PAL after Recurrent Losses - come join us!

[DSemcho]

Mowat - I thought it was just common that twins were born early, not mandatory. I'm glad to hear your Asherman's isn't a problem. May I ask what degree yours was. I just had corrective surgery for Asherman's as they thought it was the cause for my losses.

DSemcho - I'm sorry you're sick. Yay for ultrasounds! Will you be happy if it's confirmed a boy?

Florida - I think it takes the strongest of women to know what you've been through and understand the pain and fear of PAL. I fight those feelings every morning. I have not said a word to ANYBODY because I know in my heart that my next ultrasound will probably not be good. I show confidence as it's all I can do or break down in tears. We can only have faith in waves and I'm so sorry you are not feeling good right now. You made it past that milestone and have to go day by day. Huge hugs! Live for that vegas trip right now and try to forget the rest!

Wookie - You replied while I was writing my response. You worded it perfectly.

Yes ma'am I would! I already know it's definitely a boy because I got to see him again about 2 weeks later because the doc I saw when I was sick is scan happy and she goes yup, definitely a boy. However it will be nice to see it on a bigger and clearer scan machine.

I had an abdominal scan at a private place. Pretty sure it's over

Thank you all. This actually is my new ob. Time to move on though. Dh said before that he was done trying as it's too hard on us. He went for it once more because we thought the meds would help. He said he can't do it anymore. Honestly I don't think I can either. I just want to live a little and let go if this dream. It hurts though. My duh had no biological children. Good luck ladies but I guess I won't need the sure anymore. I'll definitely be popping in to check on you guys!xxx

Florida - I'm sorry you're going through this again. I went through six miscarriages myself before this one stuck =/ Me and my DH had agreed to stop trying also - but we were not preventing and voila it happened and it scared the bejeezus out of me. I hope things end up working out for you.

 

[Tasha]

Florida. This is such a huge decision to make on the back of an unconfirmed loss. Give yourself time sweetie.

 

[floridamomma]

Tasha dh isn't giving me an option. He didn't want to try again this time because my last loss was very bad. We'd both discussed it and said we we're ready to move on but I had to see if these meds would give us our rainbow. There's a part of me that wants to believe that maybe they're wrong, but the last 3 mc this is what happened. And I've been crampy but I thought it was my cyst. I'm looking at the pictures now maybe the hematoma grew too large. It's the same size as the baby. I see where the hb should be. They said maybe they'll see me at 1pm today. I need a break from talking about it. Trying to keep it together right now.xx
Thanks d.xx

 

[blueblue]

Florida - take some quiet time out for yourself and dh. I found I also needed not to talk about to it sometimes to begin to heal - sometimes talking reinforced the memories. I hope everything goes ok at the doctors

 

[melfy77]

Hi girls

Can't remember the last time I posted on this thread, and no I am NOT pregnant!!

Welcome to all the new ladies; I try my best to read all of your posts but pretty sure I missed a few

Florida: I am so so sorry I am sure you DH loves you, but men sure have a way of dealing with recurrent losses that's not always logical to us I just want you to be ok with that decision, because it is a big one. Have they checked his swimmers? Since he has no biological kids maybe it's something wrong with him? Gotta say sometimes I wish babies were just delivered by mail so we wouldn't have to go through som much pain...but then again, the happiness with get from having a rainbow is just soooo strong. Take care of yourself

So talking about realationships. I can't remember if I told you already but last September DH admitted cheating on me...with guys, and then proceeded to tell me that he was gay...should have seen that one coming since our sex life was pretty much inexistent, like we DTD to have kids and that was it. it took everything to get him to ''perform'' and was never fun...

He made a public announcement about his homosexuality (we both agreed to it). We decided to get a divorce, because I just don't see myself spending the rest of my life with a room mate, because I am disgusted that I waited all these years, thinking that I had done something wrong, only to find out that he had 2 affairs with guys!! We are still friends, but there is no way I could ever touch him again, let alone have kids with him. And pretty sure he wanted us to separate; he actually told me that he was maybe considering a same sex relationship at some point. We are both Christian, so are his parents, and they are devastated. They think we didn't try hard enough to save our marriage, didn't go to councelling long enough (well at 160$ a session why didn't you pay for it) They are using the girls as an excuse to prove us we are making the wrong decision, because they're worried they won't see them anymore. I think that children from divorced parents can do just fine if there is a good communication between the parents, and we don't want to raise the girls in a lie. And they're not stupid, they would know something is off, like ''why is daddy staying with mommy if daddy likes men and not women?'' What the heck are you supposed to answer to that? ''Because they got married and that's that.''?!

Anyway sorry for the rant Now I just hope that I will find a heterosexual man who will love the kids and want more...

 

[SweetV]

Florida - I agree that it's a big decision to make on the cusp of heartbreak. I always say I can't do this again. My last loss was very drawn out and ended in my hysteroscopy which was a long recovery time. Take care of yourself. Huge hugs. Good luck at your appt today.

melfy - That is a lot to take in. One of our best friends has done the same (walked away from a 6 year relationship and announced he has been seeing men since he was 18). He has no kids but it was huge announcement that has turned his life upside down. My step daughter is the product of a separation and she is with us 50% of the time. As much as the parents do not get a long we speak frequently regarding her health, behaviour, school etc. We used to meet at coffee shops monthly to have these discussions as it was neutral ground and the discussions remained calm. I hope for your girls sake everything works out and you find a wonderful new man.

 

[dairymomma]

Florida-I'm so sorry. I'm sort of in the same boat-if this one ends in a loss, I may be at the end of my ttc journey too, only it's me making that choice not DH. I'm not making a decision as yet but things in limbo for me atm so it's on my mind. But and know that I'm thinking of you.

Melfy-I've seen a few of your posts on other threads and I'm sorry to hear that your relationship ended as it did. That can't be an easy thing to cope with. Hope you find someone who loves and cares as much about you as you do them though.

AFM-U/s is next Thurs with dr appt right after. Nervous about that appt because he's never asked to see me right after like that. Hope he's not going to give me a lecture on why I shouldn't have gotten pg. But last night I had discharge start again. It was pink cm and cramping last night, brown staining with FMU, and now it's back to pinkish/tan cm with a bit of a back ache. No symptoms for the last two days but feeling sick now so I'm wondering if bubs had a growth spurt and that's why I'm sore/spotting/symptoms again? Trying to figure out if I should call the dr for another blood test or if I should just wait it out.

 

[SweetV]

Dairy - my appt is next Thursday as well and I also have to see my doctor right after but that is standard at their clinic. I always seem to get pregnant when I'm not suppose to . Do you think it would put your mind at ease to have blood drawn today?

 

[newlywedtzh]

Florida- I am just so hoping this is not a loss. Please update us when you know more. I am a Scientist so I am naturally driven to just find out the cause of why losses happen so I hope you don't think this is insensitive but I just can't help but wonder if it something on your DH's end. I know he has had a Sperm Analysis if I remember correctly, but don't beat yourself up about this and only blame yourself. There may not be anything "wrong" (I hate using that word when it comes to our bodies and RMC) with your body at all if you were able to bear 3 children. I know this is a stressful time for you, big And if this does end in another loss- I'm sure the FS will have another plan. Never give up hope!

 

[wookie130]

Florida...I'm still hoping that scan was wrong.

Melfy- I've been wondering about you. I'm glad things moved forward in the divorce, and that you're on good terms. You can both be parents to your girls, even though you've parted ways. Good luck!

 

[loeylo]

Florida - I agree it is maybe best you give yourself time to heal before making a decision. Maybe 6 months down the line you may feel differently? My partner was terrified of me falling pregnant again after my ectopic.

Melfy - I think I maybe remember reading your posts on here a while ago. That is a lot to deal with but glad you are moving forward. I'm sure as you are still friends you will be able to coparent successfully. All the best!

Dairy - I'm sure there is nothing in the doctors appointment being after the scan. All the best when your scan/appt does come round!

Sweetv- good luck for your scan too.

Afm - had a scan today and things are looking really good! Measuring a few days ahead (10+1 instead of 9+5) with a good hb. The furthest along I have been in the past is 7+2 but didn't find out until 8+5 that it was a mmc
so I think I can be fairly confident at this stage? Also been prescribed anti nausea medication as I have been really sick and even the staff at the early pregnancy unit commented on me looking unwell. They have signed me off of their care now, so no scans booked which terrifies me! They have asked me to phone if I'm worried and need another reassurance scan but as far as they are concerned this is my rainbow. Obviously I am still convinced it will end badly but bubs is looking really baby like now (we saw arms, legs, cord, bone structures and even facial features like eye sockets which was amazing!)

 

[floridamomma]

Thank you everyone for being so supportive. Unfortunately it was another traumatic terrible experience. We went in to have the scan and my bladder was full they said they found a hb only 103 baby measuring small. Of course dh got excited because he doesn't get it but I emptied my bladder and had another scan. It showed my uterus with a huge hematoma almost on top the baby. Baby passed away at 7+1 a possible polyp and who knows what else. Life is cruel.

 

[newlywedtzh]

So So SO sorry Florida.

 

[wookie130]

Oh dear, Florida. I'm so sorry. Please take care.

 

[blueblue]

I'm so sorry Florida, life really is cruel sometimes, it's such a hard thing to go through. Take care

 

[blueblue]

Loeylo - congratulations on your scan!

Dairy / Sweet - good luck on your scans x

Melfy - sorry you are having so much to deal with.

 

[dairymomma]

florida. It sounds like you've been through the wringer. Be gentle with yourself and take time to heal. again.

I'm nervous mostly because he's never asked to see me straight after before. With my other scans, he ordered it and I saw him a few days later when the full report came in. But I think it'll be a good thing really because we can go over the scan findings (he won't have a report for a few days but we'll know if there's a hb at least) and figure out where I'll be going from here. I hate admitting it but it feels like my hopefulness is drying up. I don't know if it's because my pg symptoms have been gone for 3 days now, if it's because the discharge started again (and took longer to stop this time), or if it's just because I know it's over. I know very well that this could just be a false feeling because I felt the same way with LO but as florida said previously, it's wearing on a person to try and feel optimistic when you just can't be.

 

[loeylo]

Dairy - I was convinced I had lost the baby since the weekend. My boobs felt fine, I wasn't sick and I felt fairly awake. I had also had fairly strong cramps (stronger than they had been) - I didn't want to post here or anything as I had the same panic quite a few times, but I called the epas and they were sufficiently worried to bring my scan forward by 5 days. Yesterday, I felt as though I was coming down with the flu - really tired and weak, but no sickness. I was shivery and felt rubbish. Went to bed at about 8pm and slept until about 2am, woke up feeling horrifically sick and was sick several times today. Scan was all good and now I'm cursing myself for wanting my sickness to return!

I know changing symptoms can be scary, and I know how easy it is to give up hope (I think it is probably a defence mechanism. I always expect the worst so that if it does happen I am at least prepared for it!) but try to maintain at least a flicker of hope. As you said, you felt like this with your LO!

 

[dairymomma]

I know. I've been here before and had it go either way so I know not all hope is lost just yet but it's a hard feeling to shake. I think it's just the cumulative effects of everything-the discharge, the cramps/aches, the lack of pg symptoms, the underlying fear that never quite goes away when you are PARL, the fact that I didn't get a period between this pg and my last, and my whole history-coming down on me right now and I think the biggest reason it's hitting me hard atm is I'm just entering my scariest days and I have so much of the 1st tri yet to go. Yet I feel like I've known forever and I should be like 16 weeks now instead of only 6.

But in a slightly more hopeful bent, I am feeling a teeny bit queasy and that's more than I've felt all day. Also, my discharge seems to be back to the usual tan/yellowy stuff so hopefully last nights/this morning's stuff was just bubs having a growth spurt and my uterus stretching.

 

[hopeful23456]

so sorry florida what an awful thing to happen again, I hope dh gets the courage to try again if that's what you want to do