PND Support Thread

[hawalkden]

Feeling okay I think. Just panicking because I've not come on yet should have been within the last 7 days but still nothing. We've had unprotected sex but pulling out due to me waiting for my coil fitting. Which was a 3 week waiting list then I didn't come on when I went last week to Docs for it. So got to go back on Wednesday and hopefully I'll be on, but thinking with the PND and last few weeks been stressful maybe that's affected them :\.
Anyone else had this expereince?

 

[kanga]

I am a regular poster in the baby club under a different name. I know you're not supposed have multiple accounts but I can't post this under my proper username and I need to get it out. I like these boards so here seems as good a place as any.

I don't know if I've got PBS or not but there is something wrong with me.

My lo is 6 months old. In his first few months we had lots of issues with colic and reflux etc and he would never sleep and just cried all day and night. Now during the day he is a perfect baby and I feel like I can cope relatively well. But he is still waking half hourly all night and I just can't cope with it.

I spend most of every night rocking my lo on the end of my bed, crying and crying.

I feel like I want to kill myself and at night it's all I think about. Even once I have got my lo to sleep, I lie awake thinking about how to do it so that my DH wouldn't have to find me himself. Then I get upset because I think what an awful mum I am to be able to think about doing that to my lo - him knowing that I killed myself and growing up with no mum. So then I sit any pray to god that I can be hit by a bus or have a brain haemorrhage or just die in my sleep so that the decision is out of my hands.

There is so much more I could say but I'm just going to post this now before I chicken out and delete it.

Hey Mickey. Like you I have sometimes wondered if a second anon account may be helpful!

Hun, I am not worried for you as I know you would never act on your thoughts (evidenced by the fact you want to get hit by a bus). Your thoughts are completely normal for someone with pnd. I have pnd and am currently getting help (cbt). I have had similar thoughts to you and can relate. If you need someone to talk to then please pm me, I am here for you.

Does your oh know how you feel or know you have been feeling low? You need to take steps to deal with your negative thoughts as otherwise they will not go away and they will consume you.

You are obviously a devoted mother. You rock your baby to sleep every night and don't just dump them in their cot unhappy and close the door.

My lo is 8 months now and between 5 and 6.5 months he woke half hourly too. It killed me.

What my therapy is teaching me to do, is to work out what makes me happy (and do more of it) and what makes me unhappy (and try to change it - for you that would be the night sleeping as a starting point).

Do you only have these feelings at night?

 

[kanga]

Feeling okay I think. Just panicking because I've not come on yet should have been within the last 7 days but still nothing. We've had unprotected sex but pulling out due to me waiting for my coil fitting. Which was a 3 week waiting list then I didn't come on when I went last week to Docs for it. So got to go back on Wednesday and hopefully I'll be on, but thinking with the PND and last few weeks been stressful maybe that's affected them :\.
Anyone else had this expereince?

Wow, you're brave hun ttc for no.2 already. GL!

EDIT - sorry, think I got the wrong end there! Er, hope AF appears for you hun. And er, maybe get some condoms until you get your coil!!

Hows your pnd? xx

 

[trinaestella]

Just felt like writing something here when I should be sleeping before Aliyah wakes for a second feed..
First few weeks I swear I had baby blues and my mum didnt even think so, but I know it was. Thinking about it I cry knowing how I lashed out at my innocent daughter, i didnt hurt her but I shook her a bit I was so exhausted and she was crying endlessly. I even shouted at her, it was terrible I felt to just hurt her. But now all of a sudden at 6 weeks PP, im starting to get the hang of things, I was scared to tell anyone even my HV or doctor. Instead of getting angry, I just feel a bit anxious but I can handle it now and I dont blame her.. Sometimes I do wish to myself I never got pregnant at my age (19 next week) and even up to yesterday I thought about giving her up adoption, but I cant imagine living without her shes beautiful and I really do love her so much and I hate myself for what I went through the past weeks but I am getting better, so I'm happy.
Also, I believe in God and praying to him I believe helped me through this, without any professional help.
Anyway I was just feeling slightly confident to post this now and I know you ladies can do it! Good luck to you all

 

[freedom100]

Hi everyone,
I haven't given birth myself nor have I experienced PND but someone in my family has, and is, and it has caused incredibly traumatic circumstances that have developed as a result. I am feeling lost beyond words and for the first time ever contemplating suicide. I need to tell my story but am not sure if it would be appropriate here. Is it OK by everyone on here if I post briefly about it?

 

[fairygirl]

Mickey, I hope you were able to speak to someone.

Trinaestella, professionals will tell you baby blues and pnd are different, however, you're experience sounds scary. Please if you ever feel at the end of your patience with baby please put her down, walk away, take 5 minutes to pray or ring a friend for support, or even just make a drink and take a few deep breaths.

Freedom, please talk to someone

Afm, sorry I don't reply to the threads about medication and stuff, I'm still not officially diagnosed. A friend who goes to a support group suggested I keep a diary to see if there's a pattern to my sadness, and go to doctor if it doesn't improve soon. Do any of you find your monthly cycles affect you? I seem to feel better immediately after AF, then it builds up again with a couple of ok days from time to time, but by the time AF returns I am at my worse. AF is also causing cramps much earlier than pre-pregnancy and lasting longer .

 

[freedom100]

Freedom, please talk to someone

Is it OK to post here? It's a long very very painful sometimes off-topic story.

 

[fairygirl]

If its something you feel the need to do I don't mind, but other posters might?

I took the advice to admit how I was feeling to my husband, and a couple of close online friends. It is really hard and I still cover it up most of the time. Someone did say to me the reaction she got online made things worse. Just bear that in mind xx you can inbox me if you just want someone to listen xx

 

[Raggydoll]

Freedom, sorry you're having such a difficult time. You can talk very openly here. Everyone is really supportive. Xx

Has anyone on here taken venlafaxine and successfully reduced the dose. I'm trying to reduce my medication but I'm finding dropping doses really hard. I was not expecting it to make me feel so ill.

I've managed to come down from 225mg to 150mg but I can't face another bout of sickeness and dizziness.

 

[Raggydoll]

Mickey, I hope you were able to speak to someone.

Trinaestella, professionals will tell you baby blues and pnd are different, however, you're experience sounds scary. Please if you ever feel at the end of your patience with baby please put her down, walk away, take 5 minutes to pray or ring a friend for support, or even just make a drink and take a few deep breaths.

Freedom, please talk to someone

Afm, sorry I don't reply to the threads about medication and stuff, I'm still not officially diagnosed. A friend who goes to a support group suggested I keep a diary to see if there's a pattern to my sadness, and go to doctor if it doesn't improve soon. Do any of you find your monthly cycles affect you? I seem to feel better immediately after AF, then it builds up again with a couple of ok days from time to time, but by the time AF returns I am at my worse. AF is also causing cramps much earlier than pre-pregnancy and lasting longer .

Hi Fairygirl. I found my moods swung up and down a lot. Sometimes the low can feel worse after an up period, as you've almost got to a stage where you think you're coping, then you suddenly find you're not.

My AF was so erratic and painful PP, I was prescribed mefenamic acid which helped but it can take 6-12 months for AF to settle down.

to everyone on here.

 

[kanga]

Freedom, please feel you can share, this forum is very supportive and we will always listen x

Fairy, yes, I do feel Af affects me. Also the winter - I seem to feel a bit perkier now it is spring. I guess that if we know AF is a negative thought enhancer (!) then we can look to expect that each month and adjust accordingly ? x

 

[freedom100]

Freedom, please feel you can share, this forum is very supportive and we will always listen x

Thank you for your support. I will try to put it into words at some point but for now the pain is so intense I don't think I can formulate anything properly. It's difficult because I'm not the one with PND but someone who I thought I was close to IS suffering from it and the consequences of its effects are devastating beyond anything most people will ever go through. Sorry if that sounds like I'm self-pitying, I don't mean it in that way.
I have always been a very strong positive person but what's happened in the past months is so horrific that it's taken every good thing I ever had from my life and I'm finding it very very hard to carry on.

 

[kanga]

That's understandable, you share when you are ready. It sounds horrific and that it has taken a real toll. I hope no-one has been hurt and you are all on the road to recovery now.

It sounds like it may have been one step up from pnd which is a recognised condition called postnatal psychosis which a mummy cannot help. There is a lot of information on line about this if you would like to read up on something (I like reading things, it makes me feel like I am dong something!) x

 

[fairygirl]

That's understandable, you share when you are ready. It sounds horrific and that it has taken a real toll. I hope no-one has been hurt and you are all on the road to recovery now.

It sounds like it may have been one step up from pnd which is a recognised condition called postnatal psychosis which a mummy cannot help. There is a lot of information on line about this if you would like to read up on something (I like reading things, it makes me feel like I am dong something!) x

wss!

Kanga, your sig made me laugh! Why not show off that we do those things!!!

 

[kanga]

hehe, thanks!

 

[freedom100]

That's understandable, you share when you are ready. It sounds horrific and that it has taken a real toll. I hope no-one has been hurt and you are all on the road to recovery now.

It sounds like it may have been one step up from pnd which is a recognised condition called postnatal psychosis which a mummy cannot help. There is a lot of information on line about this if you would like to read up on something (I like reading things, it makes me feel like I am dong something!) x

Unfortunately many many people have been hurt. My youngest beautiful daughter has been taken away from me against her wishes and mine and despite many many positive statements from friends who know us well. All because someone suffering from some form of post-natal "something" said horrible things about me.
sorry that probably makes no sense. And I did say it was off-topic.
I have also wondered about the psychosis thing too but the person it's affecting isn't aware of it, or not in the same way that others perceive it. The effects have ripped apart a family who loved each other and were so happy and now are facing a lifetime of sadness and interference from some very dangerous people parading as "professionals".
Apologies again for being off-topic and not making much sense.

 

[babyhopes2010]

.

 

[babyhopes2010]

I am a regular poster in the baby club under a different name. I know you're not supposed have multiple accounts but I can't post this under my proper username and I need to get it out. I like these boards so here seems as good a place as any.

I don't know if I've got PBS or not but there is something wrong with me.

My lo is 6 months old. In his first few months we had lots of issues with colic and reflux etc and he would never sleep and just cried all day and night. Now during the day he is a perfect baby and I feel like I can cope relatively well. But he is still waking half hourly all night and I just can't cope with it.

I spend most of every night rocking my lo on the end of my bed, crying and crying.

I feel like I want to kill myself and at night it's all I think about. Even once I have got my lo to sleep, I lie awake thinking about how to do it so that my DH wouldn't have to find me himself. Then I get upset because I think what an awful mum I am to be able to think about doing that to my lo - him knowing that I killed myself and growing up with no mum. So then I sit any pray to god that I can be hit by a bus or have a brain haemorrhage or just die in my sleep so that the decision is out of my hands.

There is so much more I could say but I'm just going to post this now before I chicken out and delete it.

I

 

[babyhopes2010]

i am a regular poster in the baby club under a different name. I know you're not supposed have multiple accounts but i can't post this under my proper username and i need to get it out. I like these boards so here seems as good a place as any.

I don't know if i've got pbs or not but there is something wrong with me.

My lo is 6 months old. In his first few months we had lots of issues with colic and reflux etc and he would never sleep and just cried all day and night. Now during the day he is a perfect baby and i feel like i can cope relatively well. But he is still waking half hourly all night and i just can't cope with it.

I spend most of every night rocking my lo on the end of my bed, crying and crying.

I feel like i want to kill myself and at night it's all i think about. Even once i have got my lo to sleep, i lie awake thinking about how to do it so that my dh wouldn't have to find me himself. Then i get upset because i think what an awful mum i am to be able to think about doing that to my lo - him knowing that i killed myself and growing up with no mum. So then i sit any pray to god that i can be hit by a bus or have a brain haemorrhage or just die in my sleep so that the decision is out of my hands.

There is so much more i could say but i'm just going to post this now before i chicken out and delete it.

i to feel the same. My lo has colic reflux always sick and always screaming i feel like someone has knotted my brain up so tight itll never be the same or untangle. I feel frightened and trapped into this world i thought i always wanted to be in.
Its took me this long to relise pnd doesnt go away it wont go away i need to get help so iv booked and appt for nxt thurs.

I get momments when im ok and other momments my mind is completely irrational. Like this morning lo was screaming all morning. In the end i had to put her to bed and have a cold shower cos all i wanted to go out in the car get up to 70 and drive the wrong side of the road. Although i get annoyed with lo i can put her down and leave her while i compose myself.
Its like i live for her its only her the reason i dont think ill act on my feelings

 

[becs0375]

Ladies, can I just say I had PND and it does get easier, I had a very supportive Dr, amazing counsellor and medication. You WILL get through it and all your feelings and anxieties are all totally normally.
I too had times when I wanted to just smother Hope and shut her up, sounds awful but admitting you have these feelings are a step in the right direction. There is plenty of help out there and peoples attitudes have changed, its far more common than you think. Most sure start centres have PND support groups, these are very helpful, meeting like minded ladies.
I think after a while you learn to cope and day by day it does get easier. It took me over a year to get my head in the right place, I cam off my meds on my own and I am coping, my husband is currently in Afghanistan, I have a tantrumy toddler who presses all the right buttons, a demanding dog and I am so proud of myself for coping!!!

Love to you all, this thread is fab too, just to put into words how you are feeling often helps xxx