Pathetic... Doesn't want to work because...

[jemmie1994]

Agree completely with Laura, if i fell down and hurt myself as a kid and my dad tried to dust me off I'd scream at him 'no want mummy!' my dad is an amazing father but my mum is always the one I'd go too for comfort is just the different roles played by a mother and a father and in that respect i do think that young children need there mummy more

 

[xxsteffyxx]

Fathers should have rights to the baby from the moment of conception though,

Seriously this whole 'rights' thing does my head in.

The children are the ones who have the RIGHT

We as parents have a RESPONSIBLITY

 

[Laura2919]

Fathers should have rights to the baby from the moment of conception though,

Seriously this whole 'rights' thing does my head in.

The children are the ones who have the RIGHT

We as parents have a RESPONSIBLITY

 

[Donna35]

Fathers should have rights to the baby from the moment of conception though,

Seriously this whole 'rights' thing does my head in.

The children are the ones who have the RIGHT

We as parents have a RESPONSIBLITY

You are SO right. Why can we as mothers see the responsibilities that we have and deal with them but so many fathers only think of themselves and 'their' rights and they do not care about the child's rights. A lot of the time it's the father using the child as a pawn and just trying to get at the mother through the child - as in the case of OP

 

[CaptainMummy]

Can I just ask everyone... Do you thibk it is unfair on my LO then, that she is at her dads 3 nights a week? You all seem to be saying that they cant settle etc if time is split between 2 areas. Im not disagreeing with what anyone has said, just looking for opinions x

 

[moomin_troll]

Talk to ur ex about ow she sleeps when she's at his and how does she sleep when she's home?
Personally I think most children adapt just fine sleeping in different homes long as the same routine is stuck to at both houses

 

[Laura2919]

Talk to ur ex about ow she sleeps when she's at his and how does she sleep when she's home?
Personally I think most children adapt just fine sleeping in different homes long as the same routine is stuck to at both houses

Which is very very very rare because both parents parent differently! It's mostly always the case because we all have our ways to parent our children! There are things FOB does that I don't do and the same with him! Honestly no offence meant but your situation is different so you can't say that it would be easy.

MrsMurphy2Be, I can give you my opinion it might be different to everyone else but the three days is what you've settled on so if your happy with that and it works for all three of you then thats fine however I would not give him any more access because then he would have her more than you! I personally couldn't do three days a week, fob has the twins every other weekend. He used to do every other weekend and one day in the week and sometimes a night but when they started school I stopped that. I wanted my children to have one homelife only having to share one weekend every other. I never stopped him visiting he chose not to! He was happy with dropping the contact anyway cos it meant he wasn't weighed down by his kids and was free for even more days to act like a twat!

 

[moomin_troll]

Talk to ur ex about ow she sleeps when she's at his and how does she sleep when she's home?
Personally I think most children adapt just fine sleeping in different homes long as the same routine is stuck to at both houses

Which is very very very rare because both parents parent differently! It's mostly always the case because we all have our ways to parent our children! There are things FOB does that I don't do and the same with him! Honestly no offence meant but your situation is different so you can't say that it would be easy.

MrsMurphy2Be, I can give you my opinion it might be different to everyone else but the three days is what you've settled on so if your happy with that and it works for all three of you then thats fine however I would not give him any more access because then he would have her more than you! I personally couldn't do three days a week, fob has the twins every other weekend. He used to do every other weekend and one day in the week and sometimes a night but when they started school I stopped that. I wanted my children to have one homelife only having to share one weekend every other. I never stopped him visiting he chose not to! He was happy with dropping the contact anyway cos it meant he wasn't weighed down by his kids and was free for even more days to act like a twat!

Yes my kids don't have a dad to go sleep over with.
I'm well aware there is different ways of parenting but where is the harm of sitting down with a ex and talking about a bedtime routine and to keep it as close as possible.

I have actually had to work with my mum about sleep routine because after my oh died I needed abit of time so Zane stayed with her so I wanted his bedtime routine to be as similar as it could be....yes my mum might not be their dad but it's still another adult with her own ways of doing things.

My mum never took us to bed growing up, she hated putting us in bed and turning off the light and walking out so from a very early age we would give her a kiss and go bed ourselfs but I wanted her to actually take Zane to bed, sit wi him and read a story.

Just because uve got problems with ur ex doesn't mean OP wouldn't be able to talk to hers and come up with something to make it easier on their child

 

[Laura2919]

Did I say she cant talk to him? I said people PARENT differently. Would you want to be told how to look after your child while they are in your care? I most certainly would not. If FOB came and said I want you to put the twins to bed with the light on I'd tell him where to send himself. I don't tell him what to do when he has them cos it is HIS time and clearly she's having an issue with her ex because she posted this thread and thats your mum of course she would raise them how you want them.

Children don't adjust that easily, Chloe and Jaycee have a nightlight at FOB's and FOB and his mum don't want Jaycee wearing a nappy yet she isn't ready to be dry at night and when she comes back I get I am a big girl I don't wear a nappy so I leave one off and she wets herself when speaking to FOB he says she wets herself all the time. Mixed messages! That is what ends up happening. I don't have a nightlight because I don't want my kids to be afraid of the dark and they always mention that daddy has one for them and I have to explain that they don't need one!
They've been doing this for 8 whole months now and still haven't settled with the different things we both do so no not all kids adapt.

 

[moomin_troll]

U really do seem to think just because i dont have a fob to worry about that my advise or opinion doesnt matter or isnt worth reading. Obviously ur going to pick everything I say apart because u don't agree with me.

I am not talking to u or giving u advise about ur situation, ur obviously very bitter towards ur fob and that's ur business.
Where did I say ALL kids adapt easily? I didn't

I have given my advise to OP and she might not take it or might not agree with me and that's up to her because I've commented on her thread.

 

[Wobbles]

Can I just ask everyone... Do you thibk it is unfair on my LO then, that she is at her dads 3 nights a week? You all seem to be saying that they cant settle etc if time is split between 2 areas. Im not disagreeing with what anyone has said, just looking for opinions x

I split up with the girls dad for 6 months. The kids were fine from day one. We parent different and they settled into a new home with me and daddy's new home brilliantly. They spent 2 days with their dad and when I moved because of needing to find new child care it was 3 days a week!

The only time I found the girls were upsettled was when we the parents created personal tension around them before one or other left the others house or meeting point.

 

[Donna35]

Can I just ask everyone... Do you thibk it is unfair on my LO then, that she is at her dads 3 nights a week? You all seem to be saying that they cant settle etc if time is split between 2 areas. Im not disagreeing with what anyone has said, just looking for opinions x

I honestly don't know if it's unfair. I think the courts don't usually give that amount of access and that in you doing so you're being very generous to FOB. I suppose all you can do is just watch and see does she settle properly for you and ask him if she does for him.

Does he know your routine for her and keep a very similar one? I think it would help a lot if you can agree that things are done the same or as near as so as not to confuse her.

My LO says at his dad's from Friday evening to Sunday morning. I've told him his routine etc and he does say that he follows it so all I can do is hope. JJ seems to be adjusting ok to the way things are and hopefully that continues.

 

[Wobbles]

It's the parents choice ... I belived it 'fair' my girls spent as close to equal time with their dad just like they did when we were together.

No court was deciding what relationship my girls were or weren't to have with their daddy who they love greatly.

Not all routine was the same but the basics were. You have to put differences aside an disuss these between you.

 

[lou_w34]

Fathers should have rights to the baby from the moment of conception though,

Seriously this whole 'rights' thing does my head in.

The children are the ones who have the RIGHT

We as parents have a RESPONSIBLITY

I also wanted to say that fathers should never EVER have rights from the moment of conception, because to do that would mean that they have a 'right' over the mothers body. And no person should ever have rights over another...

You cant have rights over an unborn child, as essentially they are connected to the mother. And what she chooses to do with her own body is her choice and her choice alone.

It would be like saying that all FOBs who dont pay maintenance should get a vasectomy, because they loose their right to have children when they cant take care of the ones they already have... If that makes any sense at all... i no what i mean! x

 

[Laura2919]

I never said someone's opinion doesn't matter, some people love shoving words down peoples throats.

Anyway MrsMurphy2Be, you can only do what you think is right. We all parent differently. I disagree that children should spend equal time with their mother and father because I don't like the idea of a child having to live two seperate lives but that is just my personal view.

 

[MumToBe2012]

Fathers should have rights to the baby from the moment of conception though,

I can't believe you think this, but then again you will never know what it's like to be pregnant for nine months. It is hard both mentally and physically. Your hormones are all over the place and then on top of that you have an ever changing body and you know what? For some people it's hard to cope with. You have to watch yourself gaining weight and if you're like me who's self conscious about their weight, then it's tough. Then you get the stretch marks, being uncomfortable- not being able to stand or sit for too long without getting uncomfortable, cramps, having to watch what you eat and having cravings that aren't always good for you, having to change your life completely if the baby wasn't planned, having to go through labour.

You have to change your lifestyle a lot in pregnancy because in that part of your life you're fragile. Something happens to the baby, who do you think most mothers will blame? Themselves even when it's not their fault. And for you to state that comment isn't fair to the women that have to go through pregnancy. Every mother and father have a right to see their child, but as the person that carries that child you can't honestly say that men should EVER have the same rights. As previous posters have said, a bond is already formed between a mother and their child, a father has to develop a bond but MOST of the time it's the mother a child wants. Also, we ALL have rights to our own bodies and NO MAN should have to control over it just because their child is growing inside. And it's because a woman has carried the child for nine months that they should have more rights to the baby. Not saying fathers shouldn't be able to see their children, but unfortanately, life isn't fair and sometimes 50/50 equality can't be done.

 

[CaptainMummy]

I will say, that paiges routine is the same with me and her dad. He always asks me about when i put her to bed etc and he tends to continue it as close as he can. She sleeps the same for him as ahe does for me, so she cant be that bothered! I definitely couldnt have her away from me anymore than that, so for the time being, i am happy enough to continue our agreement.
I live an hour away from her dad, and the ither day he told me he "didnt want her going to school over here"... Even though where i am is so much better than the shithole he lives in. He just doesnt want me to gave her mon-fri im assuming, but tough titties! We will cross that bridge when it comes!

 

[Laura2919]

Well your FOB has parental responsibility so he has a say in where she goes to school. FOB doesn't deal with the school side I do but we chose this school together as we were together when I applied. You would need to agree with him on somewhere but I don't know how your arrangement would work because its all to do with catchment areas

 

[LadyRoy]

And also Yorkshiredad I think what the OP means about her being the mother in relation to having the child more nights is just referring to the fact that she (I would assume) would have main custody and the child would reside with her. She is not saying that that makes her 'more important' at all just because she has 'a vagina and not a penis' as you so charmingly put it. Having a penis has nothing to do with it - that appendage has done it's job quite frankly lol. The simple fact is she is allowing more access than most courts do and for that he should be grateful really IMO.

I think this is AWFUL! How can you say he should be grateful for it??? From the OP's post she left him - that means he lost his OH and his child in one fell swoop!

If anything I think the parent that leaves should have to leave their child with the other parent male or female.

 

[teal]

Completely disagree that the person who leaves should leave the child/children. It's not as simple as that.

Relationships break down and sometimes it takes the stronger person to leave.