PND Support Thread

[Jin]

Hi everyone.

I'm not sure if what I have is PND or sleep deprivation but my HV seems to think I may have mild PND as well as sleep deprivation.

Basically my baby stopped sleeping properly about nine weeks ago. His sleeping has become really erratic with him waking some nights every half hour. My husband works nights four days a week and the other 3 nights he falls asleep on the sofa. Over the past month or so I have become tearful, irritable and extremely resentful towards my husband. All of this of course is caused by sleep deprivation.

However, this is why the HV thinks I may also have mild PND. Even when my baby does sleep I am sometimes awake. I wake up in the night and have all sorts of things running through my head, like the hedge outside the house that needs trimming! I can not sleep during the day even if I have been up all night. I go to bed at 9, but often don't go to sleep until gone 11. Even when my husband offers to take LO from me in the morning so I can get an extra hour or whatever, if I hear LO I get up as I still can not sleep. I have had people offer to have Lo for a night to give me a break but I know I still won't sleep as I will be too worried about him not being with me. I thought all of this was perfectly normal. My HV says that most mothers as tired as I am usually fall asleep at any given opportunity, and would be thankful for a night off. My baby is 6 months old so it's not like he's just a few weeks old but I even take him to the shops with me instead of leaving him with Daddy. I don't know why, I just hate leaving him behind. I have the seperation anxiety, not LO and I am completely unable to switch off and give myself a break.

I am completely irrational towards my husband. It's like I am taking all my frustrations out on him even when I don't mean too. I feel like he has it so easy but then when he offers to take over with lo, I can't bring myself to let him???? I have no thoughts about harming myself or my baby. Infact right now I feel like running away somewhere and taking my baby with me so that it's just him and me. That's not normal right?

I also have a teenage daughter. She is 15. The same age as i was when i got pregnant with her and she is driving me crazy. It's like she thinks I'm just here to serve her. I'm constantly cleaning up after her and like I said I just want to run off somewhere with my baby. Just him and me against the world. Totally stupid, totally selfish but that's how I feel. I also want to cry all the time but I try not to. I bottle it up because I feel that if people see my crying, i.e my husband and friends, they will think that I can't cope or that i'm not happy after having my baby and that is not the case at all. Actually a lot of the time I think I love him too much.

So what do you all think/

PND or just sleep deprivation?

 

[venusrockstar]

My baby screams and screams for hours a day. Today she screamed for a good 7 hours straight. Usually it's 3-4 hours a day. Every single day since she's been born she's been either fussy/miserable or screaming. She's 5 months old now. I get to the point where I can't take it anymore and feel like packing my things and just leaving. Sometimes the screaming makes me want to off myself and I say horrible things about my baby. I would never hurt her or myself, but the feelings make me feel incredibly guilty. To the point where I'm depressed and in tears almost every day.

I feel like I'm alone in this because our families don't live close by so I can never just get away from it. It's mentally and physically draining and I feel like the screaming gets in the way of me giving attention to my 2 year old daughter.

I just want some relief...when will the damn screaming stop?

 

[babyhopes2010]

My baby screams and screams for hours a day. Today she screamed for a good 7 hours straight. Usually it's 3-4 hours a day. Every single day since she's been born she's been either fussy/miserable or screaming. She's 5 months old now. I get to the point where I can't take it anymore and feel like packing my things and just leaving. Sometimes the screaming makes me want to off myself and I say horrible things about my baby. I would never hurt her or myself, but the feelings make me feel incredibly guilty. To the point where I'm depressed and in tears almost every day.

I feel like I'm alone in this because our families don't live close by so I can never just get away from it. It's mentally and physically draining and I feel like the screaming gets in the way of me giving attention to my 2 year old daughter.

I just want some relief...when will the damn screaming stop?

my daughter was like that! argh

shes still very mardy even now but alot better, it will get better.

we dont have any family around nearest is 120 miles we are moving to scotland in few weeks so we will be 520 miles from family

 

[Deb111]

Can i join you all please? Seeing my hv tues but may go to drs tomorrow if i can get an appt. Will write more about my story when i get a chance

 

[FirstatForty]

Hello,

I am new to the forum world and have just found this thread. I have been desperately seeking support and just general kinship with other moms going through what I am going through.

I have not been 'officially' diagnosed...but I know I have PND. My beautiful boy is 5.5 months old and I love him to bits... but things feel bleak.

I go to the doctor this Friday. I was there 2 weeks ago & he put in a referral for counselling but didn't officially say 'yes its PND', and didn't put me on meds.

I feel physically ill with tension, anxiety and nervousness. i can't relax. I obsess over baby's schedule and routine. And I am absolutely stone terrified to leave the house with him. We don't go anywhere. Ever.

I feel guilty that I am depriving him of outside stimulation... I want desperately to go to a mommy group and to be out in the world enjoying my baby like I have seen other moms do...but I'm so terrified of it. Idon't know how to get over it.

I return to school in 4 weeks and he has not taken to a 'schedule' well at all. He sleeps poorly - especially naps - and gets so overtired and cranky...I worry about how it will go when he has to be up at a certain time for daddy to take him to daycare, and for me to pick him up and bring him home to have bath & bedtime (my school ends at 6pm, so it will be a later schedule for him). He is 5.5 months old and wonderful...but I just have not seen that he is able to handle what is coming in 4 weeks time and I am becoming more stressed about it every day.

I feel like I could shatter at any moment....

I look forward to hopefully bonding with some of you out there... maybe feeling not so alone... and hopefully seeing that 'this too shall pass....?????"

 

[stacey3690]

Hi everyone.

I'm not sure if what I have is PND or sleep deprivation but my HV seems to think I may have mild PND as well as sleep deprivation.

Basically my baby stopped sleeping properly about nine weeks ago. His sleeping has become really erratic with him waking some nights every half hour. My husband works nights four days a week and the other 3 nights he falls asleep on the sofa. Over the past month or so I have become tearful, irritable and extremely resentful towards my husband. All of this of course is caused by sleep deprivation.

However, this is why the HV thinks I may also have mild PND. Even when my baby does sleep I am sometimes awake. I wake up in the night and have all sorts of things running through my head, like the hedge outside the house that needs trimming! I can not sleep during the day even if I have been up all night. I go to bed at 9, but often don't go to sleep until gone 11. Even when my husband offers to take LO from me in the morning so I can get an extra hour or whatever, if I hear LO I get up as I still can not sleep. I have had people offer to have Lo for a night to give me a break but I know I still won't sleep as I will be too worried about him not being with me. I thought all of this was perfectly normal. My HV says that most mothers as tired as I am usually fall asleep at any given opportunity, and would be thankful for a night off. My baby is 6 months old so it's not like he's just a few weeks old but I even take him to the shops with me instead of leaving him with Daddy. I don't know why, I just hate leaving him behind. I have the seperation anxiety, not LO and I am completely unable to switch off and give myself a break.

I am completely irrational towards my husband. It's like I am taking all my frustrations out on him even when I don't mean too. I feel like he has it so easy but then when he offers to take over with lo, I can't bring myself to let him???? I have no thoughts about harming myself or my baby. Infact right now I feel like running away somewhere and taking my baby with me so that it's just him and me. That's not normal right?

I also have a teenage daughter. She is 15. The same age as i was when i got pregnant with her and she is driving me crazy. It's like she thinks I'm just here to serve her. I'm constantly cleaning up after her and like I said I just want to run off somewhere with my baby. Just him and me against the world. Totally stupid, totally selfish but that's how I feel. I also want to cry all the time but I try not to. I bottle it up because I feel that if people see my crying, i.e my husband and friends, they will think that I can't cope or that i'm not happy after having my baby and that is not the case at all. Actually a lot of the time I think I love him too much.

So what do you all think/

PND or just sleep deprivation?

I could have wrote this

 

[Damita]

I feel physically ill with tension, anxiety and nervousness. i can't relax. I obsess over baby's schedule and routine. And I am absolutely stone terrified to leave the house with him. We don't go anywhere. Ever.

I feel guilty that I am depriving him of outside stimulation... I want desperately to go to a mommy group and to be out in the world enjoying my baby like I have seen other moms do...but I'm so terrified of it. Idon't know how to get over it.

I could of written this myself

I have PND - I've been depressed in the past and have now gone onto anti ds because it was getting so bad, having a baby made it worse and my anxiety is so bad I can't leave the house on my own, the idea of going on public transport freaks me out, and I want to go to baby groups but the idea of going out on my own to a unknown place makes me feel physically sick and even as I am typing this my hands are hot and sweaty..

I'm Damita :wave: Lilith is 3 months old, I had a feeling that I would suffer with PND due to suffering from depression before I got pregnant and then the whole way through my pregnancy, due to a normal of life changing events, changing jobs, being unemployed, money issues, getting employed, hating the job etc etc.

I thought it was just baby blues but I spent most my time crying, feeling tearful, not coping with looking after Lil on my own also Lil had colic so hours and hours of screaming which thankfully she is over now, I spent most the days out & about so I am not at home on my own I'm okay with looking after Lil on my own and feel more confident but the anxiety is just driving me crazy, if something unprepared happens which I didn't prepare for in the week sends me over the edge as I don't know how to think or what Lil will need etc.

I am currently seeing my CBT therapist - I just want to feel normal again

 

[MetalMaiden]

I dont have pnd... yet... if we have one more night like i'm having tonight it will be possible... lo hasnt slept once tonight, i have been up the whole.night., its 0458 am... i am exhausted, angry/frustrated and starting to feel resentful and wondering why i wanted a flipping baby so bad.... she is randomly screaming, i cant put her down, i had to stick her scratch mittens on cuz she's shredded my chest, she "bit" my nipple and wrenched her head to the side.. i have been crying for the last 2 hours esp when she starts and dh is trying to sleep to go to work in an hour and a half.. sorry moan over. i'm just really upset right now. this is the worst night since giving birth.

 

[Kelly M]

I have the same exact story as these pps. I'm so anxious I can't sleep, I was up literally all night with no sleep even though dh took baby duty. I'm going crazy! I'm terrified I'll never feel normal again.

 

[pixiemum]

Hello everyone,
I think I should be joining here.

My Story:

I have 2 sons, one is 7 and my other is 6 and a half months. Each pregnancy I was excited and thought of all the fun things to do as a family, and each time i ended up getting PND, which made me feel a failure right from the off.

My baby is beautiful, he smiles and giggles loads. But unfortunately he has a monster for a mummy... and I am a monster, ive started to shout out and throw things, not at my baby, never at my baby, i could never hurt him but i know how i am possibly is ?
I resent things, I sometimes think "why did i have a baby? Why did i agree to have another baby and cease my life?" I don't enjoy anything anymore, everyday is a chore and everynight i dread. My baby doesn't cry as such, he just whines/whinges and thrashes about. It grates on me.
I feel so so guilty everyday for how i feel, my husband wanted a baby for ages and now i feel i'm ruining the experience for him... when my baby falls asleep in my arms i look at him with tears in my eyes feeling so disgusted in myself. I look at him and i'm terrified, of how he will grow up, if how i'm feeling will effect him somehow, and i feel i'm going to ruin my happy little boy.
Im seeing a CBT therapist next week, i just hope it works

 

[Damita]

you are not a monster

 

[pixiemum]

I feel like it damita. Hes had cold after cold and has chickenpox so sleep is horrendous and tge cryibg... Last night i guess i had a break down with it all. I cried non stop for 5 hours, i screamed and screamed which upset my baby so he cried even harder... I say nasty things like "shut up!" "ffs shush!!" etc. Its got to stop

 

[A_K_and_K]

Hi ladies...

This is my first post here in PND support. I had my baby girl 2 1/2 months ago. I have a long, long history with anxiety and depression. During my pregnancy, I was okay. Near the end of the pregnancy, I got very insecure about my relationship with my SO. I tried to get over those feelings.

In the hubub of birth and taking care of a newborn, plus our 5 acre hobby farm, I didn't have "time" to be insecure. I didn't bond with our LO right away, it probably took about 4-6 weeks before I felt true "love" for her.

But over the last little while, the last couple weeks, but especially the last few days, I have been feeling utterly worthless, like I have no place in this world. I feel so very insecure. I feel so depressed and anxious. I hate my physical appearance (always have, but especially since having a baby.)

I tried to speak with my SO 2 days ago, after we had a huge fight about me having a "tone" in my voice when speaking with him.

I finally told him how I'd been feeling, and said I needed to hear a lot more support, that he wants to be with me forever, he thinks I'm beautiful, etc etc. He said he would try to do that more.

It's been 2 days since that talk, and he hasn't once said anything more supportive other than the usual saying "I love you."

He does A LOT around the farm to help since I am usually "chained" to the couch nursing LO. But now I feel I'm an extra burden. A boring, sleep deprived burden that he doesn't want to deal with.

I don't know what to do. I have no friends to talk to. I need some support. I don't know how to make him understand I need him so much right now.

 

[ticking.clock]

I'm the same with the insecurities in our relationship,
It started towards the end of my pregnancy, and despite speaking about my feelings, the reasons why I have them and his numerous reassurances I just can't deal with it, to the point that I have considered ending our relationship (which he knows and was devastated by)
I don't know if this is normal or if I'm heading towards PND which I had with my first 2 babies x

 

[Damita]

I feel like it damita. Hes had cold after cold and has chickenpox so sleep is horrendous and tge cryibg... Last night i guess i had a break down with it all. I cried non stop for 5 hours, i screamed and screamed which upset my baby so he cried even harder... I say nasty things like "shut up!" "ffs shush!!" etc. Its got to stop

Big hugs

 

[Bats11]

to you all, PND is such a terrible thing to have I had it really bad with my first DD & then I had anxiety with my second DD but this third time I didnt experience any of it

I prey that you all seek either medical help, natural alternatives, counselling, something, because it can and does go away with some sort of help, I personally chose to take antidepressants, I was on them for a yr, they trully saved me.

 

[Kittenscales]

My wee boy is 4 weeks. I thought I was coping really well but tonight I feel like I can't cope.

I've had virtually no sleep since he was born- never more than 2 hours unbroken.

He has reflux and at the moment a nasty cold. Tonight he has been so fussy, wanting on and off the breast, my nipples are sore from his fussy latching (we never have this problem). He won't settle and I don't know what he wants.

I'm so so tired and I screamed at him tonight. I told him he was a mistake and I didn't want him. I miss my old life so much- just being able to sleep or have tine to eat or cuddle my husband.

I'm now crying uncontrollably because I love him more than life and feel like the most awful mother in the world.

It's all gone so wrong tonight

 

[Damita]

My wee boy is 4 weeks. I thought I was coping really well but tonight I feel like I can't cope.

I've had virtually no sleep since he was born- never more than 2 hours unbroken.

He has reflux and at the moment a nasty cold. Tonight he has been so fussy, wanting on and off the breast, my nipples are sore from his fussy latching (we never have this problem). He won't settle and I don't know what he wants.

I'm so so tired and I screamed at him tonight. I told him he was a mistake and I didn't want him. I miss my old life so much- just being able to sleep or have tine to eat or cuddle my husband.

I'm now crying uncontrollably because I love him more than life and feel like the most awful mother in the world.

It's all gone so wrong tonight

You are not an awful mother

 

[saffy1984]

Hi ladies,

Have just posted the following in the general bit & then saw this thread -


Iwent to see my doctor as feeling very anxious, dizzy/faint & teary 3 weeks post natal.
He told me that I could not take any meds whilst I was breast feeding...basically offered me nothing...& I left in tears. I had a difficult first birth with my son & think that I probably have post traumatic stress from that. ever since I have had physical symptoms such as the dizziness ect which my gp just says is anxiety. Was stressed during this pregnancy as have health issues with blood pressure & abnomal liver alts. it has all kicked off again.

I wondered if any others were taking meds whilst b.feeding & what they were?

 

[Kelly M]

Hi ladies,

Have just posted the following in the general bit & then saw this thread -


Iwent to see my doctor as feeling very anxious, dizzy/faint & teary 3 weeks post natal.
He told me that I could not take any meds whilst I was breast feeding...basically offered me nothing...& I left in tears. I had a difficult first birth with my son & think that I probably have post traumatic stress from that. ever since I have had physical symptoms such as the dizziness ect which my gp just says is anxiety. Was stressed during this pregnancy as have health issues with blood pressure & abnomal liver alts. it has all kicked off again.

I wondered if any others were taking meds whilst b.feeding & what they were?

I am taking 50mg of zoloft every day. I started on 25 mg and my dr. bumped me up to 50 after a few days. I also have a low dose xanax that I take to help me shut my brain off and fall asleep at night because I have severe anxiety. I have 50 mg pills. I was taking one xanax before bed and having someone feed ds a bottle until I woke up at least six hours later to nurse him. Now, he started refusing bottles so I only take 25mg of xanax before bed and can still nurse him if he wakes up a couple hours after I've taken it. Sometimes you just need some help from medications for a little while until your body regulates and there is nothing wrong with that. My PPD is so severe I had to be medicated despite my strong dislike to put any sort of pill in my body. Couple it with counseling (which I will be starting soon) and you can wean off the meds when you start to get better. See another doctor! You have to get well for you child!