On the brink of ivf and now, second guessing myself

[vkj73]

Hi mamas,

I'm on the brink of beginning my first mini-IVF and feeling a little scared; also second guessing myself. I'm worried about my age (41) and potential complications.

Part me says stop you have one...it's too much of a gamble,
another part feels a strong tug at my heart to move forward.

I can't tell if it's fear of the unknown and I should just dive in, or is this fear a sign to stop.

This can be such a lonely and scary process.

I would love to hear you story and/or words of wisdom.

Thank you in advance

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Hi vkj73,

I'm sorry, I can't give you any stories or specific advice on the IVF process but I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone and I think what you are going through is completely normal. I see from your sig. that you have been TTC #2 for 2 years so it's clearly something you really want and so being so close and starting IVF I would be surprised if you weren't worried/anxious and scared....

I remember a few months ago AF was late and I had just had a weird cycle so I really genuinely started to think I might finally be getting my BFP... Suddenly after wanting it so desperately for over 2 years I was terrified about the idea that I might actually be pregnant. I started second guessing myself completely wondering how I would handle things (I was super sick during my pregnancy with DS), how it would impact DS, would I cope with no sleep again once babe was here and so on and so on....But then AF reared her ugly head and I was truly gutted and realised that all the things I was scared of I would deal with if and when they happened but ultimately I did want so badly to be pregnant.

I'm sure your Dr. has explained the issues regarding your age but I don't think 41 is bad at all. I know so many lovely ladies on here who are 40+ and have no plans to stop TTC because of their age, infact lots of ladies don't even start with #1 until 40+.

I know it's scary but think how much you have wanted this over the last 2 years. Perhaps have a big honest discussion with your DH about it all and that might help you with deciding one way or another if it is what you really do want. Hopefully as well some other ladies who have been through IVF will be able to give you lots of advice and reassure you on the process. It is lonely and scary but you definitely aren't alone on here. Big hugs

 

[vkj73]

Whiteorchid24,
Thank you for your reply. Your words are very helpful. I think even just hearing, "you're not alone" or that others may actually freak if they got a bfp is so comforting. After 2 years, I think we've experienced every emotion.

My last bcp is tomorrow, and so the ivf journey begins!

I hope to hear from you again. Good luck on your journey

 

[tommyg]

Yip it's bound to be scary however if you don't give it a try you'll spend the rest of your life saying "what if....". I'd take the view that after ttc for 2 years you aren't going to settle until you have exhaust all options.

 

[vkj73]

Thanks Tommyg,
I agree, I think I would always wonder...
Now with ivf, if it doesn't happen, we'll know we tried everything (or as far as we were willing to go).

I wish you luck on your journey

Thanks again

 

[Blythe]

Vkj73 - did you do the IVF?

 

[vkj73]

hi blythe

i did and will be testing tomorrow.

how are you?

thanks for checking in

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Good luck!! Keeping my fingers crossed that you get that BFP! How was the whole procedure?

 

[vkj73]

hi whiteorchid,
thanks for the kind words
i felt like all of the iuis i went thru sort of prepared me for the ivf.
our goal was to do a mini-ivf, meaning less medication.
however, for the first time, my body didn't respond to the clomid, so they upped my medication (i.e. injections). i had to go in for several scans, so that was very nerve wracking. the follicles took their sweet time, so it was a lot of, "come back in 4 days for another scan."

the procedures themselves were pretty easy.

since i have summers off, it made it a lot easier. i don't know if i could have gone through that during the school year.

tomorrow's the big day.

how are you doing?

good luck to you as well on your journey!

 

[tommyg]

Fingers crossed you get that BFP. Good luck.

 

[vkj73]

well, my hpt was positive, as well as the blood test.

i go back in saturday for a follow up blood test.

it's all pretty surreal and i'm super cautious right now.

sending to all.

 

[tommyg]

Congratulations fingers crossed for a sticky bean.

 

[WhiteOrchid24]

Congrats vkj73!!!! That is amazing - so happy for you and wishing you a H&H 9 months

Nothing to report here - still trying (unsuccessfully!)..... This cycle will be the 3rd (and probably last) month of DH taking his Fertilaid so we will see. I'm really praying for a miracle but not really expecting one, but you never know! If it doesn't happen then I need to get a referral to the FS and go from there.... Hugs!

 

[Prayingforno1]

well, my hpt was positive, as well as the blood test.

i go back in saturday for a follow up blood test.

it's all pretty surreal and i'm super cautious right now.

sending to all.

Just popping in to say CONGRATS hun on your BFP!! Praying you have a happy and healthy 9 months !!

 

[Blythe]

thats amazing news and so wonderful to see you are at last pregnant....

How many eggs did they retrieve? And what meds did you end up taking?

 

[summer8793]

so happy for the OP that she got a BFP. Can you please tell me more about this mini-ivf you went through? I'm 41 as well, just got my BFN after an FET. These were our last embryos and we are so sad. Will soon be 42 so I have the same concerns about my own health due to pregnancy risks at my age. I was grieving deeply because this seemed so final. But now that I see you mention something about a min-ivf, that might be something we would be willing to try since it sounds like it would be less stress on one's body. would love to hear more about it when you have a chance. Also, how many eggs did they collect and how many embryos resulted from it?
And congrats again on your BFP.

 

[vkj73]

hi guys!
thanks for the well wishes. i get the results from blood test #2 tomorrow, to see if the numbers are still rising.

so this is what this mini-ivf cycle looked like for us:

cd2 i started 5 days worth of clomid
after 5 days and about 2-3 scans, my body was not responding to it.
the doctor had me go on folistim, which was about 8 nights worth of injections. i had to go in for scans every 4 days. finally, i had my trigger shot, then two days later retrieval. even though i had ovulated, they were able to retrieve 3, and all 3 fertilized (icsi).

so, now we wait for the blood tests results, and hopefully will be moving on to the scan.

i'm still scared and super cautious, especially because of my age.

i hope this finds you all well. it's a crazy journey, and i wish nothing but s for you all!

 

[ttc126]

Just wanted to say congratulations on your bfp! Hope you are in store for a wonderful 9 months! Fingers crossed for your results tomorrow!