PAL after Recurrent Losses - come join us!

[Madrid98]

Wow dairy! And will they study each one of your family members individually to gather more facts to that initial conclusion? How do you feel about it? Scared, apprehensive,..

I had my dating scan yesterday. All went really well. Got to see all the baby's parts one by one. This is quite unusual at this scan but maybe they've changed the procedure. I'll go back today or tomorrow for blood tests as the clinic was closed by the time I finished. How annoying!! My due date has changed and I'm 13wks2 today. Very happy!

 

[ginny83]

Great news on the scan madrid. I have an appointment tomorrow and should get a peep at baby

Dairy - wow thats a lot to take in. Im a huge believer in steroids. I think its one of the very common things between a lot of us who have had many losses and then a success. I have a lot of autoimmune issues on my dads side of the family. Unfortunately my half brother had copped the worst combo he has type 1 diabetez, psoriasis and uveitis - all autoimmune conditions. His drs think he has an underlying autoimmune syndrome but it seems like there's more they don't know than they do know.

 

[Squig34]

Wow Dairy that is a lot to take in but it will be good if you can finally get some answers.

Good news about your scan Madrid

Hope all goes well tomorrow Ginny.

I'm being very carefully monitored with fortnightly scans but I had one today (after booking last week) as the clinic is closed next week. I was pretty anxious as this is when we discovered it had started to go wrong with my son (not that anyone except me believed there was a problem) but this baby is still growing normally & my placenta apparently looks much better too & blood flow in it more normal.

 

[ab75]

Wow dairy!!!
I hope you are back posting a bfp in the future.

Great news Madrid.

Good luck tomorrow Ginny.

Squig xx

 

[ginny83]

Great to hear about your scan squig

I never had any signs before with my losses but i believe my losses were to do with poor placenta connections. So when it was time for the placenta to take over thats when i loose the babies.

Anyway, all good at my scan today and got to see bub wriggling. See ob again in 2 weeks

 

[dairymomma]

Ginny and Madrid-great scan news is always lovely to see on this thread. So happy for you both!

AFM-yeah it's alot to take in and I'm pretty apprehensive about all of this because of what we may or may not find with further testing. But I'm committed to meeting with a genetic counselor because if we are dealing with more than one genetic issue (or a predisposition to genetic mutations), I NEED to know for my kids' sake. Even if I choose to be done having babies, I'll still pursue this angle for them so they don't have to go through this. And DH and I are still talking about adoption and/or foster care so no matter what happens with my reproductive issues, we have options for expanding our family yet.

But I won't lie. I want another bfp and I want more than anything to have one more baby of my own. I want SO badly to have a 'normal', uncomplicated pregnancy and I know it's very likely never going to happen-even if I do have another pregnancy that goes to term. It's so heartbreakingly hard to deal with RMC and it's shattered my mental stability to the point where I just don't know if I can go through another pregnancy for that reason alone. I'm having anxiety attacks at the very thought of another bfp, my counselor thinks I've got PTSD on top of PND and she's recommended I start working with another therapist on a more regular basis now. I'm so tired of seeing doctors and testing and talking though...I know I'm not the only one on this thread who wishes she could just wake up one morning with a big belly and find out she's 6-7 months pregnant.

Edit-Sorry for the 'poor me, pity me' party here. I'm just feeling a bit down in the mouth about all of this and I know you ladies understand. I feel guilty for being more Ebeneezer Scrooge (with a dash of Grinch) than Santa Claus this Christmas but it's hard to get in the Christmas Spirit when this all hit me at once, you know?

 

[dairymomma]

Oh and lovely update from you too Squig. I meant to say that with my earlier post but brain fogged and forgot.

And madrid-I'm not sure if they'll study each of us individually. I'm guessing not because not everyone has the same symptoms nor is anyone as severe as my uncle or I with our thus far unexplainable issues. It's more like Aunt A has the heart valve issue, Uncle B had high cholesterol, and Grandma C had a clot. All seemingly unrelated until you look at my uncle who has all three. The thought is most people in our family tree have the dominant gene to balance out the recessive mutations and it's only been the unlucky ones (like my uncle and myself) who get hit with all the recessive stuff all at once. So my uncle for sure is being tested and I'm likely going to have more detailed testing done too but it's pretty unlikely anyone else would have testing done unless/until we find something more serious.

 

[Squig34]

Dairy. I reckon everyone here understands that burning desire for a BFP & a baby but certainly also the fear that goes with it. I hope your new counsellor can help. I wouldn't be surprised that you have PTSD after all you've been through; not that mc is minor anyway, but one on top of the other adds up to huge trauma.

 

[wookie130]

Oh, Dairy. I think we can all relate to that desire to have a baby, or to have "just one more." I'm currently torn on having a third, although I'll be the first to admit that a third child would probably be disastrous for us...we can't afford one more, we have NO room in this house for one more, my uterus was found to be dangerously thin and most likely unfit for another pregnancy, and we'd need to upgrade our cars to accommodate a family of 5, rather than 4, which we also can't swing financially. The desire to have just one more baby is driven by the sadness that comes from having two little ones who are exiting their baby days quicker than I care to admit, my age (37!!!), hormones raging, and my heart aching to cuddle a newborn just one more time. So, for me, it's a heart decision, and not a head decision. Common sense tells me that I need to stop, and appreciate and enjoy the two that I've been given in the first place. Bah! And then I see a tiny baby, and I feel that sad tugging on my uterus. It's dumb for us, really. We're done, and I know it. My husband is adamantly DONE. So, there you have it.

It must be hard not knowing exactly how to proceed, or if you will, while still having the strong desire to have just one more baby...it's got to be tough. Thinking of you, and I know that time will give you a bit more clarity on the situation!

 

[dairymomma]

Common sense tells me that I need to stop, and appreciate and enjoy the two that I've been given in the first place. Bah! And then I see a tiny baby, and I feel that sad tugging on my uterus.

Wookie-this ^^ exactly! My head says to enjoy and appreciate the three children I've been miraculously blessed with but my heart keeps whispering 'Just one more try.' I'm taking it one day at a time and just focusing on meeting with the specialists I know I need to talk to. The dr got back to me and the plan is for me to talk to a hematologist about my MTHFR and suspected clotting issues. He works in a clinic in a bigger city 1.5 hours away and I HATE city driving. Not looking forward to that but the upside is there are a few genetic counselors who also work at that same clinic so I'm going to see if I can get in for an appt with both on the same day to save myself a trip.

 

[blueblue]

Great news about your scans, Madrid and Ginny

Squig, glad everything is going well

Dairy - sorry everything is so hard, you've been through so much and it's ok to feel down about it and we all understand here. I hope the clinic gives you some new options, it's great they are specialists x

Wookie, we're only planning on one but I feel like I might be in the same place one day x

 

[ginny83]

This will hopefully be our last baby, but I think there's is always going to be a twinge in my heart when I hear someone else announce a pregnancy. I'm not sure I'll ever feel 'done' and I think maybe having to go through so much heartache has kinda contributed to that.

on the flip side I am looking forward to not ttc anymore. To be able to book a holiday a year in advance and not wonder if I'll be pregnant or not.

it's all very bitter sweet. I do know that I appreciate my kids sooo much more than I think I ever could have because it was such had work to get them

 

[Hope39]

Hope you all had a fab Xmas girls

For me, this year was so different to last year. It was still very sad to not have Isaac with us but then If I had Isaac I may not have Oscar . He is such a happy baby and makes me laugh every day, I feel so blessed to have him.

We are definitely having 1 more, my oh wouldn't let me have two, xx

 

[dairymomma]

This will hopefully be our last baby, but I think there's is always going to be a twinge in my heart when I hear someone else announce a pregnancy. I'm not sure I'll ever feel 'done' and I think maybe having to go through so much heartache has kinda contributed to that.

on the flip side I am looking forward to not ttc anymore. To be able to book a holiday a year in advance and not wonder if I'll be pregnant or not.

it's all very bitter sweet. I do know that I appreciate my kids sooo much more than I think I ever could have because it was such had work to get them

Ginny-you said it perfectly. I appreciate the children I do have and even if we don't have more, I am perfectly content with my family as it is. I'd love another baby but I also know my limits and I've pretty much reached the end. BUT there will always be a piece of me that will hurt a bit whenever someone else announces a pregnancy because it's still going to be a reminder of what I cannot have/do as easily. It's bittersweet but at the same time, it's miraculous that I even have kids so how can I not be thankful, you know?

And not to be superstitious or anything here, but a very long time ago, I was at a sleepover with some friends and we did this ring test to predict how many kids we'd have as well as what gender they would be. We all laughed off the results because they seemed so fantastic at the time. Well, I was clearing out some old papers the other day and I found the list I'd made of my answers. The hair stood up on the back of my neck when I realized that IF you count my miscarriages, my results are correct. DS and both DDs land in order on my list. Also interesting is the number of children-16. I'm at 14 counting my angels...Not sure what to make of this but it's giving me the heebie jeebies in a weird sort of hopeful way.

 

[Tasha]

Happy Christmas girls. I hope the day was gentle. Mine was fantastic.

I use to think the same, that I'd never feel complete but now I know that isn't true. I am so complete because of Orion. I never thought I'd get there because of my miscarriages but in particular because of my girls. There will always be the thought there should be six children not four, however o have reached a place where o have no desire for more pregnancies, babies or children and that means that other people's announcements and pregnancies or new babies no longer makes me sad. I'm so grateful that I've reached this point. I can't remember the last time I cried for my girls and I know they'll be happy for me.

I'm mindful that reading that might be painful for some of you, however I chose to share as a source of hope. Even after sixteen miscarriages and two stillbirths you can reach the point of completion and total happiness. I hope you all reach it too

 

[sailorsgirl]

Hi, may I join you? I have recently discovered that I am pregnant. However after 2 early losses and one late loss I am pretty nervous. I am going to try and see my doctor on Monday and ask about the Clexane my consultant recommended. Hopefully they'll be quick at prescribing it and also referring me to a midwife. In the past I haven't seen a midwife before 11 weeks.
Keeping everything crossed that this is our rainbow baby. Xx

 

[ab75]

I also used to feel sad everytime someone announced a pregnancy but since having Frazer I feel complete. I can't imagine being,nor do I want to be,pregnant again. Dh had a vasectomy in may and I am happy with that. 3 babies here and 5 miscarriages are enough for me.


Good luck sailorsgirl xx

 

[Squig34]

Sending you lots of luck Sailorsgirl - I hope you have no problem getting the Clexane. I'm on it too after 5 early losses & a 21 week loss & hoping it does the trick for me too.

Glad you all had a good Christmas

 

[dairymomma]

Welcome Sailorsgirl. Congrats on your pregnancy and FX you get the clexane that you want. I'm seeing a hematologist sometime next month likely to discuss bleeding conditions but I am already going to be on lovenox injections with my next pregnancy due to unexplained bleeds in my first tri and an MTHFR mutation.

 

[FeLynn]

hows everyone?

I have been staying away just as I'm trying to think good thoughts even though I know all too well what can happen even once ppl hit the 12 weeks. I'm not near there yet but this will be my last baby and I just want everything to go smoothly.