Ladies this is a long post - so grab a cuppa
Me - 42 hubby 34

been married almost 4 years been trying longer. Have two boys from a previous marriage aged 13 and 11 - 13 year old is autistic and challenging
Started our journey if it happens it happens - we fell pregnant was over the moon, never forgot his face when I told him - lost that baby (was in the middle of a house move) so blamed myself went through the if onlys - but I did it once right? the hospital believed I was about 6 weeks - anyone have a m/c in a caravan - not exactly easy or discreet
Fell pregnant again -

this time no problems (or so it seemed) symptoms nice and strong HCG levels rising nicely - scans all showing a developing sac and then sac had stopped growing, HCG levels dropping - was diagnosed as a blighted ovum - A WHAT????? any way I had my first ever DNC whilst not pleasant it was okay - I think I knew something was amiss in the end (had joined this site by then and to be honest to much knowledge was certainly dangerous)
Before I knew it I was pregnant again - this time I never told hubby and had booked myself in to have bloods taken - they came back but HCG was very low - barely pregnant. I bled that week and once again I had lost (I did tell hubby eventually)
We had now had 3 m/c so in the UK that qualifies us for testing (woopy fckng doo!) so off we went we had basic testing done - we checked for chromosomal differences, blood clotting, and a few other tests - hubby had 2 vials of blood I think I had about 7 maybe more

anyway we got our results back all clear - so I asked for a second opinion - when a supposedly FS says to hubby it's ok to smoke and also the fact I have endometerosis (no this won't effect TTC/MC)

again the knowledge is power came into effect.
So we was referred to a recurrent M/C specialist and I have to say they were lovely they wanted to carry out all these tests on me CD1-3, HSG, Ultrasounds, Progesterone Tests, blood tests etc (the only downfall I don't drive - hubby had to take me) this involved taking time off work as this place was in a different county

Guess what I never got back for my tests I fell pregnant again

and sadly lost it - they said they couldn't do any tests on me for a least 3 cycles as my hormones would be out of whack! - at this point I had short cycles 22 days so tried to explain I would see them soon - they gave me a month which would have meant I had nearly six cycles

So hubby and I sat down had a chat and decided seen as though the basic tests had come back ok - lets just see what happens - so now we are a full circle waiting and seeing
Lo and behold it was not much longer in fact the next month I became pregnant again - so this time the Dr's were on my case - a pos preg test 6 May (8DPO) had prog and hcg tested the next day - p61 H50

then tested again 13 May P52 H1079 again knowledge came into play the P was dropping - I decided I would have one more test and make my mind up - 15 May H1660 P44 so I contacted my Specialists and asked for Progesterone (what a faff) my own Dr wanted to know why I would want it - errrr doh and the specialist was away on holiday

So I was sent for a very early scan on 17 May I was 4 weeks ish and we saw the sac and beginning of yolk sac

happydance

I had another scan on 24 May - sac had grown to 14mm

so everything was progressing nicely. On 3 June at 6w their was a sac an embryo and a fetal heart (I got a scan picture - my first one in many many years

) I also got to speak to an on call dr - explained my concerns about progesterone levels, he said I had PMA and that of course he would prescribe progesterone for me anything to keep that little one safe

The specialist finally got in touch and requested I went for another scan on June 5 so they could sign me off their papers

I went and saw the sac, embryo again the fetal heart and little one had grown

I went for a final scan on June 19 when when the man who was doing the ultrasound said "I'm sorry F..... it doesn't look good" there was a lot of crying and swearing - it was me

so I was scheduled for a DNC I asked if I could let nature take care of itself - they gave me a deadline of 26 June - 26 June I went for a DNC.
The DNC itself was okay - and I asked for some testing to be carried out on my baby - they refused - I was upset

the nurse inserted the tablets (normal procedure) and said just relax we will be back for you soon - I didn't feel great but put that down to hormones.
I was wheeled down and I asked what's that box for - the baby said a nurse - I thought he wasn't going to examine it? - he changed his mind the nurse said she had some concerns over your health
Anyway I had the DNC this wasn't as smooth sailing and I had to stay in over night - I honestly felt like I had just given birth - usually in a DNC you get the smallest stretch and they clear you out. This time I was stretched to 10cm - no wonder I was sore - I had given birth
We got our results back - everything was fine - no reason for fetal demise - I could not get my head around this at all - baby had been growing, had a strong heartbeat, okay I looked like I was a lot further on and also my health was not as strong as it could have been - but surely that's pregnancy right? perhaps my age.
Out of the blue we get a phone call asking us to attend the hospital - there we were told "sorry there had been a mix up - my paper work had gone somewhere else" the rest is a bit of a blur - but what he did say was the baby was poisoning me, it wouldn't have lived, and basically mother nature worked in my favour this time
I was just beginning to move on to be told this news - that my instincts were correct - I then went through the whole grieving process again - then I went through guilt/relief etc.
My journey is still ongoing - and I live in hope that maybe this month - but you know the rules ladies sssssshhhhhh don't tell hubby
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