Old School POAS addicts - chat thread!

[motherofboys]

I have 20 months between DS1 and DS2, they were then 4yrs 1 month and 2yrs 4 months when DS3 arrived and then 7years 8 months, 6 yrs 1 week and 3yrs 7 months when DS4 was born.
I loved the close gaps, and found dividing attention hasn't really been too much of a problem. Sure there are times when one or more require a high level if attention for their stage and another is in a stage where they dont really demand attention and it would be easy to over look that one. I just make sure there is a part of the day when they can be sure they will have my undivided attention. Everything else can wait. Ds4 I am home with in the mornings while everyone else is at school/preschool. Ds3 comes home at lunch time and while ds4 naps we do something together. Dh gets home just before I have to collect the big 2 so he waits with ds3 while I take ds4 to get the big ones. Ds2 enjoys cooking so whoever is doing the dinner that night will spend that time with him. Then once ds4 is in bed and dh is taking the middle 2 up I spend the last hour of the day with ds1. Something's we are just playing the word game hang man. But it's quiet and peaceful and just us, and it's the time he tells me anything he needs to.
Ds1 and I also go out once a month and do something alone, even if it's just to get a drink and bowl of nachos in the restaraunt part of the village pub.

I think it's normal to have concerns about the right gap and when to have another child. I saw it put perfectly the other day, can't remember where. By having another child you are not taking away from your current child/ren, but giving them something more.
I don't think having a sibling close in age negatively impacted on ds1 in anyway. He is a happy, well adjusted and extremely bright boy. But I guess it friends on each child and how well they would adjust to a sibling.

 

[motherofboys]

Also I love close gaps, I would like another closer gap. The smaller one is my favourite gap. But again I think it's a personal preference. I know people with similar gaps to mine that preferred the bigger gap.

 

[LuvallmyH]

I'll respond to your question lovn later...
Just wanted to say I took a $ store test & of course it was bfn. The purple was about the same. I can't understand why they would all do the same thing? Either way they suck really bad. . I'm going to try to hold out until at least tomorrow morning. If I get the same I'll assume they are just tests from hell.

 

[motherofboys]

Oh yes and I downloaded the fertility friend app on my phone! I don't want to obsess this time, so trying to do all the symptom tracking. So for now, as we are between wtt and NTNP I'm going to just put in af and see if that becomes regular, and if I happen to notice anything or do check cp occasionally. If nothing has happened when we get to the point that we'd actively ttc I will just add in temping so I can check I an actually ovulating and with the right lp.

 

[Lovn.sunshine]

Thank you for your response motherofboys! Sounds like you've really got a great routine and group of young men

I really love the idea of a close age gap and so does dh - I think we can make it work - whether it works out that way or not - we'll see [the age gap, not us making it work ]

So officially - we've been NTNP for 5 months with no success - so I figure once we really batten down the hatches and pull out all the stops [opks, temping tracking cm/cp] it'll hopefully take less than time than it did with Sofia - if it does take 11 months - so be it - what's meant to be will be

 

[motherofboys]

Sometimes I think some higher power steps in and says "no not yet" and that each child we get are who we are meant to have, and if we'd conceived then earlier or later, by even one month, they wouldn't be that egg and that sperm and so would never be them. And if you believe in that sort of thing, and life's lessons, I think that there can be a lesson to be learnt from each step and how long things take.
I wanted the small age gap each time, it just took longer and longer, which was why the age gaps got bigger.
I would hope that if my cycle does play ball I will be pregnant with in a year, FX, and hopefully we can all be bump buddies.
But as you say what will be will be.

Wow I was rambling on there. Lol

 

[LuvallmyH]

My age gaps are 20 months, 3.6 years (not by choice, had a mc & couldn't get pg again) 21 months, 21 months, 2.4 years (again mc in between) & 2.1 years. I really love having them close in age. They are able to grow up and do similar things and grow up friends. I think it's actually a little harder with bigger age gaps. Especially as they get older. My older children have little in common with the middle children. And the middle children crave their attention. But everyone loves the babies It's hard to explain. I also feel like motherofboys - I have gotten who I was meant to have. That has actually helped me heal from my mc's. If those pregnancies had continued I would not have my rainbows. I truly do not think there is a right or wrong answer here. I always felt like no matter what life gives me I continue to hit my internal "reset" button and accept my new normal. You will figure it out if they are close in age or far apart. I do not feel my children have been in any disadvantage because of close age gaps - or many siblings for that matter. They get the most out of their situation because we nurture them that way.


On a side note, I think I am going to O I have been having wicked O pains for the past week & it's kicked it up a notch to almost unbearable today. I always get like this. Honestly my O pains can last days! My cervix is getting favorable & I have a ton of watery cm. I do get O pains in the beginning of pg too so I haven't really thought about it too much. I am feeling miserable. Guess i should have picked up opks instead of hpts. that being said those ic's are horrible!!!!!!! I just know I am not pg.

 

[motherofboys]

I think so much of it depends on each individual persons personality, and each child brings something new to the dynamics. Ds1 and 2 share lots of the same friends and all 3 of the bigger boys have mostly similar interests. Although ds1 at 8, is SO over some of ds3s 4 year old interests, where as ds2 who's 6 can just flip between the two. It's funny they like the same things but want to do those things in different ways.
They had a friend round tonight. So had 5 boys and they kept splitting off into different pairs, and ds4 was quite happy just watching it all go on around him. That , coupled with a few days of really good behaviour and friendliness (they do have stages of constant fighting) made me think "yeah, I can go 5"

 

[steph.]

Thanks motherofboys and luvallmyh for your replies. When I was trying to convince my dh that it makes more sense to have another one now instead of me going back to work just to stop again in a few months, he said I had to think of what was better for the girls and not myself as they would still be very little. It made me feel horrible and selfish, and just like lovn I keep going back and forth between wanting one now and waiting a little.

Mine are nearly 22 months apart and I really love the gap so far. It would have been smaller had my cycles come back sooner but I breastfed until 16 months. I also believe I got the children I was meant to have. I had a mc before dd1 and I was completely devastated. She was then an oops conceived 2 weeks later. DD2 we had been ntnp since dd1 was born but only got my cycles back after a year.

I really wish my dh would come round to being convinced to letting us try now. I'm the one who stays home wiht the kids, I'm the one who is putting my career on hold, I'm the one who has to go through pregnancy and birth. Argh, any tips on convincing him?

 

[LuvallmyH]

Thanks motherofboys and luvallmyh for your replies. When I was trying to convince my dh that it makes more sense to have another one now instead of me going back to work just to stop again in a few months, he said I had to think of what was better for the girls and not myself as they would still be very little. It made me feel horrible and selfish, and just like lovn I keep going back and forth between wanting one now and waiting a little.

Mine are nearly 22 months apart and I really love the gap so far. It would have been smaller had my cycles come back sooner but I breastfed until 16 months. I also believe I got the children I was meant to have. I had a mc before dd1 and I was completely devastated. She was then an oops conceived 2 weeks later. DD2 we had been ntnp since dd1 was born but only got my cycles back after a year.

I really wish my dh would come round to being convinced to letting us try now. I'm the one who stays home wiht the kids, I'm the one who is putting my career on hold, I'm the one who has to go through pregnancy and birth. Argh, any tips on convincing him?

Tell him he's shut off until he gives in? No advice here. I'm trying to convince my dh to give in as well

 

[motherofboys]

I've not really got any advice for convincing him. You can continue to point out all the positives of having another s

 

[motherofboys]

How are we all?
AF has been and gone, and now I'm nervous LMAO Been trawling the online listings for houses to rent this afternoon, but no luck so far. All too far out or too expensive. Can imagine me having another baby in this house. And what people will say. DH keeps telling me to write a book and make enough money to get us out of here LMAO

 

[Lovn.sunshine]

Hi

Yay for af being and going!! Hope you're able to find some good listings to at least go look at!

Af is fiiiinally leaving [been 10 days of either spotting or af ] I'm not sure we'll even ntnp this month, I kind of want to protect, as looking [again] at our finances, we really just can't afford another baby right now [or even in the next year, really ] Sofia's day care and health insurance alone run us ~$900 a month

How's everyone else?

 

[motherofboys]

Thanks, I hope so too. Dh is talking about doing all these things in the garden like he is planning to still be here a lot longer than I am. Talking about ds4 going to school with the baby next door who was born in Jan. And them calling to each other over the fence. I don't think he is serious about moving half the time, then he moans like crazy when there's no room to walk past each other.

 

[LuvallmyH]

My dh called me this afternoon and asked how long ago we had our life insurance blood work. I said about 5 weeks ago (it was the same day I went for my consult to get my tubes tied.) He was really excited and said "go home and pee on a stick!" The insurance company called him today and asked if I knew I was pregnant. I have been in a lot of pain for months like I am gearing up to O, but then not. All my fertile signs have not quite lined up together, but I am having this constant pain. I was sure I o'd 4 days ago because the pain was so bad, along with a backache. Then I get that call. So either way I am no longer pregnant. I'm a little nervous because of the pain. I have a dr appt. at 10 tomorrow morning.
I just feel so sad. I'm afraid this is going to scare my dh to put his foot down and say definitely no more. I would have been so thrilled to be pregnant. I am also afraid that I will need some kind of intervention to terminate the pregnancy.

 

[Lovn.sunshine]

Wait??!!! So the blood work you got done 5 weeks ago says you're pregnant?? I hope that, if that's the case, that maybe you had the hook effect on your tests you took a few days back and that's why it was just a super faint line..?? I hope you get some answers at your appointment tomorrow. What a shock all that must be.
I hope if it turns out that this isn't a viable pregnancy that your husband doesn't put his foot down, if you're not ready to be done

 

[LuvallmyH]

I tried the hook effect as soon as I got home. No go. Apparently they called him today and said the blood work said I was pregnant. I don't know, I'm confused. I don't understand why they called at all. I wish I didn't know honestly. I'll hopefully get some answers tomorrow. I know my dh was excited to tell me. I guess he didn't think there could be a problem. So, I guess those test were onto something then.

 

[steph.]

What?!! Did they say what your hcg was at 5 weeks ago? Let us know how you get on tomorrow, ugh must be a bit stressful not to know what is happening. Either way it's a good thing they called especially since you've been in pain. Huge hugs your way, hope everything turns out ok!

 

[Lovn.sunshine]

How confusing!! I hope you get answers. I wonder why on earth they waited 5 weeks to call?? Did they/will they offer to give you the results or do you think it was a yes/no kind of test?

 

[LuvallmyH]

I've got no idea. I asked my dh specifically what was said & he said the insurance agent called and asked "is your wife pregnant?" My dh said he didn't think so, & the guy asked if it was possible. The agent said the "whoever" called him and asked if I was but wouldn't give him any information. It's really weird. It is possible of course. It just doesn't add up. I mean if I was 5 weeks ago, I would have been at least 3 weeks. I have for all purposes been testing bfn all along. You would think that if I was & now I'm no longer, and it's been 8ish weeks I would have some sort of bleeding?

Now my dh is all freaked out. He is worried that it's ectopic & now I am destined to have ectopics forever and he thinks it's foolish to try to get pregnant now.

I really thought I was 4dpo. I wasn't expecting this! I'll let you all know tomorrow.