OT - oh and porn!!

[laila 44]

I think it does have a lot to do with confidence as pp said. For me I could care less if my DH watches porn now and then. I'm smoking hot too and definately not jealous of porn hoes lol. It just depends on your view, do I love that he watches it from time to time? Not really. Do I care enough to argue abou it? Nope. Besides I've spoken to sooooooooo many guys regarding this topic and they all basically laugh and tell me that no matter what a man tells you they ALL watch or watched porn at some point.

 

[Holliems]

I would be upset about oh messaging another girl, definitely. Porn? All men look at porn from time to time. Personally, I don't think it's a big deal. I don't think they look at it because they desire those women's bodies more than ours. I really don't think men are that picky when it comes to having sex. I think they watch it to get their rocks off...alone. I mean..there are times when I'd rather have 'alone time'. And sometimes I watch porn. Doesn't mean I love or desire my DH any less.

 

[WhisperGirl]

:-/ i feel really odd now because I watch porn sometimes. It's just an easy fix, there's nothing to it, and I'm the most self conscience person there is when it comes to my OH. I would definitely be annoyed that he messaged a girl and deleted the messages. He's hiding something for sure. Can't you recover any of it? Look it up as I know you can get back old snapchats etc maybe you can get deleted Instagram messages? Xxx

 

[campn]

Our opinion on porn and whether we're okay with it or not honestly doesn't matter as this isn't a poll but rather a personal post about YOU and it clearly upsets you and I can see why. Using your own phone, refusing sex and hiding in the bathroom and messaging another girl is all pretty shady.

Have a serious talk with him, and don't give him your phone again if he's going to mis-use it. I'm sorry you're going through that being pregnant and everything.

 

[jesswishing]

I absolutely hate porn, it's one of the things that broke my ex and I up. He would constantly be deleting his phone history, hiding DVd's around the house and was sneaking around a lot. I personally think guys shouldn't be watching it if they're in a committed relationship with regular sex. My ex used to watch a lot of anal porn and would pressure me to do it (i absolutely hated the one time I did it for him) and it, along with other things, broke us up. My current partner has a medium sex drive and since we have sex every second day usually, he said he doesn't feel the need to. If he is watching it, he is very cautious and I've never 'caught him' in the two years we've been together, and I'm happy with that. I personally think of it as how would he like it if I were getting random dick pics and pleasuring myself over them - I reckon most guys would hate that but they're happy to jerk off to random porn stars... Messaging someone and trying to open the lines of communication with her is absolutely out of order in my view...

 

[Natasha2605]

I find it really sad that so many people are claiming that ''all men'' look at porn from time to time. No they don't

It's not a ''man'' thing at all.

OP, I hope you can get this sorted and have a good chat with your OH. xx

 

[MrsKatie]

Yeah it's also not a self confidence thing. That suggests "well if you weren't insecure you'd be fine with porn." I'm very secure (and attractive) and I'm not ok with porn. I felt so much pressure for so many years to just be ok with it, and THAT was what made me insecure! Thank god for my husband...

All that matters is how you feel. Don't chock it up to being insecure- own how you feel. That is your right. I wouldn't be ok with any of that either.

 

[cskme_]

my husband watches porn every single day and it bothers the hell out of me.
I went so far as to put a restriction on his phone, with a password so he cant view any "adult" sites. I think it is only fair. He has confronted me about it before, I feel like im treating him like a child but enough is enough. If he watched it once or twice a week I wouldn't even feel too bad, but its literally every morning after I leave for work, and every night before I get home. I have found it all in his history, every single day there are about 30 videos watched. it disgusts me. Just be happy this was only a photo. If it goes too far, put a porn restriction on your phone, its in the settings, I can let you know how to if youd like

 

[almosthere]

I agree with with a lot of the ladies here the port no big deal but that depends on your feelings on that send if you've expressed a dislike or not. The messaging and liking of some chics photos not cool ide Def say it popped up on your phone catch him off guard. Sorry you are going through this especially pregnant.

 

[Canadiana]

I get it. It's no fun. However he can't change your confidence, nor is he responsible for it. Most men watch porn. It's not cheating and it doesn't mean he's not attracted to you.

I suggest that if you work hard to look and feel better, this will feel a lot less like a violation. You need to love yourself and you don't, that is why you are insecure. It's nothing to do with how he feels about you. Use that self-loathing to change your body and your life.

Porn is just that. Porn. Who cares if one is looking at it? There's no personal connection or interaction with the women in the movies. Finding a chat to a real live person is more concerning. And for those who think that porn is cheating.... It's a form of sexual pleasure that doesn't involve anyone but the one watching. So???

That may well be the case with you but for someone, like me, who is extremely low in body confidence, almost to the point of self loathing, it's exceptionally upsetting to know that my boyfriend is sitting there getting his kicks by looking at other women, who are, by far, more attractive and body confident than I.

I would love to just accept that it's a man thing like some people but when I saw his history and it was there, I cried for hours thinking I wasn't good enough. In his mind, it might be harmless and isn't attached to these women but to me it's a violation of my understanding of a relationship. I don't look or think of other people much to many people's disbelief, but it's true, I don't see myself with anyone but my OH. To me it's like cheating but that's my issues and my opinion for my relationship.

 

[Canadiana]

So you believe that your husband never watches porn?

Yeah it's also not a self confidence thing. That suggests "well if you weren't insecure you'd be fine with porn." I'm very secure (and attractive) and I'm not ok with porn. I felt so much pressure for so many years to just be ok with it, and THAT was what made me insecure! Thank god for my husband...

All that matters is how you feel. Don't chock it up to being insecure- own how you feel. That is your right. I wouldn't be ok with any of that either.

 

[Canadiana]

They do all at some point. If they tell you otherwise, they are lying. But why wouldn't they with the way women react? of course they hide it.

It's very natural and men have been doing it since the beginning of time. I find it more sad when women believe their men don't. And when they make such a big deal of it. Unless of course it's an addiction that is ruining your relationship.

I find it really sad that so many people are claiming that ''all men'' look at porn from time to time. No they don't

It's not a ''man'' thing at all.

OP, I hope you can get this sorted and have a good chat with your OH. xx

 

[vaniilla]

It feels like this thread is getting derailed, why doesn't someone start a thread in the debating section and you can argue over the pros/cons of pron, let's try and keep this to support the OP who when she returns will hopefully see support and advice.

 

[20YR 1ST BABY]

My post 😁
Wow this did get pretty heated 😂 I updated my phone and couldn't remember my password but have just got on here since posting. Really appreciate all your views and are actually really good to take in different perspectives.
Im ok with porn, I don't feel betrayed with a quick wank lol. It was the fact he stars he was too achey for me then I thought he bashed one out! I never thought about it like a pp said maybe he was to tired but needed a quick release, it's a good point and I completely understand it tbh. He's I distant that he didn't delete my history, or the messages but the girl has been figured out. She is a family friend and I have even seen her in mcds apparently. He said he would get the girl to screenshot the convo and send but I didn't feel it was needed once I realised how innocent the messages were. I think more than anything seeing all of that together made me blow up real bad. Obv someone searched porn on my phone for it to have been in the Google search box! I agreed to let it go but if anything like that happens again there will be no denying that it's him up to no good. Explained he needs to be open about it and that it doesn't bother me if he wants a wank. I fact that's great because sex is becoming really difficult at 6 months preggers 😂 most nights id rather he tossed himself off so that I could get more sleep. He still has full permission to use my phone but he knows I will be keeping a very close and cautious eye. He knows I ain't a soft touch and I will just kick him to the kerb if I have to. My pride is stronger than my feelings! Thanks all again 😁

 

[ajarvis]

They do all at some point. If they tell you otherwise, they are lying. But why wouldn't they with the way women react? of course they hide it.

It's very natural and men have been doing it since the beginning of time. I find it more sad when women believe their men don't. And when they make such a big deal of it. Unless of course it's an addiction that is ruining your relationship.

I find it really sad that so many people are claiming that ''all men'' look at porn from time to time. No they don't

It's not a ''man'' thing at all.

OP, I hope you can get this sorted and have a good chat with your OH. xx

How do you figure it's been a thing since the beginning of time? lol. No not all men look at or use porn. That's a ridiculous statement. Men aren't animals. They can control themselves. They don't need to look at porn. Just like women don't. we watch porn. Separate. Together whatever. Not because we have to Because we want to.