PAL Winter 2010/2011 Mummies Group

[violetsky]

Came to say hi and introduce myself but wow congratulations Triple! What an amazing weight, and just gas and air? Legend haha!! And what a lovely name

Congrats on your pregnancy mummtochloe, that's fab news about the heartbeat! Can't imagine how scary the bleed must have been for you *big hugs*

As for me, hello lol! I came here to hopefully make some friends, I struggle a bit in real life, I don't drive and am a bit shyand I get sick of talking to DH lol! I found all my non-mummy friends just don't have time for me anymore and we have really drifted apart. It makes me really sad, but my new years resolution was to stop feeling sorry for myself about it all and press forwards with making new friends

So yeh, hi ladies, and sorry for the monologue! Hope everyone had a fantastic xmas and new year

 

[wish2bmama]

Congrats Triple! WOW! Your birth story is similar to mine! YAY for VBAC!

Welcome violetsky! I hope you make good friends here

Mummy, how are you feeling?

How is everyone doing?

afm, Liam is having issues at night. He keeps waking up and crying.. and freaks out at nap and night time when I leave the room even tho he is so tired. We have a night light in there and a sound makers. I don't know what's going on. Any ideas?

 

[violetsky]

wish2bmama I wish I coud help but my LO is a completely rubbish sleeper 9/10 nights she ends up in bed with me and DH *blush* so I wouldn't even know where to start but I really feel for you an I hope someone can help. Could it be his age? My LO is only a couple of months older and she has been soooooo clingy with me recently, and has started teething again (very back molars) which keep waking her up whinging and I didn't realise for ages because she hasn't teethed in forever xx

 

[TripleB]

Hey ladies (welcome Violetsky!)

I'm here for a rant. Could be day 6 hormones or could just be my MIL (subject of rant) but there's been tears tonight.

Background is that my lovely MIL (and strange is it sounds, I do mean that in many ways), was, to my surprise, a fairly traditional hands-off grandparent to Florence. We have always been close (she's like a Mum to me really, accepted me into the family right away, very supportive of me and DH, including when we had our MMC) but when it came to down to it, I'm not her daughter and I felt F actually pushed us apart rather than made us closer - like she didn't want to step on my toes as a mother. Anyway, that was just fine - until my SIL unexpectedly got pregnant with a guy she'd only been with for 9 months and really wasn't in a good place to be starting a family. Happily (with a lot of support from my PIL), it's all worked out for SIL, they've stayed together, got a place and baby (now 8 weeks) is lovely. However, my MIL is OBSESSED with her new grandchild - and its getting to me, big-time. Baby entered the world in pretty traumatic style (placental abruption, crash c-section) and MIL has therefore been, quite rightly, doing a lot to help out. I don't resent that but it's getting to the stage where I (as the humble DIL) think its a) no longer helping, but stopping SIL from standing on her own two feet and b) to the detriment of my 2 children. This last point being what's upset me tonight. Since William was born she has seen him twice. Once when we went to pick up F after leaving hospital - where she promptly spent 30 mins comparing him to other grandchild "his feet are much smaller than x" etc. Then on Sunday she brought SIL and other grandchild around (couldn't possibly let them drive themselves) and spent a few hours here. Admittedly they brought a bottle of bubbly for a toast - but then toasted W and other new grandchild (and realising their mistake added F on as an afterthought). Since then, nothing. No offer to bring around some dinner (they did meals on wheels for 6 weeks for SIL and took days holiday from work to make sure she was never lonely), no requests to visit their new grandson ("we'll see you on the weekend" - well maybe, maybe not) and then, when she calls this evening we have to listen to how brave and perfect other grandchild was at jabs today and that MIL dropped in for a cuddle after work with her. Er, hello, you have a 6 day old grandson here (who will never be this little and perfect again, don't you want a cuddle with him? The more I think about how things will go in the future, with my two always coming in second place, the more upset I got. I thought I'd given myself a good talking to a few weeks ago on F's birthday when MIL finished work early and instead of coming here (only a little further than SIL) for birthday cake, she went to see preferred grandchild, on my baby girl's birthday. I know she thinks we don't need the practical support SIL does but emotionally I feel she's pushed us to the backseat.

So, am I being a mentalist? Be honest.

X

 

[wish2bmama]

Oh triple, that sounds rough. I am in the same boat and my BIL hasn't even had kids yet! (only a stepson and he isn't married to the mother anymore!) I would say you have every right to be upset. I can see that it is her daughter and she may feel she can medal in parenting with her. Your first two points I think should be left to your SIL tho. If they don't stand up for themselves, good luck to them! But your last point is huge. I would talk to her and let her know how you feel.

In the case with my MIL, she never stops to look at others feelings and does what she wants. Your MIL may have no idea she is out of line. Or she does and needs to be called out on it. Either way, I think you should tell her how you feel.

I hope things work out! xx

 

[violetsky]

Nooooooooo TripleB I totally see where you are coming from, if I were you I would be feeling shitty about it too. I think it's one thing to think that oh she's just not that hands on (for example I really expected my dad to be all over his first grandchild,and he's just not been!) but for it to turn into she's just not that hands on with MY children becomes hurtful, ESPECIALLY on day 6 hormones!!! Huge hugs for you

That being said, I do think that it's hard for MILs. As close as you are with her, I think there is a barrier, if that is the word? Like my mum would walk in my house, criticise how messy it is, tell me my top doesn't suit me and that I need to wear more makeup and I'm not doing a good job with DD for whatever reason, and she is totally comfortable with doing that... but she would never dream of doing that to a daughter in law, and I would go mental if my MIL said anything like that to me tbh!! Like you said about stepping on toes, I think in a lot of ways they are damned if they do and damned if they don't and it's probably easier for her to just stand back rather than trying to figure out exacly where the boundaries are and risk causing a huge upset, if you get me?

Maybe actually bring it up with her, or if you think you might have a hormonal overreaction, see how it goes in the coming weeks? I personally think seeing him twice in 6 days isn't that bad, for example my dad came to see me in the hospital for 20 minutes after she was born, then I didn't see him for about 3 months!! And my MIL has been over exactly 7 times in 2 years (F & my daughter are almost exactly the same age!) xxxxxxx

 

[KimmyB]

I would be really upset too Louise. I think you need a chat with MIL and explain exactly how you're feeling, otherwise this will just linger and get worse. It is really unfair of any grandparent to show preference to a certain grandchild. Perhaps she's unaware she's doing it? Either way, she needs pulling up on it ASAP.

 

[TripleB]

Thanks girls, good advice. In the cold light of day (and after a reasonably good night's sleep with a one week old) I can see that I should address this but don't need to be confrontational. I am sure she doesn't realise how it comes across and thinks she's giving us what we want i.e. time alone as a family so I'll just try to be more encouraging. Thing is, keeping my temper in check when I see things which I consider favoritism.

Violet - you're right, twice in a week isn't bad it's just she seems to be choosing to spend time with other grandchild rather than my baby at this precious time.

X

 

[violetsky]

How are you finding a toddler and a newborn Triple? I am mega broody but I'm having nightmares about how to deal with two and Im not even pregnant yet!!

 

[KimmyB]

Hi mummies, how are you all?
How are you finding being a mummy to 2 Louise?
Afm, I'm just over 16 weeks pregnant, it is flying by! Anomaly scan in less than 4 weeks and today I've been offered my old job back. So I'll be running the business, working part time at my job, looking after a toddleR and cooking new baby. Phew!

 

[MadamRose]

KimmyB are you going to find out the sex, at the scan if you can? hope all goes well. Good on the job front too

Me, i am 8 weeks pregnant, and it seems to be dragging, but i think that could be all the scares we have had already. I saw midwife today, and mentioned the home birth, in case i needed to be under a set one of the 3 hospitals we can chose from here. She said no so I am under where i had Chloe for my scans. She seems excited about the home birth and even giving me extra appointment at 31 weeks to discuss it all and sort it out

 

[KimmyB]

Brilliant Phillippa about the home birth! How exciting, and lovely that your midwife is excited too. I have to admit, my pregnancy dragged terribly the first 12 weeks but it's going much faster now.

 

[MadamRose]

KimmyB thats what i am hoping once i have a date for my 12 week scan i have that too look forward to then. I will be in the 2nd tri and it will hopefully go quicker. I am back at uni now as well so hoping that may help time go faster. I think the 30 pages of reading i have to do tonight may make me think different though

 

[TripleB]

Hey ladies.

William is 2 weeks today and so far is a dream baby. Breastfeeding beautifully, is +9oz on birthweight, sleeps 6/7 hours straight at night in his moses basket, after a monster feed in the evening and is generally a very happy chap. He is a bit of a sicky baby, posseting a lot after every feed. He's either greedy or my let-down is too fast for him at the moment. Hopefully he'll grow out of it soon.

Florence is being a very loving (sometimes a little too loving) big sister. So far have seen no jealousy and she has continued in her routine with no hiccups. This could all go tits-up week after next when she drops down to one full day and two half days in childcare (currently doing 4 days to give us a chance to settle in with William and not to unsettle her). DH was back at work today and we all survived!

AFM, recovery going well. Still a bit sore from stitches and goddamn piles but improving every day. Worst thing at the moment is horrendous night-sweats. Hope they pass soon as I'm beginning to disgust myself let alone DH!

Exciting times for you preggy girls. I found it went quite slowly, which is a nice thing really (after the first worrisome 12 weeks). Having said we were stopping at 2 I'm already saying never-say-never!

Must get around to writing up my birth story soon.

X

 

[MadamRose]

Glad all seems to be going well for you triple

 

[KimmyB]

Wow sounds brilliant Lou, you've really boosted my confidence with your positive story (now let's hope my second little one is also a dream baby ) Oh god I remember the night sweats, not looking forward to those. Glad the recovery is going well, I ended up with piles too, not nice.
Sorry Phillippa, I never answered your question, yes we do hope to find out the sex at next scan. Sonographer at 13 week scan was 90% sure it's another little boy

 

[wish2bmama]

Triple, that sounds lovely! I sooo wish I could have had Liam in childcare to let us settle with Owen. I'm very jealous! Owen is defo my easy baby too. He slept 11 hours the other night! Liam NEVER did that. Liam sttn at 11.5 months!

Kimmy, I was told at 14 weeks that owen was 95% a boy. She was right, lol.

Mummy, Mine went slow as well. But seemed to really pick up at 14 weeks. Once I got a tangible bump

Alas.. I too am saying never say never. I'd really like

 

[MadamRose]

I hope you were right. I was looking at my weeks this week, and if we get our scan in my 12th week it will be in the same week as our angel's birthday.

Really hoping it speeds up soon i don't think the post Christmas lull helps either.

And aww Kimmy that was early to guess, hope baby lets you find out

 

[KimmyB]

I'm sure it will speed up after 12 weeks Hun yes it was early to guess, I was really surprised when he asked if we wanted to know the sex! If baby isn't cooperating at next scan we'll pay for a gender scan. I'm too impatient! Plus with already having lots of boys things it means the difference between buying loads of new things as opposed to a few xx

 

[KimmyB]

Hi mummas! How's things? It's been so quiet on bnb recently. I'm a week away from the anomaly scan, hoping all is well with little dude. Feeling him move everyday now and he's getting quite strong! Looking forward to seeing him again. I'm just taking a quick break from valentines stuff (got about a million cupcakes going out!)