over 35 TTC #1. anyone? beuller?

[AnnieMac2]

Hahaha the "I hate you so much" part made me laugh. And I love the "My bossiness is annoyed..." I have to steal, haven't heard it before. Hmmm, maybe tell you're doctor you're very serious about wanting testing now and ask will he honor that or should you go to another doctor. You could just say it matter-of-factly and say you've been so happy with the care you've gotten otherwise/up until now. I'm slowly just learning to say what I want and lay down the law.

Speaking of, I'm not speaking with my mom as of today for I'm-not-sure-how-long. I finally shared with her that I had a miscarriage (against my better judgment) and she went out and started blabbing to people. I told her to stop and I was angry. Her response was "Why? Well, I guess it's one more thing for you to be disappointed in me about." There was an empty sorry jammed in there somewhere. If that hadn't been her response, things would not have escalated and I would have just accepted the apology and dropped it. But because she has a history of being manipulative/insensitive/guilty-trippy and honestly, outright emotional abuse, I couldn't handle it and said don't call me or text me. Of course that didn't stop her and she can't just give me some breathing room. I've just been ignoring her.

Thanks for letting me use this as a therapy session/monologue/diary! lol. Libby - I think my husband finally gets it that when I say I can't take it anymore, he absolutely needs to stop talking for a second.

I hope everyone's had a good day. xo

 

[Spyrals]

You guys are funny.. I've definitely yelled "I hate you" multiple times and have been on the point of getting out of the car a few times too but then I'd be walking for about 2 days to get home! Here in Florida the distances are crazy, can't walk anywhere. One of my biggest complaints is that I love going for walks and they don't even have walkways along the roads so I can't do that! My dh says lets walk anyway but I think you'd have to be nuts to risk a chance of being hit by the crazy florida drivers. No thanks, I'll use the gym.
Annie, I'm sorry about your mom. It sucks. I hope you work things out. I often ignore my mom too, especially when she calls me, we talk on skype a lot and I know when she's in a foul mood and just needs to lash out! And she has no one else to do it to except me, yay.
Libby, what have you decided? Yesterday I got an appointment at a fertility clinic. This is my DPO3, I know there's not much chance of conception with the meds and all but there's always that small hope. You never know
Annie here's a couple paintings from my current series: https://s376.photobucket.com/user/spyrals1/library/paintings
One day I'll get around to making a website

 

[Cornfieldland]

Wow Spyrals those r really cool! I use to do alot of drawings of female figures too. Is that hat painted or added? It almost looks like its real, like a mixed media art piece.

So my hcg level this week came back at 4111, last week it was 261. So gives me a doubling time of 43hrs! Looking good so far!

 

[Spyrals]

Yay Corn! I'm guessing that's good, I don't know anything about HCG levels. I guess they're supposed to double! Hope everything progresses well. Have you told anyone about it yet?
Thanks! I have more paintings but I haven't taken photos of them. The hat I did by squeezing paint out of syringe and then using toothpicks to make it look like it's knitted. New technique I invented, haha! I've been into textures recently.

 

[Spyrals]

Also, one of my boobs is real sore today. I woke up at night because it was sore. I don't remember it happening before, and of course I'm convinced that I'm pregnant (but then I was last month and the month before that too, haha). FF says it's DPO5 today, too early right? Not even supposed to implant yet. I told my man about my boob, and then I'm like but it's probably nothing, since you're on the meds and we can't get pregnant, so I'm not optimistic. He's the opposite.. he thinks that there's still a chance decided to be positive. Heh, we'll see. I hate the TWW. Grr!

 

[Cornfieldland]

Wow i love the way that technique worked that's awesome! I love to draw and paint but haven't done it enough to be good at it.

My boob's hurt this time from about 5dpo, usually in a normal cycle of mind they don't hurt until close to AF so you never know!

 

[Spyrals]

soooooo I'm pretty sure that my boob soreness was related to a new bra I was wearing for the first time yesterday.. I took it off and no bra soreness! I am an idiot. Haha

 

[AnnieMac2]

Corn - I am so excited about that hcg count, I can't even tell you.

Lol at the bra. I do that kind of thing all the time - think I have some mysterious injury but the explanation becomes so obvious. When I click on the link, it says it's private. Can't wait to see them. I like to draw and paint too, but have been slacking. I'm so much better at drawing - the painting needs a lot of work. What's weird is I can draw some things and it gets close to photo-realistic, but it looks like a kindergartner's work if I try to do something just out of my head. People are always asking me to draw stuff on the fly, but I can't doodle...then they're like, uh...I thought you were supposed to be good at drawing???? haha. I tried to audit an art class for the first time ever this winter, but it was boring and way too beginner so I stopped going.

When you say unlikely due to meds, Spyrals, are you talking about just dh's bp meds? You never know! I have a friend who got pregnant while she was on the pill and had recently-diagnosed Hashimoto's and now it's taking a year for her to get pregnant again and the Hashimoto's is under control. Things don't make sense sometimes! I'm considering you to be in the game still. Hope everyone's having a good weekend.

 

[Libbystepof4]

I definitely say you're still in the game, Spyrals! Hoping really hard for you!
You guys are all so creative and painting all this cool stuff and I'm over here like, I made a wreath.lol. I like to draw house floorplans. It's so boring to everyone else in the universe but I'll give myself a situation, like "two parents, one kid, but hosts all the family gatherings for extended family and mom works from home as a sculptor." Then, I design a floorplan that I think would work for that imaginary family. It is so not the same as your wonderful paintings, Spyrals, but its fun to me.
I still haven't decided what I'm doing. I want to talk to DH more about it but he's been up to his eyeballs in work around the clock. He got out of bed at three in the morning the other night and turned on the computer and started working! Then, he worked until about seven that night. Some big project that's a really big deal. I'd just like to be able to hang out with him for more than five minutes!
Corn, I am so happy about your tests! I am so excited for you! And Annie, I'm still just htrilled about your bean! How are you ladies feeling?

 

[Cornfieldland]

Spyrals how did you do the blk n white painting? It looks like a photo...is it acrylic?
Ur awesome...hope ur selling them! I found this artist in quebec that does all womens faces with mixed media that I thought I might try, I should give u the link.

Libby ur poor DH he must be stressed! Do you watch a lot of those home remodelling shows? Now they do all the floor plans on there little tablet which is pretty cool. Hope that u get to spend some time with him today and u guys can relax a bit.

Annie can't believe ur 14wks already! Soon u will know the gender for sure and start to feel it kicking...so exciting and best part of pregnancy! Hope u are well!

We just got the boys back yesterday from their dads. I felt bad for my oldest he was a bit emotional when his dad left, must be hard on them. My DH is good to them and I know they r happy here, but kids need there dad too. Too bad he was such a ass when we were married ; ) I'm starting to feel morning sickness come on and bushing my teeth is getting hard. That dam gag reflex is a bitch!

 

[Spyrals]

Annie, I'm the opposite! I am so not good at drawing, well I can probably produce something if I draw from life but I don't enjoy it at all. What I like is to paint, just the process of it. I'm more of a designer in that I'll design an image on my computer from photos and patterns and then pencil it on canvas and paint it. I just think it's more fun that way, and no stress of drawing. You should continue if you enjoy it, the more you do it the better you get. I get people asking me to draw things and I just draw smileys. Anyway hope the link works now: https://s376.photobucket.com/user/spyrals1/library/paintings

Corn the black and white painting is acrylic. It did start from a photo, then I tweaked it in photoshop then traced it to canvas and painted.
I have sold only one painting and regretted it, and haven't tried to sell or anything else since. They're gathering dust right now I can't part with them!! haha

I'm not gonna test this month until it's time to get AF. Don't want the disappointment which I know is coming! I feel totally not pregnant right now.

On a funny sidenote about husbands, mine went food shopping yesterday and I put lettuce on his list, guess what he comes back with? Cabbage of course. "but it looks like lettuce". Yep, he doesn't eat a lot of veggies.

Libby! I'm obsessed with interiors and decorating and design. Have you used Autodesk Homestyler? I love that program, I used to spend hours last year designing and decorating on it. It's so fun, I can totally relate!! I'm always browsing Zillow too for fun. Maybe I should've been a real estate agent. I can also relate about working too much and not being able to hang out.. My dh and I both work from home and we have such random hours. He's always complaining about always seeing the back of my head and not hanging out with him too. So I'm making an effort now to make time for him.
Annie and Corn, you guys are so nice for coming back here and chatting to us! Your TTC is over but we so appreciate the support )

 

[Libbystepof4]

Yes we do!! I would miss them sorely!
I love browsing Zillow and realtor.com!! I ALMOST went to Savannah College of Art and Design to study architecture. Sometimes I think I should have, but my path would have been completely different and I wouldn't have my wonderful DH and so many of my experiences. And of course, I was about to go to an art school for the most cerebral thing they offered.lol. I have some truly great artists in my family. My aunt and grandmother are both gifted painters. My mother refuses to admit it but she draws really well. And I'm all "if I use a ruler I can make a square...." Lol. I just didn't get the creative thing like they did. Oh well. I do my own thing.
I actually just last week bought some small stretched canvases because they were on sale at Michaels. I was there hunting deals on ribbon for wreaths I'm making. I got the canvases thinking the kids could paint them. I don't think they get much exposure to art at their mothers house so I thought it might be neat. Of course after I got home with them I realized I have no idea what type of pain or brushes or anything to buy for them to use!
Corn, we don't get cable way out here where I live so I don't get to watch the HGTV type stuff too much. But I have seen a couple of times where they do the things on their tablets! It's very cool!
Spyrals, I don't know what that program is that you mentioned. I draw just with pencils on sketch paper. Big bubble gum erasers all over the place! Lol

 

[Libbystepof4]

Oh, DH has even been working all weekend, too. Luckily he works from home alot lately so I can at least have a look at him once in a while. It's frustrating. He has big deal meetings starting the middle of this week to present his creation to the VPs at his company. Very big deal. He's trying to make it perfect before then. And I'm just being a brat fussing at him about not paying enough attention to me. I have an issue being satisfied with delayed gratification. Lol

 

[Cornfieldland]

Spyrals...I'm here for the conversation! I think we can all relate to each other no matter what stage we r at TTC. I have known Annie since our Mcs, and we have just kept in touch, then she introduced me to Libby here, and now ur here it's a nice group. I joined a April due date group, but can't get into it.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Spyrals, I love your paintings! Finally opened. I'm so impressed! And this is my favorite b&b group. There's a pregnancy after loss group that I go to, but you guys make me laugh and I love you. I also feel too old in a lot of threads. And I'll never forget the ttc feelings. My SIL started trying for her first and the stress hit her pretty much immediately. I was rattling off all the supplements I've heard of. She said her friends all took Robitussin. I guess the expectorant makes cm more stretchy. I don't think any of us ever came up with that one, right?!

Libby - that's funny that you mention your interest being the most cerebral thing. Sometimes I think when I draw it's so mechanical that it doesn't count as art. I wish I could loosen up. Put up a pic of your wreaths! I'm in the mood to do a craft project. Is dh's project done by the end of this week? I hope you guys can enjoy next weekend! I'm having flashbacks right now to one of my more high-pressure jobs. When I'd be on trips, I'd have to put in a full day's work, then turn around a draft report by 3am, slide it under my boss's hotel room door, she'd set her alarm for 3 and work from there. I hate that crap. I hope dh's project goes well.

Corn - I hope your guys are settling back in at home! How are you feeling?

 

[Libbystepof4]

Idk if it loaded. If it did, this is my Halloween wreath I made. It's not time for it to go up yet but I'm making one for my mom and MIL, as well, so I went ahead and got started! It hasn't been trimmed at all or decorated, but this is basically what it looks like.

 

[Libbystepof4]

DHs project is supposed to be finished this week. Well, the creating it part that takes all the extra hours. He's a computer engineer. He's built some tool that controls other tools or something. Idk. Anyway, apparently it's a very big deal and could save the company ALOT of time and money. He's hoping that it will turn his job into basically babysitting and running this tool most of the time instead of having to jump from one thing to another all the time. He's the best debugger around, I guess. His friend, Dave, that works with him says everybody calls him Jason Bourne because they only bring him in when nobody else can fix something and its always a big deal about "making the call." Lol. I'm married to the most badass computer nerd ever! He also happens to be 6'3", 240, and was raised on a farm in Indiana. He's not typical, to say the least. Such a good guy. My Violet is seven years old and she's almost as tall as me. She's gonna be tall like her daddy!
So we've discovered this great little cafe in a nearby town and I can't stop going there because they have the most amazing pie ever. It's a problem. Between the pie at this place and the enchiladas at my Mexican place, I'm gonna gain a hundred pounds. And I didn't start off light!
I've de ided that I'm going to do my OPKs religiously this month and then go back to my doctor with the results. If it doesn't appear that I ovulated, I will ask him politely to reconsider his position to wait until December. If it appears that I ovulated, I will hopefully be pregnant. Lol. If I seem to have not ovulated and he won't change his mind, I will call the gyno myself and go see him.

 

[Spyrals]

Well its 10dpo and I tested with a wondfo stick this morning and BFN, will test with FRER later today. I said I wouldn't test.. but that's like saying I'm going to start dieting tomorrow!
Been trying to get an appointment at our fertility clinic, got a referral and everything, but apparently they don't want new patients because it's been like a week and they keep putting me on recorded message and saying they'll get back to me and nothing. Will try again today.
Libby, that's so funny. My dh is also a computer nerd. He used to have his own company and his hours were INSANE. He'd be working all the time. Now he's got a security company job and it's wonderful, he works only a few hours a day from home and gets paid way more than he used to when he worked for himself. He always jokes that everyone thinks since he works to prevent hackers from hacking into government stuff he's got some glamorous job but in reality its just boring code!
And funny but mine looks like one of those wrestlers on tv (though not tall and not as in shape.. lol) and was raised in Montana so definitely doesn't look like a typical nerdy guy either )
I was obsessed with pie when I came to the US.. we don't have any pies like that in Australia. We have small meat pies which are good too but nothing like pies here. Pecan pie?! Hello?! I can't wait for thanksgiving!
Libby I love your wreath! I made one too for last thanksgiving. Mine was ok but then everything fell off of it for some reason. My puppies found it in the garage too and have been picking off fake berries and apples from it. I find pieces all over the yard!
Libby are you able to put up some pics of paintings your aunt and grandmother did? Would love to see.
Annie, in the book I'm still reading it talks about Robitussin which makes your cm wetter, I'm guessing that's where they got it from. I've got a list of supplements from it too for dh and me. Can't believe I never know it could be so difficult to get pregnant! I've always been terrified of it, my mom and my grandma both had a million pregnancies each and they've always warned me to use contraception religiously!

 

[Spyrals]

Ok so I'm just being a psycho TTC lady here, but I just did a FRER and thought I saw the faintest line ever.. showed it to dh and he thinks there's something too but not convinced. He says he needs to see a stronger line to believe it. Lol.. so I took a photo with my super hi tech camera I use for work and fiddled with colors in photoshop and I definitely see a line there. I am not posting it here because it's too faint and you're all not gonna see anything. Of course I freaked out and started crying like a mad woman. My dh was like O.O. Its probably nothing, and I'm just losing my mind.

 

[AnnieMac2]

Ahhhh Spyrals! I can't wait to see! Fingers crossed! Good luck with that referral, but hopefully you won't need it!

Your dh's sound so cute! Mine cracks me up. He's an ultra-preppy boarding school kid and I'm so not preppy. He's a lawyer and I guess looks like one? I don't know if there's really a stereotype look for them. I went to this ultra snobby college and hated half the people, and then I married one that would have fit right in. He's a sweetie though and not a snob. He actually applied there, but didn't get in. I wonder if we would have gotten together back then if we went to school together. It was our one-year anniversary yesterday, actually!

Libby, I love your wreaths! I might make one. The OPK plan sounds good. And it will be nice to get the ball rolling before December. I hear ya on enchilada weakness. I am gaining weight a little too fast right now. Thank god I at least don't really love desserts, I'd rather just eat two dinners...not sure if that's better! How tall are you, Libby? That's so cute that you and Violet are the same height. I'm 5'7 and dh is 6'1. He always acts thinks I'm taller than him when I wear heels. I'm like, "I'm not wearing 6" heels! Quit making me feel awkward!" How is Violet doing by the way?? Is she doing ok with the transition back to school?