I'm not sure how to start this off so sorry if it's a bit garbled, but basically I think I need some help
I'm not sure if it's PND or baby blues but I don't love my baby

not at all, I don't have any kind of bond with him, felt nothing when he was born, no rush of love or feelings of protection, I didn't even want to hold him when he was born. If someone was to take him away, I don't think I'd care at all, which sounds so bad and I feel so guilty for feeling it. I don't want to sit and cuddle and hold him, I can't wait to put him down or pass him to OH as I just don't want to be anywhere near him.
When he cries it just makes me angry cause I can't work out what he wants, cause he'll be fed, clean nappy and winded, but still scream at me until he's so exhausted he falls to sleep.
He won't sleep by himself so he's in with us and I'm really starting to resent him for it cause it means I don't get much sleep as I'm all squished up to OH.
Also, and this is really stupid and I know it, but I'm starting to feel like it was his fault for coming a week early that I didn't get my homebirth (midwife hadn't done my risk assessment and when I went into labour the hospital managed to convince me to go in to get checked out and promised to send me home but lo and behold I never left) and I know logically it isn't his fault, but at times it enters my head it is??
I just feel like I'm going crazy and having all these stupid thoughts all the time is making me feel so low.
I don't want to eat, get dressed, get out of bed or clean the house,it's a real effort to just do anything.
I spoke to my mum about it who says it's just baby blues and will pass soon, but I just can't see it ever lifting and feeling any better.
I'm scared of going to docs and being put on Anti-D's, or them thinking I'm a risk to my baby and taking him off me, cause I know I'd never do anything to him and I look after him properly.
I just feel so shit
