with him and if he is not happy he can leave.

You are a couple with children, there is no his stuff her stuff while you are working together to raise a family.

I don't think you should set up a countersneak operation or wait and stew on it. Have it out with him right away. Be honest about how it makes you feel, listen to him about why he is doing these things. If he tries to turn things around remind him that there shouldn't be anything to hide and get back to the main issue.

I hope you two can work this out.

 

[xloulabellex]

Print out his twitter comments then mail them "anonymously" to your house, addressed to you. Problem solved. You have the proof without getting wrapped up in the "you shouldn't have been looking in my phone" argument.

Then he should feel even more ashamed that "someone else" has caught him, found him to be inappropriate and divulged the info to you.

Then, leave those print outs on the counter with the "anonymous" stamped envelope that they came in and go stay at Moms.

This, is nothing short of genius! id never have thought of it! x

Genius.

 

[PhoenixN]

I agree with most of the other posts above, but I would probably take a slightly different approach to avoid a huge confrontation.

I would set up my own twitter account (as me, nothing sneaky) and then follow him. If he mentions it, just say you thought it was time you caught up with technology and this new fangled social networking and you saw that he had an account so followed him.

He will be pretty stuck. He won't be able to say you can't have an account as he has one. He can't say he doesn't want you following him as that would be obvious he has something to hide and he also can't flirt with other women as he'll know you'll see.

If he suddenly shuts down the account or seems to stop using it then you know he has probably set up another one to continue flirting, in which case you have a problem that will need to be confronted.

Also, if you want a FB account, then bloody well have one. No one should restrict you communicating with the outside world.

For the record, my DH is always complimenting other women (he has loads of female friends on his FB) but the difference is, he doesn't hide it and he doesn't say things like 'what a nice pic to wake up to'.....more along the lines of 'you're looking great hun'. And I'm very comfortable with it, because it's all in the open.

 

[sandilion]

Wow i would be furious!!! You're not allowed to have a facebook yet he posts such things to other attractive women? What a prick of a thing to do! I would be confronting him and telling him to delete it and that he is being very unfair. The fact he is lying to you about it in my opinion is not a good sign and you need to address this and stamp it out asap.

He needs an ultimatum.

 

[sandilion]

For the record, my DH is always complimenting other women (he has loads of female friends on his FB) but the difference is, he doesn't hide it and he doesn't say things like 'what a nice pic to wake up to'.....more along the lines of 'you're looking great hun'. And I'm very comfortable with it, because it's all in the open.

Exactly, my hubby is the same and so am i with complementing people.

I would be furious if my husband said something sleazy to another women like that. In our earlier days he actually did, and i caught hi out on it and had a huge argument with him and was willing to leave him over it. he begged and pleaded for me to give him another chance and i am glad that i did because he hasn't done anything of the sort since and we have complete trust.

 

[lili_angel]

Print out his twitter comments then mail them "anonymously" to your house, addressed to you. Problem solved. You have the proof without getting wrapped up in the "you shouldn't have been looking in my phone" argument.

Then he should feel even more ashamed that "someone else" has caught him, found him to be inappropriate and divulged the info to you.

Then, leave those print outs on the counter with the "anonymous" stamped envelope that they came in and go stay at Moms.

This, is nothing short of genius! id never have thought of it! x

Genius.

Shit, I'll offer my services as well & go on my twitter account (that I never use but now have a bloody good reason to...bit of BnB investigating!!) & find him if you PM me his name....I'd be more than happy to rat his no good flirting arse out to you.

In the meantime doll, big huggles...we're proud that you came to us to air this out

 

[esst]

I'd ask him about it, point blank. No "anonymous letters", no anything like that. You are an adult, he is an adult, you are having a child together and there shouldn't be secrets like that.

The fact that he has tossed you out before for finding out things like this means in all reality he will probably try to do it again. I'd print a hard copy out of the twitter account if you can just in case things get hairy.

My OH and I have mutual friends, many of whom are also models (I've dabbled) and he can be a little flirty but we don't keep secrets. He's been clear to both me and them that he isn't interested in anything other than being their friend and he is a really, really good friend to some girls who really could use one. If I found out he had a secret account where he was flirty messaging with people - even if they weren't messaging back - that makes me think he would feel he needed attention from someone outside the relationship for his own self esteem.

 

[chachacha]

Wow, this is a really odd situation. I'm guessing the reason he won't 'allow' you on social networks is because he's worried you'll be on there flirting like he has been! It's usually the most controlling, suspicious ones who turn out to be up to no good themselves.

If you do decide to leave, try not to worry right now about being on your own. Being happy and stress-free is the most important thing for you and your kids. You can figure out the practical stuff later.