PND Support Thread

[akaash.]

Its not that I have good days but I have days where Im not thinking about it but the same thing happened again to me last night my dreams are still annoying too. I had a drea I was sleeping and whilst I was sleeping I thught I need to get up and see if I'm really here and in real life I woke up to realise it was a dream!!
Even when I did have days where I didn't think as much I knew I wasn't better and I didn't think I was better just wanted to put it to one side. All the 'ok' days have gone and I'mm back to square one where I'm thinking constantly and sleeping is getting a bit worse then it was actually not my sleep its more the getting to sleep because I'm thinkiing too much. Everything still feels like a dream and 'was I really there.'

The way you describe that you was in a tunnel is similiar but not the same. Phone calls, noises ect seem like I'm not really on the phone I'm in a dream because I feel like I'm sleeping.
I still feel like I need shaking up and waking up I need to feel the feeling when you wake up in the morning and know that I'm really living and that I'm not dead or still sleeping. My body is getting the numb feelings again. I still can;t help thinking about the weed!

Even when I'm talking its like I don't know what Im doing or I'm a different person. I really dont feel like me atm.

Ihave definatley not had a day without 'PND' I have had days where I can put it to one side and focus on other things but hasn't gone yet!!

The Last few secs/mins/days/months just seem weird like I wasn't really there.

I get thoughts sometimes like why am I even saying all this, where am I, How did I get here...

 

[Bex1p]

Hi. Can I just ask.....when you have PND do you feel like you constantly have a fuzzy dizzy head with a headache, disorientated and abit like you feel when a storm is in the air? Or is that just lack of sleep!

Bit confused as to wether I might have it or not. Been abit tearful and snappy too....have a few stressful situations going on at the minute so dont know if it's just a combo of everything!

 

[Raggydoll]

Hi. Can I just ask.....when you have PND do you feel like you constantly have a fuzzy dizzy head with a headache, disorientated and abit like you feel when a storm is in the air? Or is that just lack of sleep!

Bit confused as to wether I might have it or not. Been abit tearful and snappy too....have a few stressful situations going on at the minute so dont know if it's just a combo of everything!

Hey hun,

You can experience these symptoms with PND but they could also be caused by stress. It would be best to get your GP or HV to assess you and provide you with extra support.

Good luck, hope things start getting better for you. We're here to chat anytime you need it. x

 

[Bex1p]

Hi. Can I just ask.....when you have PND do you feel like you constantly have a fuzzy dizzy head with a headache, disorientated and abit like you feel when a storm is in the air? Or is that just lack of sleep!

Bit confused as to wether I might have it or not. Been abit tearful and snappy too....have a few stressful situations going on at the minute so dont know if it's just a combo of everything!

Hey hun,

You can experience these symptoms with PND but they could also be caused by stress. It would be best to get your GP or HV to assess you and provide you with extra support.

Good luck, hope things start getting better for you. We're here to chat anytime you need it. x

Thanks! Feeling abit better today...probably just had an off week. I will keep my eye on it though.

 

[Luke's_mummy]

fuck fuck fuck!

my mum found out about my PND fuck fuck fuck!

 

[08marchbean]

fuck fuck fuck!

my mum found out about my PND fuck fuck fuck!

why is that such a problem hun? hope your ok

i didnt want anyone to know at first, i was embarassed and thought it made me a bad mum, but i went through some really rough times and my mum found out too, (it was pretty obv to be honest!) and it is so much better that way. dont know you background with your mum but it might not be as bad as you think.

 

[08marchbean]

is anyyone else on lofepramine? i had my meds changed from citalopram to this about 6 weeks ago and have had quite bad heart palpitations so much so it makes me breathless. its only happened twice. anyone who has been on lofepramine experienced this?
why cant i find a drug that works for me

 

[Luke's_mummy]

My mum has depression herself, we often don't get on great, she's a major worrier and will blame herself, like she did before when I selfharmed. It was just for the best she didn't know! I just don't like people knowing things like this about me

Got appt with MHT tomorrow! GAHH

 

[Raggydoll]

is anyyone else on lofepramine? i had my meds changed from citalopram to this about 6 weeks ago and have had quite bad heart palpitations so much so it makes me breathless. its only happened twice. anyone who has been on lofepramine experienced this?
why cant i find a drug that works for me

Hey hun, I've not been on this AD but if you're having bad palpatations you should get checked out and maybe try medication.

It's a nightmare getting the right medication, I was on Citalopram for ages and it wasn't working. Each time they increased the dose I'd have to wait a few weeks for it to "kick in" before they would review it again. Once I finally got the right mrdication it made a huge difference.

Hope things get better soon.

 

[Raggydoll]

My mum has depression herself, we often don't get on great, she's a major worrier and will blame herself, like she did before when I selfharmed. It was just for the best she didn't know! I just don't like people knowing things like this about me

Got appt with MHT tomorrow! GAHH

Good luck with your MH appointment.

I hated people knowing I had PND but recently I've got a lot more open about it. I've found it easier to talk to other people who have had depression. You may find your mum to be great support as she will understand what you are going through.

 

[ohmybabybump.]

i feel like a horrible mother and person bc i still havent gotten help. now i just take all my frustrations and self hatred out on my DH. ive turned into someone who i dont know. but im too cowardly to get help. i feel a little better than i did when she was first born, meaning i am coping with caring for her alot better but on the inside im angry, resentful and i hate everything about myself and about my life. what is this horrible woman ive become!?! i love her so much and she deserves a better mommy than me.

 

[cbmommy]

This may seem like a stupid question... I'm pretty knowledgeable about depression. I even have a psych degree. But I guess I'm just not used to these feelings I've been feeling since LO was born. The first 2 weeks were unbearable and I didn't even want to be bothered with my LO which is awful. Then I just cried all the time and didn't want to be left alone. Thankfully those feelings and crazy hormones went away as quickly as they came on. But lately... I have been feeling a little isolated. None of my friends have kids yet so I never see anyone anymore because it's like they don't understand what it's like to have a kid. I also find myself missing my "old life" without my LO. Don't get me wrong.. I love my LO more than life itself. But sometimes I find myself wishing to just have a weekend where DH and I can do whatever we want and not have to worry about LO. I miss just being able to get dinner without LO and just doing things as they were. I feel like an AWFUL woman for saying all of this. But feeling this way is concerning me. I haven't even told DH. Sorry if this sounds stupid and ignorant.. but could that be some postpartum depression feelings as well? Because I don't think I should be wishing for my "old life".

 

[stardust599]

Hey everyone

I'm joining in for a bit of support if no-one minds?

I was struggling with mild depression/anxiety in pregnancy. My little girl is 2weeks old now and I've had severe baby blues that are getting worse and was referred to a specialist today who said early onset postnatal depression/anxiety and prescribed citalopram and diazepam . Haven't slept or ate in 2 weeks and yesterday felt unable to look after my baby so left her with my Mum overnight, didn't even feel like I missed her and this morning I couldn't be bothered getting up and getting dressed to come and see her (I forced myself though). I feel like the worst Mum in the world and that my OH and my baby would be better off without me. I can't cope with her crying either even though she hardly cries at all except overnight?? I panic if anyone looks in the pram when we're out or anything as I'm so frightened they'll wake her up and I won't be able to cope with her! I'm also so snappy and grumpy with my OH too. Also feel completely spaced out - like I'm watching myself from somewhere else or something and thinking "Is this really me??"

Sometimes I feel okay for a bit - my Mum and sister are fab (I'm staying at my Mums until I can cope) and they remind me to eat/wash etc. and keep me talking and stuff when I'm sitting crying then (especially after seeing DR today) I feel completely normal and think I'm actually okay and just going a bit mad lol. Then if they leave me alone (even just in another room) and I'm a nervous, emotional, depressed wreck again!!

This morning was the first time I've ever felt connected to my baby too - sounds silly but she had a really awful nappy that got over both of us and it was making me laugh and it was the first time I felt like I really liked her. But now my Mum has gone to bed and left us and I feel completely detached from her again, it's so awful I feel like a space-head or something!

Please someone tell me I'll get better xxx

 

[cherryglitter]

it does get better. You get to know your baby more and things just become easier. I'd say things have only just gotten better for me though.
I have off days and it does depend on Jakes mood too.
But they are becoming less and less. xx

 

[Delamere19]

Hi. This is my first forage into this thread. I feel like a bit of a fraud posting in here after reading some of your stories.however I am feeling really down. My son is 3 months and I love him more than anything but just this last week I have felt like a different person. I feel so tearful,sad,lonely,irritable,dispondent and a whole host of other things. He isnt a big cryer but sometimes I feel totally detatched when he is crying. I never have feelings of wanting to hurt him but I do feel like I dont know if I can keep doing the same thing day in and day out. I am so exhausted,im not really a great sleeper,im always listening for my son and I feel anxious. I dont want to bother my family with this cos they all think im doing great. Just need to get some support. I realise there are people a lot worse off than me.

 

[akaash.]

(MOST PEOPLE WILL BE USED TO ME MAKING POSTS LIKE THIS-SORRY)
I have been diagnosed with PND and being very anxious.
I get this feeling almost every month where I think OMG what am I doing, Why did I have all the feelings, emotions and thoughts that I did.
Its quite unexplainable but I was a bit like what is this why am I upset I just felt like I was going crazy. I had a sudden rush of adrenaline/Anxiety???

I don't know. I just want to go into hospital until I'm me again I feel lost, crazy, mad, weird all sorts oh and everything looks and feels different and weird

Anybody ???

 

[Rhio92]

I'm not really sure how this will turn out, I don't know what I'm doing, so here goes...
My son's 24 days old now. At first I thought I had the baby blues, but it's not going away, and it's taking over my life. I love Connor, but not in the 'right' way. I feel the same for him as I feel for my baby half sister, who's 9 weeks old but I've only met twice. I feel frustrated that FOB felt that strong bond that you're 'supposed' to feel, but I haven't.
I haven't got the will to do anything for Connor. I do it because I have to, but everytime he needs feeding or changing, or whatever I just think 'for God's sake'. I do do everything for him, but hate it. And I feel like such an evil bitch. Everytime he cries, I just want to die, I try to comfort him yet I'm crying myself, feeling such a stupid failure and knowing he deserves better.
But at the same time, I worry about him EVERY SINGLE MINUTE. I'm up checking him at night, making sure he's breathing, he's not too hot, that he's ok. I'm so scared of SIDS that I hardly sleep myself. It's irrational I know, but I can't help it.
Trying to breastfeed, it's so f*cking hard. I hate it. I sit there looking into his beautiful face, trying to feel a powerful bond, but there's nothing there. Lost my appetite, I'm sure that's why breastfeeding is becoming such a challenge, why he seems to feed constantly but is still hungry.
... I'm so lost. How did a straight A student who was on her way to becoming something in the medical profession (I wanted to BE a midwife, not get pregnant and SEE a midwife) get in this situation??? So I'm on benefits, living at home, single, wanting to go back to finish my education, but not sure how. Things got complicated before having Connor, I would have had to do some night classes anyway. But now I'm stuck. How can I finish it all? Get to uni? So scared about the future, all this stuff going on with higher education and the government. How am I going to afford uni, get a good job and get off benefits??? I want to be able to pay for Connor myself, not scrounge off the government and tax payers...
I've had depression in the past, and all those feelings are back, but 10 times worse, added to the fact that I'm exhausted looking after Connor. My doctor warned me that if I got pregnant, there was a good chance I'd suffer from perinatal or postnatal depression. So I got the implant, which FAILED
The enjoyment's gone from everything. I mean, it's cold snowy weather, and nearly Christmas. Normally, I'd be the happiest person about, going on walks in the snow, getting over excited about Christmas, making all the presents look amazing with bows and ribbons on, dancing around to Christmas music and annoying the hell out of everyone. But I can't even be bothered to get dressed.
I'm scared of getting help. I don't want people to think I'm a stupid pathetic teen parent. I don't want anyone to think I'm not caring for Connor, because I am, just not enjoying it. Also scared of being seen as an attention seeker, or of making a fuss over nothing.

Sorry, this has turned into a rather self centred, self pitying post... But it kind of feels better to have wrote it down...

 

[stardust599]

I'm not really sure how this will turn out, I don't know what I'm doing, so here goes...
My son's 24 days old now. At first I thought I had the baby blues, but it's not going away, and it's taking over my life. I love Connor, but not in the 'right' way. I feel the same for him as I feel for my baby half sister, who's 9 weeks old but I've only met twice. I feel frustrated that FOB felt that strong bond that you're 'supposed' to feel, but I haven't.
I haven't got the will to do anything for Connor. I do it because I have to, but everytime he needs feeding or changing, or whatever I just think 'for God's sake'. I do do everything for him, but hate it. And I feel like such an evil bitch. Everytime he cries, I just want to die, I try to comfort him yet I'm crying myself, feeling such a stupid failure and knowing he deserves better.
But at the same time, I worry about him EVERY SINGLE MINUTE. I'm up checking him at night, making sure he's breathing, he's not too hot, that he's ok. I'm so scared of SIDS that I hardly sleep myself. It's irrational I know, but I can't help it.
Trying to breastfeed, it's so f*cking hard. I hate it. I sit there looking into his beautiful face, trying to feel a powerful bond, but there's nothing there. Lost my appetite, I'm sure that's why breastfeeding is becoming such a challenge, why he seems to feed constantly but is still hungry.
... I'm so lost. How did a straight A student who was on her way to becoming something in the medical profession (I wanted to BE a midwife, not get pregnant and SEE a midwife) get in this situation??? So I'm on benefits, living at home, single, wanting to go back to finish my education, but not sure how. Things got complicated before having Connor, I would have had to do some night classes anyway. But now I'm stuck. How can I finish it all? Get to uni? So scared about the future, all this stuff going on with higher education and the government. How am I going to afford uni, get a good job and get off benefits??? I want to be able to pay for Connor myself, not scrounge off the government and tax payers...
I've had depression in the past, and all those feelings are back, but 10 times worse, added to the fact that I'm exhausted looking after Connor. My doctor warned me that if I got pregnant, there was a good chance I'd suffer from perinatal or postnatal depression. So I got the implant, which FAILED
The enjoyment's gone from everything. I mean, it's cold snowy weather, and nearly Christmas. Normally, I'd be the happiest person about, going on walks in the snow, getting over excited about Christmas, making all the presents look amazing with bows and ribbons on, dancing around to Christmas music and annoying the hell out of everyone. But I can't even be bothered to get dressed.
I'm scared of getting help. I don't want people to think I'm a stupid pathetic teen parent. I don't want anyone to think I'm not caring for Connor, because I am, just not enjoying it. Also scared of being seen as an attention seeker, or of making a fuss over nothing.

Sorry, this has turned into a rather self centred, self pitying post... But it kind of feels better to have wrote it down...

Sweetie, please get help. I felt exactly the same with Macy. I was diagnosed with PND and was given antidepressants when she was just over 2 weeks old. I've now been on them almost 3 weeks and was feeling better but after poor sleep the past few days I'm a wreck and feeling back to square one again. I can barely function today and have a psychiatric nurse coming to see me on Tues.

The bond with your LO will come, I promise. I didn't bond with Macy straight away - I didn't want anything bad to happen to her and didn't have any feelings of hurting her but I didn't have the bond you're talking about. I fed her, I changed her, cuddled her etc. but I just felt nothing - the same way I'd feel about a friends baby. I dreaded her crying and would much rather my OH or someone else dealt with her. When she was 12days old I couldn't cope and my Mum took her overnight, in the morning I didn't want to go back for her!

But the past week I've been looking at her and just completely overwhelmed with love and when I cuddle her I can feel this amazing bond, it took a while as she's 5 weeks now but I really do love her so much.

It gets easier but you have to speak to someone and let them know how you feel. I'm on medication (Citalopram) that takes the edge off the moodiness, anxiety and hopelessness but I still have bad days. I can cope a bit better now though as I'm beginning to know Macy - it's easier for me to look after her and I also told a couple of friends what I was going through so they're always checking up on me and making sure I'm okay.

PM me if you want to talk anymore about what you're going through, I really hope you feel better soon xxx

 

[Rhio92]

Thanks Stardust Spoke to HV and been referred to the support worker, hopefully she'll be able to help me help myself
Hope things start looking up for you too xxx

 

[Raggydoll]

I'm not really sure how this will turn out, I don't know what I'm doing, so here goes...
My son's 24 days old now. At first I thought I had the baby blues, but it's not going away, and it's taking over my life. I love Connor, but not in the 'right' way. I feel the same for him as I feel for my baby half sister, who's 9 weeks old but I've only met twice. I feel frustrated that FOB felt that strong bond that you're 'supposed' to feel, but I haven't.
I haven't got the will to do anything for Connor. I do it because I have to, but everytime he needs feeding or changing, or whatever I just think 'for God's sake'. I do do everything for him, but hate it. And I feel like such an evil bitch. Everytime he cries, I just want to die, I try to comfort him yet I'm crying myself, feeling such a stupid failure and knowing he deserves better.
But at the same time, I worry about him EVERY SINGLE MINUTE. I'm up checking him at night, making sure he's breathing, he's not too hot, that he's ok. I'm so scared of SIDS that I hardly sleep myself. It's irrational I know, but I can't help it.
Trying to breastfeed, it's so f*cking hard. I hate it. I sit there looking into his beautiful face, trying to feel a powerful bond, but there's nothing there. Lost my appetite, I'm sure that's why breastfeeding is becoming such a challenge, why he seems to feed constantly but is still hungry.
... I'm so lost. How did a straight A student who was on her way to becoming something in the medical profession (I wanted to BE a midwife, not get pregnant and SEE a midwife) get in this situation??? So I'm on benefits, living at home, single, wanting to go back to finish my education, but not sure how. Things got complicated before having Connor, I would have had to do some night classes anyway. But now I'm stuck. How can I finish it all? Get to uni? So scared about the future, all this stuff going on with higher education and the government. How am I going to afford uni, get a good job and get off benefits??? I want to be able to pay for Connor myself, not scrounge off the government and tax payers...
I've had depression in the past, and all those feelings are back, but 10 times worse, added to the fact that I'm exhausted looking after Connor. My doctor warned me that if I got pregnant, there was a good chance I'd suffer from perinatal or postnatal depression. So I got the implant, which FAILED
The enjoyment's gone from everything. I mean, it's cold snowy weather, and nearly Christmas. Normally, I'd be the happiest person about, going on walks in the snow, getting over excited about Christmas, making all the presents look amazing with bows and ribbons on, dancing around to Christmas music and annoying the hell out of everyone. But I can't even be bothered to get dressed.
I'm scared of getting help. I don't want people to think I'm a stupid pathetic teen parent. I don't want anyone to think I'm not caring for Connor, because I am, just not enjoying it. Also scared of being seen as an attention seeker, or of making a fuss over nothing.

Sorry, this has turned into a rather self centred, self pitying post... But it kind of feels better to have wrote it down...

I could of written this myself earlier this year. You are not self centered or self pitying. I bet it took a lot to write this down hun.

Don't be afraid of asking for help, there is a lot out there. Nobody will think you're not taking care of Connor.

Hope things feel better for you soon. x