PND Support Thread

[nataliecn]

Glad you're having a better day!

Tomorrow afternoon I get my monkey back, and I'm really hoping I don't unravel right away. Or I'm going to want to crawl in a hole and die!

 

[kmh2009]

natalie, hoping things go well for you this afternoon.

kimboowee sorry to hear your suffering too, my gp put me on anti d's and is sorting out counselling and my hv has referred me to a psychiatric team aswell. We are all here to support you no matter what though.

my day got worse yesterday, we had friends over for a meal last night ans zach just screamed most of the night. was so hard to keep calm and as soon as they left i broke down crying

 

[nataliecn]

oh no!

Big hugs hun!

 

[JayleighAnn]

I'm not sure how to start this off so sorry if it's a bit garbled, but basically I think I need some help

I'm not sure if it's PND or baby blues but I don't love my baby not at all, I don't have any kind of bond with him, felt nothing when he was born, no rush of love or feelings of protection, I didn't even want to hold him when he was born. If someone was to take him away, I don't think I'd care at all, which sounds so bad and I feel so guilty for feeling it. I don't want to sit and cuddle and hold him, I can't wait to put him down or pass him to OH as I just don't want to be anywhere near him.

When he cries it just makes me angry cause I can't work out what he wants, cause he'll be fed, clean nappy and winded, but still scream at me until he's so exhausted he falls to sleep.

He won't sleep by himself so he's in with us and I'm really starting to resent him for it cause it means I don't get much sleep as I'm all squished up to OH.

Also, and this is really stupid and I know it, but I'm starting to feel like it was his fault for coming a week early that I didn't get my homebirth (midwife hadn't done my risk assessment and when I went into labour the hospital managed to convince me to go in to get checked out and promised to send me home but lo and behold I never left) and I know logically it isn't his fault, but at times it enters my head it is??

I just feel like I'm going crazy and having all these stupid thoughts all the time is making me feel so low.

I don't want to eat, get dressed, get out of bed or clean the house,it's a real effort to just do anything.

I spoke to my mum about it who says it's just baby blues and will pass soon, but I just can't see it ever lifting and feeling any better.

I'm scared of going to docs and being put on Anti-D's, or them thinking I'm a risk to my baby and taking him off me, cause I know I'd never do anything to him and I look after him properly.

I just feel so shit

 

[ALY]

first of all big
Hun go to the doc and talk to him he will help you and i can say they def wont take your baby off you they are there to help hun xxx
If you need to talk pm me or you can ask any of us questions in here
Just remember it will get better in time it may not seem like it now but it does hun

 

[JayleighAnn]

first of all big
Hun go to the doc and talk to him he will help you and i can say they def wont take your baby off you they are there to help hun xxx
If you need to talk pm me or you can ask any of us questions in here
Just remember it will get better in time it may not seem like it now but it does hun

I'm not sure if he'll take me seriously though??

I see my HV in a 3 weeks so I might wait until then and see if it really is just "baby blues" and I feel better by then and if not, tell her?

My mum tried explaining it saying she didn't feel instant love for us, not everyone does and it's really normal, but I still feel so guilty for how I feel

 

[ALY]

I thought the same hun and i left it till i was feeling really bad
If i can give you one piece of advice it would be to go to your dr and tell him not the hv
the dr will take you seriously hun
And i must also add if he does think its baby blues at least you will no and not just be wondering hun

 

[Shifter]

JayleighAnn hun, I felt just the same. For the first few weeks I just wasn't interested in Jack. I BF him in part because I had been so determined to since long before I was even pregnant, and I just felt obliged to do it. I didn't like being with him or want to hold him and yes, I blamed him for how he arrived. Some days I still do, but it has become more light-hearted, more of a gentle ribbing "You did have to get your head in a difficult position, didn't you?" We don't all get the immediate rush of love, especially if we have difficult or traumatic birth experiences or ones very different from the one we dream of.

Definitely talk to your doctor, s/he ought to take you seriously and if they don't, if you feel brushed off then seek a second opinion from a doctor who has experience with post-natal care. Or you could phone your HV, you don't have to wait for them to come to you, you can call them any time you need their help or advice.

I've had a crap day, been very weepy. Mostly thinking about all the potential health risks Jack now faces having entered the world by c/s. I feel like I let him down (see JayleighAnn, now I blame myself, not him!) and that I should have done more to encourage him to turn during labour, or that I could have had my dream birth a week before the real thing when labour started and halted after I made the grievous mistake of consenting to my first VE.

But I have taken an important step to get my PMA back and added a natural childbirth blinkie to my signature as an affirmation to make myself look at every day!

 

[JayleighAnn]

It's nice to no I'm not the only one, I really thought I'd post here and people would think I'm crazy

The reason I wanna leave it until I see my HV is that I see my doctor on the same day for my 6 week check and I don't wanna ring em up and tell them all this to feel loads better by then, but then at the same time I don't wanna end up leaving it longer and feeling worse if it doesn't get better?

 

[Shifter]

If you're having trouble coping then talk to someone. So what if you do feel better in a few weeks, that's great, but right now you need someone to talk to and some support and it's ok to ask

 

[JayleighAnn]

I'll ring my HV in the morning and speak to her about it

I'm really scared they'll just shove me on anti-d's and be like "there u go see ya!!" and I'll be left to deal with it from there on my own

 

[Shifter]

I'll ring my HV in the morning and speak to her about it

I'm really scared they'll just shove me on anti-d's and be like "there u go see ya!!" and I'll be left to deal with it from there on my own

No hun, they can't do that. You can refuse any treatment you aren't comfortable with. I've had depression and anxiety repeatedly in my life and never been put on anti-depressants. It sounds to me like counselling would suite your situation

 

[JayleighAnn]

Ok thank you babe

 

[muminlove]

Is it ok if I join in here? I haven't managed to get myself to the doctors so it's not like I've been diagnosed or anything but it would be really nice to have someone to talk to....?

 

[Shifter]

No probs muminlove. Let it all out, we're here to listen.

 

[muminlove]

Thanks hun, I don't have the energy left today but I'm glad I've found this thread. Had a blergh day today and posted in one of the 'main' parts of the forum and then spent like 3 hours trying to figure out how to delete it
Felt really over exposed and then just had to swallow my pride and get over it.
Argh.

 

[JayleighAnn]

I'm gunna bite the bullet and go to drop in clinic at my doctors wednesday morning instead of seeing my HV, I'm really scared!

 

[moomin_troll]

ile be seeing my hv on thursday im not looking forward to it! and my oh is so smart (not) hes invited his bloody sister to come down from tuesday to friday so even tho im having a really bad time and then with the hv on thursday he really didnt think about the fact i might not wana have to fake a smile n be nice to people i dont want in my own home.

bloody men!

 

[ALY]

Hiya muminlove
jayleighann sending you lots of

And everyone else who needs them

Sorry im not in here much anymore but im feeling a lot better and i didnt think it would be fair to keep going on how well im doing
but il keep popping back in to see if i can help any of you

 

[moomin_troll]

i think it would be nice u update us with how well ur doing it gives others hope and plus im sure we will all be happy for u getting better x