On the road again graduates

Discussion in 'Pregnancy After A Loss' started by RedWylder, May 9, 2013.

  1. RedWylder

    RedWylder Well-Known Member

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    Hey Ladies. I'm 9 weeks now. Feeling good albeit pukey. I've found the heartbeat at home and gotten to peak in at baby 3 times via US for varying reasons. Once was at a midwife consult. One was during a trip to the doc for a lump over my ovary. And last night I hid in a closet at work and stole the portable US machine to peak in. Totally not easy to find or work. Haha. Anywyas. I don't have prenatal care yet because I just moved. I can find a provider I like. But otherwise I'm plugging along. Time is going much faster this time around. I'm so busy I don't have much time to think about it.
     
  2. skyesmom

    skyesmom Angel Mommy

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    Red i am dying while reading this!!! laughing my ass off thinking at the whole scenario!! what a move!!! (and yes i would totally do the same if i had a chance!!!) you're my hero <3

    glad the time is passing quicker this time around and that it all is moving smoothly so far! :happydance:
     
  3. Left wonderin

    Left wonderin Not sure lol

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    Lol love it !!! Red seriously blink and baby will be here .... 2nd time flys by !!!
     
  4. Carybear

    Carybear Well-Known Member

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    Red... So glad everything is going smoothly... I'm sure the time will fly by.

    Skye, how's it going?

    Left.. I will go on more regularly. I could use the company. :)

    So I ovulated 13 days ago. Temps looked good and then I got some kind of flu and my temps spiked too between 100.1 and 100.3. In the mornings they were like 99.06. So now I am back down to 97.77 range which is still pretty high for me and way above the coverline of 97.00. But I should get AF tomorrow, been cramping (very light cramps) and got a BFN yesterday. Temp went to 97.72 this morning.

    The only thing that makes me wonder is that I started with asthma and a cough. I got that last time I was pregnant and the Dr. told me that pregnancy can make asthma worse. Truth is any other time I don't have any issues.

    I have had the most vivid dreams this week. They really haven't been baby related but it was like a movie and I was in it. Some were horrible and others comical. I actually woke up screaming with one and DH was like... Baby you ok???

    So, I guess we will see. Im pretty wet down there, but over the last four months that has led to AF so it's not really a sign. Only a couple more days and I guess I will find out one way or another...

    I really do like temping. I find it interesting and I love being able to determine the exact day I o'd.

    Hello to everyone!!
     
  5. Left wonderin

    Left wonderin Not sure lol

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    Yeah Cary is back :) so excited to hear from you more :) lets bring this thread back to life :)
     
  6. Carybear

    Carybear Well-Known Member

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    I forgot to add... between 5-7dpo I had the weirdest thing happen. At 5dpo I had pinching pain on both sides - First the left and then the right over a period of about 8 hours. At 7dpo I had a lot of pain in my right side through the night. It was like I had gas but couldn't get rid of it. At 9dpo it all disappeared... Totally never had that happen before...
     
  7. skyesmom

    skyesmom Angel Mommy

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    Cary!! those are all really really really interesting updates!!

    I am all pins and needles for you <3

    funnily, both me and OH dreamed that we've gotten pregnant within a week: first he had a dream i was showing him a BFP, and then i dreamed twice, once about our daughter yet to come and how beautiful she'll be, then one dream where i was just pregnant, and the last dream where i was pregnant with TWIN DAUGHTERS out of which i woke up thinking i really was pregnant already! the thing is, i was 100% sure my angels were boys and generally always felt more prone to be a mommy to a little boy so this is a huge surprise to me.

    we're not actively trying at the moment (but far from preventing, too ;) ) and i don't feel pregnant so i don't think these dreams relate to anything current. but you never know!
     
  8. Carybear

    Carybear Well-Known Member

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    Wow Skye!!! Both times that I've been pregnant I've had dreams and people around me have had dreams.

    I had a dream back in March that I had a boy and a girl. I was in a house that had an upstairs and I was alone. When they came out they were the size of a one year old. I wrapped them and laid them on the bed and then went downstairs and forgot about them for 24 hours. When I went back upstairs they were fine.

    Then about six weeks ago I dreamed that I had a baby. I think it was a boy because it was wrapped in a blue blanket. He too got left alone and then I would remember him and be so worried. I'm certainly not the type to leave my baby. So I'm not sure what they were about.
     
  9. skyesmom

    skyesmom Angel Mommy

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    I think a dream like that could be about feeling overwhelmed by too many responsibilities in a way, not towards a baby but at work. and the babies could represent something truly precious for you that you do care about, but are feeling worried if you can really cope with it (ie. teaching and writing books that you love, and the workload it brings). but it is also a comforting dream, because regardless if you're killing yourself 24/7 to do it all or not, your babies/projects are fine.

    this is how i would interpret it.

    I got my AF so i know my dreams were dreams, yet i never had a twin dream so far and this part i find interesting as we do have twins running in both his family and mine, and it's both our grandmothers who have had fraternal twins. knowing that those skip a generation and that we're over 30 and all, our chances are truly much higher... I don't know what to think of it, except we'll see! I'd be happy with one, considering my job and all, but hey... it's the kids making plans on when and how they wanna come, not us certainly...
     
  10. Carybear

    Carybear Well-Known Member

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    So true Skye.. I'm going to talk to a couple that DH and I have recently become friends with tomorrow morning. They adopted a little girl. There is a woman they know who helps girls who get pregnant but don't want to keep the babies. She finds adoptive parents to take the babies. She has a few young moms right now and they thought of us. It's about $10000.00 so we would have to figure it out. It may be for us and it may not. I guess we will see. Should be an interesting talk. This couple is great and both my husband and I have really enjoyed getting to know them. Their little girl is a riot. So precious and funny.

    You may be right about the dream Skye. It makes sense. I've been having some pretty strong dreams lately. Last night I dreamed that I was fighting ninjas. I was winning and I knew that my weapons were strong enough to fight them and win. But just as I conquered all of them this tall metal thing stood up. I knew that none of my weapons would work and I was about to surrender. But then I walked up to it and kissed it. It melted and I was the victor!!! DH asked me what I was eating before I went to bed. Lol!!!

    I cut out white flour about 3 1/2 months ago. I'm down 14 lbs. cutting out most processed foods and doing my best to be as healthy as i can

    How is everyone???
     
  11. skyesmom

    skyesmom Angel Mommy

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    oh Cary what a dream!!! it really does say so much... about yes, you definitely being strong enough to fight, but that giving up the fight and embracing your situation is the magic that makes it all happen <3

    and also - so very good that you have a couple with direct adoption experience to talk to, nothing better than a first hand experience. then you both can see from more up-close if adoption is something that can work for you two.

    and - really good move with the food there! i am proud of you! i'm sure your body will benefit from all the extra care <3 14lb less is loads, and lost in such a healthy way it definitely won't come back as quick or at all.
    my personal experience with going vegetarian is that i did drop a few kilos - i've always been pretty skinny though - and i can't get them back, no matter how much I eat, sweets included (i'm not a sugar/hard candy/gummy bear person, i'm a dark chocolate addict).

    by the way, how is your 2ww going? have you gotten the AF in the meantime or you are still in the grayzone?
     
  12. Carybear

    Carybear Well-Known Member

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    Thanks Skye... You have a different way of looking at dreams and I can see that interpretation.

    AF came and is now gone... Cd9 today. Had EWCM yesterday and today. Had the same thing happen last month. Two days of EWCM at the end of AF AND then 4 days of creamy a few more days of EWCM and then O'd. I've been taking cough syrup (I have asthma induced bronchitis again). Thing is last time I got pregnant I had bronchitis and was taking cough syrup. We will see if this works for me this time.

    How are you doing Skye???

    Red, how's the pregnancy going??

    Left, Topanga how are your beautiful kiddos??
     
  13. skyesmom

    skyesmom Angel Mommy

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    I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you for that cough syrup magic to happen again <3

    With me and OH everything is very very good, I really can't complain as we're in a truly beautiful phase of our relationship, just me and him at the moment. He's definitely 100% on board for having kids and he's been consistently for almost a year, no cold feet whatsoever and it feels like this entire "occasional cold feet" times are over. we just feel to be at a different place than before.

    we're not actively trying at the moment, not preventing either though but all in all we're not focused on having a baby anymore and as strange as it feels to say it, it is a relief somehow. it took a pressure of me and of our relationship and i think we're both happier like this. we definitely want kids, that's for sure. But somehow we managed to take the despair out of it all and honestly i really don't want that feeling back.

    For the first time this year i have managed to talk about my angels with a smile on my face, sure with lots of emotions but without that feeling of being dead on the inside that was there for so long after the losses and for even longer whenever I would talk about it. It's been over four and six years now since my losses and i'm happy not to be in that place anymore.

    <3 <3 <3

    that's more or less it here... (i'm sure though when our BFP comes we will be jumping through the roof though ;) )
     
  14. Left wonderin

    Left wonderin Not sure lol

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    Hi Skye / Cary all good here .... Busy but good ! Its is tough making time for a relationship with two very tiny people requiring constant attention and the sheer exhaustion that comes with it !!but at least we are united in it lol..... Sean and Anna are growing fast ! We are going to tackle potty training next month .... Should be fun !! Think ill need a mop and lots of disinfectant ;)

    Cary , here is hoping bronchitis is your lucky omen ;) not fun I know so the least it can be is lucky ;)
    Skye I love how you describe your relationship sounds wonderful ! ( I want , I want ) lol.

    All smothered with summer colds here ..... Snif snif . My love to all xxxxx
     
  15. RedWylder

    RedWylder Well-Known Member

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    Doing good here as well. Near constant stomach problems are getting frustrating. I'm not pukey. But just constantly uncomfortable. I think I'm mostly gassy but who knows what for sure. Coming up on 12 weeks. I'm finding it much harder to connect with this baby. With my recent move, new job, new house, new life, no friends...pregnancy and baby are often forgot which makes me feel awful considering what I went through to get my first rainbow. I try not to beat myself up since there's an awful lot going on in my life but I want the endless amount of joy I felt the first time around.
     
  16. Left wonderin

    Left wonderin Not sure lol

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    Red I felt the same re Anna and the guilt attached to it !! Kept waiting to " connect " it didn't happen ..... Thought after 12 weeks ( nope ) when we find out gender ( nope ) . Poor little lady didn't even have a name till she was born ! Even after it was a different experience to Sean our bond was not instant but grew over time. I felt some awful guilt at the begining but through reflection I figured out that it is what it is ... It cannot be the same as the first experience , life has moved on , I'm a different person in a different time now . It was never going to be the same . I wish I hadn't spent so much time trying to make it the same and feeling guilty that it wasn't . It was different .. Not more or less of an experience just different . Different isnt bad its just different . I wish I had allowed it to be what is was rather than worrying that it wasn't what I thought it should be .
     
  17. Left wonderin

    Left wonderin Not sure lol

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    And being busy makes time fly by and doesn't give you time to ponder on the growing Little one in your tummy ... The one on earth makes sure of that lol... My GP said second pg are something that happens while your getting on with life ... First ones ARE your life !
    It made sense . Now Anna is 4 months and I adore her and all the guilt is gone .... :) now I can enjoy her :) even if her journal has limited entries ;) lol
     
  18. skyesmom

    skyesmom Angel Mommy

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    Red, i second EVERYTHING Left said! every baby is a different person, too, and you evolve over time and are many different people over the course of your life and you never know how each bond will come to form nor how it will develop and play out later. having had a mc prior to your first LO also influenced that pregnancy.
    Now, instead of an endless grief, you have a very very demanding end-cute bundle of joy running around your home with absolutely NO regard to your new job, new life, no friends AND your pregnancy, loving you endlessly and demanding you endlessly as well - and all that is taking away from your personal resources.
    No wonder you haven't had that bonding with your new baby. your day is still only 24h long and your life didn't get anyhow more simple in the meantime.

    maybe it will kick in later, maybe it won't and you'll bond with your new LO like Left did - you can't really beat yourself up for not being in love with it already. My SIL had an opposite experience - it took her months to bind with her first LO, and instantly with her second - she always said it was because she was already a mom and she's already done that hard-core adjusting with her 1st, who pre-paved the road for the second. Her second pregnancy was textbook unlike the first one which also took way longer to conceive - i don't know if this played a role, too, but she always said it was much easier the second time around with the bonding and all. She loves them both to bits now, and unless you've been there all along you could never tell.
     
  19. RedWylder

    RedWylder Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies. I of course knew that what I felt must be normal but it's always nice too have personal experiences thrown in to make it more ok. :)
     
  20. Topanga053

    Topanga053 Well-Known Member

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    Hi ladies,

    Sorry I've been MIA and I only have a couple of minutes, so can't be nearly as thorough as I'd like.

    Cary- sorry to hear you've been having a hard time around the one year anniversary. It's so hard. I'm glad that DH is on board and I hope you're feeling better. I'm keeping my fingers crossed!!

    Skye- so glad you're in a good place.

    Red- congrats! Don't worry about the lack of bonding. I didn't bond with Brady AT ALL during my pregnancy (whereas I was obsessed with Lauren during my pregnancy with her) and actually cried when I found out he was a boy. But as soon as he was born, I feel head over heels in love with him, in a way I didn't with Lauren.

    Left- I know, life IS crazy with two! DH and I are really struggling to keep up with our relationship too. We've made it a priority recently and that's helped, but it's definitely different. We're still trying to find the right balance, with kids, house, work, and each other. So just know you're not alone and I'm kind of glad to hear it's not just me and DH either!

    Afm, everyone is doing pretty well. Work is busier than ever (didn't know that was possible). Brady has had surgeries in both eyes now and seems to be doing very well. He's tracking objects (even moving his head back and forth to follow them). We're so happy about that!!! He's 6.5 months old now and a BIG BOY!!! About a month ago he was weighing in between 15-16 lbs.

    Daycare has been worried about his core strength because he's not sitting on his own yet and seems to tire easily when in a jumper. I noticed it, but wasn't too worried, since Lauren was late w/all of her gross motor skills too, and Brady has had extra challenges to overcome. I called his pediatrician, who isn't worried at all. He has an apt in a couple of weeks, so pedi will take a look. If pedi is fine with how things are progressing, then we'll just wait and give him some more time to work those muscles. If pedi is concerned, then we will get an evaluation and may start some physical therapy.

    It's really stressful to have the medical stuff going on on top of everything else. But he is still the HAPPIEST boy I have ever seen. He just smiles, laughs, and plays non-stop. I don't think this kid has cried for more than an hour put together in his entire life!

    Here are some recent pics:

    Ewww, kisses!

    https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/BL1_zpstbbm9c6r.jpg

    Here's both kids on the 4th of July:

    https://i927.photobucket.com/albums/ad119/darcyamitchell/BL2_zpszfso13xp.jpg
     

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