pre-IVF anxiety... Help!!

[Megan0625]

Thank you @Megan0625 ,I'm sorry I bring such dark vibes.. just can't seem to stop thinking it's over. But I don't trust my feelings either, so I'm just going crazy. I'll test again tomorrow, hopefully it'll look better and I'll be better.

Don't apologize! IVF is a very stressful time and it is so easy to question everything. I was so convinced my positive pregnancy tests were not real for the longest time. Basically until I had my first scan. I hope you get the clarity you need in the coming days and I hope your next test shows progression.

 

[Nima]

Thank you
I think yesterday was really a peak of anxiety and panic for me. Today I'm doing better. Tests are not showing amazing progression, but definitely not faded. I booked another blood draw for Tuesday, to hopefully be reassured by hcg progression. Afterwards there's the scan and I think I will know better once these two are done. Tuesday isn't too far, so that's good.

 

[Megan0625]

Nima I'm sorry you didn't get complete reassurance, the waiting must be so so frustrating. But so far it looks great I think the bean is going to be ok. Fingers crossed!

@Megan0625 thats soo exciting omg I feel like crying thinking it could be me in a few months. Beautiful baby pictures!!

I'm glad to be able to offer you hope There is a light at the end of the tunnel And just don't give up! You have a great chance of it working the first time, and if it doesn't, chances are even higher it will work the second time. I felt hopeless after my failed first transfer but when I saw that positive pregnancy test after the second one, all of those feelings faded away and I realized everything was so worth it. You absolutely may be pregnant in just a couple of months time, I have high hopes for you!

 

[Megan0625]

Thank you
I think yesterday was really a peak of anxiety and panic for me. Today I'm doing better. Tests are not showing amazing progression, but definitely not faded. I booked another blood draw for Tuesday, to hopefully be reassured by hcg progression. Afterwards there's the scan and I think I will know better once these two are done. Tuesday isn't too far, so that's good.

I totally get that. Also, HCG levels double every 48 hours, so keep in mind that tests only 24 hours apart may not show a ton of progression But you are right, Tuesday will be here before you know it and you will have more answers then. Until then, you ARE pregnant and just enjoy it. Maybe try to do something fun and relaxing this weekend to keep your mind off the wait.

 

[WinterBub]

Thinking of you, nima! And hope all is going well.

 

[Nima]

Thank you @WinterBub ,you warmed my heart.

I just got the results of the second beta and it's very reassuring.. I feel like I can breathe again. The lady from the clinic said she couldn't tell me an exact number yet (something that has to do with the lab) but it's over 500! I think I might start believing we're actually having a baby in April

 

[Megan0625]

Thank you @WinterBub ,you warmed my heart.

I just got the results of the second beta and it's very reassuring.. I feel like I can breathe again. The lady from the clinic said she couldn't tell me an exact number yet (something that has to do with the lab) but it's over 500! I think I might start believing we're actually having a baby in April

Oh, that's fantastic news! I'm so glad you had reassuring results

 

[Bevziibubble]

Thank you @WinterBub ,you warmed my heart.

I just got the results of the second beta and it's very reassuring.. I feel like I can breathe again. The lady from the clinic said she couldn't tell me an exact number yet (something that has to do with the lab) but it's over 500! I think I might start believing we're actually having a baby in April

Yay, that's great news!

 

[WinterBub]

I'm so glad that things are looking good!

 

[elencor]

Great news congratulations!!

 

[Megan0625]

Hi everybody, I hope you are all doing well! Today is my 13 week mark, only a week away from second trimester! I had my first OB appointment yesterday and it went great. I attached a picture of the ultrasound. Baby's heart rate was 153bpm and he or she was kicking like crazy! The doctor said everything is looking perfect and I have my next appointment scheduled for 9/2. We did the NIPT while we were there so we will have gender information in a week, along with chromosomal information to see if there are any chromosomal abnormalities. Super exciting.

How are you all doing?

 

[Bevziibubble]

Happy 13 weeks @Megan0625. I'm so glad everything went well

 

[Nima]

So good to hear your update Megan! Beautiful.

I am very anxious still, trying to calm but it's not working so well. I just hope these weeks go by quickly so I can breathe again, because I just can't enjoy almost anything.

 

[Megan0625]

So good to hear your update Megan! Beautiful.

I am very anxious still, trying to calm but it's not working so well. I just hope these weeks go by quickly so I can breathe again, because I just can't enjoy almost anything.

I totally understand that! I tested daily for the first few weeks because I just wanted to see my tests progress. I had so much anxiety. It's such a nerve-racking wait until you go in for a scan. And then it's nerve-racking to wait in between scans!

 

[Nima]

I totally understand that! I tested daily for the first few weeks because I just wanted to see my tests progress. I had so much anxiety. It's such a nerve-racking wait until you go in for a scan. And then it's nerve-racking to wait in between scans!

Exactly. And testing is kind of both reassuring and creating more anxiety, I think I should stop but I can't.
Today I got the 3+ on clearblue digital so that's a good feeling... tomorrow I have an early scan but I know I won't be happy until I can see a heartbeat and it's still too early for that.

@elencor did your bleeding stop? When will you know if your cyst is gone? I hope all is well.

@WinterBub how are you doing?

 

[elencor]

@Nima thank you for thinking about me love. How did your scan go??

Yes the bleeding eventually stopped... But I am devastated. My husband had another seminogram to see if there was any changes from last year... And there aren't any mobile or normal sperm. Not one. And the sperm count is actually close to zero. The fertility doctor is completely shocked, it had perfect mobility and good morphology last year. My husband is devastated, since unless something changes there's no way we can have a biological kid.
For the next couple of weeks he'll have a couple of more seminograms done, and luckily we'll freeze some sperm. If not possible he'll have a biopsy done.

The doctor says we should stay calmed and not worry too much since things will probably work out... But honestly I am extremely sad, I have read millions of threads and seen lots of YouTube videos from people with azoospermia and similar stories and it seems to very rarely work... I know the doctor told us not to worry but.. I can't see straight right now, I feel like we are back to the start point. Husband says he would eventually agree on donnor sperm if it came to that but still that wouldnt even be soon because there would be still a long road ahead of us figuring out what can be done about the sperm...

I'm sorry for complaining too much, I hope I will soon feel better and more optimistic. I will keep you updated!

It everything works perfectly I will have the baseline ultrasound on the 25th, just a couple of weeks left.

 

[Nima]

Oh @elencor dear, this is so hard to receive such news just a moment before you are all set to start. I am so sorry this is happening to you. I do think the fact that he had a perfect count a year ago gives a lot of hope, because it means his body is able to produce sperm and for some reason stopped. I hope this resolves quickly.
Don't apologize for complaining, it's not even complaining, it's just sharing something difficult you're going through, and this is what we're here for, after all. We will also be here to celebrate with you once it's all behind you and you have your baby, even if now it seems so far away.
Sending huge hugs.

The scan went well today. We saw a yolk sac and a tiny, 2mm fetal pole, which is as much as one can ask at 5w3d. I hope to go for another scan in the coming 2 weeks to see a heartbeat. This will definitely calm me down. But today was also good. I am very grateful that this one fertilized egg survived so far and became our embryo. This is already a little miracle.

 

[Megan0625]

@elencor I'm so sorry to hear that! I hope everything resolves quickly. I agree with Nima, it does give a lot of hope that he was producing normal sperm just last year and then stopped, so his body is capable of doing it and I think it will again.

@Nima That's fantastic! I know it's still early but it is definitely great that you were able to see the yolk sac and fetal pole, that's a huge milestone. I hope the next couple of weeks go by quickly for you so you can see/hear the heartbeat soon!

 

[WinterBub]

I'm so glad that your scan went well, Nima! Try to think positively- I know once I get into worrying, it's a really vicious cycle to break out of. Things look great so far, so tell yourself that all is well, and that worrying wont achieve anything. Everything you know so far is positive So glad that your one little embryo is a strong one.

Congrats, Megan! Wishing you a happy and healthy rest of your pregnancy. And Im excited to hear the gender! No real reason, but I guess boy!

Oh, @elencor I'm so sorry. I'm sure that was both a massive shock and really devastating. Is there medication or anything you can try to get him back on track? I know that I have seen threads on here about azoospermia. Have you read through those? Oh, I wish that I could give you a real hug. Sometimes life can be very unfair. I'm sure that you guys will get your family in the end, I'm just sorry that the journey is proving so long and hard.

Nothing going on here... Just waiting out this cycle, and hoping to start in September, as planned. My worry is that we won't have any healthy embryos. But, I guess i just have to go in thinking positive, and deal with each step as it comes.

 

[Bevziibubble]

@elencor I'm so sorry