Thanks everyone
I'm home now, physically very well, but mentally .. well that's another matter. Finlay is doing really well, we've had a couple of blips and he's still in the neonatal unit but he's really coming on and we hope to have him home soon. He's just terrific. I've never felt anything like this, it's completely overwhelming to love someone so much, so quickly. It's funny because hubby said to me yesterday (grinning), "I suppose I'm not your favourite boy any more, eh?" and I laughed and said, "no but I'm probably your second favourite person now too, eh?". We're just head over heels in love with our boy.
It's opened up a whole new world to us.
I was discharged today - I've been struggling in hospital, being on a ward where pretty much everyone else had their babies with them. It's tough being there (even in a room on your own), hearing other babies cry when yours isn't with you. Even worse I haven't been allowed into the nursery yesterday or today because I have a little sniffle (basically I have a blocked nose, that's all) ... I miss my boy so much. I do understand they have to be super-careful and totally support them (even though I know I'm not actually ill or infectious, I don't expect them to take any chances), but it's just absoloutely devastating to be separated from Finlay, now for 2 days. I was crushed this morning and eventually the midwife found me sobbing in the toilet ... I begged them to let me home and they were brilliant, really supportive and promised me they'd get me home today .. and by 11:30 I was discharged. It's much easier to cope at home because I can put my energy into resting so that I get up to 100% asap, and I can wash all Finlay's gifts and put them away .. do thank you cards etc. So much easier to focus on positive things at home than it is in hospital.
On a more positive note, I've been expressing milk for him and now I'm up to 50ml at a time, it goes up every day which is really pleasing. I've just bought a pump and these fantastic breastmilk bags that I can express into and take them down to the hospital for him. I love that I am able to do that for him, I'm desperate to maintain any kind of bond with him and it's very satisfying to see it, comforting almost to know I'm doing something for my boy!