On the road again graduates

[Topanga053]

I really focused on the present. I figured that the future was completely out of my hands, so I very much adopted the "today I'm pregnant and everything is ok" mantra. I allowed myself to enjoy knowing that I was pregnant that day, so that even if it got taken away from me again, I would have enjoyed the time that I did get to be pregnant. (After 8 months TTCAL and some potentially scary infertility test results, I was really convinced that something was wrong with us and we'd never get pregnant again, so just being pregnant was somewhat relaxing for me at first.)

I also absolutely refused to think about the future. I would not talk about genders or names or nurseries. I was very mindful of the fact that it could get taken away from me again at any time, so I did not want to have a whole life planned for this baby the way I did for my first one. When I did want to focus on the future, I allowed myself to just look ahead to the next milestone (the next week, the first ultrasound, etc). Once I got passed that milestone, I focused on the next small milestone (after the first ultrasound, it was looking ahead to my first doctor's appointment, etc). Focusing on the short term made it more bearable for me.

 

[rayraykay]

It was so hard not to freak out- especially since my symptoms were exactly the same as what happened before that didn't end well. However a few things helped me:

1. repeating this in my head a thousand times a day: "I am happy, I am healthy, I am pregnant. My body is doing exactly what it's supposed to do. My baby is growing strong and healthy inside me. Everything is going to be okay." Trust me, I truly didn't believe it for a long time, but after saying it so many times... I started to and it actually helped. I seriously said it to myself about 7 times a day in the first 14 weeks.

2. I caved and bought a doppler. I got it around 9 weeks and listened to the baby's heartbeat every other day or so from 9 weeks until I started to feel her move a lot (around 19-20 weeks). It was 60 dollars, but honestly, for my sanity it was worth every penny.

Don't let yourself believe that worrying will effect anything either if you can help it. I was a wreck there for a little while and everything turned out okay. I was terrified it wouldn't. This baby is coming Red. I know it's not easy to believe, but I will believe it for you. xoxo

 

[RedWylder]

Thanks guys. That made me tear up a little Rayray. I'm trying so hard to be positive and most of the time I feel sort of excited in a reluctant/cautious way but I'm afraid of letting myself want it too much since it just makes it that much harder later. Topanga, you are so right about just focusing on one little milestone at a time. Currently, it's making it to tomorrow which will be 5 weeks. And then it will be making it to next Tuesday which will be 6 weeks. After that at 7 weeks is my scan and that's as far ahead as I can think without panicking.

 

[rayraykay]

Anything I can do to help I will. And topanga is right- focusing on small milestones is very helpful. Heck, I still get really nervous. It's hard not to when you've gone thru what we have. Tomorrow is 5 weeks, that's something to look forward to. Get yourself a small treat every Tuesday whether it be a favorite food or a good movie to rent or something. Or maybe just close your eyes and say happy 5 weeks to your baby. I couldn't help getting attached and imagining a life for this baby like i did for my angel. i knew it'd hurt more if this baby turned out to be an angel as well- but I just can't help it. It would of course be a lot harder, but it also gave me hope. It gave me hope that I will get to meet this baby. And I believe I will. And I believe you'll meet the one growing inside of you too red.

xoxoxo

 

[Topanga053]

Happy 5 weeks, Red! I turn on Tuesdays too, so this will be easy for me to remember!

 

[RedWylder]

We should do bump picture Tuesday. You're right ray ray, it might hurt more later on but I need to feel hope so maybe ill let myself feel a bit more attached to this pregnancy and baby.

 

[rayraykay]

Happy 5 weeeeekksss!!!!!!!!

 

[Left wonderin]

Happy 5 weeks RED , we have the same change day !! I'm 15 weeks today !!! I can't believe it !! 15 weeks !! Our babies will only be 2 months apart in age

 

[Topanga053]

Left, I keep forgetting that you got bumped up!! I'm 15 weeks today too!!

 

[Left wonderin]

We really are bump buddies so lol !!! I feel like a fraud though lol.....

 

[RedWylder]

3 people with change days on Tuesday??? We are definitely starting a Tuesday bump picture thing. I'll even post a picture of my non-bump this evening.

 

[Left wonderin]

Lol red , when I get one ill post !!! Till then its disguised as a flabby belly !!!! No pictures of that !!

 

[Topanga053]

Deleted.

 

[Topanga053]

Lol red , when I get one ill post !!! Till then its disguised as a flabby belly !!!! No pictures of that !!

Ha! Too funny. We've been taking weekly "bump" pictures since week 10. This morning, I woke DH up and the first thing he said was, "tonight's chunky picture time!"

Last week I told him I hoped the baby was doing ok and he said, "of course the baby's fine... look at how fat you are!!" This is the only time that DH can make fat jokes and have me not only laugh, but be genuinely happy about it!

 

[RedWylder]

Hahahahaha That is exactly something my hubby would say.

 

[rayraykay]

I change on Tuesday too! How funny. And it's okay... the fat stage ends soon. My bump started looking pregnant like around 17-18 weeks. I know everyone is different but you ladies should have pregnant looking bodies in no time. Red- if your boobs get huge before you get the belly, enjoy that hahaha cause it's kinda like having fake boobs on your normal body... it's also kinda fun (even tho they are so sore it's not fun for them to be touched ha ha ha)

 

[RedWylder]

That would be awesome Rayray. I wasn't blessed with a chest so a little cleavage can never hurt. Maybe I'll finally fill out a shirt.

 

[Topanga053]

I can't believe that FOUR of us change on Tuesdays!!! That's insane!!

 

[Left wonderin]

It is a bit Crazy alright !!!!! What's your edd Topanga ?

 

[Topanga053]

2/11/2014. You must be the same??