Pathetic... Doesn't want to work because...

[jemmie1994]

I think this is AWFUL! How can you say he should be grateful for it??? From the OP's post she left him - that means he lost his OH and his child in one fell swoop!

If anything I think the parent that leaves should have to leave their child with the other parent male or female.

That's ridiculous! A bad relationship is not a good influence on a child sometimes staying does more bad then good , my FOB made me miserable so cos i left him i should hand my little girl over to him?

 

[moomin_troll]

If my mum had left us with my dad then god knows what would of happened to us! So in some cases obviously it's best for the person who leaves to take the children.

But I agree with the pp that it's horrible to say a parent should be grateful to see their own child for 3 days a week, yes it might be better then court access but to be greatful is beyond me

 

[Donna35]

And also Yorkshiredad I think what the OP means about her being the mother in relation to having the child more nights is just referring to the fact that she (I would assume) would have main custody and the child would reside with her. She is not saying that that makes her 'more important' at all just because she has 'a vagina and not a penis' as you so charmingly put it. Having a penis has nothing to do with it - that appendage has done it's job quite frankly lol. The simple fact is she is allowing more access than most courts do and for that he should be grateful really IMO.

I think this is AWFUL! How can you say he should be grateful for it??? From the OP's post she left him - that means he lost his OH and his child in one fell swoop!

If anything I think the parent that leaves should have to leave their child with the other parent male or female.

Just to clarify I did NOT mean that he should be grateful to see his child what I meant is that he should be grateful that she is allowing him have almost 50/50 access which is more than a court would give and is extremely generous IMO.

I think it's beyond ridiculous to think that the person leaving should leave the kids - so if the father is a wifebeater and she leaves she should leave the kids? Or a drunk or bad father etc. Or same again if it was the woman who was a bad mother? No the children should NOT be left behind - sometimes things happen that mean that one of the partners HAS to leave and in that case no way should the child be left behind too.

 

[teal]

I personally don't see why there was a problem with saying he should be grateful. A mother can either allow FOB to see LO the absolute bare minimum that the courts decide or she can work with FOB so he can see his LO as much as possible. In all honesty I'd say someone would be grateful for the latter.

 

[Donna35]

I personally don't see why there was a problem with saying he should be grateful. A mother can either allow FOB to see LO the absolute bare minimum that the courts decide or she can work with FOB so he can see his LO as much as possible. In all honesty I'd say someone would be grateful for the latter.

Thank you Teal this is exactly what I meant xx

 

[moomin_troll]

Just the language of a mother "allowing" fob to see a child doesn't sit right with me.
It takes 2 to make that child and it just sounds like the child is being used a weapon to me when it's like we'll u can see the child x amount.

I think it's great the OP and her fob share the time like they do, I've said I think he needs to grow up n get a job rather then expecting to see the lo more. From what I've heard he's obviously hurting from well being dumped.

 

[Laura2919]

And also Yorkshiredad I think what the OP means about her being the mother in relation to having the child more nights is just referring to the fact that she (I would assume) would have main custody and the child would reside with her. She is not saying that that makes her 'more important' at all just because she has 'a vagina and not a penis' as you so charmingly put it. Having a penis has nothing to do with it - that appendage has done it's job quite frankly lol. The simple fact is she is allowing more access than most courts do and for that he should be grateful really IMO.

I think this is AWFUL! How can you say he should be grateful for it??? From the OP's post she left him - that means he lost his OH and his child in one fell swoop!

If anything I think the parent that leaves should have to leave their child with the other parent male or female.

You've got to be on a wind up surely? Are you for real? I'm just struggling to understand exactly why me being the better parent out of the two should leave my children with a man who puts his girlfriend above my girls? When they go to his house every other weekend he doesn't look after them, he either sits on his phone and pisses about or he's spending it looking lovingly into the eyes of his gf over a candlelit dinner while his MOTHER does all the work!

So really what your saying is that because I CHOSE to better my life and BETTER my childrens lives he deserves to have them!

What an absolute joke of a comment, in fact I think that rates highly on the stupidity scale!

 

[Laura2919]

If my mum had left us with my dad then god knows what would of happened to us! So in some cases obviously it's best for the person who leaves to take the children.

But I agree with the pp that it's horrible to say a parent should be grateful to see their own child for 3 days a week, yes it might be better then court access but to be greatful is beyond me

Like YOU have stated enough every person's situation is different and Donna is speaking from her own situation.
And he should be grateful because if they had to go to court no court in the land would give a father three days a week unless there was a good reason behind it, we're not saying he needs to be grateful to us he needs to be grateful in general.

 

[Laura2919]

Just the language of a mother "allowing" fob to see a child doesn't sit right with me.
It takes 2 to make that child and it just sounds like the child is being used a weapon to me when it's like we'll u can see the child x amount.

I think it's great the OP and her fob share the time like they do, I've said I think he needs to grow up n get a job rather then expecting to see the lo more. From what I've heard he's obviously hurting from well being dumped.

We all hurt I left, don't mean I wasn't hurting BUT you have to get on with it, he's not expecting her to do more he's wanting his child even more a week than the three days he's getting.

Of course nothing in this thread would sit right with you because from the very beginning you've been against us stating that you think our situations are different but in all honesty the OP's FOB is only asking to have LO more because he knows it would upset the OP. Nothing more.

 

[Donna35]

Just the language of a mother "allowing" fob to see a child doesn't sit right with me.
It takes 2 to make that child and it just sounds like the child is being used a weapon to me when it's like we'll u can see the child x amount.

I think it's great the OP and her fob share the time like they do, I've said I think he needs to grow up n get a job rather then expecting to see the lo more. From what I've heard he's obviously hurting from well being dumped.

I'm sorry but you're reading more into the word than there is - I don't use my child as a weapon, I don't think the OP does either but it's a simple fact that the parent who has residential custody can either 'allow' the amount of access that she does or could 'allow' it to go to a court situation. This is what I meant by him being grateful - he SHOULD be grateful that he doesn't have to endure (and nor does she or the child) the whole court situation and he should be grateful that she is being as generous with access as she is being.

Myself and ex had to go through the courts, our situation is of course a million miles from hers and I wouldn't recommend it. I agreed to the access my ex asked for and didn't put up a fight - had I wanted to use JJ as a weapon then I could have done.

I totally agree that he should get a job which would fill his time that he doesn't spend with LO. It would also provide for LO. I agree with Laura that it seems as if he's asking for more just to get at OP. He is bitter from the sounds of it over the break up and so HE is using the child as a weapon IMO.

 

[Donna35]

And also Yorkshiredad I think what the OP means about her being the mother in relation to having the child more nights is just referring to the fact that she (I would assume) would have main custody and the child would reside with her. She is not saying that that makes her 'more important' at all just because she has 'a vagina and not a penis' as you so charmingly put it. Having a penis has nothing to do with it - that appendage has done it's job quite frankly lol. The simple fact is she is allowing more access than most courts do and for that he should be grateful really IMO.

I think this is AWFUL! How can you say he should be grateful for it??? From the OP's post she left him - that means he lost his OH and his child in one fell swoop!

If anything I think the parent that leaves should have to leave their child with the other parent male or female.

No offence but from what I can see you aren't a single parent so therefore you cannot see where OP or the rest of us in here are coming from. We have been through bad breakups (most of us) and the last thing we need is someone who isn't even in the same situation swooping in here and making such an outlandish suggestion as you have done. You know nothing about what OP has endured, what I endured and the other ladies did so please don't come in here and suggest that we should have left our kids with our exes

 

[MummyJade]

I left my FOB cos he was a total idiot and never put our daughter first...
does what mean cos i left my daughter should of stayed with the muppet who didnt care?!

I left to give my daughter a better happier life instead of living with a man who couldn't give to sh*ts about her! I personally think my daughter deserved better then to watch her dad come and go as he pleased...

When FOB is around he only has Maizie once a week for a few hours (through his choice).. he makes no effort to ask for LO over night. There for he does not have a say in what she does when she does it... I choose the clothes she wears, the hair cut she has, the school she goes too... If he doesn't make an effort to be a dad then he doesn't have a say! He asks me my routine and he has to stick to it!! So I guess i am wrong!

Everyone has different parenting and others aint always going to think your right, but thats there problem..

MrsMurphy2Be only you know whats best for your LO, all we can do is give our opinion from what we have been through

 

[dustbunny]

If anything I think the parent that leaves should have to leave their child with the other parent male or female.

Haha... if I 'gave' my daughter to her father I don't think he would even realise... he seems to have conveniently forgotten to buy her anything, contribute in any manner or form and upon her birth not even send her a card or letter [the card or letter to LO could have proclaimed I was the biggest bitch in the world but it would have still come from FOB] but no... nothing except a snide shitty card from his mother. I have bent over backwards to accommodate him as best as possible with it all thrown back in my face.

But with your logic I and the rest of the lovely ladies on this forum [I am presuming you have not even bothered to gander a look at various threads stating why we are single parents] should just hand our children over to waste of spaces because at some random point in history they bothered to spare 2 seconds to create a life... bah!!!

Remind me next time to venture over to TTC forums and tell them to give up or to other forums and give them a big ol' dose of LadyRoy theory... because I am sure they will appreciate it all as much as we have!

 

[Laura2919]

Do you honestly think this is the life I wanted, the life I would have chosen for my girls had I have had the option? Not in a million years, there was nothing I wanted more than for us to stay together but I couldn't do it anymore, I tried on more than one occasion, in fact on more than 10 occasions, chance after chance I gave him and he blew them, I'm not saying it is all his fault because I gave up, I was the one who chucked in the towel, he gave me my option and I walked.

But not in a million years will I ever raise my children to think staying in a relationship that quite frankly does NOT work is the right thing to do. I will raise my children with the understanding that in life not everything fits together like a jigsaw puzzle and you should never ever settle for second best, you should never be made to feel like your just someone's comfort and nothing more and I will NEVER ever teach them that they have to settle for less than they deserve.

I might have walked away when I was handed my chance but please don't think I did it lightly, don't think I hadn't fought long and hard to keep what we had going, to provide my children with the life that I had planned in my head.

But to be honest I will never regret what has happened because I've seen FOB in ways I couldn't have thought possible and if I didn't leave he eventually would have and I maybe wouldn't of been able to pick myself up and continue like I have done for the past 8 months of my life.

I don't like the idea of being a single mum, I'd love nothing more than to have a family unit again but what I don't like even more is the idea of FOB being in that family unit because he was what caused me to feel the way I sometimes feel about myself.

 

[moomin_troll]

Just the language of a mother "allowing" fob to see a child doesn't sit right with me.
It takes 2 to make that child and it just sounds like the child is being used a weapon to me when it's like we'll u can see the child x amount.

I think it's great the OP and her fob share the time like they do, I've said I think he needs to grow up n get a job rather then expecting to see the lo more. From what I've heard he's obviously hurting from well being dumped.

We all hurt I left, don't mean I wasn't hurting BUT you have to get on with it, he's not expecting her to do more he's wanting his child even more a week than the three days he's getting.

Of course nothing in this thread would sit right with you because from the very beginning you've been against us stating that you think our situations are different but in all honesty the OP's FOB is only asking to have LO more because he knows it would upset the OP. Nothing more.

I think u need to read my post! I said that he should get a job instead of wanting to see lo more
Who exactly am I against? I posted on this thread to the OP not u who just seems to be taking everything I say personally when I'm not even talking to u!

Yes everyone's situations are different, that's called life and have I said we don't all hurt, or that's it's easy to leave? No I haven't.....
My mum left my dad because he beat the shit out of her, did it still hurt her to leave ofcourse it did.
Did he try to kidnap my brother and sister to hurt my mum, yes he did.

Going from ur posts on here Just because ur ex doesn't make a effort to see ur babies doesn't mean OP fob doesn't actually just want to see his daughter...I don't no him n he probably is just doing it all to be a pain in the arse.

And to be honest this is getting boring. Pick at my post all u want, I came on here to give a opinion n I have which wasn't towards u so I really don't no why u seem to take my posts personaly

 

[Laura2919]

Yeah your right it is boring.

 

[sobersadie]

Did your ex have a job when you's were together? I think it depends on the individual family as to how it works with regards to which parent takes the most share of childcare etc but i dont think it necessarily has to be the mother. Can you not sort it out so you are both working part time and share the childcare? (tbh one of you should be working full time to support your child but i dont see why it has to be her father).

 

[Laura2919]

Did your ex have a job when you's were together? I think it depends on the individual family as to how it works with regards to which parent takes the most share of childcare etc but i dont think it necessarily has to be the mother. Can you not sort it out so you are both working part time and share the childcare? (tbh one of you should be working full time to support your child but i dont see why it has to be her father).

Nobody has said it has to be the father but the mother already works evenings when FOB has his daughter so she already clearly provides for her child so instead of him requesting more access he should go and find a job on the days he doesn't have her. Why should she go without her LO and get a full time job when he doesn't do anything himself?

 

[sobersadie]

Did your ex have a job when you's were together? I think it depends on the individual family as to how it works with regards to which parent takes the most share of childcare etc but i dont think it necessarily has to be the mother. Can you not sort it out so you are both working part time and share the childcare? (tbh one of you should be working full time to support your child but i dont see why it has to be her father).

Nobody has said it has to be the father but the mother already works evenings when FOB has his daughter so she already clearly provides for her child so instead of him requesting more access he should go and find a job on the days he doesn't have her. Why should she go without her LO and get a full time job when he doesn't do anything himself?

She doesnt 'have' to work full time but then she also cant make her ex go get a full time job either. There are lots of families / split couples where the mother works full time and the father does the childcare. If she can afford to work part time then thats great and she has a balance but now the ex is an ex she really has no say as to what he does - its on his conscience that he isnt providing financially for his child. My point is just that neither parent is more 'important' to the child than the other if they split custody.

 

[Laura2919]

She's not forcing him to find a job, he's being unreasonable. He already looks after LO while she works.