Pregnant, but not excited?

[Charsz]

Hi, I'm 19 and I'm so confused!

I was told It would be very difficult for me to get pregnant and if so It would most likely be an ectopic, due to much scarring on my tubes!

However 3 week's into a new relationship I fell pregnant. I was so shocked, but very happy Boyfriend Is also excited as its his first.

However, I feel so horrible and like a failure.
One minute I'm excited the next I feel nothing towards my baby. I can't stop smoking, I can barely eat and just feel so down because I feel my baby will hate me and I won't have the motherly feelings Probably feeling like that as I was brought up by my father since birth.

I refused my bloods test 4 times, but finally got it done today which I'm proud of, but after seeing my baby at the scan I thought all my feelings of love and protection would hit me, but it didn't. I still can't believe I'm pregnant and feel like giving up. Even around midwives or any questions to do with pregnancy my mind closes off and I can't express how I'm feeling.

What can I do? I am happy, but all these feelings of failure have taken over and I feel like I won't be able to cope and that I'm selfish for doing this.

I do regret it. I sit there before my midwives appointment and think
'' what Have i done? What have I put myself through ''

What's wrong with me? Am I a bad person? I'm 14 week's, maybe its just taking longer to set in?

 

[Charsz]

I can't see through all the negatives Any advice please

 

[Otis]

Hi, I'm Emilee and 26 weeks pregnant with my baby girl. I've struggled with these type of feelings as well and still occasionally do. I can't give you any advice on how to feel better about it since I'm still trying to figure that out too, but just know you aren't the only one. The one thing that I can say though is that I've found it to be helpful is to express your concerns to your SO. My feelings are starting to get better and I'm beginning to get more excited, however, at first my SO mentioned if things just aren't working we could always resort to adoption. It isn't an option anymore due to things improving, but maybe you could talk to your boyfriend about it just as an option. As for smoking, I would mention it to your doctor or midwife asap if you haven't already. There may be an alternative that is healthier for your LO. Also you need to eat. It's not healthy for either of you.

There isn't anything wrong with you. I would mention everything you've said to your doctor or midwife though, it may be prenatal depression which can be helped.

If you need to you can always send me a pm.

 

[jozylynn896]

I'm Kristina I'm 16 and pregnant with my baby boy.
First thing, stop smoking. I know its hard because I did the same thing I kept smoking because I thought I wasn't gonna keep him. I'm so fucking lucky it didn't kill him.
I still feel guilty about everything and sometimes I don't like to think about it but don't punish baby because of something that you did. I know its hard, trust me I do. But you can't punish him/her because they didn't ask to be put in your belly.
I know it sucks. Of course I love my son but sometimes I feel so scared and stupid and just like a complete failure but you have to understand its not his fault. It's your and your OH's.
That being said you should know that I think most of us feel the same way. When I got pregnant I went into such a deep depression where I just didn't talk to any one or eat or do any thing. I was so sad and so f*cking miserable and scared and confused.
And right now I feel like I can't believe I almost hurt him. Like I can't believe I didn't want him.
Trust me it gets better.
And if you feel like you're absolutely not suite to be a mother. Not because of your age but because you feel you wouldn't love him/her there's always adoption. Because you don't want him to feel like he was a mistake once he/she's here.
Every baby is a miracle, I'm sure you'll realize that soon.
But most important things, stressing and SMOKING will kill LO or seriously hurt LO. So you really should just stop.
I know its hard but trust me its worth it.

 

[MummyMana]

Tbh when I first fell pregnant I was more scares than excited, I just didn't feel like I could have so many good things happen to me and it not turn out to be some kind of cruel trickof fate (before I met my partner I genuinely believed I was going to die alone), I was scares to feel anything towards my baby. However as time progressed and I started feeling her move more etc those feelings began to grow, adage got stronger I calmed down and eased into it love is an emotion that grows over time as for smoking, just cut down as much as you can and try to eat what you fancy, when you fancy rather than forcing yourself

 

[xforuiholdonx]

The things your feeling are completely normal... Pregnancy can be such a huge shock when you aren't expecting it. I've had two surprise pregnancys.. My very first and this one. My first ended in a missed miscarriage at 14 weeks, and this pregnancy has obviously progressed smoothly.
I promise you haven't ruined your life. I know some days it may seem helpless, and your wondering how you will manage, etc. it will be ok! I would Definately mention how your feeling to your midwife. She will be able to help you feel better

 

[xforuiholdonx]

Also, congratulations!
I'm Lisa, aged at 20. My daughter is 2.5 and I'm 22 weeks tomorrow with our son.
I'm also married, and my husband is 23.

 

[iluvmyfamily]

Popping in from 1st tri. I just wanted to say that when I got pregnant with my first I was only 19. Her father, which is now my husband, and I were together for a really long time and had always had unprotected sex because we always said we wouldn't mind having a baby. Well, when I found out I was pregnant I almost passed out from fear. I was very scared because I worried about how my dad would react. My mom was with me when I found out. She cried but she was able to take the news a lot better than my dad. I worried about how my brother would look at me (he's older and was always protective). But as time went on everything calmed down, DH got a job, things were tough money-wise but 7 yrs later we have 4 kids and going on our 5th (had one miscarriage). I too was depressed in my first pregnancy but I think that happens to anyone who's pregnant and not just because of age. I kept thinking my life was over, completely over and I couldn't get past it and I couldn't get excited. It was so bad that when I gave birth they wouldn't put her in my room and when they finally did they wouldn't let me in the bed near the window because they said they thought I may throw my daughter or myself out the window. That's how severely depressed I was and the doctors knew from the start. You should get a handle on it now before it results in post partum depression when you have the baby. As for the smoking, I agree that you have to stop. It's hurting your baby and I know you're not delibrately trying to hurt your baby but every time you pick up a cig just imagine that he's breathing that in. Everything we take in, the baby does too. Your first step is to stop smoking. The next step, let your doctor know how you feel and maybe you can get some counseling. It's nice to talk to someone when you're feeling this way.

 

[magic93]

I think you just need to let it sink in which may take more time then you expect. Its a BIG change! I can honestly say I was thrilled to be pregnant this time around as I was trying to get pregnant.. This is not my first pregnancy tho. When I first got pregnant I was 15 yrs old n I really did not know how to handle it, I didnt want my family or anyone else to know for that matter. Since then I got pregnant two other times and both ended in a miscarriage. The guy was 23 and I had jus lost my virginity to him I never even told him at the time. I felt the only choice I had was to get an abortion.. So I did. I instantly regretted that decision, and always felt had I jus given it some time I would have come to terms with the fact I was going to be a mommy, and I wouldve been ready when the time came. I think youll be alright, some people dont feel those feelings of excitement until they see their LO for the first time. And like its been said there is always adoption if you really feel like that is best for your baby. Try to keep that head up but make sure you take care of yourself.

 

[haydenmummy]

All is normal hun trust I was 15 when I fell pregnant with my son I had only just been with him 2 weeks but we are still together almost 5 years and have had another baby she is 12 week this friday.
Congrats on the bubba just stay pos and u will soon feel the bond once it starts kicking and moving Xx

 

[tinkerbelle93]

I felt a lot like this when I was pregnant The pregnancy was not planned and I just found it so difficult getting excited and enthusiatic about anything at all. I always felt down and would be thinking about all the things I'd be doing if I hadn't fallen pregnant.

It does get better though, I think the gender scan was a bit of a turning point. It was nice knowing my baby was my son, choosing a name for him, buying things and really trying to imagine life with him. I hope you feel better soon xx