Overwhelmed.

[newmommy21]

Hi all!

I am currently 11+3 with #2. I have a 2 year old DD at home. Honestly I just feel so overwhelmed all the time.

I pretty well do everything at home, cook, clean, watch DD, do laundry, and work 40 hours a week.

I've asked hubby so many times to help me out with a few things that are small but still need to be done. He just does it once and forgets, I'm so tired of nagging him to help.

I'm so tired all day long while at work. I have had a poopy cold for 2 weeks now and its just not going away.

All I want to do is just crawl in bed and sleep for days to catch up with energy. I don't feel pregnant, I just feel like a blob moving along in life.

Anyways I just needed to get it out and have a vent.

 

[MrsLux]

Maybe leave this open for him to see? Husbands turn off as soon as they feel nagged. Maybe bring it up when you aren't mad at him for not doing it or make sure you go out of your way to thank him and tell him how much it makes a difference when he does do something! x

 

[newmommy21]

That's true. I do feel like I only say something when I'm mad...I'll try to bring it up just casually.

Thanks!!

 

[Amygdala]

Sorry, but HELL NO to giving him over the top praise just for doing his bit. You work 40 hours a week and you're pregnant, so childcare and household needs to be shared between you two at the very least. In actual fact, he should realise how tough things are for you and give you a break when he can!
I'd take a quiet minute to talk to him about how your relationship can be more equal. Maybe make a list of things you each do (work, wash dishes, clean bathroom, brush DD's teeth etc) and then try to balance it more so you two have equal work loads. Maybe part of that can be for him to take DD for a set time each day, eg bath time or bedtime or get her up and make her breakfast, so you can have a break. By all means thank him for what he does but don't pretend (or think!) that he's doing you a favour. It's his house as well, and his child.

 

[Sakura15]

If you need to crawl in bed and sleep for a couple days, then do! Granted, with a 2 year old that might be difficult to do, but are there grandparents or aunts/uncles around who can help? I gave in and took 2 days off work last week. OH seemed to think that meant I was going to catch up on housework etc., but I was determined not to lift a finger and I didn't. I reminded him that I am making an entire human. So washing the dishes has become "washing dishes while making a human", cooking has become "cooking dinner while making a human". It all takes lots more energy than it used to. He got the point! I gather it's easier for them to figure it out once the bump starts growing, but until then we'll need to gently remind, and take the time and rest we need 'cause it won't just get handed to us.

 

[dimmu]

My hubby is also very lazy with housework. In the end I had enough of spending half of my weekend cleaning and tidying up and got us a domestic cleaner. She comes in for two hours every Thursday when we are all out at work/school and it's so worth it, it's so nice to come home to a clean flat every Thursday. It has made me much more relaxed and a lot less naggy lol!

Would that be an option for you?

 

[SaraVO]

So a few weeks ago hubby was given a book. Caveman guide to pregnancy. And then he actually read it. And then something crazy started happening. Instead of irritating the carp out of me and trying to control my every move he did the dishes and cleaned the bathroom and I came home from work and he gave me a massage.

Since then he makes a point to do a chore or two every day. Not big ones but he started helping. I felt weird watching the man clean things just isn't the way I was raised it makes me feel awkward. But, he just keeps on doing it. I don't know what he read or what made him realize I needed help. I haven't complained, not really. But sometime somehow he either got told off by a woman in his life. Or something he read or maybe just settling into the human making process he has started to act like a real partner. I have never expected these things from him. I preferred my way and I like being the wife and he has always worked harder and longer than I do.

I think what I'm saying is if my husband who makes two meals a month and who's contribution to house work is putting his gross laundry in the washer can turn into some modern man who scrubs toilets then there is hope. I hate complaining, but maybe it's time. Maybe your full grown husband needs to be prompted daily to do chores?

He actually asked me how often stuff needs to be cleaned. Which cleaning products are used where. Sometimes they are that dumb. I caught him wandering around the house for fifteen minutes because he didn't know where a broom was.

I also told him how incredibly sexy the house work doing husband was and gave him a little motivation to keep doing sexy things... like the vacuum that he didn't know how to turn on.

 

[hellojello25]

So a few weeks ago hubby was given a book. Caveman guide to pregnancy. And then he actually read it. And then something crazy started happening. Instead of irritating the carp out of me and trying to control my every move he did the dishes and cleaned the bathroom and I came home from work and he gave me a massage.

Since then he makes a point to do a chore or two every day. Not big ones but he started helping. I felt weird watching the man clean things just isn't the way I was raised it makes me feel awkward. But, he just keeps on doing it. I don't know what he read or what made him realize I needed help. I haven't complained, not really. But sometime somehow he either got told off by a woman in his life. Or something he read or maybe just settling into the human making process he has started to act like a real partner. I have never expected these things from him. I preferred my way and I like being the wife and he has always worked harder and longer than I do.

I think what I'm saying is if my husband who makes two meals a month and who's contribution to house work is putting his gross laundry in the washer can turn into some modern man who scrubs toilets then there is hope. I hate complaining, but maybe it's time. Maybe your full grown husband needs to be prompted daily to do chores?

He actually asked me how often stuff needs to be cleaned. Which cleaning products are used where. Sometimes they are that dumb. I caught him wandering around the house for fifteen minutes because he didn't know where a broom was.

I also told him how incredibly sexy the house work doing husband was and gave him a little motivation to keep doing sexy things... like the vacuum that he didn't know how to turn on.

Haha that's the book my BF got too. He really likes it. And I agree with Amygdala, he does not need over the top praise. He's not a dog. I would definitely talk about the housework with him and tell him to stop being so selfish. And I don't mean selfish in a bad way, like neglecting you to go out and party, but in the way that he's not thinking about how to help you.

 

[newmommy21]

He's a great guy really and he works hard too leaves at 7am and comes home at 6pm. But it's just the little things that would make things a lot better! Like putting his own damn dishes in the dishwasher and making his lunch, then playing with our DD till bed time.

I've talked to him last night and he did apologize for it and did do what I asked. So we will see if it continues!

 

[AngelofTroy]

If you need to crawl in bed and sleep for a couple days, then do! Granted, with a 2 year old that might be difficult to do, but are there grandparents or aunts/uncles around who can help? I gave in and took 2 days off work last week. OH seemed to think that meant I was going to catch up on housework etc., but I was determined not to lift a finger and I didn't. I reminded him that I am making an entire human. So washing the dishes has become "washing dishes while making a human", cooking has become "cooking dinner while making a human". It all takes lots more energy than it used to. He got the point! I gather it's easier for them to figure it out once the bump starts growing, but until then we'll need to gently remind, and take the time and rest we need 'cause it won't just get handed to us.

I love this, I am so referring to everything I do from now on in this way!!

 

[Sakura15]

.

 

[Sakura15]

Hahaha, it puts things into perspective!