Our news is out but not by us....

Discussion in 'Pregnancy - First Trimester' started by LittleAngel09, Oct 13, 2013.

  1. LittleAngel09

    LittleAngel09 Well-Known Member

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    So my husbands niece who's 19 has been doing some nannying for us to gain her childcare qualification. Finances are tough but we wanted to help her out. Anyways a few weeks back we discovered I was pregnant and this time, as it's our last baby, we wanted to keep it to ourselves until the 12 week scan.

    This was shortly before we went on holiday and when we came home I started to notice odd baby related comments off my husbands family.

    It turns out his niece first claims she found a positive pregnancy test, which is impossible as the test was done a day she didn't work and all packaging thrown in the main bin outside in a sealed black sack. The test itself is in my bedside drawer. So can only assume she snooped around. She then later claimed it was the packet, equally not true as disposed of at the same time on the day she didn't work.

    Instead of respecting our privacy as her family and employer she thought it was her right to spread the news to all the family. Now everyone knows but they don't know that I know if that makes sense.

    To say we're upset and cross with her is an understatement. Even though my husband is beyond angry with her he won't say anything though as he doesn't want to cause hassle.

    I feel so let down by her lack of professionalism and care for our privacy. Even if I'd left a big sign saying 'I'm pregnant' it doesn't give her the right to do what she did.

    She's taken away our secret and the joy of hopefully being able to share our good news. Plus her brother and sister are both due to have their babies this month so we did want to wait and let them have their moment.

    She's lost all babysitting rights to our kids now.

    I don't understand why she would do that especially when she knows the heartache we've gone through in previous pregnancies (one stillbirth and one miscarriage).

    I can't even be in the same room as her now I'm so angry.

    Am I totally overreacting due to my hormones???

    Sorry for long waffle but thanks for reading xxx
     
  2. Jslyn9996

    Jslyn9996 Guest

    I would be upset too. And I would probably tell her how she hurt you by not respecting your privacy.

    Im sorry that happened!
     
  3. teenpregnant

    teenpregnant Mummy of 1

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    You are really not overreacting! She was totally out of order, I'm really sorry she did that to you especially after you helping her out. It was your news to tell and she took that away from you I would be very angry too! Sorry again x
     
  4. nic18

    nic18 Well-Known Member

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    this happened at my work, I told 3 bosses. now everyone knows!
     
  5. LittleAngel09

    LittleAngel09 Well-Known Member

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    Thanks ladies. I just want her to know how hurt we are and how bloody disrespectful she's been, especially since we helped her out and our own expense. But if I did it would cause so much hassle as that side have been brought up to think they're never in the wrong and the whole family would shut us off. This is understandably something my husband doesn't want to happen as his mum is terminally ill and doesn't need the added upset.

    I'm just internally imploding with anger.

    Thanks for the support.

    Xx
     
  6. mamaduke

    mamaduke Proud Mama

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    I would be angry for snooping. I would be absolutely livid because she not only was snooping but then shared your news with everyone before you could. I'd explain to her that she not only violated your privacy but she also crossed a line by telling others what's yours to be told. She needs to understand that if she were doing that for non-family that she could easily be fired and that it could prevent her from getting hired elsewhere. :nope:
     
  7. LittleAngel09

    LittleAngel09 Well-Known Member

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    Gosh, that's bad. If it'd been the other way around you'd be looking at being hauled into their office!

    So sad isn't it

    X
     
  8. MrsGax

    MrsGax Well-Known Member

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    I am so sorry. I would be so angry as well. It is not fair for anyone to share your news.
     
  9. LittleAngel09

    LittleAngel09 Well-Known Member

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    She luckily left us to start her career at a nursery the previous week to us finding this out. I made it very clear to my husband that if she's still been working with us she would've been sacked on the spot.

    It makes me concerned what else she's seen here and talked about as I leave personal financial paperwork out whilst she was here.

    If she dares tell my kids before we do I will come down hard in her.

    X
     
  10. Creative

    Creative Well-Known Member

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    I would write her a letter explaining professionally that what she has done has betrayed your trust. Explain that whilst working for someone, you may come across information of a private and personal nature and that it is a betrayal of trust and extremely unprofessional to speak to anyone about it and that it would be a sackable offence.
    Explain to her that you are devastated that you were unable to share the happy news because it had been already spread. and that whilst you valued the time she spent looking after your children, that you are dissapointed by her behaviour.
    It really does need pointing out to her in black and white.
    What happens after she receives the letter is down to her, but a grovelling apology should be forthcoming. You will also equip her with the knowledge to know where she went wrong.
     
  11. LucyLake

    LucyLake Well-Known Member

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    First, I'm so sorry. I don't think you're overreacting at all, in fact I think I'd be crazy mad were I in your shoes. I could understand not wanting to tell people until 20 weeks after a still birth. For her to do this and take away your right to privacy should the unthinkable happen (I'm sure everything will be ok though) is the lowest of the low.

    Mamaduke really hit the nail on the head. She needs to be made aware that this kind of behavior is unacceptable in the workplace. I'd publicly call her out in front of relatives if she acts like it's no big deal. Also, I'm really concerned that she's looked at other private information-borrowed clothing without permission, taken money, looked at social security numbers of your toddlers-possibly hoping to steal identity.

    Big hugs, I think you did the right thing by not allowing her to babysit again. I'd also ask hubby to admonish her privately.
     
  12. PinkPeony

    PinkPeony Well-Known Member

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    Yeah I agree with Creative. I was going to let her off the hook at first bc she's 19 and when I was that age I would have been oblivious to how personal early pregnancy is and didn't have much of a clue about miscarriages and such. But then when I read that her bro and sis are preg and that she knows about your losses - she definitely should know better. Plus she was clearly snooping through your stuff.

    But I'd say let yourself cool down then sit her down and just give her a firm lecture about how serious it is that she did that. Keep it on the level of a boss and employee and don't get too personal about it.
     
  13. Linny

    Linny Well-Known Member

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    I would be absolutely livid if that was me. It's such happy and exciting news to share, especially at a time when your husbands family are trying to deal with his sick mother. It should have been your choice as and when you decided to break it to everyone. You put your trust in someone and she let you down so badly.

    I personally think she should be taken to one side so she realises its not acceptable behaviour to you or ANY other family she will work for!

    So sorry for you x
     
  14. Rachie004

    Rachie004 Well-Known Member

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    You're not over-reacting in the slightest. You're probably being restrained if anything, I would have gone ballistic at her, called up her new employers etc.

    I'm so sorry for your losses and can completely understand why you'd want to keep it to yourselves. We don't want to tell family for as long as possible and we have been fortunate enough to suffer any losses so I really just can't imagine how you feel.

    xx
     
  15. redlemonade

    redlemonade Well-Known Member

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    Oh I'd be livid too. As somebody else mentioned, try and keep it professional but do let her know she stepped over the line.
     
  16. LittleAngel09

    LittleAngel09 Well-Known Member

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    I've still got to do her reference off her new job. Tempted to ring them and say I'm not giving one and the reason why.

    X
     
  17. Rachie004

    Rachie004 Well-Known Member

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    Excellent! I'm sure there is a part of her new job that requires confidentiality and discretion.

    You are legally entitled to put negative things in a reference as long as they are true so if there is a segment in there about trust and honesty or even if there isn't I would still be honest about her behaviour.
     
  18. LucyLake

    LucyLake Well-Known Member

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    Great plan! I can't help but think nothing is off limits with this immature 19 yr old. Next thing you know she'll go to another relative's house, find a vibrator in the bedroom drawer, and tell your husband's terminally ill mom.
     
  19. pinkpolkadot

    pinkpolkadot Well-Known Member

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    Nobody can blame you for being angry.

    If this happened to me I would probably give her the benefit of the doubt and put it down to being an error in judgement the first time it happened. I would then explain to her why I was upset by it and why it was not acceptable and hope she would learn from this rather than saying nothing and sabotaging her new job.

    Looking back to when I was 19 I sure did some stupid things without thinking through the consequences and I have only learned though my own mistakes and life experience. I certainly was completely clueless about the emotions involved in anything related to pregnancy before I started TTC myself.

    Anyway I hope you get it all sorted and it hasn't ruined it too much for you guys :(
     
  20. OnyxSnowfall

    OnyxSnowfall 2 boys and a girl!

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    You're definitely well within your right to be upset. What she did was utterly inappropriate and super disrespectful. And I'm so so sorry for your losses... must make it all so much more magnified, I can't even begin to imagine :(

    (With that said, I'm going to play a mild devil's advocate here: After everything settles [when you're well in the clear with a healthy baby :), and your focus is hopefully drawn back into that and you're no longer harboring negative feelings towards your husband's niece --- at least, not intense ones] --- would you be okay, at that point, with potentially having affected her professional future negatively? Even without attempting to resolve things through communication with her? --- at least enough to see what misunderstandings could be present, and if she's capable of being remorseful over her [admittedly] wrong actions? Sometimes confronting someone and assessing their reactions can be enough to soften one naturally. If she's incapable of that, she probably does need to learn the hard way. Either way though, honestly, no one is worth stressing too much over ;).

    Your situation is more complex considering the other circumstances involved, but, sometimes sh*t has to get stirred before it can get better.

    However you choose to handle it I hope you feel better).
     

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