Pregnant after mmc... and I feel like the same thing is happening **UPDATE PAGE 5**

[LilMiss_91]

This is a bit long and rambly but please read and reply.
I
don't know what to do. I had a mmc at 7wks, discovered at 12wks at the end of June, passed baby at 14wks, 2 days before my sons 2nd birthday. Had my first post mc period middle of August and conceived again immediately. I should be 9+3 today (my tickers completely off). And I feel like the same thing is happening again.
I posted on here with my concerns a couple of times during the previous pregnancy, and so many kind ladies tried to reassure me that it was normal to worry and that they were sure that everything would be just fine. Unfortunately however, it turned out that my gut instinct had been right all along. And for about the last week or... actually more, I've felt the same way. Wary. Unexcited. Cautious. When the baby's arrival comes up in conversation it feels like something that deep down I know isn't going to actually happen. I keep thinking, "right, I'm going to tell my sister!", and then quickly think better of it, which is how I felt last time. My jeans are all too tight and I desperately want to invest in some maternity ones. About 2wks ago I went online and had them in my basket but something stopped me from going ahead and buying them.
My booked scan isn't until Nov 17th, when I'll be nearly 13wks. And something is telling me not to wait that long. But with no pain or bleeding and just my gut instinct, I have no chance of the Dr sending me for one sooner.
I just feel like this pregnancy is going nowhere, and that it isn't going to be ok. I don't know what to do or where to go to get help.

 

[happynewmom1]

I'm so so sorry for your loss i guess I'd suggest getting a private ultrasound sooner to find out if something is going on or to put your mind at ease a little. I really hope this pregnancy does work out for you and baby is OK. I think it's normal to worry after losses

 

[winterbabies3]

My last pregnancy was a mmc but it was spaced out from this one. My fears were the same as yours tho. The wait was what killed me the most and the thought baby had already passed came up a few times in my pregnancy. Now that I feel movement my worries have lessen. First tri and part of second tri with an anterior placenta really sucked. Your not alone. I hope baby is ok. The feelings your having is normal. I think you just don't want to get excited. Out of all my miscarriages I have only had one mmc! That one hurt the worse tho. Saw heartbeat at 6 weeks and baby was gone by 9weeks. I'd move your scan up if you can. I have very cute pictures of baby at 10 weeks. Well worth it and baby should have a strong heartbeat! Wishing you the best! Xx

 

[emma4g63]

I kno exactltly what you meam about gut instict as with my mmc i always knew deep dowm it wouldnt last
With this 1 iv had bad worries more around time i lost baby 11 weeks and baby died at 9 so i got a doppler and at 10 plus 6 couldnt find baby....but altho i panicked a little deep down i dodnt feel like it was wrong...found baby at 11 plus 2 and check every day xx

Hugs hun

 

[laila 44]

You poor thing I know exactly how you feel. 3 years ago I was on this board and kept posting about how one day at 8 weeks my ms just stopped... I knew something wasn't right but the lovely ladies reassured me. I was so convinced I kept saying that I felt toxic like my body was trying to tell me something. I even went to me Dr and he brushed me off!! Wasn't until I paid for a private scan at 11 weeks that my fears were confirmed--a mmc at 8 weeks!! Although I know you're scared please take comfort in the fact that it doesn't mean it will happen again, I went on to have a healthy pregnancy a year after that and now I'm on my third. Not gonna lie I still feel weary of the first 3 months as I know all too well how things can just " happen" however you need to keep some hope. If you really feel strAnge about it then please by all means go ahead and get a private scan just to reassure you. Wishing you all the best xx

 

[Lues]

I also had a missed miscarriage at about 7 weeks my last pregnancy.

I'm a mess this time around.

I can tell you all the same things people keep telling me, you know the drill, things like: I'm sure it'll be okay. One miscarriage doesn't increase the chances of another one. Blah blah blah.

But none of that crap means ANYTHING to me, so I imagine it probably doesn't to you either. What helps me the most is when i just try to accept my anxiety and not fight it. I think it's impossible for us to feel any other way. So for now, I'm just going to be a combination of extremely nervous and stressed out, and excited at the same time.

For me, accepting that there is nothing I can do about feeling anxious, is the only thing that helped. But know that you're not alone.

 

[laila 44]

What helps me a lot is thinking wtv will be will be. I can't control or change the outcome, no matter how much I worry and get sick over it, the end result won't change. I also take comfort in the fact that a mc is really natures way of saving us greater heartache in the long run. It's a fetus that isn't well enough to survive so that I wish and hope and pray it won't change whatever is in my cards. Once I accepted that I've been more at peace. I too am worried about the outcome but there isn't a damn thing I can do to change it so why bother? Xx

 

[bubbles82]

I hope you can start to feel better soon. I'm 5+5 after conceiving again straight after my second loss, and conceived my two year old DD straight after my first loss. I am a nervous wreck, I feel completely stressed out and constantly worried, and also angry that I can't enjoy what shoul be a happy exciting time. It's like a self defence thing, but I haven't even accepted I'm pregnant at all this time, I seem to recall feeling positive with DD even though she was after a loss, I felt like I just knew things would be ok that time, but I don't feel that this time. I just can't imagine taking a baby home in 8 months time, and it worries me as my gut instinct is usually right.

 

[SVT1991]

I know its hard not try not to worry and definatly pay for a early scan if u can, my first pregnancy was a mmc at 4 weeks but didnt know until 9 weeks. My second I was blessed with ababy girl and im now pregnant a third time and couldnt shake that gut instinct somethings wrong and was down all the time so at 10 weeks paid for a scan and the relief is so worth the cost. Just to put your mind at ease for the time being at least hopefully. Im now 12 weeks waiting for nhs scan. I wish you all the best and hope all goes well! Xx

 

[Bumblebee117]

I am sorry for your loss, I feel the same. Had an early mc on my birthday in July this year and now, pregnant again, I worry every minute I am not busy.

Scan booked for Nov 5th. Hope time will go fast!!

 

[chelsealynnb]

I know exactly how you feel. My 2nd loss was a MMC. I got a fetal heart Doppler for $50 off eBay and it totally makes me sane!! It's called the Sonoline B and it's great. If you have an extra $50 I totally recommend it to ease your mind. I could pick up the heart beats by 9 weeks. Good luck I hope your mind can be eased soon.

By the way I didn't have any more MMC after that one. I had a chemical and a loss due to a subcorionic hematoma, didn't want you to see my signature and make you more worried

 

[LilMiss_91]

Thanks for all your replies ladies. I'm so sorry for all your losses. It honestly means so much to know there are so many other people out there who understand. A loss is something I wouldn't wish on anybody, it seems to effect so many other things in your life.
I looked into a private scan but only one place around here will scan before 16wks and it costs £100 which I really can't justify.

I've always been a bit dubious about using an at home doppler because I know sometimes even the midwife and Dr's can't find a heartbeat even when baby is fine and I know if I couldn't find it I would be panicking immediately :/

 

[laila 44]

For me, it's my third pregnancy and I've always been able to find HB as of 8.5 weeks xx

 

[pinkpassion]

Lilmiss can you go and tell your dr your having pain or spotting or something... I'm usually never for fibbing but in this case I think some reassurance would be the best for you!

After my losses my previous dr was horrible, didnt listen to me or anything. Wouldn't validate my concerns never took me seriously. I found a new dr, one who understood loss . She's amazing , offers anything I need for reassurance. Although I held off on any scans this time until 8 weeks and she was going to scan me every week but I told her it wasn't necessary because I could hear hb on doppler! So anyway my point is, maybe you could just tell them something to get in or find another dr!!!

 

[LilMiss_91]

Hi Pink, I have been considering this for over a week now. But I can't get past the possibility of the guilt I will feel if everything turns out to be ok :/ I'll feel dreadful if everything is alright and I've lied to get an appointment. But at the same time I really don't feel happy waiting another 18 days for my scan.

I've been getting a lot of thick, stringy yellow discharge and I checked my cervix last night and it was low and felt quite open, like I probably could have got a finger in (sorry, that's gross! I didn't try obviously but I think I could have done). Also symptoms have diminished to nothingness, no more sickness when just a week or so ago I had to have meds to keep anything down. No tiredness... nothing. And still this "it's not going anywhere" feeling.
Oh and sometimes it feels like I can feel my cervix cramping. Not to mention the stabbing pains in my pelvis.
I don't know what to do. I'm so torn between needing to know if my gut instinct is right again and not wanting to have to lie to get the reassurance. It feels like a rock and a hard place.

 

[Gem1302]

If it helps at all, it us normal for symptoms to reduce at 9 weeks because the placenta takes over a lot of ladies on here have had the sand happen and have had amazing scans also, this time around I have cramped a lot and had stabbing pains throughout, apparently it's normal in subsequent pregnancies to feel more like this. I hope you get some answers soon and that it's a happy healthy baby in there!

 

[LilMiss_91]

Thanks Gem it's just hard for me because the only experiences of MS I've had were one lot where I was throwing up daily up till 30wks with my son (healthy) and just nausea that ended at 11wks (MMC) so it's all a bit confusing :S
I'm hoping it's all nothing though. Just can't shift this feeling that something's wrong.

 

[Gem1302]

I've never experienced it but I can totally understand why you're feeling that way! Could you try for a private scan anywhere for peace of mind? (Sorry if that's already been asked!) fx for you!

 

[LilMiss_91]

I had a look into it but most places round here will only scan from 16wks. One place offers viability scans from 7wks but it's £100 which I really can't afford

 

[laila 44]

To have a first scan at 16 weeks seems a bit nuts to me. The latest they should scan you is 12 weeks. Usually it's costum to scan at 8 weeks to check for viability at least that's how my Dr does it. I would call and be honest tell then your symptoms have gone, you had a mmc in the past etc. they shouldn't refuse you!! I totally understand your concern there's no way in hell I'd wait until 16 weeks xx