Parenting resolutions

[Shri]

Has anyone else been thinking a bit about parenting principles. The thread on smacking/not smacking got me thinking it might be interesting to share our general thoughts on parenting too.

I think that generally, brats, yobs and spoiled kids are the products of not enough attention in the right areas and too many easy fixes in terms of both discipline and rewards. I also think that kids have very different stimulus around them to what we might have had as children, and it is continually changing so we as parents can't always refer to what worked in the past. I definitely think there is a lot more emphasis on 'instant gratification' for everyone now, particularly in material things. Anyway, how we parent will really be in response to our child's individual needs and environment but i have got some ideas already...


My notes to myself include
-No means no, nagging will NOT wear me down.
-Doing things to be part of the family like chores will not be created on a bases of bribery. I will reward my kids for their individual initiatives but I don't want them to be conditioned to thinking they have to get something out of every situation.
-Negotiating terms. If they want something/to do something that is out of the usual
range we will discuss terms. If they break terms, then they forfeit their right to certain luxuries.

Anyway that is the basic plan, we will have to see how it goes when the LO/s are here!

I firmly believe that most misbehavior is a symptom of either unhappiness, misunderstanding, boredom, or too much sugar/repressed energy/tiredness. Later it is about them asserting their individuality and independence. But I think peer pressure is a real force to be reckoned with nowadays too.

I'd be interested in what others have planned, in general parenting terms.

 

[Pyrrhic]

I'm going to take people's advice with a pinch of salt. Everyone has their own way of raising children and a lot of the time seem keen to impress on you that their way is best.

ie:
'Surely you're not using THAT steraliser?!?!?'

I'm going to hold firm to my beliefs in the way I want to raise my child. Bump will be privately educated at boarding school, something which is a bone of contention for most people I speak to about it. But I will know what is best for MY child when the time comes.

 

[mBLACK]

My basic rules of parenting are going to be the following:
-I will not yell at my son unless there is a serious reason to (ex: they are about to jab a needle they found on the ground into their arm).
-If I yell at/smack my child, I expect to get it back.
-Bullying will not be tolerated, he will get one warning and if that behaviour is continued I will take away all toys, games, priveledges and rights.
-Basic discipline is stated above /\ and his least favourite food in the world for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
-A weekly allowance will be handed to them happily if all chores are completed, things like cleaning his room will not be viewed as a chore but more as expected.

 

[leeanne]

Funny enough, some of the principles go down the tube after awhile. Example, when you vow to not give in to your child. Well, sometimes it happens. With two children only 18 months apart there were very trying times. In order for me to get work done or anything, sometimes I just had to give in.

Needless to say, I do applaud you for making your parenting choices now. I already have set rules for how I will handle things, now and in the future. As the children grow, yes, they probably will be revised due to the personality and nature of the child but at least you care enough to think ahead.

 

[leeanne]

I'm going to hold firm to my beliefs in the way I want to raise my child. Bump will be privately educated at boarding school, something which is a bone of contention for most people I speak to about it. But I will know what is best for MY child when the time comes.

Absolutely!

One thing I never ever did and some would probably berate me for it, was to have set times that my child had to get off the bottle or for them to be potty trained.

I always thought, my kid will not be 12 and sucking on a bottle and in diapers.

Needless to say, my kids are happy. They quit the bottle when they were ready. With potty training, I talked to them every day about the benefits of going on the toilet, and when they were ready they did it and never once wetted the bed.

 

[brownhairedmom]

I'm going to try to explain to her why she's being punished and what she should do differently next time.

I'm going to TRY not to yell or lose my patience.

When I talk to her I'm going to get down to her level and talk to her instead of talking over her head.

Someone said something about bording school. I'm putting her in a French pre-school and a French school, despite what everyone says about my decision because I feel that it will enrich her life and open many doors for her later in life.

I will NOT be afraid to ground/take things away for fear of her hating me. And the first time she sneaks a boy into her room, that damn door is coming down


I'm going to be a super strict mom lol. And probably a homework Nazi cause I value education more than I probably should

 

[ryder]

Im not sure what I will do...

However, I feel a good set up and routine (especially for young children) helps them alot... My kids will have a safe playroom, a nice safe backyard with toys, a regular dinner time where we will sit down all together, a tv time, a homework time and a bedtime.

Accidents happen, kids test you, I guess I will do my best in whatever situation to explain and prevent. I will try and be strong when I say no too.

Luckily I spent a long time working with young children for the childrens aids and that meant looking after a newborn and 3 other toddlers, all with behaviour issues, so Ive got to experience hell with children and learnt alot about patience! LOL

 

[mBLACK]

I will NOT be afraid to ground/take things away for fear of her hating me. And the first time she sneaks a boy into her room, that damn door is coming down

Also forgot to add that my boy will be put into French immersion until grade 9, which is when I will enroll him into distant schooling. I found such difficulty dealing with the immaturity of MOST of the teens in high school, I would like for him not to have to go through the same thing as me, but then again I guess we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
And powwow dancing/singing/participation is a must, especially other after-school activities such as theatre, guitar, karate etc.

 

[Sarahkka]

I think I need to see what this child is like before I make any firm plans about discipline. Manners are important to me - not which fork is the salad fork type of manners, but the ones that are about showing respect and kindness for others (holding doors open, saying please and thank you, asking permission, etc). What I am hoping is that by explaining why these things are important, they will be understood and accepted.
My parents had a brilliant parenting style which I plan to adopt. We had toys and things, but most of the cash in our family went to activities. We did skiing, ballet, hockey, music lessons, swim team, soccer, theatre - you name it, we were signed up for it. I spent most of my youth way too busy to get into trouble!
We didn't get bored, that's for sure!
There were times when I felt it was a bit too much, so I plan to do this in moderation. But yeah, child money is going into good activities. I am NOT raising my kid in front of the TV. I want him/her out playing and getting exercise and learning and having fun. I think that will nip a lot of discipline issues in the bud, keeping baby active and engaged.
Oh, and family time!
My husband works shifts, so it might be a bit tricky, but meals together whenever possible, and lots of family walks, hikes, trips, etc.

 

[Sweetie]

And the first time she sneaks a boy into her room, that damn door is coming down

Amen to that one...

 

[Sarah88]

I am hoping to have a good relationship with my daughter. I want her to be able to come to me and tell me things unlike what I could with my mum. (eg I never told her when i got my period, I stole her pads and she found one that i'd accidentally left on my knickers; thats the only reason she found out). In saying that, I admire my mum, she is a very strong person and has goals and values that I admire. I want my child to look up to me too. I look at many of my friends mums and they have done nothing with their lives, whilst that suits many and i'm not at all trying to put that lifestyle choice down; I love that my mum has had an occupation and is continually doing new courses at uni to open her options and broaden her horizons.
I am going to try not to yell or hit my child, however I hope that if it is necessary then I will have the strength to do it. And I am going to ensure that she studies and does her homework, since i nor my brother was never forced to and as a result we are both uni drop outs. Not to say that we are unsuccessful, but it would be nice to commit to something.
My biggest aspiration with my child is a good relationship. I think that by having a good relationship with my child then she will come to me if she has a problem and will not resort to violence or drugs.

Great thread Shri! I am loving reading everyones answers, and so far I agree with most of the comments!