Hey, i'm not sure if i actually have PND, but i've deffinatly lost the plot..
i forget everything all the time, which is even more fustrating, i leave things every where, everything seems so chaotic and i want to tidy and clean, but it's too overwhelming and i never know where to start, it's never good enough..
i can't ever sleep, i just worry about my baby all the time, i worry that she's gunna love everyone else more than me, i feel like i'm just dreaming, and life doesn't seem real, and i'm kinda in a weirdo bubble and everything seems really dimmed, like when i'm happy things are sunny or nice and candle lit kinda thing, and when i'm low, it's cloudy and rainy and everything's dim and has a grey tinge.. (which sounds completely bonkers, but i can't describe it better)
and i just keep thinking that people live for lke 100 years and that's not very long, and everythings going so quickly..
and i'm petrified of losing people, to the point i'm deffinatly pushing my OH away, and i feel so bad, i know it's my fault, i just start arguements, but i really don't mean to, and i just worry that he's gunna want someone better than me, someone who's loving and kind, and prettier and skinnier, funnier..
i feel so lonely..
and i just hate feeling like this..
also i hate to admit it, and i'm petrified to tell anyone, but the feeling low makes me feel so insecure, and i haven't been eating properly, and i never feel skinny enough or pretty enough..
sorry to go on a bit, i've not told anyone yet, i'm not sure who to tell, i've tried to tell my mum a bit, but she said, it's probably just the weather..
x