PAL after Recurrent Losses - come join us!

[Mrs Reineke]

Good morning ladies,

Hope, wow 13 years and not married!! That's a long time!! But sometimes that works best for people. Do you think you guys will eventually get married? My husband and I were together for 8 years before getting married and we've been married two years this coming July.

florida, happy 8+4!!!!

Good luck to all the ladies getting scans here in the next week or two. My next appointment is this Thursday. I don't get a scan I don't think. I don't think I'll get another one until my 22 week anatomy/gender one. So just checking up on me and baby with the doppler I'm assuming. I'm bummed I don't get to peak in on the little one again. I've been super anxious waiting for my appointment. I hate the wait. I've had them every 4 weeks so it takes FOREVER!!!

 

[Hope39]

I should think we will one day, just one of those things we haven't got round to

I can't say money is the reason because we have probably had the money, just invested it in properties and stuff

I've told him if i'm not married by the time i'm 40 i'm not going to so that gives him two years to ask me, lol

I think its the arranging it that puts me off, if i could just go away and it be him and I without upsetting people then we probably would have done it by now

xx

 

[Tasha]

Wow exciting Mowat. Is that a c-section or induction?

I know exactly what you mean

I get nervous every time I think oh it's x weeks so can't imagine what you're feeling at six sleeps x

 

[Tasha]

Sorry missed your two posts as didn't realise there was another page.

It's so hard waiting for scans Mrs R, I had cervix ones between 13 and 20 weeks but they don't look at properly just hb really and I was anxious so paid for a reassurance scan at 17 weeks is that an option?

Hope I think just you two would suit you, it's what my parents did and I wish we did. Or you could do what my friend did, when you bring this baby home organising a christening or if your not religious naming ceremony, get everyone to turn up expecting just that and then marry Adam there too. Not as much pressure as no one can have an opinion

 

[wookie130]

This is my second marriage, and husband and I had a very simple chapel wedding with just close family, and we went out for dinner afterwards. It was beautiful, and I wouldn't change a thing!

Mowat- Good luck! Not long now! Carrying those babies to 37 weeks is an awesome achievement for a twin pregnancy!

Good luck to all who have scans coming up. I pray each and every one of you have good news to share!

 

[SweetV]

Hope - my DH and I eloped. His parents will never forgive us but we felt a private wedding suited the fact that we had been together so long.

Mowat - 37 weeks is amazing!!

Mrs R. Waiting between scans takes forever. I agree with Tasha if you can get a private scan you should.

Sorry if I missed anybody my phone is freezing when I scroll through the pages.

 

[floridamomma]

Thanks everyone and good luck on all upcoming scans. I'm just trying to stay positive and talk myself out of a private scan this week lol. I have a trip to Las Vegas 1 1/2week after my scan so trying to focus on that. Embarrassing thing I have horrid gas this pregnancy. Like knock em dead. It's a girls trip though and I'm thinking of getting a private as not to stink up the place in my sleep lol.

Oh and dh got a married 1 year to the day after we met. We met online went on a date the next day. Engaged within 3 months. He proposed again about 4-5 months after that and were married in January of 2012. We've been together 3 years and I love every minute. With my kids father or was longer courtship but I was never happy. Who doesn't love a whirlwind romance

 

[dairymomma]

I think the same way-what works for you is what works for you. I certainly wouldn't recommend the 'month from meeting to engaged, six months to wedding' route I took for everyone. It's just how things happened for me and DH. We had a fairly large church wedding and it was lovely but I have one little piece of me that will always wish DH and I had done what we initially wanted to do and eloped. If we had done that, it would have happened 6 weeks after we started dating though and I think my mom would have keeled over then and there...

 

[Ummi2boyz]

Dairy: everything went quite fast for do and I too! Dated a month after we met, moved with him a month later (but did not share the same bedroom), another month after that we got married religiously and 3 months later got the official marriage at the register office! It's been 15 years now!

Thinking of everyone wwho's got a scan soon.I'll be stalking!

 

[SweetV]

I knew I was going to marry DH from day one (I was 14). He was my best friend all through high school. He is a few years older than me however and it was not ok for us to be together until I was 18. He got a girl pregnant right after my 18th birthday (a week long fling gone horribly horribly wrong) and she went to his parents and demanded that they get married (her best friend has told us that she got pregnant intentionally a poke holes in the condom kind of thing). It's a really long complicated story but she was a manipulator, she lied to him constantly, cheated on him, stole from him and his parents and I sat back with my heart breaking a little more every day. We got together officially when his daughter was just over 2 and they had been separated for a year. He had been my best friend for 8 years, he told me he was going to marry me the first time we slept together. We couldn't get married until he figured out his ex. She was constantly showing up at our house with her bags packed demanding to move in. She would call 50-100x per day and the year before we got married she finally figured out it was not going to work between the 2 of them. When she stopped calling I finally said yes.

 

[mowat]

Wow, what a crazy story Sweet! So glad everything worked out in the end.

Here's my story. I met my DH the first month of university and we started dating almost immediately. Think we got married maybe 6 years later. Had our DS 10 years after getting married! And now two more 5 years later. Wow, I'm old!

Saw the doctor today and she asked if I wanted a membrane sweep. I was so shocked I said no. She thought she should do one next week, but I'm booked in with a different doctor so I don't know what she'll say. Nothing like this was ever discussed with my DS and I gave birth on my due date. Is there a good reason to get this show on the road? A woman who works with my husband and who is 43 (I'm 40) gave birth to twins around 40 weeks earlier this winter. Just wondering if I need a sweep I guess.

 

[mowat]

Forgot to say I have an ultrasound on Monday at 37 weeks. I was cleared to try a vaginal delivery. Both babies seem to be in good position and my Asherman's doesn't seem to be an issue at this point.

 

[DSemcho]

Wow I have missed so much!!!!!

Today's the day ladies. It's my final milestone I'm 8+4. So I don't have another scan until next Friday I'll be 10 weeks here's hoping I can get through the next week and a half without having a breakdown.

Congrats on the milestone florida!! I remember when I made it to this part with this nugget, it was sooo surreal!!

Florida-congrats on your milestone and FX the time flies by. I'm setting up a scan for early next week so hoping it flies by for me too. I'm anxious to know if everything is okay and if there's a baby/hb. If there is, my odds go up as I've only m/c once while on the meds after I've seen a hb.

DH and I have been together for 8 years now but I'm on the opposite end of the spectrum I guess. We did things quick. We met, started dating 2 weeks later, got engaged 2 weeks after that, and got married 6 months after that. Just over 7 months from start to finish. AND I was in college and we were long distance til I finished-which wasn't until 2 months after we got married. Talk about whirlwind. But it's what worked for us. Though I will fully admit I DO NOT want my kids to do the same....

AFM-nothing much to report. Going to have lunch this afternoon with a couple of friends so looking forward to that and I may tell them about the pg. But I may wait until after my u/s. Which reminds me. I still have to schedule it. I didn't get a chance to call the dr yesterday so I'd better go do that. Darn baby brain is kicking in and I'm forgetting everything...

Oh I do that a lot - I can never remember where I put my wallet.... Which sucks because without my US Government ID I can't do my job.

florida - congrats on making your milestone!
blue - it's funny that 3 weeks seems like FOREVER when it comes to u/s
hope - mine is next Thursday too
dairy - only thing worse than pregnancy brain is new mommy brain

afm - booked my u/s for next week. Was really hoping they would squeeze me in for the end of this one as I am already off work for this week but the doctor is not there that day. Nice thing about the clinic I go to is you do your ultrasound and then go right to the dr. for the results. With my last OB I had to wait a week.

Yay for the results right after!! Last time I had to wait about three weeks for results Luckily this time my appointment with the doc is 10 days after my ultrasound.

Lots of scans coming up! I'm booked for Monday---I'll be 37 weeks. Never thought I'd make it this far!

Can't believe you're almost 24 weeks already Tasha! Time is flying---except when it isn't. If you know what I mean.

Yay!! I'm feeling similar because I cannot believe I'm going to be 20 weeks this Saturday!

Good morning ladies,

Hope, wow 13 years and not married!! That's a long time!! But sometimes that works best for people. Do you think you guys will eventually get married? My husband and I were together for 8 years before getting married and we've been married two years this coming July.

florida, happy 8+4!!!!

Good luck to all the ladies getting scans here in the next week or two. My next appointment is this Thursday. I don't get a scan I don't think. I don't think I'll get another one until my 22 week anatomy/gender one. So just checking up on me and baby with the doppler I'm assuming. I'm bummed I don't get to peak in on the little one again. I've been super anxious waiting for my appointment. I hate the wait. I've had them every 4 weeks so it takes FOREVER!!!

Mrs R - I've been using my Doppler every blue moon now too!! What are you hoping for as far as gender??

This is my second marriage, and husband and I had a very simple chapel wedding with just close family, and we went out for dinner afterwards. It was beautiful, and I wouldn't change a thing!

Mowat- Good luck! Not long now! Carrying those babies to 37 weeks is an awesome achievement for a twin pregnancy!

Good luck to all who have scans coming up. I pray each and every one of you have good news to share!

Wookie - this is my second marriage too. We met Mar 26, 2010 and didn't see each other again for two months until May 26, 2010. And then we got married August 13, 2010 lol. Been married almost five years.

Forgot to say I have an ultrasound on Monday at 37 weeks. I was cleared to try a vaginal delivery. Both babies seem to be in good position and my Asherman's doesn't seem to be an issue at this point.

Yay!!! I have a scan on Monday also!!




So AFM - I've been MIA. Was sick from Tuesday until still am... And the movers packed out our house on Monday and Tuesday so now we have the loaner furniture which the bed is hard =/ And small... I have my official gender scan on the 23rd, even though it's been confirmed boy by two different ultrasounds lol. And my last appointment here is on 2April!! My last day of work is 3April and then we fly out on 15April - I can't believe it!!!

 

[floridamomma]

Sweet I didn't try to like that. I was trying to read and eat at the same time sorry

 

[floridamomma]

I cannot even explain the dread that I feel right now. DH and I are not getting along right now because I just can't stand to be around him. I don't know I'm not happy I feel like things are inevitably going to go wrong and nobody gets it. Everyone tells me to have faith and know that things are going to work out and I want to scream at them please explain to me after miscarrying five possibly six times how in the hell am I supposed to feel confident in my body anymore. People say oh well you have three kids yes and I didn't start having miscarriages until after though so I have no proof that my body can even do this anymore nobody understands how hard it is how much it hurts how scary it is how I feel like I'm just living in limbo. I'm so afraid I'm walking around and my baby isn't living anymore inside of me. I can't even put that fear into words because if I say it everyone says oh you have no faith you don't believe blah blah blah and I just want to tell them to fucking shove it I am so tired of people telling me how to feel who's never been there who have no clue and should be damn blessed they don't. I'm just tired and stressed and I'm really scared because I know for a fact that if this doesn't work there's nothing else to try. I'm down to four more weeks of steroids and even if the baby makes it I'm too afraid to stop it. I just don't know what to do. Thankfully I'm seeing my therapist today hopefully she can help me to feel better. I want to get a scan, but I know that even if I do it'll only make me feel better now it won't help me in the long run. Ive had scans and then the babies died two days later

 

[wookie130]

Florida...I wish I could change people and how they react to women who have histories of miscarriage and pregnancy loss. People RARELY know what to say, nor do they even really seem to TRY to understand, and then I remember...there's no way to really KNOW or UNDERSTAND your feelings, unless they've been there themselves. Having faith is usually not enough to save pregnancies that are destined to end in an untimely way, so it's a stupid thing to say, but people don't seem to know how to offer any other type of encouragement to a woman going through it.

I worried myself sick. I was convinced there was always something wrong, or that I was going to stop feeling movements, or that I'd even lose the baby shortly after birth, etc. I just could not seem to believe that things were going to end well. This is a defense mechanism that women who have suffered RPL use to guard our hearts and minds in the event something DOES go wrong...then we remain unattached, and better able to cope with yet another loss.

Well, I'm here to tell you that this baby is possible. This very well may be the one that makes it, Florida. He/she may just end up in your arms. I can't guarantee it, nor can I promise that to you, but I will tell you that it's possible, and that it does happen... Just take it one day at a time. Heck, take it one minute at a time, if that helps you more. Learn to enjoy the "now" of your pregnancy.

You are pregnant NOW.
That baby is alive NOW.
Right NOW you're okay.

It's hard. No one will understand what you've been through, unless they've been there themselves. It just isn't going to happen. But dammit, these rainbow babies DO happen, and I have two of them of my own to prove it. Just hang in there, and try to live in the moment...the "what if's" will drive you crazy if you let them.

 

[SweetV]

Mowat - I thought it was just common that twins were born early, not mandatory. I'm glad to hear your Asherman's isn't a problem. May I ask what degree yours was. I just had corrective surgery for Asherman's as they thought it was the cause for my losses.

DSemcho - I'm sorry you're sick. Yay for ultrasounds! Will you be happy if it's confirmed a boy?

Florida - I think it takes the strongest of women to know what you've been through and understand the pain and fear of PAL. I fight those feelings every morning. I have not said a word to ANYBODY because I know in my heart that my next ultrasound will probably not be good. I show confidence as it's all I can do or break down in tears. We can only have faith in waves and I'm so sorry you are not feeling good right now. You made it past that milestone and have to go day by day. Huge hugs! Live for that vegas trip right now and try to forget the rest!

Wookie - You replied while I was writing my response. You worded it perfectly.

 

[dairymomma]

Florida-I second what wookie says. We build these barriers around our hearts and we don't want to feel hopeful because the odds are so against us. I do know too how it feels to have well-meaning people tell you that you need to have hope and faith when you know that hope and faith haven't been enough in the past. They just don't understand that for us, pregnancy is not a happy, wonderful, amazing, hopeful time to dream of nurseries, stock up on diapers, and ready your lives for another child. They don't understand how much that wee bit of hope we feel at the start shrivels as the days go by. They don't understand how soul-suckingly hard it is to get through milestone days. Really, because they haven't experienced rmc themselves and dealt with the emotional rollercoaster it sends you on, they CAN'T understand. But talking to your therapist can help. I have mine on speed dial right now and I just met with her last week. I was having a difficult time with this pg because not only was I trying to be hopeful in the face of spotting/discharge/scary signs but I was half convinced I was miscarrying and if I do, I have to re-evaluate everything. After my 5th loss, I said I'd think about having my tubes tied if I ever got to 10 losses and I still didn't have answers. Well, this would be loss #10 if I do miscarry and it's frightening to me to contemplate taking away any and all ability to have biological children after this when I'm just approaching my 30s. I was really struggling with the idea of having something so permanent done while I'm still pg. My therapist got me to see that I don't need to face that question right now, that I should just focus on the here and now and let the future go for the moment.

At this very moment, I'm pregnant.
At this very moment, I'm going to be a rainbow mommy again.
At this very moment, my baby is healthy and alive.

Wookie is right. Rainbow babies do happen. I have three to prove it and this baby will be #4. It's hard to face each day with positivity when you've had the troubles we've had, but sometimes you just have to dig as deep as you can and pull that hope out by the hair. Miracles DO happen.

 

[floridamomma]

Thank you so much. Your words have given comfort that dh just doesn't understand. Sometimes the pain and fear is smothering. I feel like someone is taking my breath away some days. It's so hard to be ok. But I have to believe that it could happen. It's so hard though. But I will try. Thank you. I think it's that as of today I'm in uncharted territories. I've never made it to this day and a whole new set of anxieties have been awakened. Plus I haven't had an us in 2 weeks

 

[newlywedtzh]

Florida- I know you say having a scan will not help, but I think it will. Why don't you call and just say you are feeling anxious and would like a reassurance scan? The weekly scans are what helped me through and hten it was the use of the doppler. I think someone on here posted about a study done that more scans actually increased the chances of success bc it lowered the stress on the mother? I think that was here. It may not put your fears to bed forever, but it can help you get through the next week or so. Hang in there