PLEASE help me feel confident about not getting an epidural!

[Grace1954]

This was very encouraging to read! I am pregnant with my first- I can't even stand getting pap smears, cringed at the internal ultrasound, and my Dr said to me 'I see an epidural in your future'. I so want to prove her wrong. I am trying everyday to condition my thinking to view labor as a beautiful, peaceful experience - my priveledge as a woman - I think it is helping me get into the right place in my head about it, but I guess I'll find out for sure when the time comes!

 

[StranjeGirl]

Having an epidural does not guarantee that you will have a "pain free" birth. Many women who have one still find the brith traumatic. Or they feel upset because they feel disconnected from their bodies/the process/their baby.

I can agree with this 100%, as someone who DID get an epidural. A feeling of disconnect, a complete loss of bonding at birth (I was on pitocin too), a lack of care. You know those pandas that give birth and then walk away from their cub because they don't care? It was at that moment I *understood* how that felt. It took 4 months to bond and 2 years to heal from that labour experience where I felt utterly powerless over my own body.

It wasn't until I 'gave birth' to my miscarriage, at 9ish weeks, in my own bathroom at home at peace by myself, that I felt a sense of relief and felt normal about birth again. I know, that probably sounds crazy to a lot of people - but holding that 9 week fetus/sac of my own free will and on my own in the dark in the middle of the night... it was like a huge relief and I have no regrets.

I recommend you look at the home birth photos and natural birthing stories, check the sticky at the top of the forum. As madasa says - those girls are all wimps too But labour is not the same as getting your tooth pulled despite hearing that idiotic comment frequently. You need to be an active participant.

I am so sorry for your loss I was wondering, why do you feel having an epidural gave you a disconnect? I had pitocin and epidural and felt no disconnect at all. Baby was placed on my chest before anything else took place and I felt the whole thing. I was the one who notified that nurse that I think it was getting close as the pressure increased tremendously. Then they shut off the epidural for the pushing phase. Is this not normal? It's my first birth so that is all I know of an epidural and I didn't think it made much difference except take some of the pain away.

For the OP. Just prepare yourself well. There are classes or home study courses for natural births and if you are going to do it naturally I feel you should be prepared so that you have some tools to use. And keep in mind that everyone is different and it may be a smooth and fairly painless labor for you. My mom was 3 cm dialated and had no idea. She never got strong contractions...so we are all different. I do feel being induced makes things a little more difficult, so if you don't need pitocin and begin naturally then as long as you have some good breathing exercises and ways of staying relaxed then you should be just fine! Good luck!

 

[aliss]

Hi! Because of the epidural, my son's shoulder dystocia resulted in a broken collarbone because I couldn't do basic physical maneuvers to help get him out, I was too numb. He was born screaming, he couldn't breastfeed due to it, he was constantly in pain (due to the collarbone), so the epidural sort of "set everything in motion", so to speak, it started the chain reaction of a cascade of interventions. I don't believe it was the epidural itself but that combined with the dystocia created postnatal complications.

I'm not sure what happened in the pushing phase, it was 2 years ago and a bit of a blur now, but I pushed for 4 hours. I know I was unable to walk and did not feel to push which caused problems with the dystocia.

 

[Ju_bubbs]

I've not read the rest of the replies - I'm far too tired atm! lol So I', just going to add my personal experience which will hopefully help you!

While I was pregnant with baby no1, I was terrified of labour right from day 1, like you I am a big baby and can not stand any kind of pain, I just do not cope with pain well at all! I decided that I would just have gas and air, I wanted an epidural sooo badly, but knew I would be too scared of how much a needle in my back would hurt!!! All the way through labour, I coped with gas and air, with a few shouts and grunts.. until finally it got so bad that I begged for an epidural - I didn't care how much the needle would hurt, it was too late though, and literally 30 minutes later (I think - it was all so hazy), I was holding my baby. I felt sick, and 'drugged' and totally 'out of it' but was glad I 'kinda' coped until half hour from the end.

Baby no2, after having been through it once... as soon as I found out i was pregnant, I cried.. I did NOT want to go through that again, even though I 'coped' better than I thought! Again, there ws the dilemma of wanting an epi - but being too scared of the pain of a needle in my back!! lol.. I did it - with gas and air. Again, afterwards I was tired, felt sick, and out of it, and didn't really know what was going on around me and everything was hazy!

Baby3, I'd planned again to do it with just gas and air.. but, by the time I got to the hospital he was starting to crown, I barely had time to get my pants off, so deffo no epi and no time to get the gas and air! You know what though? The faster the labour, the more intense the contractions are, it was agony.. I had no idea how to deal with that kinda pain.. but, afterwards while I was laying on the bed, cuddling my baby... I didn't feel sick, I didn't feel drugged, and I could remember my baby entering the world. I liked that.

Baby 4 and baby 5.. after realising last that with no gas and air, I could remember my baby being born, and not feel like I had drunk 18 pints of beer.. I wanted that again! I planned from the start to not have an epi, and not have gas and air. Luckily by this time I had found BnB, which is what led me to suh enjoyable labours! I bought a hypnobirthing CD from ebay, and used the internet to learn how our bodies deal with labour and pain etc. It was aonther very quick, very intense labour... I laboured at home, with no drugs at all, I breathed, I relaxed, and I dreamed of laying on a beach.. I let my body cope with everything on its own, and I also let my body do all the work. I didn't push at all, I didn't shout, I didn't scream.. and finally I delivered my baby myself. It was such an amazing experience that a day later, I wanted to go through it again!

Now, if I had another baby, I would again look forward to giving birth with no drugs.. I completely owe it all to the ladies on BnB. If I hadnt found this forum and read through mostly home and natural birthing threads, I would have had more gas and air with the rest of my labours, and again felt awful, and not remembered much of it! Educate yourself on all the amazing ways your body can cope with pain, and above all else.. not only tell yourself, but believe that YOU CAN DO IT! Because, you can!

 

[Whitbit22]

Like most other people I was afraid of the pain of labor too. I spent my pregnancy reading Ina May's childbirth books and took childbirth classes from a midwife. I lived and breathed everything to do with birth and I trained myself to believe I could do it. I did it, and it was the most amazing thing ever. I was lucky enough to have two midwives plus one in training at my birth, their coaching and my husbands strength got me through. The biggest helps were the reminders to try and relax, and by the time I was at the peak of a contraction I could fully relax and deal with it and ride it out. It honestly wasn't that bad. I had a 15 hour labor, but only 2-2 1/2 hours of active labor. This is about when I got in the pool to help deal with the pain. The 2 hours from active labor to when my baby was born went by SO quick. You take it one contraction at a time. Just know you can do it, like billions of women on earth before the invention of medicine have done it and it will be a huge reward!

 

[StranjeGirl]

Hi! Because of the epidural, my son's shoulder dystocia resulted in a broken collarbone because I couldn't do basic physical maneuvers to help get him out, I was too numb. He was born screaming, he couldn't breastfeed due to it, he was constantly in pain (due to the collarbone), so the epidural sort of "set everything in motion", so to speak, it started the chain reaction of a cascade of interventions. I don't believe it was the epidural itself but that combined with the dystocia created postnatal complications.

I'm not sure what happened in the pushing phase, it was 2 years ago and a bit of a blur now, but I pushed for 4 hours. I know I was unable to walk and did not feel to push which caused problems with the dystocia.

Oh gosh I am so sorry That sounds awful. I must not have gotten very much because I still felt everything, it was just dulled. So sorry you had to go through that

 

[madasa]

This was very encouraging to read! I am pregnant with my first- I can't even stand getting pap smears, cringed at the internal ultrasound, and my Dr said to me 'I see an epidural in your future'. I so want to prove her wrong. I am trying everyday to condition my thinking to view labor as a beautiful, peaceful experience - my priveledge as a woman - I think it is helping me get into the right place in my head about it, but I guess I'll find out for sure when the time comes!

Glad that is not my doctor. :-/

I hate smears too. But I loved birth. The two are completely different. You don't have an epidural for sex, do you? What, but something is being stuck up in there, if you can't manage a smear without pain, sex must be AGONY, amirite?

Smears and internal ultrasounds are invasive things, things being DONE TO YOU by the doctor (who might or might not be gentle, skilled, caring, whatever). Birth is something normal, natural, something you are designed for, something you DO, something you engage in, something you can enjoy.

Birth can be like sex or it can be like an invasive medical procedure. I suppose when it becomes the latter, then the desire for an epidural sky rockets. Keep it like sex - make sure you have privacy and feel feel safe and unobserved, experience the flow of hormones, let it all unfold, get into a rhythm, let yourself go, give it time, let yourself "get there"....

My ovaries itch :-/