Partner sending inappropriate messages

[Kaedin]

My partner was up late last nigth and drank a full bottle of Jack Daniels (he ended up being sick as he drank so much)

I got up this morning and seen some messages he had sent a woman he knows.

He said "if it all goes tits up with [me] then I'll give you a shout"

He was saying he remembers everything they done together and conversations from years ago, yet can't remember last week. He was saying that he tried asking her out (she didnt remember) and that he remembers as he was heart broken. He gave her his number too.

He then deleted all the messages, which I already read. And is now saying it was "just banter"

 

[RaspberryK]

That's not on, maybe he was just having a laugh but he's not exactly apologetic and he should be grovelling right now.
Xx

 

[hardd2011]

I find that cheating. Using alcohol as an excuse is not okay.

 

[Buggzxxx]

I would be telling him that this has really upset you. If he tried to use alcohol as an excuse I would assertively recommend he does drink himself into that state again if it makes him do this kind of thing!

He may see this as a trivial incident but you don't see it that way, its has hurt you which makes it not be trivial. I wonder how he'd feel if you had sent those kinds of messages to someone x

 

[Kaedin]

He said I shouldn't be looking at his messages, but at the same time he shouldn't have anything to hide. I don't delete my messages as I don't ever say anything that I think would upset him

 

[Kaedin]

He also turned around and said that if he broke up he would get custody of our little girl as he's got a job and a house (we rent out home! using both of our money, including money I earn from my job that I go to 42 hours a week!!)

In response to that, I said it wouldn't come to that as we wouldnt be pulling our girl from pillar to post. Really in my head I wanted to stand up and shout that she would never be taken out of my care as I'm her mother (and im ready to be a great mum to her) but took the higher ground. Really, i would not want to go to court to fight over her.

Now he is texting the girl he was sending messages to, each time his phone goes my heart sinks and i feel heartbroken (as im worrying what they are talking about, and thinking they may say something inappropriate to each other)

 

[TriChick]

He is still texting her? That's incredibly shady and disrespectful, as is using the threat of custody.

 

[Kaedin]

Yeh they are texting each other, I asked what she was saying, he told me she was out doing some food shopping and taking her son to a soft play. Last night they were messaging and she told him she and her ex broke up like a year ago.

He is saying he should be able to text people and have his own privacy. But im finding it really hard now as im wondering what she is saying to her!

 

[Kaedin]

Especially after finding out that he has thought about custody of my little girl who isn't even here yet!

 

[dvc2012]

In my experience, if he really cares about the relationship, he would discontinue talking to this woman and he would delete her phone number. I consider what he did/is doing cheating. I had an issue with my SO talking inappropriately to one of his ex-girlfriends and I found out accidentally while I was using his computer for school. I confronted him about it and he said he knew he was wrong and he was sorry. He deleted her number and he doesn't talk to her anymore. He offers to let me check his phone, but I don't because of the way he reacted when I confronted him about it--he was crying, making himself physically sick because of how upset he was, and he admitted he was wrong.

If he truly cared, he would stop this nonsense and admit he was wrong. It's so disrespectful for him to act like this to you and he's also threatening you with custody to scare you away from confronting him. That's your child too, not just his, he needs to grow up and stop using scare tactics to keep you at a distance while he and his little texting buddy chat.

Sorry if that sounded harsh, I just hate when men act like little kids and throw their relationships out the window. You are his SO and you are carrying his child, you deserve respect!

 

[Kaedin]

He is saying he won't stop talking to her, as he has lost out on friendships as im "jealous" but i don't mind him talking to people (men and woman) providing the discussion is appropriate. Talking about getting with them if an existing relationship doesnt work is just wrong. Thinking of custody of an unborn child is wrong and very childish! Not to mention not in her best interests at all!

I feel like I can't trust him as I don't know what they are saying by text, and even if i did check his phone how would i know he hasn't deleted stuff he doesnt want me to see.

 

[HBGirl]

May I ask why you are still with him?

 

[TriChick]

He is saying he won't stop talking to her, as he has lost out on friendships as im "jealous" but i don't mind him talking to people (men and woman) providing the discussion is appropriate. Talking about getting with them if an existing relationship doesnt work is just wrong. Thinking of custody of an unborn child is wrong and very childish! Not to mention not in her best interests at all!

I feel like I can't trust him as I don't know what they are saying by text, and even if i did check his phone how would i know he hasn't deleted stuff he doesnt want me to see.

I wouldn't trust him AT ALL, to be honest.

I might add, in the States (not sure where you are) it usually takes a lot more than financial stability for a judge to grant custody to the father instead of the mother. From what I've seen, courts tend to err on the side of the mother unless there is a solid reason when she is unfit to have primary custody. That's what child support is for

 

[Kaedin]

May I ask why you are still with him?

Unfortunately, I honestly don't know the answer to this question.


He told me he isn't in love with me and the spark is gone. He said he loves me and doesn't want to be without me though...

 

[Kaedin]

He is saying he won't stop talking to her, as he has lost out on friendships as im "jealous" but i don't mind him talking to people (men and woman) providing the discussion is appropriate. Talking about getting with them if an existing relationship doesnt work is just wrong. Thinking of custody of an unborn child is wrong and very childish! Not to mention not in her best interests at all!

I feel like I can't trust him as I don't know what they are saying by text, and even if i did check his phone how would i know he hasn't deleted stuff he doesnt want me to see.

I wouldn't trust him AT ALL, to be honest.

I might add, in the States (not sure where you are) it usually takes a lot more than financial stability for a judge to grant custody to the father instead of the mother. From what I've seen, courts tend to err on the side of the mother unless there is a solid reason when she is unfit to have primary custody. That's what child support is for

I'm within the UK. And if we broke up I would move back to my mum and dads house, who have a spare bedroom which is big enough for baby and me so I would have plenty of support. And my mum is a social worker so seriously doubt baby would be given to him over me.

 

[TriChick]

I looked at your other recent threads (sorry to intrude). It sounds like this guy is a REAL piece of work, to be honest. I would not stay with him for another second hun Being a single mother is much better than the treatment you have received. In my opinion, nothing will change once LO is here. Thist type of behavior, along with addiction, is often deep-rooted in someone's personality. It does not sound like he is remotely close to wanting to change by any means. Please think of yourself and your child and get out while you still can. My parents are both addicts and alcoholics and I still remember the way my mother allowed my father to talk to her and treat her in front of us, even at an early age. Unfortuntely, it forever negatively altered the way I look at both of them as role models. Parents are supposed to be pillars of strength, who teach their children what treatment is acceptable in the world. Good luck hun

 

[HBGirl]

May I ask why you are still with him?

Unfortunately, I honestly don't know the answer to this question.


He told me he isn't in love with me and the spark is gone. He said he loves me and doesn't want to be without me though...

That is his way of keeping the door open. I am sorry hun, I wish you didn't have to go through this but I think you know what you have to do.

 

[Kaedin]

He has been going downhill in the last few months, and I've been rather unhappy ith his actions and his drinking.

I spoke to a friend of his, who will have a word with him about it. As she knows i need support at this time (shes recently had a baby too) But unsure if it will make any difference. His mum also said she was worried about his drinking and he basically just ignored her and made no changes. He has ignored her phone calls today as he knows she will mention his drinking and he "can't be bothered"

 

[Babybug]

May I ask why you are still with him?

Unfortunately, I honestly don't know the answer to this question.


He told me he isn't in love with me and the spark is gone. He said he loves me and doesn't want to be without me though...

That is his way of keeping the door open. I am sorry hun, I wish you didn't have to go through this but I think you know what you have to do.

I think this lady is right. Would you want your daughter to be treated like that. If she grows up seeing her mum ( her role model) treated like that, and she will if you stay together. She may accept thats all life has to offer and live the same way.

Think long and hard do you BOTH deserve better?

 

[Babybug]

May I ask why you are still with him?

Unfortunately, I honestly don't know the answer to this question.


He told me he isn't in love with me and the spark is gone. He said he loves me and doesn't want to be without me though...

That is his way of keeping the door open. I am sorry hun, I wish you didn't have to go through this but I think you know what you have to do.

I think this lady is right. Would you want your daughter to be treated like that. If she grows up seeing her mum ( her role model) treated like that, and she will if you stay together. She may accept thats all life has to offer and live the same way.

Think long and hard do you BOTH deserve better?

Sorry to sound harsh