Ok..anyone wanna get me through tomorrow?

[ANC]

So...yeah it could be worse. But for me, right now, I need some support. I think you guys get it a lot more than most people.

I've posted on the TTC board, but I felt this might be better here.

Tomorrow I go back to my RE, it was my first round of Clomid. I went in day 12, no follicle growth. He said if tomorrow there's nothing, he's going to assume it isn't working (it'll be CD 17. ) Guess we'll see.I'm still not good at [paying all that money and being told it didn't work.
My best friend just told me that she's pregnant after 1 month of trying. I of course was super happy for her in the email back and very supportive and all that, but I was crying while I typed.

I'm just numb today. We've been trying a year..I know I know..could be longer. I'm just sad and hurting today and not figuring I'm ovulating today, I don't have any symptoms and I'm just having a problem functioning too well day.
I'm worried tomorrow's going to get even uglier. I can't keep crying this much (I'm gonna blame a lot on the clomid.)

I work full time as a teacher so I can't lose it at work but I sure feel like it sometimes...

BTW, I have PCOS, in case you needed that fun background..

Anyway, I'm sure I'm being whiny, but I just want somewhere where I CAN be whiny and have someone get it. I'm functioning in life, living, could be worse I know..but today I just need someone that gets it.

 

[Tarkwa]

One year is a long time, and it's not fair when other get PG at the drop of a hat. Crying helps, but it's much better for me to come on here - I haven't felt like crying over the last week (since I joined). I still feel emotional, but more in control. I needed to talk to people who knew what this suffering felt like as no-one around me understands. I have a close friend who has been TTC for 2 years but she won't talk about it which is hard for me. I haven't seen her in ages and keep wondering if she's PG yet. I'm sure she feels the same about me.

You have to be strong in front of the kids, but let it all out on here chick, it's what it is here for! Clomid has funny ways of affecting people - for me it seems to be hot flushes (I've just had one - I feel like I should be going through the menopause!). There's no advice that I can give you really, but I say the best things come to those who wait.
Wishing you lots of
xxx

 

[Imaan]

Aww do not worry... I almost cried reading your message as I am feeling really emotional right now too.

What's super strange is that I am also a teacher (and know full well about not being able to lose it at work... it's like being at centre stage). AND... yesterday my friend told me she was pregnant via email!!!

On top of that, 5 of my friends have just had babies and one wants me to be her birthing partner (she is about to give birth this week).

I will be thinking of you x

 

[ANC]

Thanks guys! It means so much to get a response, no matter how trivial it seems.

Clomid gave me crazy hot flashes and night sweats. It made me sick and crazy, so the thought of a higher dose...ughhhhhhhh

A teacher too? Neato. It's so hard when the kids are being crazy to not want to just lose it.

I'm not even a crier really..I'm just exhausted. I don't know how people do this forever. I try not to think of it--I have a busy life..but it just hurts and I can't figure out how to handle it yet

I feel like my mind has gone AWOL to cope today. Last night i cried in the bathroom with a neg. ovulation test after my friend told me, then slept in the floor. My poor husband came down with me and the dogs and we laid in the floor like crazy people. But hey, we are a little crazy now I suppose

 

[Traskey]

Well tonight seems to be the night for crazy teachers!!!!!!! I am trying to prep for tomorrow but keep getting distracted on here (in a very positive and good way).

We are all allowed to have bad days It seems to be a side effect of LTTC. You try so hard for so long, doing all the right things and each month gets you. It can make getting up hard some days.

Hang in there, especially on days when others have positive news

 

[ANC]

thank you. I'm actually off tomorrow to go to the dr. I take the whole day cause i have some saved up and I work an hour from my dr..I'm going to go to the bookstore and grade papers after...

The last appointment I had I went to the bookstore after, trying to not think about my appointment, and the starbucks manager's wife had JUST had a baby so guess what he and his coworkers talked about beside of me for 20 minutes? I was like..If I cry, will they leave? lol

Sighhhhhh... I just am waiting to be told, here's another 10 days of provera..see you in 30 days...30 days that feel like 300 days

you guys are great! thanks!

 

[neuros]

Hi ANC,

I just posted something very similar yesterday! https://www.babyandbump.com/problems-trying-conceive/519029-very-discouraged-lost.html

i've been trying for more than 2 years. coming up to the 35 years old mark next year.

I also just had my CD12 scan on my 3rd round of clomid and follicles also not responding. also told to wait and see - there might be "small" chance of it growing in next 5 days but can tell from doc's tone that he's just consoling me. am also feeling really down and feel like crying. tired. frustration etc. i can totally relate. everyone around me also getting pregnant at drop of a hat. i keep thinking why me? or should that be why NOT me?

i can't say i feel much better but i think venting and having support from others help so here's a hug from me to you. let's continue trying and having faith together!

 

[ANC]

Wow Neuros, you and I had EXACTLY the same dr. visit. He even used they same "yeahhhhh we'll see" really unhopeful tone

I'm checking my CM, feeling symptoms, and basically getting my hopes up even though I don't want to. I read once the hardest part of TTC long term is that you never get an open and shut wound-its like you tear the bandaid off over and over every 30 days and never get to heal.

This forum has been really helpful...I'm suprised because I don't talk about it much to anyone, I feel like I'll just be complaining..it's nice to be able to sometime.

 

[neuros]

yes ANC, that's what i thought - eerily similar experience! hahahaa...

i totally get what you mean. i hate this seemingly never-ending cycle of hope and disappointments. and even when i know there is very faint chance i still can't help feeling some hope and inevitably get disappointed. don't know who i can talk to either cos it's not things you can tell everyone. and those that i do talk to, i don't know how much will be too much i.e. bore them, make them uncomfortable, think i'm whiney etc.

 

[ANC]

So....

Yeah my body didn't respond to the Clomid this round :'(. I mean I wasn't shocked, but I still had some hope. Esp. because this morning I took an OPK and it was positive and I had this glimmer of hope..imagining me and my friend that just got pregnant being pregnant together...you know, all that.

Then I get there and nope, nothing. The dr. said he's increasing it to 100 this time. I asked to be switched to something else because Clomid makes me insane. So he said he would and I'd start Provera today.

Anyway, we had a HUGE snowstorm today, like all the roads closed, I finally got to the pharmacy, it took hours and they were like "Oh this (alternative to clomid) is $200 for 5 pills, will you be using insurance?" And I'm like "yeah my insurance won't cover that." So I called my dr. and said "Never mind, I'll have to just deal with it because there is NO way I can afford that".

SO, after getting stuck and not able to get home, then stuck in the snow, I finally am home and started my Provera.

First offical failed cycle on meds, but we've been on different meds and trying for a year, so it's really like the 12th cycle.

I didn't even get that sad. I'm just so resigned. I hate it but it's like my body's defense mechanism right now.

I can't imagine being on a higher dose of clomid. I'm seriously shuttering just thinking about it.

Anyone have any luck on 100 instead of 50 of clomid?

 

[Traskey]

Aww, what an awful day you have had I'm sorry that the alternative drug is so expensive! That's a huge amount of money for five tablets.

I'm not taking Clomid yet, but I have seen on people's signatures success in achieving a when taking higher doses of Clomid, so all things are possible. Hang in there, even though it's tough and the process seems never ending.

 

[ANC]

Thanks--I have seen that people do well on 100. I'm just taking the clomid--I'll live..but it'll be a long 5 days.

 

[ANC]

This is probably corny, and I know this song is about a breakup, but it actually made me feel a lot better about everything today...so here's a song that might make someone feel better!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=22zB6Soc2Gk&feature=&p=6540C589047365A2&index=0&playnext=1

 

[Rowan75]

big hugs ANC

pcos sucks it really does!

I was only on 50mg clomid and cant have it anymore as it does so much long lasting damage to my eyes - I know a few ladies on here who have had to up to 100mg one has a lovely bfp not long after she upped her dose so fingers crossed for you!

 

[ANC]

Thanks! I've decided to try go on a mission trip with my church, and it already feels better to have something to focus on that isn't TTC. Hope it helps

 

[star1]

Hi

I'm sorry you're feeling disheartened

My first round of clomid at 50mg didn't work at all, but all the ones at 100mg have worked really well.

Good luck for next month x

 

[hopefulchick]

Thank you for that song

 

[678star-bex]

Just wanted to say hi good luck. Im on to cycle 2 of clomid now. lets try & be positive. good luck all.

 

[ANC]

You're welcome! I listen to that song a lot. 678-sounds good! I'm on day 3 of Provera today. What about you?


So i booked an acupuncture appointment...we'll see how this goes! I'm kinda excited

 

[ANC]

Ugh. Sad again. Sick all day from the meds..then found out a family memeber is pregnant again. I hate how I feel like I'm ok then bam, back to just plain sad. I'm tired of being sad.