PND Support Thread

[Arisa]

I was fearing developing PND throughout my pregnancy.

Now I'm not sure if I just have the baby blues or it's this.

One minute I'm in tears and feel useless, the next I feel ok.

I think because my relationship with FOB is unclear and all over the place it's affecting me. Shall I contact my GP? I'm scared.

sounds like baby blues to me, I am the same as you and it is affecting my relationship with DH but it only lasts for between 2-6 weeks which may seem like forever but as long as you are not feeling lethargic, angry with baby, detached from baby and not interested in life as a mother or in getting out of bed at all then I would say its the blues

 

[stephj25]

going to the docs today at 4:30. He's most likely going to prescribe anti-depressants...I'm concerned about being able to breastfeed while on these. This is making me feel even worse!! I really don't want to have to stop breasfeeding

 

[floofymad]

I think there's a certain brand you can take while breastfeeding steph

 

[Serenity_Now]

I was able to take my anti-depressants and benzodiazepene throughout pregnancy and while BFing on the advice of a specialist: a perinatal psychiatrist. I'm still taking them. LO has had NO signs of withdrawal or effect from the medications whatsoever.

 

[stephj25]

been to docs. Definitely have PND. After looking at his medicine book, he prescribed me paroxetine. Apparently it's fine with breastfeeding as very minuscule amounts go into breast milk which is barely detectable. Has no effect on infants.

Next step, to get better! I'm planning on getting out more this week when it's just me and LO so I don't go stir crazy staring at the same walls. DH is going away with work though so it's just me and LO mon-fri

 

[ChocolateKate]

Hello,

I have decided to blog about my experience of PND in the hope that it might help someone else who is currently suffering. Please don't hesitate to leave me a message here or my contact details are on the blog.

https://edwardskatie.wordpress.com/

Best,
Kate

 

[Arisa]

hey ladies, antidepressants are generally safe when breastfeeding if they are SSRI's which are newer and safer than the older types of antidepressants and they tend to have less side effects than the older or stronger antidepressants, such as weight gain, where many of the newer ones have weight loss or stable weight side effects but ssris do give you dry mouth and headaches but are safe for breastfeeding my friend fed her babies on fluoxetine which is in the same family as paroxatine and they are fine. Benzodiazipines are not recommended but do not harm baby out of the womb especially in low doses and if you need them for blues and panic attacks then its beneficial for you, may i suggest Seroquel? its an alternative to a benzo for anxiety and sleep deprivation and its safe and non addictive, it does make you sluggish and hungry but helps my blues tremendously and my friend nic was on them when she breastfed both her kids and they are fine

I do worry my depression is creeping back, the blues are fading but the lethargy and hunger that i get with my type of depression is coming on and i am finding baby hard to deal with, thank god for my husband
i am seeing a psychologist in eight weeks and a counsellor in two weeks
what do i do until then?
can someone offer some help because my blues are turning into mild depression????

 

[teal]

I was prescribed Lofepramine while breastfeeding, it's an older tricyclic antidepressant. I was worried about breastfeeding while taking antidepressants but my son was absolutely fine.

Arisa - can you see your doctor sooner rather than waiting until you see the counsellor. xx

 

[Arisa]

Hey teal I am seeing my doctor next week
I looked up some risk factors for PND or post natal mental illness and can identify with all of them

Risk factors after birth

Persisting postnatal blues.
Not wanting to hold the baby or feeling detached, having negative thoughts about the baby.
The mother experiences sleep problems.
The baby is fussy, has problems feeding, or has colic or reflux

well I do not have negative thoughts about my baby, I adore her but I do not always want to hold her too long unless I am in a good mood, my moods fluctuate from love, to guilt to anger to tears to stress to regret, is that still blues? or is that pnd? I am confused and just feel tired and overwhelmed

 

[teal]

Arisa - I've just replied to your other thread I'm so glad that you have an appointment for next week. I was scared to admit anything was wrong and didn't see my GP until my son was 8.5 months old. I was on antidepressants for 6 months but the depression gradually came back until I managed to see my GP again at the beginning of this year.

For me the guilt and sleeping problems really make it sound like depression. I hope your doctor can reassure you and help xx

 

[Arisa]

thanks teal

ladies a few questions
is this depression?
can it be if I do not hate my child or want to kill myself????
I have no desire to hurt my child either and like I said I love to have everything for her organzed liek her day to day care, I just cannot handle holding her or being with her right now

will this pass????
is it post natal depression? will it last forever???

I also hate hate hate my bouncy belly, the uterus wont shrink and yes I blame baby for that and miss time with hubby watching dvds and going out to the movies, i hope this passes when she gets older and sleeps through the night or even six hours at night

having the C-section means I am unable to move around much and it still hurts to get out of bed or even cuddle to sam and it hurts to take baby out of her bassinet or her rocking bassinet

 

[mrsstreet0417]

Kind of hesitant about posting just because I don't usually talk about my problems with hardly anyone, but here goes. July 15th will be 2 years since my sweet daughter Isabella was born. She was born by emergency c-section due to her heart rate dropping. 2 years after I am still having terrible depression issues. I have suffered from depression before but never for this long. I have anxiety issues, the depression issues, obsessive a little about being terrified of losing people through either dying, them leaving, them being taken away. The only support I have is my MIL and my husband pretty much. They are the only people I can talk to in real life and neither of my parents (they're divorced) want to be there or know anything about it even though my mom also has depression and anxiety. My dad has almost completely stopped talking to me now because my stepmom hates me and now that I've moved out she is making sure she takes up all of his time and he doesnt want to make her mad so he hasnt seen myself or my daughter in 4 months and have barely talked. Today I found out that they are not going to even attempt to come to my daughters party in 3 days either, and have been crying all day/night since I found out. I just feel so very overwhelmed and lonely and on top of everything else, we live with my in-laws and they are great, but DH and I have not worked in a while now because my depression and anxiety is to the point that it is hard to be by myself with the baby all day because I get extremely overwhelmed. All of which makes me feel like a terrible parent because I can't even watch my own child all day by myself and have had ex-friends throw this in my face as well quite a few times.... a "you cant even take care of your own child!" type thing. I don't know what I need or think I will get from this, support I hope, maybe some hugs.... a "everything will be alright" kind of thing, because right now it just doesnt feel like it ever will be, I dont remember what it feels like to feel happy anymore, my depression started when my daughter was about a week old, and hasnt let up since, time I will never get back with her and havent been able to enjoy as much as I should.... Thanks for listening ladies and best of luck with all of your journeys and with beating this horrible thing we call depression

 

[Solena]

@Arisa, yes that could be depression. You might find it useful to talk to a doctor, that's a starting point for a range of potentially helpful options not just limited to medications.

@MrsStreet, it can get better. I'm glad you've got the support of your husband - that can make all the difference. Even better that your MIL can support you too. I understand what it's like to have an unsupportive family. My mum looked at me like I was stupid when I went on antidepressants (well before pregnancy). Depression sucks, but it's beatable.

So, me. I had depression and anxiety for a long time before even becoming pregnant. Throughout my pregnancy I saw a psychiatrist who had specialised in midwifery. She recommended I go back on my meds as soon as the first trimester was over, which I did. Those few weeks without were awful.

Soon after giving birth, my dose was doubled. Then I changed meds because of some side effects, not realising that what I was on helped with depression and anxiety, and my new meds are only for depression. Still trying to convince someone that I need a little extra help with both.

 

[mrsstreet0417]

Thanks Solena, I am very lucky to have my DH and MIL and now my mom is even talking to me more about it which is great! On the other side of things, my dad has now written me off entirely, but I am strong and will make it through this and once my meds get right hopefully will feel much better! Good luck Solena with getting your medicine figured out

 

[Arisa]

Hey solena, so yes it is PND and its gotten worse actually. I have a counselor who deals with post natal distress and have started a face book group too
but yes the feeling of resentment, detachment especially and blame, shame and guilt are there a lot despite being on medication for years and having had anxiety and ongoing depression for years, this PND is like nothing I have felt before. I usually get depression where I cannot stop sleeping and eating and only watching tv or hiding away and sleeping until 5pm helps but this time its the opposite, I am unable to sleep, I cannot eat very much at all and I am on edge and anxious too, I take anti anxiety and antidepressant medication in high doses too but even with that and a psychiatrist and counsellor its still a time thing just like post natal healing physically is too. Nine months to grow, nine months to heal I guess both physically and emotionally well for me anyway, anyone else??

 

[canadabear]

Hi everyone. :wave:

I don't really know where to begin I thought everything was fine.. I have tried convincing myself that everything is ok...
I am living in Spain, away from all support except for my husband.. he is wonderful though.
Having lots of issues with anxiety.. and intrusive thoughts.
Not of wanting to hurt my baby or myself.. but constant thoughts of something happening to him or to me so I can't be there for him. The anxiety gets really bad.. sometimes I have trouble leaving the house because of worries...
we might get hit by a car, someone might grab him/take him away etc etc... I am really struggling with it all.
And.. it hasn't been easy lately because LO has been ill, teething and cranky. I find myself suddenly getting really angry and then bursting out crying..
What really clued me in to the thought that i could have PND was one day LO was really having a bad day and the thought of just putting him in the pram and leaving him somewhere just popped into my head.. it really scared me...
Why would I ever have a thought like that?????????????
also.. when he was really screaming I put my hand over his mouth to stop him.. that scared me too. because i was angry when i did it.
I didn't hurt him.. and i didn't want to hurt him.. but it scared me that I responded with anger towards my 10 month old baby.
I am just trying to keep it all together until I get to Canada in October. I have this crazy fear that someone here will take LO away if I tell them.. the doctor etc.
I am just so fearful all the time, don't trust anyone and feel anxious.
thanks for this forum.

 

[Lissa41585]

Hi All.

I have an 8 month old baby boy. 2 weeks before he was born, my mom passed away very suddenly, but I know what I am feeling is more than just grief. I truly love my baby, but all I do is constantly worry about him, like, if he's crying, I worry he's sick. If he won't nap, I worry he's sick. etc. and I just don't understand it, he's been extremely healthy since the day he was born. I just don't feel like me. I feel sad a lot of the time, and there are many times I just wish he'd leave me alone so I can just rest for a second. I feel like all I do is take care of him(I know thats what a mom does...but I don't feel like a person outside of a mom, EVER), and I never let myself relax. Even when my husband is taking care of him and tells me I should get some sleep, I just lay there and worry, and stress over anything that could go wrong. Sometimes all I want to do is go to therapy, or to be able to take medication to help myself for my family, but we have no insurance. I just feel lost, and while trying to grieve all at the same time. I never expected my life to be this hard.

 

[MommytoHollie]

I too have suffered from PND and it's quite honestly the worst I have ever felt in my whole life. The thing that hurts me the most is that when my little girl was born everyone tells you about the rush of love that you feel/are supposed to feel when your baby is born but I didn't feel that. I felt extremely detached from my baby and didn't really feel like she was mine. I missed my old life and blamed my baby for taking everything away from me. Every day was like running a marathon and even when I went to bed I didn't want to wake up the next morning because I knew it would be the same all over again the next day. I used to sit crying all day if I was on my own and I don't know how I would have gotten through it if it wasn't for the support of my family. I felt guilty and ashamed telling people how I felt and deep down I knew how lucky I was to have such a perfect beautiful daughter. I went to the doctors and they diagnosed me with PND and put my on anti-depressants. They're not for everyone but for me they helped and slowly but surely I started to feel better. I recovered quite quickly but I think I caught it early as my sister had suffered with her first too.

I just want to tell you all that I know everyone says it but it does get better. My little girl is nearly 9 months now and is my life. And yes life does change and months ago I would have thought that I'd never have been able to go out again but now we go out on day trips together, we have a new circle of friends as well as me going out with my old friends who don't have children.

Having PND isn't anything to be ashamed or embarrassed about, it makes you a stronger person in the end! I'm living proof!

If anyone needs to chat, just message me and I'll be 100% honest and try to help in any way I can.

 

[huggiez]

Hi all- I don't know where to start. My husband and I just had our 3rd baby boy 10 days ago. We love him to pieces, and couldn't feel more complete as a family. My problem is that I have suffered from depression before, and I am beginning to have those feelings again. I don't feel resentment or anger, but extreme anxiety. My two older boys are both in school, and it is just the baby and I until I return to work in a few weeks.

All I can think about is how short life is, and my baby will be an adult soon, and it feels like everyday is the last day of my life and I can't control it. I know it sounds insane, I don't know how to describe it. I can't even cry I am so anxious about it. I don't want to stop breastfeeding to go on medicine, but can't afford to see a therapist (insurance won't cover it!). I don't have anyone to talk to about it besides my husband, who has never dealt with depression and doesn't seem to understand (he really tries though!). I am just beside myself counting down the days when I HAVE to return to work and panicing about leaving the baby at daycare. I am extremely anxious about leaving him and have considered just quitting!

I really hope it is just the "Baby Blues", and it will go away.... To all you other Mommies out there battling the same thing, sending many your way!

 

[Bats11]

Ive been fine up until this last week, I had mastitis twice so I decided to give up breastfeeding couldnt bare to get it again, that was two weeks ago & making that decision really upset me & then from that I guess its just slowly creeping up on me, last night and today Ive been crying for no real reason and my anxiety is becoming apparent, I keep thinking my husband is going to die & I'll be left alone to raise our 3 girls on my own & that terrifies me.

Ive booked in to see my doctor.

UPDATE: I went to see my doctor yesterday and he doesnt think its PND, he thinks is just emotional guilt from giving up breastfeeding & he also asked if I'm ovulating or getting my period & Im pretty sure Im ovulating which can cause all those feelings. He said to keep an eye out for any other symptoms & if they persist then to make an appointment to see him again.

All the best to everyone